Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any other program that may be included in this fan fiction.

Chapter 2

Waking up

B.P.O.V

I fell in blackness; I couldn't see anything at all just the darkness that consumed me. I couldn't hear anything or feel anything. I started to remember what happened with Jasper. Oh no! What the hell did I do?! I should have been more careful! If I had just given Emmett the stupid key, Jasper wouldn't hate me or himself right now. I felt horrible.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I started murmuring, still unconscious. I heard a heavy crash and I turned the other way. "Bella! Bella! Wake up! Please," I recognized the voice to be Edward's. He was yelling next to my ear in a frantic voice. It must have been him who broke the vase. Well, at least I think it was a vase. "Edward, stop yelling in her ear. She'll get a headache when she wakes up," I knew the voice belonged to Carlisle.

"She's been unconscious for thirty whole minutes! She needs to wake up! What if she doesn't wake up or does but has brain damage?!" I shouldn't have thrown her into that tree! I'm such an idiot. Should have known. Should have known….." I thought I heard him sob, but that was impossible; vampires don't cry, right? I decided it was time to open my eyes, but the light right in front of my face forced my eyelids shut again.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked, he was speaking in a very calm voice. "Can you hear me?" he asked. I nodded and then said "Too bright." I said it while breaking on the words twice. The moment I started to stir, Edward was at my side. "Bella! Bella, can you hear me? How are you feeling? Does anything hurt you?" I saw a dark figure in front of me, but I couldn't see his face. He was blocking the bright lights so I was very grateful but I knew it was Edward so I felt guilty. It's my fault Jasper snapped; they both must hate me right now. In fact, they must all do. Jasper; because it's my fault he snapped. Alice; because her husband is in internal pain and it's all my fault. Emmett, because it's my fault his new ride is trashed. Rosalie; because her husbands birthday turned into a nightmare and last but the one that hurts most; Edward. Edward hates me because his family is in chaos right now with Jasper snapping and wanting out of his diet and it being all his girlfriends fault!

I took a quick breath and said "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry Edward. I… I didn't think I would… I could do this to somebody," I started crying at "I". The lights suddenly went down and I could see Edward's face. It made me cry more because his expression was one of pain. He must feel really bad for Jasper. My only thought at the moment was; he hates me.

"Bella, Bella! Stop crying, please." Edward said in a pained voice, he bent his knees to come to my eye level. "What's wrong? Why are you crying? Please, stop." He said, putting his hand on my forehead. His hand felt very cool and it helped calm down a bit. "I'm sorry," I said again, hoping he'd find a way to forgive me. I couldn't lose him; he was my life. I loved him with all my heart.

"Bella, why are you crying? Does something hurt you?" he asked in a low, pained voice. "No, but it's my fault. It's my fault Jasper acted that way. If I had just been more careful, if I had just given Emmett the key instead of running around with it; we would still be outside and Emmett would have stopped making those motor noises because he would have the real thing," I whispered and then I started to cry again. Edward was just standing there, gawking at me in shock.

A second later, he snapped out of his revere and put his arms around me. "Bella, it's not your fault! How can you even say that? If it's any ones fault; it's Emmett's. He should have been more careful with you; you're not a vampire, you are human." He said, hugging me tighter. I shake my head and cry harder into his chest. "Shhh…" he tried to calm me.

Suddenly, Carlisle appeared in front of our hugging/crying form. Edward kissed my forehead and stepped away enough to give Carlisle enough room to make his tests, but he took my hand so he would have some part of me with him. Carlisle smiled compassionately at me and walked towards me. He was holding a bottle of aspirin and a small flash light.

"Hello, Bella. How are you feeling?" he asked while putting the bottle down. He came up to me and flashed the light in my eyes, but before he could pull away from examining my eyes; he started to talk to Edward. "Edward, you should go talk to Jasper. He must be feeling horrible right now. Try to go calm him down; you know you are probably the only one who can do that right now." Carlisle said, not yet done flashing the flash light in my eyes.

Edward looked like he didn't want to go but you could tell he didn't want Jasper to feel bad about something he didn't mean to do. After all, it wasn't really his fault; it was mine. Edward looked at me hesitantly and then asked; "Will you be all right if I go for a few minutes?" he was staring at me intently. I nodded but I couldn't face him again, knowing I hurt his family.

As soon as Edward was out of hearing range; Carlisle started to talk to me. He started with medical related questions, like if my head was hurting or if I felt like barfing. I politely shook my head on that one. When he was done with his medical tests, so where his questions.

"It's not your fault, Bella," he said in the same voice he used for everything. "Yes, it is," I said before getting off the couch. "Bella, you really shouldn't blame yourself for everything. It's not your fault. You can not be at fault for something that is out of your hands. You got a paper cut, how is that a crime?" he asked me while steadying me since my legs felt wobbly. "It is when you're in love with a vampire and adore his family," I said, matter of fact-ly.

"Why doesn't Edward just change me so this sort of thing doesn't happen? Why is he being so stubborn about it? I may be only 15 but I'm ready to… stop living to be with him. I'd… I'd give up anything for him. Why won't he see that?" I said, looking up at Carlisle hoping for an answer.

He looked at me and said "Bella, if you were in Edward's place and he was in yours, would you let him change for you? Become something you, yourself don't want to be?" I was looking at him but by the time he was done talking, I was looking at the beautiful and elaborate carpet on the ground. "It doesn't matter," I said, looking up again. "If you want to be with someone forever; you have to live forever." I said in a confident and some how mad voice. Why are you being so stubborn, Edward? Is it because you don't wanna be stuck with me for forever? I was sure that wasn't the reason, if anything Edward loved. Him lying never even crossed my mind, why would he still be with me now if he didn't really love me? So see it doesn't make sense, therefore Edward Cullen really does love me.

"That's true, but think about it. Edward is convinced that vampires don't have souls so if he changes you; he is killing or stripping you of your soul. Would you let him do that for you if you were in his position?" Carlisle's voice snapped me back into reality. "It still wouldn't matter, vampires do have souls. If you didn't, then you wouldn't all be here, trying to act good and have humanity. You wouldn't be here helping humans by treating them. If vampires really didn't have souls then I'd be dead right now, the whole town would. So you can' tell me vampires don't have souls." I said, passionately with tears in my eyes. It really hurt me when Edward would try to dissuade me on becoming a vampire by telling me he and all vampires didn't have souls.

"Vampires that don't care are a different story. They don't have souls because they don't want one…." I said, suddenly remembering last spring. I shuddered at the memory of James standing over me with his evil smirk. I remembered him bending over me and biting my hand. He was sucking my blood but there was enough of it on the floor already. He sucked for a few seconds but right before Edward and his family burst in; he spit it out and said "disgusting," in a repulsive tone with a dark scowl on his face. I haven't told Edward about that but I'm still puzzled. Why did he spit my blood out? How can it be that my blood is bad? It's not like I'm on heroin or an alcoholic of some sort. I've done some research since then and in the oldest book at the library; I found out that only Elf blood is repulsing to vampires. It said that the blood may smell appetizing to a vampire but it would always taste disgusting. I wondered about that but knew that this wasn't my case; Charlie and Renee are hardly magical, never mind elves.

I shuddered again before saying in a low voice "Like James." I should have known that Edward would come right at that moment to check on me. "What's like James? What are you two talking about?" he asked getting angrier since he really hated the subject of James. When I didn't answer him, he turned to Carlisle. "Well?" Edward asked him. "Nothing much Edward, he were just disguising the subject of vampires and souls. I guess James just happened to fall in the no soul list." He said, giving me an Aspirin. I shuddered at his name again and Edward was beside me in seconds.

"Are you okay? Do you need a jacket or something? You must be freezing in that thing! What was Alice thinking making you wear something like that?" he started fusing over me, but I stopped him by asking him a question. "How is Jasper?" Edward took off his jacket and put it on my back. "He's okay, but extremely upset and disappointed with himself. He says he's very sorry and he didn't mean to hurt you," Edward said as he adjusted the jacket on me. He kept fussing over it and it was annoying me. "You told him I'm not mad at him or anything right?" I asked nervous, I totally forgot to tell Edward to tell him that. I was hoping Edward would figure I felt that way and tell it to Jasper regardless whether I really said it out loud or not.

"Yes, I told him that and he seemed a little better, but still…" he trailed off and it hurt me to know that Jasper was hurting and it was my fault. "Did you tell him I was sorry?" I asked that was the most important part, even more important that telling him I was not mad at him. "No, why would I tell him that?" asked a confused Edward. He pulled me towards the main door. I turned around to thank Carlisle but he wasn't there. "Thanks Carlisle," I said to the empty living room. "What do you mean?" I asked Edward as I tuned back to face him. He still had my hand in his and he was rubbing soothing circles on them.

"Exactly what I said, I may not be mad at Jasper for snapping at you but why would I be sorry?" he said, and I got annoyed. We were at his car, he opened the door for me and I got in. "well, because! It's my fault, you know that and I'm really glad you don't hate me for it. I was practically dying back there thinking about you leaving me for getting a paper cut," I said, realizing I was over reacting. Really? Edward, love of my existence Edward leaving me for a paper cut? What was I thinking?

"Leave you? Blame you? Paper cut? What are you talking about?" Edward asked confused and clearly annoyed. "Why would I leave you? Don't you know you are the reason for my existence? How do you think I could ever bear to leave you? And because of something as stupid as a paper cut?" he asked me whilst driving. He looked at me while the car was shifted into gear. "It wasn't as much about the paper cut as it was about me being the reason Jasper snapped," I said, looking down at my hands in my lap. The car suddenly cane to an abrupt stop. I jerked forward but my seat belt held me from hitting my head on the dash board.

"What?!" asked Edward, he was holding the steering wheel very tightly. "What the hell are you talking about Bella?!" He asked stunned and looking at me. The breath was literally knocked out of me from the stop that I hadn't really looked at Edward, but I was looking now. I wish I hadn't. His face was one of pure anger, you could tell he wanted to kill someone, I only hoped I wasn't the one who would need to restrain him from killing that person. Unless of course the person in question happened to be me, then we got a problem.

"I'm talking about me being the reason for Jasper's snap. If I had just given Emmett the key, none of this would be happening. I told you this already back at the house. Why are you acting like this is the first time it ever crossed your mind?" I asked confused, I thought we already went through this.

"I just though you were saying that because you were just shaken! In case you've forgotten, you were thrown in to a tree. You hit your head pretty hard and I'm sorry for that by the way and I'm sorry for bring you to this mess of a party. Besides didn't I already tell you that it wasn't your fault, that if it was anyone's it was Emmett's? Why are you blaming yourself for everything these days? You need to come to the fact that the world does not revolve around you, Bella Swan. Mine may do but the human one does not. Therefore not everything that happens is your fault,"

A/N: I know I stopped in the worst time ever but I wanted get this up before the weekend ended. I'm so sorry I didn't update last week but I currently have term tests. Again I'm sorry and hopefully by next week will have two more chapters up. Thanks so much for reading! Review please; they make me happy!