Chapter four

"Uh, Yeah. Next time wait until I tell you we're done, OK? I don't listen in on your calls."

"Whatever. Hang up." And I did.

I sighed. I guess I was going to make it out to play ball anyway. That was OK, I would see Blaine tomorrow, and make up for lost time.

The phone rang again. I thought it might be Blaine, but Hannah didn't screech my name, so it must've been for her. I wondered what she could possibly talk about for hours on end with a person she just left at school.

I gathered up my glove, bat, ball and grabbed a baseball cap as I left my room. As I was heading for the door, my mom motioned me to wait as she was on the phone.

"Uh huh, I understand. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. Thank you for calling." She hung up the phone and turned to face me, giving me "The Look". Seeing this, I franticly tried to remember what I could have possibly done to deserve The Look.

"And just where do you think you are going, Kurt Hummel?" Oh shit. She was really pissed. She had her hands on her hips and was impatiently awaiting my response. I decided to try the truth than second guess why I was in the dog house.

"Out to the lot to play ball. Pat and Chris are waiting for me."

"Well, think again. You have wasted enough time with your friends for one day, and what's worse, it was time you should have been in class! You know how important school is to your future! And yet you decide to skip whenever it suits you!" That was unfair. I had never cut class before today. "I don't think you need to worry about going anywhere for a week, young man!"

"I had a good reason. Don't you think I know better than to skip unless I have a good reason?" As I objected, my mom's face started getting flushed. She didn't like it when I argued with her.

"Don't you get smart with me! I think you had better tack on another week. Maybe you'll learn not to argue!" Oh man, now I'd done it. I wouldn't be able to spend the night with Blaine this weekend, or be with him after school got out the following week.

With these thoughts running through my heart and what little brain was functioning, I did something remarkably stupid. I started yelling at my mother.

"You never listen to me! I said I had a good reason, but do you ask? NO. You just go on and decide I need to be grounded anyway. You don't care that I was with Blaine this afternoon because he was crying and shook up and needed someone to talk to. You taught me to help people in need. I did, but you are punishing me for it!"

You know, I used to think that fire engine red was the brightest red around. I was wrong. My mom's face outshone any red I had ever seen. I think she was in shock. Her perfect child had just yelled at her. What an idiot I was. Now I was going to get grounded for the summer. Or maybe the rest of my life.

Over my mom's shoulder I saw Hannah standing there with a huge smile on her face. She loved to see me in trouble. It didn't happen very often. She was trying to stifle a laugh behind her hand and failed. My mom heard it but ignored her.

When mom next spoke, she had that icy calm rage that scares me. I only saw it rarely and it usually meant dire consequences to whomever was in her path.

"You go to your room. No TV. No phone. No computer. Your father will be home in an hour. We will discuss what is to be done with you and let you know our decision. Now go." Leadenly, I turned around and marched to my room, being careful not to slam my door.

God help me, I was so stupid! I deliberately antagonized her into this. I purposely set myself up for this, effectively eliminating any chance of my seeing Blaine any time in the foreseeable future. What a fucking idiot. I wasn't worth having as a friend if I couldn't keep out of trouble long enough to BE a friend. Stupid sorry bastard.

I spent the next forty-five minutes telling myself stuff like that. I did that a lot. People tell me I am too hard on myself - that I have unrealistic expectations of myself. That may be, but I was taught from an early age that I had to be, if not perfect, damn close- and I rarely was even in the ball park. Looking back now, I literally convinced myself that I was stupid, lazy, and a generally bad person. Only after these many years have I come to realize that I am not stupid - far from it. I am no more lazy than the next person. And as for being a bad person, I am not a murderer or a rapist, so I can't be that bad.

Now don't get the idea that I woke up one morning without those self destructive thoughts. I had years of therapy and many more years of life experience to get my head on straight. It took a LOT of work on my part to root out the cause of those thoughts. It is always an on going battle to remember that I am smart, good looking, and worthy of what I have. And no matter what you happen to think about yourself, everyone is worth of a happy, fulfilling life. EVERYONE! Yes, even you.

Again, I digress.

I heard the door shut in the living room. My dad had just walked in the front door. I heard Hannah yelling "Daddy, Daddy, guess what Kurt did!" Oh wonderful. Just what I needed - Dad getting a skewed version of what happened from Dawn.

I heard Mom tell Hannah to mind her own business or she could go to her room, too. I grinned in spite of myself. Served the little bitch right. Then I heard my mom and dad talking to each other, but I couldn't make out the words. Funny thing was, my dad didn't sound like he was upset like he normally gets when we get in trouble with Mom.

Ten minutes after he got home, my father came to my room, judge, jury, and executioner. As he opened the door, I was confused. His face wore a neutral expression instead of the open rage I expected. He closed the door behind him, pulled out my desk chair, and sat. This wasn't what I expected and I began to get wary. Strange things set me on edge, and this was on of the most unusual occurrences I had ever witnessed.

His blue eyes met mine and I had to look away. Whether it was natural subordinance or something else I wasn't sure. Maybe it was fear. I never could look my dad in the eyes. It's not an easy thing even now.

"Kurt, why did you skip out of class?" This was the last thing I expected from him. Normally he comes in like the angel of doom, and announces my fate. Why this sudden questioning? What did he want? What would appease him? I decided on truth. I usually did.

"I skipped out with Blaine today. I found him at his locker crying. He had been for a while, I could tell. He needed someone to talk to and I was the only one there. I wasn't sure what he would do otherwise." I slumped down now, having told my side of it. No unnecessary details or pleading. It wouldn't have helped, anyway.

"What did you talk about?" Now this was a tricky question. I couldn't tell my dad that Blaine was gay. I wasn't sure how he would react, and I wanted to be with him. I couldn't risk not being able to see him.

"He asked me not to tell anyone."

"Kurt, we have to know. We need to make sure that he is safe and wouldn't do anything to hurt himself. I need you to tell me what he said." Still I refused.

"I'm sorry dad, he asked me not to tell, so I won't. I will say that everything is fine at home as far as I know and he's not going to kill himself. He's not on drugs or dope or anything like that." I thought I might as well hit all the high points here for good measure. "No one is beating him or anything. If I thought he was in danger I would come to you, but he's not. Please believe me. He's fine. He just needed to talk." I stopped before I overplayed my hand. My dad was acting weird and I wasn't sure where to go anyway.

He stared at me for a while. I met his gaze for about five seconds before I dropped my eyes again. He sighed and got up out of the chair. He told me to wait here for him; he would be back. I wondered what was going to happen to me. I had never seen my dad this calm when I was in trouble. It was more frightening than his rages.

I sat there on my bed until he came back, imagining what kind of sentence he would hand down. When he came in, my mom was behind him. She had a pensive look on her face, like she was worried or nervous about something. She couldn't know I was gay, could she? Was that what my dad was trying to get me to admit? That Blaine and I were gay? I couldn't believe that we had only been boyfriends less than a day and we were already found out.

"Kurt, your mother has something to tell you." He looked at my mom, who sighed (a lot of sighing in my family - everyone is so unhappy).

"Kurt," she began, "I need to apologize to you. You were right and I let my anger get the better of me. You saw a friend in need and you acted on that. I'm sorry that I yelled at you." She grinned at me. "Maybe I do need to listen to you more."

To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. I was blown away totally. I couldn't remember an adult ever apologizing to me for anything, much less punishing me. Well, preparing to punish me anyway.

After I picked up my jaw and stuffed my tongue back in, I said something lame like "That's okay, Mom," or "No problem." And that was the end of that. No grounding, no whipping, nothing.

Maybe I would get to stay over at Blaines this weekend after all. All I needed to do was keep my mouth shut.

The rest of the night was uneventful. All of us went back to our usual roles. No one said much, and the TV was the center point of the evening. I went to my room around eight o'clock and started reading my book again. It was a fantasy story by a well known author. I had read that book probably close to twenty times. And no matter how often I read it, I always find some new detail I had missed before. I do that with all of my books that I like. Most people I tell this to think I am crazy. Maybe I am, at that.

As I was reading the book, Blaine kept popping into my mind, distracting me from the story. I reread the same page around five times without even knowing it. Blaine was so cute I couldn't get him out of my head, not that he was unpleasant to think about. I finally gave up on the book and started focusing my mind on him. He was so hot!

I pictured him in my mind's eye. He was 5'6", about 125 pounds and solid muscle with out looking overly muscular. I loved watching him without his shirt on. His muscles would move under his skin and turn me on to no end. His chest was smooth with defined pecs, a washboard stomach that I longed to run my fingers and tongue over. His legs were a runners legs, a result of his training for track (he ran long distance races like the 800 and 1500 meters). To put it succinctly, there wasn't one thing about him that didn't turn me on. His black curly hair was jut the icing on the cake. His beautiful face, laughing smile and gorgeous golden hazel eyes were a bonus.

As I thought of him, I started to get excited. That happened a lot lately, and I didn't have to be thinking about sex either. It could be embarrassing. But right now, I felt really good and started to rub myself through my boxer briefs. Of course this only made my situation worse. I finally pulled my underwear down and did the job properly, imagining it was Blaine with his hand on my erection, slowly gliding up and down, taking me to the heights of orgasm and gently bringing me down again. I couldn't cum yet, but I knew what and orgasm was and how to have one.

As I was recovering, I thought of what it would be like to have Blaine as a boyfriend and sleep with him, and I got hard again. We would explore each others bodies with eyes, hands, and tongues, learning every curve and crevice, every small nuance that made us who we were. We would take our time and go slow, making sure we covered inch and knew each others bodies like our own. We would kiss each other gently and explore each others lips with our tongues, tasting each other, testing our responses, learning what we wanted from each other. He would press his tongue against mine and I against his. They would dance together, searching out one another and dancing together.

My hands would be feeling his skin, running from his bare shoulder down to his chest, teasing his nipples lightly as I moved further down to his awesome abs. I would feel them against my hand, rubbing them and feeling them tighten as I tickled him. My hands would continue downward and around to his firm butt, kneading and massaging him, feeling him clinch as he reacts to me. My hand would then move around and lightly brush his pubic hair, marveling at the softness.

I pictured his perfect body standing in front of me in my mind, my hand reaching for his erection, slowly stroking him toward release when-

WHAM! I was hit with wave after wave of the most intense pleasure I had ever felt. This was far better than any orgasm I had had prior to this. And there was a little liquid leaking out of my quickly deflating penis. My first cum. Wow! If Blaine could do that when he wasn't even here, I couldn't wait to see what would happen when we were together.

I just lay there, enjoying the moment and letting my mind drift. Or I tried to let it drift. Blaine seemed to anchor my thoughts. I didn't mind. He was beautiful to look and think about. I fell asleep that night with his image in my mind, smiling at me. I am sure he was in my dreams too.

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