a/n: Don't hate me for this scene. You knew it had to come :)

After trying his damndest, to make love to Julie, Donovan lay in his bed, holding her, but in spite of being this close to her she felt a million miles away. He'd wanted to connect with her on some spiritual level, but it was like what just occurred didn't matter to her.

Julie lay there with her cheek pressed against his chest. Donovan wished they could just go to sleep, and he'd try again in the morning. A fear made it's unpleasant way into his mind.

I'm losing her…

He felt the warmth of her tears against his skin and caressed her shoulder, in hopes she might say what she was feeling, what was upsetting her. Instead, Julie sat up on the edge of the bed.

"What time is it?"

Same crap as earlier, he thought. "Why, are you in a hurry to leave or something?"

She took her clothes off his dresser, a pair of Guess jeans, a Dodgers Tee shirt, a pair of underwear and a bra. "If we don't get back soon, the others will be worried."

"The others?" he snapped. "What about us, Julie?"

"I gave you what you wanted."

Unbelievable. She thinks I used her. "What I wanted? What the hell does that mean?"

She slipped on her panties, then bra, then the Dodger's T-shirt he'd bought for her, not that she even liked baseball, but there used to be a day when she'd accompany him to ball game with him just to spend time together. Now, he wasn't so sure she wanted to be with him.

"Let's go, Mike. I don't…" She swallowed, as a few more tears escaped from her eyes. "…feel like arguing with you now."

Donovan thrust the sheet aside and went to her. "There wasn't supposed to be another argument." He took her in his arms again. "I just made love to you. I still love you."

"I know." She winced.

"It's like you weren't even there though." He cupped her chin under his hand, and looked into her eyes. They glazed over with tears. "I'd keep you here as long is it took to make things better, if it'd help."

She reached for her blue jeans. "I don't think it will."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't think I can do this anymore." Her voice cracked.

"Sleep with me?" He said, knowing it wasn't what she meant. She wanted to end their relationship, and with that revelation his heart ached. He wished he could turn back time, and none of their differences had happened, that they'd had more time to spend together.

"No… us." She confirmed his nightmare.

"What, you don't love me?"

A few seconds of her silence only added to his anguish. He hated breakups, especially when he knew he loved a woman. Unlike his last relationship, with Kristine Walsh, which was mostly sexual, he loved Julie. He'd wanted to have children with her, and marry her… Do all the things that normal couples do together when they weren't fighting a war together. But nothing was normal about their relationship or the world in which they lived.

"No," she whispered. "I do, but not the way you need me to."

It felt like grade school, back when he'd ask a girl if they liked him, and she'd respond with, "I don't like you, like you. I just like you as a friend." His throat contracted and his eyes started to water. He didn't want her to see him cry. He'd no longer express how much she'd meant to him, if it was really ending between them.

God… it is…

He wanted to beg her to reconsider… give her a week or two to change her mind. But knew time wouldn't help things. It seemed Julie was confused about a lot of things lately, not just their relationship. And he knew he could no longer try to comfort her, not even as the so-called "friend" she loved or didn't love anymore.

Damn her…. I don't need her… He dabbed his eyes. He wished she wasn't there to witness this, that they'd rode in separate vehicles. Now not only did they have to return to the HQ and act as if nothing happened, but before that, they needed to go to her apartment and get whatever the hell it was she thought she did need. He wondered how many of his belongings he'd left at her house last year. They'd be reminders of his presence in her life, if she had the time to go through her stuff.

He dressed himself, then picked up a duffel bag, full of clothes he'd packed while Julie was taking her bath.

"Finish getting ready," he said. "I'll meet you in the car."