Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.
Third Person POV
As Light continued walking down the unfamiliar path, he wondered what a lamp soda would even look like.
'Would the glass be shaped like a lamp? Maybe it lights up!' Yes, the number one student in Japan actually was thinking this. As you can tell, Light really is a genius.
"BOO!" a face-less voice boomed.
"Ahh!" Light yelped. He sounded kind of like Misa. No wait. Even Misa doesn't sound that girly.
Light turned around, frantically looking for the source of the noise. His eyes landed upon none other than Ryuk. "Not funny, Ryuk."
The shinigami thought it was pretty funny. As he laughed his weird laugh, Light realized something.
"Where the hell have you been these last two chapters?" Light questioned.
"Oh well it's a long story."
Light stared down the path. There were no buildings in sight so Light figured he had time. "I don't think we're going anywhere soon."
"Well you see, I found a park by the Kira Convention. There were things that could fly! They were everywhere! I knew they weren't shinigami because they were so small. I started following one of them, to see what it was, when it started flying away. I had to chase it."
While he droned on and on, Light was thinking, 'What creature? Wait a second. He can't mean... Ryuk has to be smarter than that!'
"It went all the way out to the ocean! I was going to follow it but then a giant squid ate it," he dead-panned. "Instead, I just sat there and watched the sunset. I called Rem and she came too. The sun made her-." Only "-eye glisten. She looked so beautiful."
After Light was done gagging at the thought of Ryuk and Rem, he focused back to the subject at hand.
"So, Ryuk, did you ever find out what the creature was?"
"Oh yeah! I went back to that park and killed one of them with my Death Note and brought it here to ask you what it was. I figured you would know." Ryuk held out a dead flying animal in front of Light's face.
"Ew!" Light screamed, falling backwards. When he stood up, he looked at the thing at a safe distance. He face-palmed.
"Ryuk."
"Uh-huh?"
"That's a bird."
"Ohhh." Ryuk threw the bird over his shoulder. It landed on Raye Penber, the not-so-inconspicuous-stalker.
"Wait a second. I thought you couldn't kill animals by writing their names in the Death Note. And what did you write as it's name anyway? Bird?" Light asked.
"You can't. I didn't write anything in my Death Note. I just hit the bird 500 times with it until it died." Light paled. Ryuk thought he died and turned into a ghost but then remembered he wrote down more details.
"Ryuk! You-You animal abu-!" he started to scream. Then he noticed Raye Penber trying to hide behind a pole. "What are you doing?"
"Wha- huh? No! You can't see me! I'm ~invisible~!" Raye said, flailing his arms about.
"No your not. I can see you. You're the retard behind the pole flapping his arms everywhere," Light rudely replied.
"Oh shit, you really can see me. That means this stupid hat doesn't work." He threw off his hat. "Rip-off."
"What does your hat have to do with this?"
Raye showed Light the package his hat came in. It read:
Invisi-Hat! Trick your family! Trick your friends! Trick your pillows! Just wear this hat and you will instantly become invisible! No batteries required! Just wear and disappear!
For the second time today, Light face-palmed. 'What is it with parodies that make people act so stupid?' Obviously, Light forgot the meaning of parody.
Parody: Noun.
1. A composition that imitates somebody's style in a humorous way.
2. Something funny. (A/N: I like the second one better. ^-^)
Now that we're properly informed of the meaning, let the story continue.
Light pointed to the warning at the bottom of the package.
Warning: This hat does not actually make you disappear. You got ripped off. Too bad. You're not getting your money back so just deal with it, Raye. Yeah, we know who you are. We're your stalkers. Get over the hat thing. We have -Insert name of someone you care about here- and we intend to kill -Insert name of someone you care about here- if you don't comply. Have a nice day! 8D
'That's one creepy smiley,' Light thought, really paying attention to Raye's dilemma.
"Oh crap! They have someone I care about and they're following me!" Raye said, before running away screaming like either a little girl or Matsuda. Light couldn't tell which was more accurate.
Back at Raye's house
Slamming the door behind him, Raye tried to catch his breath. He really hoped he got rid of his stalker. 'What kind of person stalks someone for a living!' Raye ranted in his head. Obviously, Raye forgot how he met Light in the first place.
While walking over to the couch, Raye's house's phone rang.
"Hello?" Raye asked. All he could hear is a deep breathing. "Hellooo?" Raye tried again. He was getting nervous.
Breathe.
...
"Hello. Can I get a pizza with peperoni?"
'Huh?' Raye thought. 'Oh!'
"Sorry. This isn't Billy's Pizza Shop. I get a lot of calls like yours. Yeah, my number is two digits different than that place."
"Oh. Sorry dude. Thanks, bye." The guy hung up.
Raye sighed, feeling very relieved. He thought that was his stalker!
He went to his bed, laying down. Somehow, he magically changed into his sleepwear without really changing. In seconds, he feel asleep.
He wasn't even aware of the creepy stalker staring at him from outside his window...
Back to Light and Ryuk
"And that's how you can live even when someone writes your name down. Now that you know, you can survive and entertain me more!" Ryuk exclaimed.
'There's a way to reverse it?! Why wasn't I paying attention to him instead of Raye!' Light angrily thought at himself.
"Wait, what? Say that again. I didn't understand you," Light said, hoping he could trick Ryuk into telling him again.
"Hyuk, hyuk. Very funny Light. As if Japan's smartest student wouldn't understand that. Now stop playing around. I think we're here," said Ryuk.
'Damn i-' Light thought about not ever knowing how to live past what Ryuk wrote. His train of thought, however, stopped when he looked up and saw what the next place was.
'Damn it.'