"Farmer Knows Best"
Castiel was alone in his perfect little tower. He had his own personal brand of solace, but he constantly felt as if he were missing something. Something big. He thought this as he had a staring war with Bess, who was his favorite cow. She seemed fond of him, in a cow-y way.
"CAAAASSTTTIIEEEEEEEEEELLLL!"
The voice grated at his nerves. He broke eye contact with Bess and took an unnecessary breath. "Yes?"
"Oh, Castiel! Look at you, having silly little staring matches with beasts." The farmer did not look like much of a farmer. With his thin black hair and beady black eyes, he looked more like a sales representative. Unlike less devious farmers, this one wore a suit of black and tended to get others to do his dirty work. He only handled the business side of things. Specifically, relations with the source of all the blessed cheese. "You're so peculiar."
Castiel didn't reply. He simply continued staring out the window.
"Oh, Cassie, don't be that way.
Farmer :
You want to go outside? Why, Castiel...!
Look at you, as innocent as an angel
Still a little nerdling, just a man
You know why we stay up in this tower
Castiel:
No, not really. What is this 'We' stuff abo-
Farmer :
That's right, to keep you safe and sound, dear
Guess I always knew this day was coming
Knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest
Soon, but not yet
Castiel:
But -
Farmer :
Shh!
Trust me, pet
Farmer knows best
Farmer knows best
Listen to the Farmer
It's a scary world out there!
Castiel:
No, I'm pretty sure I could-
Farmer:
Farmer knows best
One way or another
Something will go wrong, I swear
Ruffians, thugs
Holy fire, archangels!
Demons (-snerk-) and snakes
The plague!
Castiel:
Wasn't that hundreds of years ago?
Farmer :
No!
Castiel:
But -
Farmer :
Also large hounds
Men with pointy teeth, and
Castiel:
Stop. Seriously. Just put out the fire.
Farmer:
Farmer's right here
Farmer will protect you
Cassie, here's what I suggest
Skip the drama
Stay with Farma
Farmaaaaa knows best
Farmer knows best
Take it from the Farmer
On your own, you won't survive
Sloppily dressed
Unnatural, odd?
Please, they'll eat you up alive
Gullible, naÎve
Positively grubby
Ignorant and a bit, well, hmm vague
Plus, I believe
Gettin' kinda chubby
I'm just saying 'cause the burgers
Farmer understands
Farmer's here to help you
All I have is one request
Castiel?
Castiel:
Yes?
Farmer :
Don't ever ask to leave this tower again.
Castiel:
Farmer :
I love you very much, dear.
Castiel:
…. Really? The definition of love is not threatening someone with fir-
"Castiel," the farmer said. "Sssh, I'm off to make cheese."
"But you do not make the cheese."
The farmer sighed. "Castiel, overlooking cheese production is making cheese. We've discussed this." He patted the angel on the head. "Ta, love."
Castiel stared after him. This was not love. The pizza man had put it differently. "Um. Okay."
"Don't wait up!"
With that, Castiel was alone once more.