Where can you go to escape from Yourself?
The Tension is here.
What Happens next?

Rain beat down on the cement turning it from its dull grey to a dark, almost murky brown color. It was so cold. How long had he been out here? Hours? Seconds?Seemed more like an eternity. The wind was beginning to pick up, whipping his soaked brown hair now so many shades darker, around his face. The water was so cold, it stung.

He was an idiot.

Yes, he was an idiot for even beginning to think that he would be able to find Mello. God! He was so stupid! He had left the dry, warm, comfort of his bed and now he was lost with no way to get back! His feet slapped against the wet pavement, sending water from the puddles collecting there to soak into his shoes and jeans. Where was he? Where else could he go?

The sun was starting to set and he had been out since early morning. It was the only time he could get out without being noticed. When everyone was fast asleep. Matt looked around the busy streets, desperate for some kind of shelter from the cold spray, but there was none that he could see. His lungs were burning, his sides ached, and so he slowed his running to a slow walk.

Feet dragging along the wet cement, he reached up to wipe the fog his warm breath created on the lenses of his goggles. Eventually, he pulled them off all together, simply moving them down to hang loosely around his neck. People driving in their cars would cast him odd looks as they drove past him, but no one, Matt noted with a bit of irritation, stopped to ask if he was okay. No one. He couldn't help but think the world an awful place. No one gave two shits so long as everything was right in their own pathetic lives.

Matt's hair was soaked and dripping; his long sleeved shirt was too big on him and the water that soaked within the striped material made it feel so heavy on his shoulders. No one cared. But they all stared. Up ahead there was a playground, or more so, Matt hoped it was a playground and not some kind of mirage but...those only happened when people got lost in the desert, right? Regardless, Matt ran towards the possibility of shelter from the pouring rain.

The sand surrounding the plastic play set was dark and sticky. He climbed on, scampering to sit under the top part where the only plastic blue roof called to him, inviting him to sit and dry himself. Sure, it wasn't a fireplace but it was something. As he sat there, holding himself and shivering; teeth chattering inside his mouth audibly, he thought of Mello.

Was the blond man looking for him now? Would he know that he had escaped the orphanage? Would he know to come find him here? Matt hoped so, but he doubted it. Tears were spilling down his cheeks but he hadn't noticed them until a little sniffle made his nose sting from the cold. Why was he crying?...

He missed Mello.

- - - -

"Light, you know he won't listen." L mumbled around his thumb. The rain had calmed considerably, reduced to a light drizzle. His dark hair was dry but none the less a little frizzy from the moisture; his eyes were half lidded with stress as he continued to speak. "If he wants to waste his life...then who are we to interfere?"

Light, made a sound of disgust low in his throat, obviously not liking L's dismissive attitude. "You're so quick to give up on him? Don't you understand that he's in pain?" A growl of frustration. "Matt's death hit him far too hard, L. He needs time and company...He-"

"Matt's death hit us all hard."

And it surprised Light how high L's voice had gotten in that second. It had shook with his efforts to keep his tone passive as he always was, but Light wasn't fooled. The raw emotion was there but the dark haired man always refused to show it.

"He was Mello's boyfriend." Light added. "You have to understand what that must feel like."

L was silent. He had moved his thumb from his lips by now, both hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his navy blue coat. Then, he looked up as if to look at the sky, but the umbrella that Light was holding over both their heads was in the way. "Tell me, Light." He said in a soft tone. "How do you save someone who refuses to be saved?"

And it was Light's turn to be silent for he didn't know the answer.

Soon, the drizzle disappeared all together, leaving behind only cold winds. Their apartments weren't far from their work building with the NYPD, so they always chose to walk; rain or shine. A pregnant silence had fallen over the pair after L's question succeeded in silencing Light's plea's to help their friend out of his slump.

On the street, car horns honked and people shouted at each other in greeting or parting. New York's usual hustle and bustle going about its day without a single care in the world. A playground loomed ahead, and Light felt the dark haired man beside him shudder delicately. Light knew why. This very playground was where they had first met L. Back when he was known simply as the 'Freak on the swing'

Light turned to L and gave the dark haired man a warm reassuring smile. "Hey," He whispered. "Want to go swing? For old times sakes?" Though L looked less than enthusiastic about the idea, Light didn't wait for a response. He took L's hand and led him over to the dark sand.

"Light," L protested but the brunette only chuckled in response.

"Come on, L. It won't hurt."

The old swing sets were swaying back and forth against the wind with a light squeak as the rusty metal was forced to move after not being used for so long. It was in good condition, but a new playground had been opened up somewhere nearby and so all the parents took their children to the 'New playground' instead. Really, how snobby some people could be. It was a perfectly good playground...

L's musings stopped there for they had reached the damp sand, and Light had already rushed over to one of the swings and sat himself down. There was a teasing smile on his lips that just screamed; 'Easy way? or Hard way.' And so L, being the tired detective he was, padded over and took a seat on the swing beside Light. "Right," He started in a casual tone as he kicked some dark sand around. Most of which only stuck to his shoes and it really bugged him. "are we through with this? What will they say of two grown men on a playground? It's just asking for parents to run the other way."

"Why?" Light frowned. He had started swinging now, the squeak of rusted metal loud in their ears. Then, something in L's impatient gaze must have triggered the light bulb in Light's mind, and the brunette grinned. "Oh, I see. We look like pedophiles. Ah, well, I'm willing to live with that, now come on. Swing."

A deep frown had taken residence on L's lips. He regarded Light with a very annoyed, 'I'll be depriving you of sex, now' look in his eyes before he began to swing.

Slowly at first, then faster, higher, so the cool night air caressed his skin and broke goose bumps across it. It had been so long since he was last here this way. Swinging, he couldn't help the soft amused chuckle that bubbled in his throat; it felt like nothing could touch him. Nothing could hurt him. And the world seemed a lot friendlier when you were going so fast that everything seemed to blend together in a swirl of light and color. The world was better this way.

Beside him, Light was trying to keep up with the dark haired detectives speed. There was laughter, and for a second, Light didn't recognize it. He had never heard this sound before. Especially not from L. L was laughing. It was loud but so smooth and it was so...happy and free. As if he were a child and not the uptight, no nonsense adult he had become. Light found himself laughing as well and he thought they must look like complete idiots, but that was okay. As long as L was happy, that was okay.

Light's mind wandered to a time where L was just a stranger on a swing set. Back before they had met him, the whole city would bustle on past him without so much as a glance. Well, maybe one or two and then a few raised eyebrows. L was there everyday, swinging and sometimes laughing to himself, his eyes shut as he saw what he felt the world should be and what others wouldn't see. Couldn't see, even if they tried. L was so much like a child despite his outside appearances. On the inside, he was still a child who had seen far too much and now just needed a little peace of mind.

That's exactly what the swing did for him. And Light just wanted the dark haired man to feel that peace once more, no matter how long it had been since L had given up his swinging days in order to put more effort into his work. In order to 'grow up.'

Matt's death had indeed hit them all hard but L had yet to shed a single tear and in Light's eyes, that was very unhealthy. If L was bottling up his feelings then one day, that bottle would slip from between the dark haired mans slender fingers and shatter into a thousand pieces. All of the concealed emotion would overwhelm him and he would snap under the sheer amount of emotion. Light himself had cried...everyone knew Mello had cried for days, but L had refused. Light wanted to help L see that it was okay but the dark haired detective was as stubborn as he was intelligent.

"Ready to get going?" Light had stopped swinging by now, content with watching L swing away. He was glancing at his watch as L began to bring his swing to a slow stop. "It's already 8:45." The sky was dark and there were only a few stars visible, but that was due to all the light's of the big city. The stars weren't bright enough to hold a candle to the lights of New York.

"Yeah." L stood, both hands deep inside the pockets of his coat. "Can we stop by Baileys for some brownies?"

Light chuckled as he got to his feet. "Of course." L was happy and so was he. He was glad that his plan had worked. He linked his arm with L's and began to lead the way back onto the sidewalk, when a quiet cough made them both turn in the direction of the playground set. They both looked at each other with twin looks of curiosity before walking back toward the small steps that lead up onto the play set.

Light unlinked his arm with L and gave the dark haired man a quick smile before climbing up the steps to cross the mini bridge that lead up to the top of the slide. There was another cough and it didn't take Light long to find the wet mess of child huddled up in a small ball at the top of the play set where the little plastic roof was. "Christ, L it's a kid!" He shouted in a panic as he rushed forward, ignoring the play sets groans of protest under his weight. He heard L's frantic footsteps coming after him as soon as the words had left his lips.

"Hey," Light was huddling under the small plastic roof as he shook the wet mess. "kid, wake up. Go home." But there was no response. Only soft breathing and Light felt his heart plunge into his stomach. What if the kid was dying? Where the hell were the kids parents? Did he even have any? L was standing behind him, unable to fit under the tiny roof if Light was there two. They were too big. "Kid!"

"Is he okay?"

"Wait..." Light replied, watching as the small boy began to move. "Hey," He whispered as he helped the boy into a sitting position. His dark brown hair was sticking to his cheeks and forehead and there was a light pink tint to his pale white cheeks and nose. As he took in the sight of Light kneeling in front of him and then L's hunched figure behind him, he blinked back tears for he felt something deep inside him, he felt that he knew these two from somewhere but he couldn't quite remember from where.

"Where are your parents?" Light asked as he brushed some of the boy's hair from his face.

The boy just stared up at him; his green eyes glassy and distant. Who were they? How frustrating! He knew them! He had seen them somewhere! He shut his eyes tight as he forced himself to remember who they were. He tried to piece together names and faces.

-

"I got in!" Light exclaimed happily. He was holding a thick manila envelope in one hand, and a letter in the other. "I got in, I got in! I got into St. Johns!" He was parading about the room, holding up the acceptance letter for all to see. Everyone was clapping and shouting random words of congratulations. Though the only people present were L, Mello and Matt, Light would still be properly congratulated.

L was the first to move. He embraced the excited brunette and placed a chaste kiss to his lips. "And you were worried you wouldn't make the cut." He purred out, promising much more than the soft kiss, later.

Mello simply clapped, a teasing smile on his lips. But Matt jumped up from his seat beside the blond and ran at Light, forcing L to jump out of the way before he could run him over, and practically tackled him. "I told you!" He shouted as they spun around, Lights arm wrapped tightly around the redhead. He had dropped the envelope but the letter was still clutched in his hand. When they stopped spinning and Light's laughter had calmed down some, Matt pointed straight at Mello. "Now pay up Mello, you owe me and L fifty dollars!"

More laughter, though Light did express his annoyance with a reply of; "You were betting on whether I got in or not? You assholes!" And with this Light let Matt jump off him. "I can't believe it! I'm going to be a detective soon!"

"Believe it." L smiled at him.

-

"Light..." He whispered, eyes tearing up. His whole body shook and it was not just because of the cold, it was the pure joy of seeing his two best friends again. What had happened? Why was he this way? And...what could he do to make them see who he was. That it was really him underneath the young naive eyes, and soft child's skin.

Without thinking, he sat up and threw himself at Light, burying his wet face against his strong warm chest. "Help me!" He sobbed. "Help me, please...I don't know what to do!"

Behind him, L was speechless. His eyes were a little wide.

Light's arms were lame at his sides not sure what to do. He couldn't just go hugging random children on the streets, what would the boys parents think? And how did he know his name? It sent chills down his spine but he ignored them for now. He decided that it was okay just this once, and patted the boys back softly. "Where are your parents?"

Matt sobbed harder. They didn't know who he was! They didn't know it was him...They would never believe him. "I don't...I don't have any! Light, please!" He begged as he clutched the front of the brunettes coat in his small hands.

L's soft gasp made Light blink in surprise. He didn't look in the dark haired man's direction though, his eyes were wide as he stared down at the small boy holding onto him as though his life depended on it. He knew his name. Did he know this kid? No, he would remember. Determination set, Light wrapped his arms around the boy, holding him close and enveloping in warmth. "Shh, you can come with us. It'll be okay."

"It's getting late, Light. Lets get going." L's voice sounded distant. He was lost in his thoughts, no doubt, trying as hard as Light was to remember who this child was. He sounded so familiar. Hearing the boy talk; he sounded more like an adult than a child.

Light nodded as he stood with the sobbing child cradled in his arms. "It's okay. You're safe now."

'You're safe now.'

He was never in any danger. He was just so lost!

A/N: I feel as though I write and write and in the end I say nothing at all. Whatever. I'm sure you understand why there is so much confusion in every chapter. If you don't then I'm sorry, but everything will make sense in the end. This is a very short story. Matt has flashbacks, and he slowly begins to remember things of his past life. (lots of mistakes. bite me)

Let me know if you're still interested and I'll deliver.

~ Matt.