Hello all :D Chapter 4 is finally here i'm sorry if it took too long. I went through a bit of writers block......I hate writers block...Anyway I'm sad to inform you that Lord Sesshomaru is not in this chapter *pauses to avoid the rotten veggies that are being thrown at her*

Sesshomaru- Thank the Gods. *starts to leave*

But he will be in the next chapter!!!!

Sesshomaru- *unsheathes Tokijin* Oh?

Me- Th-that doesn't work twice.....and wow that was really cool

Sesshomaru- You're an idiot

Me- And you're a dog. Now that we've covered our species! Please enjoy the next chapter of The Inner Demon! As Always I'm gonna beg you to R&R ...even though that might not happen

"Sachi-chan? Are you awake yet?" I can hear Karen's voice start to coax me out of my deep sleep. I turn my back to her. I don't want to wake up just yet. Since I fell asleep last night I've been dreaming about Lord Sesshomaru. Just him sitting beside me. His voice, I can still hear it my ear.

"Sachiko?" Karen's hand touches my shoulder lightly and my dream of the beautiful demon lord turns to dust in my head.

"Yes?" I sit up in my bed, looking at her between half closed eyelids.

"Are you feeling well?"

"What do you mean Karen?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.

"Well, you went to bed early last night," she frowns, "and now you slept till noon. This morning I couldn't even get you to move. Are you sick?" She touches my forehead with the back of her hand, "Do you have a fever?"

I smile up at her and yawn, "No Karen. I'm not sick. Stop worrying so much alright? I just had trouble getting to sleep last night that's all. That and I was having a wonderful dream."

Karen smiles, relieved, "Oh? What was it about?"

"Oh um," I smile uneasily.

"My dream was about a demon, Lord Sesshomaru, he's the demon who I've been sneaking out to see in the forests. Even though you told me not to Karen, oh and I believe that I'm falling in love with him. Anyway, I think I'm going to go see him again today. Would you like to tag along? Hmm, I'm hungry let's go get some food."

Perhaps that's not the best explanation.

"Oh I….I don't remember anymore," I grin sheepishly at her, "That's strange isn't it?"

Karen's smile fades just the slightest bit, and I feel a little guilty for lying. Yet again.

"It's not strange, it happens a lot," Karen smiles, "well, let's go get some food alright? Your mother said that she wants to talk to you by the way."

Oh, Joy. My thoughts turn bitter and I frown, Karen sighs, and she pats me on the head, "Come on. We'll just get it over with alright?"

"I suppose so," I frown, looking away from Karen's hopeful smile.

I meet my mother in the dining room; her voice is full of disdain when she says "Good Morning Sachiko."

"Good Morning Mother," my voice seems far away, even to me. All I can think about is getting out of here and back to the forests to check up on Lord Sesshomaru.

"Kachikuro spoke to me before he left," she says, blowing on a cup of tea she's holding in her hands.

"Did he?" I ask, "I'm sure you'll tell me what he said."

"He said, 'It's a shame your daughter is so cold. I'm afraid she'll never win a husband with the way she speaks to men. I'm sorry but I cannot marry a woman who doesn't know how to treat a man with respect.'" When my mother finishes she glares at me, her voice is full of contempt and disappointment.

"Well then, he and I are in perfect agreement, we have no wish to marry the other. And is his answer any different from any other man's?" I tip my chin up defiantly; every man seemed to be just like Kachikuro. Full of himself. Or too greedy to actually care what my feelings were. Well I'm sick of it; I'm not apologizing for standing up for myself. I'm not apologizing for being who I am.

"Sachiko," my mother starts in, I glance at Karen, and she nods and leaves the room. We've been through this hundreds of times. If I'm going to be scolded, then I'll be by myself.

"Sachiko how can you keep doing this to me? To your family?"

"If I'm not mistaken Mother," I frown, "Whom I marry should be my choice. Not only that but who I marry should concern myself alone."

"Who you marry reflects this family's reputation," she glares at me, "that is, of course, only if, you ever get married Sachiko. Do you know what the men are calling you in the village?"

Oh, this should be interesting.

"The Ice Queen," she says with distaste

Not a bad nickname. But they could do better.

"They call you heartless."

That's a bit closer.

"Some have even called you a monster."

Ah, there we go. Right on target.

"And since when do I care what those men think about me Mother?" I ask, "I've never cared. They can call me whatever they like. I know who I am."

"Sachiko, is there really no end to your selfishness?"

"You think...You think I'm the selfish one now? This is my marriage isn't it? Don't I have the right to think about myself for this once? Rather than thinking about-"

"Who you marry will reflect on your father's reputation," she interjects, and that makes my blood start to boil and burn inside my veins.

"I want to marry thinking about me rather than….Rather than thinking about that worthless bastard!" I yell, curling my fingers into fists. Wishing I could run. Wishing I could get away from here. I just….I need to get away from her.

"How can you say that?" my mother looks at me like I just insulted a deity, "your father has-"

"Been using you and Fumie and me! All this time! Don't you realize how expendable we are to him? Do you think he really cares? Mother he tried to kill me!"

Her eyes widen and she covers her ears, "No….No he never did that... He... He loves you…He loves me."

She starts to cry and suddenly my anger deteriorates. I kneel beside her, desperate to comfort her. How could I have said such things to her without thinking of her feelings? Of course she's still hurting. Even after all of these years of being betrayed, and used by that…that heartless bastard, she's still holding onto that desperate, thin hope that if I or Fumie were to marry someone that he could be proud of, he would accept her again as his wife….But somewhere in her heart….she has to know….It'll never happen. Nevertheless she lives, breathes on that thin hope with all of her heart, she just wants him to love her again.

I guess that's all any woman wants. To be loved by a man.

My mother's body stiffens beside me and she sits straighter her eyes meeting mine, part of my heart sinks. I know that look; it's the way my father looked at me when I was just a child. Somehow my mother, the frail woman who I've tried to protect all time, the woman who has tried to protect me. Her broken but loving heart seems to have changed. Before she speaks I can see it reflected in her eyes. They look black to me.

"Mother?"

"Leave me," she says slowly.

"B-but Mother."

"This…..This is….." she chokes on her own words, "Why did you do this to me?"

"What? Mother I didn't-"

"No please," her words feel like blades, "I know….. We both know who is to blame."

"You think this is my fault?"

"No, perhaps it's my fault," she says, her voice turning cold, "Perhaps I shouldn't have given birth to a monster."

You're a monster

His voice fills my head, and I feel my heart constrict.

I shouldn't have given birth to a monster.

Her eyes are sharp, her words bite more than she can imagine.

I shouldn't have given birth to you.

Does she really mean that?

You should have died.

My heart starts to burn and I feel my body start to tremble.

Mother? Are you there?

"Lady Sachiko? My Lady are you still in here?" Karen's voice seems far away as I just sit here, staring back into my mother's cold, bitter eyes.

Something warm and wet runs down my cheeks. That same warm and wet substance starts to gather in my eyes, making my vision go blurry. Anger, rising up in my chest like fire. It hurts. It really burns. Why can't I get up? Walk away? Run away? Anything. My legs refuse to work. My voice doesn't work either.

"Sachiko? Lady Kashi is she alright? Lady Shachiko are you….are you crying?"

"I didn't know that the heartless could cry. Karen take her to her room," I can hear my mother's voice.

"My…My Lady?"

"I don't remember stuttering Karen. Please. Take her."

"Yes My Lady," I can feel someone take my arm, "Come with me Lady Sachiko."

I look up at Karen, she looks worried, she glances back at my mother and coaxes me to stand up, and she leads me out with a hand on my back.

"Sachi-chan are you alright?" Karen asks, resting a hand against my shoulder, "I've never seen you cry."

I look up at her; she looks extremely worried, "What did you hear?"

Her eyes widen and she gives me a vexed frown, she answers me in a very small voice, "Everything. Sachiko-Chan you need to give your mother some time to think okay? I'm sure she didn't mean any of it. She's just….." Karen's voice trails off to a whisper.

"She's just like him," I finish for her, "Now I wish that they had never separated. They deserve each other." My voice is hoarse and bitter. Karen takes a piece of spare cloth and hands it to me. I wipe away the tears rolling down my cheeks and I begin to pull myself together again.

"Miss Karen? We need you in the dining room!" an older servant calls. Karen sits up straighter. Looking torn between her duty and myself.

"Go," I wave her away, "I need to think by myself for awhile any way."

Karen nods, but she pauses anyway. She looks at me, her kind eye filled with worry, "Sachiko will you promise me something?"

I look up at her.

"Please don't do anything reckless."

I smile, a bitter, shallow smile, "I'm sorry Karen. I'm not going to lie anymore. I…. I can't promise you anything Karen-chan."

Karen's eyes widen and she looks at me with a sad expression, "Sachiko, there's one more thing I have to tell you."

"Yes?"

"You will always be my friend. My….My best friend," she smiles at me, her kind, her warm smile and she stands up. Walking to the door.

Will you still say things like that when you find out? Karen will you still smile at me like that when I tell you the truth?

Will you still believe that when I turn into a monster?

"Karen-Chan," I call to her, my voice sounds dead even to me. She turns to look at me, expectant.

With some difficulty, I find my voice again, "No matter what happens, Karen. You'll always be my best friend." She smiles at me, and I add, "I can promise you that."

That's right I ended the chapter with the warm fuzzies! Deal with it! Alright hope it was okay ;D