Tortured Souls
Part IV – Loss of Conviction

Standing at the bottom of the steps, Laura looked up at the three flights of stairs she had to endure, wondering why her father never thought to put in an elevator.
Exhausted, she began her ascent upward. As she walked through the door, Michael was working in her kitchen. She giggled at the sight of him.

"You….in the kitchen? Please! You can barely boil water!" She laughed.

He smiled slyly. "I told you I hold powers that will shock and astound you".

"You already do that without any powers." She walked over embracing him. She began to kiss him while trying to get him undressed, but he reluctantly pushed her away.

"We have the whole night and the rest of our lives." He laughed. "But right now you are going to go in and take a shower and change your clothes." He pointed to his attire of pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt. "And as you can see, it is black tie tonight."

"Do I really need a shower?" she asked.

"Yes." He firmly teased her. "You're all sweaty and you smell like a locker room."

"I thought you liked it when I got sweaty." She smiled and began to kiss him again.

"No, I like it when I make you sweaty!" He playfully pushed her away. "Now GO!"

"You be here when I get back." She ordered him.

"And when you get back, I am all yours." He said mysteriously.

"I am counting on it." Smiling, she shut the door.

A few minutes later, she emerged from the bedroom and stood in the doorway. He stopped what he was doing and starred at her for a moment. Her hair was wet from the shower and she wore a black tank top and gray yoga pants. Hardly anything sexy or provocative, but as he looked at her his insides stirred like wildfire. She was by far the most incredible woman he had ever seen. She filled his every need. If he had met her before his nightmare as Sylar was forged in blood, he would still be living his life as Gabriel Gray. "And she would smile and be nice, but you wouldn't have a chance in hell of scoring with her." A voice inside taunted him.

"Are you ok?" She looked at him puzzled, breaking him out of his trance. "You look like you aren't feeling well."

"Yeah. I'm just falling in love all over again." He smiled thoughtfully. "Come on, sit
down." He commanded her.

"I like it when you get bossy." She smiled flirtatiously.

"Well, tonight I work for you." He headed over to the couch carrying a plate with an assortment of fruit, cheese and bread he had cut up and two bottles of beer.

She began to sit down. "Not yet". He sat down and pulled her to him so she was sitting between his legs. "You are going to relax, and I am going to feed you." He fed her a piece of banana.

She snuggled deeply against him. "Did I do something special today? I have the
sexiest man on the planet feeding me."

He kissed the back of her head putting another bite in her mouth and she nibbled his finger. He smiled pulling her in tighter.

"You don't do anything special. You just are special." He stroked her head, pausing a moment. "The day I saw you, my life finally had a purpose. If you hadn't knocked me over, I might have passed right by you. But you did and in the same instant you captured my heart. I haven't told you this before, but there were not a lot of women in my life before I met you, Laura. I wasn't always the man you know. I used to be…" He closed his eyes. "I knew less of the world and of myself. Before I met you, my life was spiraling out of control. I have done so many things I am not proud of. If you knew the details of some of the acts I have committed….." He choked back tears. "The irony of this is that if I had stayed in that irrelevant, lifeless existence, you never would have loved me. You have a kind heart and you would of said hello if you passed me on the street, or even spent time talking to me if you had come into my shop. But if I had asked you out or…" Closing his eyes he sighed. "I don't' know. Maybe whatever you see in me now was there, it just hadn't awakened in me yet." Wiping his eyes he continued. "You are the only person in this life I have ever loved." He whispered stroking her hair. "There is nothing more I want in the world than to be beside you forever. To marry you…." He smiled sadly. "Have a family, like we talked about. But I will never be able to give you those things. I would give up everything, every power I
have, to always be with you, but…" The tears flowed again. "This is the hell I have forged myself. To finally have that one thing in my life that would have made all the difference." Sighing deeply. "Someday soon, for your own good I will have to leave you. But you will find love again. You will have the family and all the things I wanted to give you, but I can't. But I hope you know that no matter how long I live, I will never stop loving you. You will burn in my heart until the day I die and I will always protect you. It will always be you, Laura."

Realizing what he had just said, he looked at her for a reaction. She did not answer him. Exhausted, she had fallen asleep. He smiled tenderly; relieved she did not hear him. Extending his hand he gently levitated her up and he climbed off the couch, and then lowered her gently. He covered her with a blanket and kissed her forehead.

Picking up the plates, he turned toward the kitchen, but was quickly taken aback. He saw Laura sitting at the table looking at a small statue, as if she was trying to figure it out. He turned and looked at her still lying on the couch where he had just left her. He touched her arm; she was solid as she was a moment ago, sleeping soundly. He slowly approached her sitting at the table, and carefully reached out and touched her arm. She was as real as her other manifestation. He dropped one of the plates. She turned with a start.

"Are you ok?" He could only stare at her. "Baby, what's wrong?"

He pointed at her still lying on the sofa. Laura turned, seeing herself on the sofa
caused her to gasp in shock. Suddenly she disappeared in the very instant she jumped from the couch wide awake.

"Holy shit!" She shouted in what he could only describe as horrified amazement!
"Michael! Did you see that?"

"Yeah". He managed to say finally. "I saw that."

"It's really true!" She looked at him in astonishment. "I was in two places at the same
time! You saw it!" She looked like she was going to faint.

"Honey, you need to sit down." He led her back to the couch.

"What is happening to me?" Frightened, she began to cry.

He could not answer her. There was a struggle taking place inside him fighting for control. There was the man who she thought was Michael, the man that loved her and Sylar, the man that came to kill her, taking her power for his own. Her power hungered and excited him. "Think of what this power will do for you." The voice goaded him. "NO…I won't kill her." He tried to block the thoughts out of his head. "You stupid fool!" The voice mocked him again. "You know you have killed for a lot less. You killed your own mother! You sold your soul the day you killed Brian Davis. You have done nothing but lie to her from the beginning. Don't fool yourself into believing you will ever have a life with her. Kill her, you damn coward! She is no different from the rest of them! She never would have even looked at you before, GABRIEL!" The voice sneered at him. "That is not who I am anymore! I am Michael Walsh!" He screamed inside. But the voice taunted him. "It is only a matter of time and you will kill her too. Do it! Kill her now!"

"Michael!" She looked frightened. "You are covered with sweat!"

For the moment he passed off his conflict as concern. "I'm in shock. You have been telling me for two days about this, but to actually see it. It's amazing!"

He reached over putting his arms around her. "I really can't pretend I know what to do about this, because honestly baby, I am as shocked as you are." I couldn't even begin to tell you where to go to get answers for this."

Laura thought for a moment, and then she jumped up and ran to the book case. To his horror, she came back with a copy of Dr. Suresh's book.

"Where did you get that?" He demanded.

She stopped and looked at him baffled. "Greg dropped it by for me the other night."

"And why would he do that?" He asked becoming increasingly irate.

"Well, because when it happened, he was there and I knew I could trust him, so I told him about it." She looked at him. "Is that a problem".

"Yeah…Laura!" He was becoming increasingly angry. "It is an enormous problem!"

"Michael, what is wrong with you? I've never seen you like this."

"What's wrong with me you ask? I'll tell you!" He grabbed the book from her hand and sent it flying across the room. "Why are you telling Greg your deepest darkest secrets? What if he tells somebody? "

Laura looked at him in disbelief. "Who would he tell? The Men in Black? Michael, I have known Greg since I was 15 years old. He is the closest thing to a brother I have. I tell him everything. He wouldn't tell anybody. Well, maybe if it made him filthy rich…"

"This isn't a joke Laura!" He shouted. "Do you have any idea what they do to people like you? They take you away and lock you up against your will! They perform tests on you, poking and prodding your head so they can see what makes you the way you are! And if they REALLY want to know, they slice you open while you are still alive and do tests on your organs! Do you want that to happen, Laura?"

"What do you mean 'people like me'?" She asked angrily. "This is not a 50's sci-fi
movie! And even if they did, how in the hell would you know about it?"

He stopped for a moment realizing he was becoming irrational and making her angry.

"Baby, I am just scarred. And perhaps I'm even jealous that you confided in Greg
instead of me."

"Ok Michael…let's just go ahead and make this all about you! For one thing, you were out of town! And I tried to call you twice, but you didn't answer your phone. Likely because you were on a plane, but still, Greg was here! I would think you would be glad I had somebody to talk to." She thought a moment and laughed. "Wait a minute! Are you jealous of Greg? Because believe me Michael, he is not attracted to me. He would, however, be salivating all over himself if he were ever to meet you."

He rolled his eyes. "I am not making this about me! This is not what makes me angry. I am the man in your life. It deeply affects me that you felt you could talk to your friend about this, but you couldn't confide in you're…." He stopped.

"My what, Michael?" She asked, arms folded. "How were you going to finish that
sentence? My boyfriend? My lover?" She walked toward him. "You can't even commit to a characterization."

Now he was very confused. "Ok, what is that supposed to mean? Do I really have to put a value on how I feel about you?" He walked toward her and put his hands on her shoulders. "And if you think after I have been at your side almost every day since the first night we were together that I am not committed to you…."
"I do not doubt for a second that you love me. But even you have to admit that we have things that stand between us." Touching his face, she continued. "Michael, you wake up in the middle of the night screaming, you are cold and shaking! I have never asked you about it because it is for you to tell me, not for me to pry it out of you". She walked toward him. "When I ask you about our future, or getting our own place together, you always have something else you have to do, or you quickly change the subject!"

"Now that's not fair!" He said angrily. "This morning I offered to move in here with you."

"You have made it very clear to me that you are not ready." Her reply was cold and the green eyes that always danced when she saw him and grown dark. "And the fact you just said you offered to move in with me cements that in stone."

She began to cry. "I have been in love with you since the moment I laid eyes on you, Michael. But I am so afraid, some morning I am going to wake up and you will not be there. Or I am going to come home some night and your place will be cleaned out. I just have this feeling somewhere deep down that you are not really mine. Like there is this deep, dark secret you have that is going to take you away from me some day." She put her hands on his face continuing. "Michael, I have never asked you about your life before you met me. I always told myself when you were ready to tell me, you would. But I think I have earned the right to ask you. What is keeping you from being in this all the way? In case you haven't noticed, things are changing dramatically and I am scarred to death! I need you! I can't loose you. What aren't you telling me about your life before you met me?"

For a moment he stood there. There it was! She had asked him point blank. What could he say? If he told her the truth, he would loose her without question. If he left right now, she would think he was a coward. So, he did the only thing he could; he spun another web of deception.

"You want to know about my life?" He began. "Well, how about if I tell you about how my parents got killed when I was 11 in a car accident. My sister and I were in the backseat. We were fighting and my father couldn't concentrate! We caused the accident! Try sleeping with THAT sometime and see how you do!"

He walked toward her a few steps, folding his arms. "Hey…I know! Maybe you would like to know all about how my little sister and I were shipped around to foster homes and at the very last one we were in, she was killed by our foster father. It was my job to protect her, but I COULDN'T." Then he shouted angrily. "IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT ME YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT, LAURA?"

Angrily, he walked out the door. He ran down the hall walking in the door of his
apartment. Once inside he shed tears heavily. "I HATE having to lie to her. I can't tell her truth." He sobbed. "You did the only thing you could do. You have to continue your hunt. You have to kill her." The voice told him. "NO!" He shouted. "I'm not going to kill her! She is the only person who has ever really loved me. I won't do it!"

The room was calm and the voice was gone for now. He walked to the window and sat down in the chair.

She stood there stunned looking where he had stood, feeling horrible for the way she had provoked him. Grabbing her keys and ran down the hall to his apartment. Letting herself in, she found him sitting by the window. He half smiled. "I can see having a girlfriend that is also my landlord, I am not going to be winning too many fights around here."

She smiled sadly. Walking to him, she sat and snuggled on his lap. "I'm sorry."

"No. I'm sorry. I should have told you about this a long time ago." He said flatly. "And now you know why it is important for me to be able to project you."

"You can't always protect me, Michael. And I need to know what is happening with me." For now, she decided not to tell him about her talk with Kiyoshi Yamagati this morning.

He pulled her in close and turned her face toward him. "You need to drop this Laura. If you have this power, it is a gift to be enjoyed. But honey, I know there are government organizations that perform tests on people. They hunt you down and spend the rest of your life tracking you." Closing his eyes, he stroked her hair. "And if there are people like this Sylar person trying to kill you, why would you even want to put yourself out there. You are just making yourself vulnerable to some really dangerous people."

"If it bothers you that much, I will drop it." Came her defeated reply.

"Do you promise?" He asked stroking her face.

"I promise." She replied sadly. But deep inside she knew she could not keep her
promise to him. It was her fate. Her mother gave up her dreams to empower her. But right now he would not understand. So for now it would be her secret.

He pulled her in close to him. "I know you're disappointed, but I want you to do this for your own good. I can't loose you, baby. Can we just keep this between us?"

Half smiling she nodded and snuggled next to him.

As he held her, he smiled superciliously to himself.

End of part IV