Fear and Jealousy
Chapter Four: Not So Happy Birthday
Tonks arrived at the pub just after seven. The Troll's Head wasn't a patch on the Three Broomsticks but being who they were, it wasn't safe for Order members to meet in normal wizarding establishments. It was run by the aging muggle parents of three now fully grown Hogwarts students, and catered for both wizards and those muggles who knew of the wizarding community for whatever reason. The place was truly unique, but more importantly it was rarely frequented by fanatical pure-bloods. She was met outside by Mr and Mrs Weasley, Kingsley, Remus and Mad-eye, who (all but Remus) pushed cards and presents into Tonks' hands. Tonks thanked them found a table and some benches in the corner of the pub. Tonks shrank the gifts and popped them in her tiny rucksack before sitting down next to Moody. Kingsley and Remus shuffled off to the bar arriving shortly with a round of drinks. Not able to order their usual tipple due to what the owners called 'muggle nite', they settled for decent muggle drinks instead. Moody had chosen a pint of Adnams Broadside, Kingsley and Tonks both had Guinness, Remus had large whisky, Arthur; a cider shandy, and Molly; red wine.
"So who were you inviting at work yesterday then?" Kingsley asked from across the table, wiping away a beer moustache.
"Oh, just a tall, handsome stranger I met in a dark alley the other night," Tonks hinted, risking a quick glance at Remus. He appeared to be suddenly fascinated with the contents of his glass. Tonks looked up behind him as the pub door opened and a familiar figure stepped inside.
"Fashionably late," she teased. Snape rolled his eyes to the ceiling, wondering why on earth he'd agreed to come.
"What ye drinking?" she asked him. "I've got a slate at the bar, it's all on me tonight."
"Sour wine, thank you," he said plainly.
As Tonks headed over to the bar, she glared at Remus. It had not gone unnoticed that he had been paying for his own drinks. Tonks returned with a goblet of wine as Snape reluctantly shuffled up the bench towards Moody to make room for the birthday girl.
Now that everyone was there, Moody stood up and raised what was left of his pint.
"To Tonks!" he said as the others followed suit with varying degrees of enthusiasm.
"To freedom!" added Tonks, this went down better than the first toast, a few people from neighbouring tables even joined in.
"To good –hic- beer during war time," ventured a cheerful rosy-cheeked muggle who looked old enough to have seen World War Two as well as the First War. This got the biggest cheer of all, before the pub returned to relative normality.
Remus remained mostly silent throughout the evening, splitting his time between staring unnervingly at Tonks and Snape, and drinking heavily. Oddly enough, Snape was also fairly quiet. Remus shot him a look that seemed to say 'why are you here?" Snape sent one back that said he had no idea.
"Was Professor Dumbledore not supposed to join us this evening?" Snape asked.
"No, we asked him, but someone," Tonks glared at Moody, "didn't think it was a good idea so many of us meeting in public right now."
"And he was right to do so," added Arthur.
"Course he was," confirmed Tonks.
"But your letter…" Snape began.
"I lied," she smirked over the top of her beer. "Had to convince you somehow."
Snape rolled his eyes to the ceiling and sighed. Tonks drained the dregs of her pint and stood up, more than slightly wobbly.
"Same again everyone?" she asked. Some nodded, others declined, Remus just sat staring into space, clutching his empty glass.
"Remus?" He shook his head. Tonks turned an involuntary scarlet.
"Remus, a word?" He didn't budge, just sat staring at the table. Molly kicked him not-so-discreetly in the shin. He finally gave in and followed Tonks to the other side of the busy pub.
"What the hell are you playing at Remus?" Tonks said, doing her best not to yell. "I didn't ask you to do or say anything, you just had to sit there and let me buy you a drink and just be there to celebrate my bloody birthday." Tonks paused. "You didn't have to come you know."
"Neither did he," Remus said into his chest, casting a sideways glance at Snape.
"He came because I asked him to, and right now, I'd gladly pick Severus' company over yours. You think you're protecting me by putting me through this? You've done more damage than you could possibly imagine." She looked into his eyes, tears welling up inside her. "I can't do this anymore Remus, I just can't."
He looked at the ground, saying nothing. Tonks ran through the pub, past the others and out the door, slamming it behind her. The pub became suddenly silent, all eyes were on Remus. He sighed and apparated out of the Troll's Head. The noise level quickly picked up again, leaving the rest of the group rather bewildered.
Ordinarily, it would have been Molly that would have run after her, but she had had far too much to drink to be of any use and was at present incapable of manoeuvring out from between Moody and Arthur. Snape sighed and stood up rather unwillingly. He picked up Tonks' little blue backpack that she had left on the bench next to him and followed after her.
Snape found her sitting on a wall with her head buried in her hands. He strode towards her, feeling the slightest twinge of sympathy for her in this dishevelled state. He held out her bag. Tonks looked up at him with bloodshot eyes.
"Thank you," she whispered between sobs, and took it from him. He said nothing but placed a stiff hand on her shoulder. From him, that was something.
"Bet you reckon I'm a complete idiot," she said, her sobs slowing.
"Not at all," he said, sitting down beside her. "You are not the first and you will not be the last to fall for someone who does not reciprocate those feelings." He sounded like he was speaking from experience.
"I s'pose," whispered Tonks.
"Though you have not chosen the best of potential partners, it has to be said," Snape said not bitterly, but with a chuckle.
"You're telling me," she laughed. Tonks looked off into the distance and sighed.
"You know, I think you're being very patient with him," he began. "If I were you I'd have hexed him into oblivion long ago."
Tonks laughed. "Oh I've been tempted," she said, turning towards him. "But that wouldn't solve anything, it'd just push him further away."
"Would that be such a bad thing?" Snape asked earnestly.
"Who knows," Tonks said, staring up at the now starlit summer sky. "He knew, Sirius knew, he told me. He said that Remus felt the same. He said that Remus was just insecure, that I should make the first move. I promised him I would, just a few hours before he died. So I kept that promise, I told Remus what I thought he already knew and he threw it back in my face. I've never known him like that before, so angry, so full of hatred. I guess Sirius was wrong. Wouldn't be the first time."
This was the first ill-word against the late great Sirius Black Snape had heard since his departure. Tonks' honesty touched him, but Snape had no wish to hear more of his old school enemies, even if she was slighting them.
"We shouldn't linger," he said. "The pubs will be closing soon, we don't want to arouse any more suspicion than we already have."
"True that," Tonks said, hopping half-heartedly to her feet.
"Would you like me to escort you home?" Snape asked. He spotted her raised eyebrow adding "for security purposes, I assure you."
"Thank you," she whispered, smiling. Snape offered her his arm. Tonks took it and they walked through London's streets in reflective silence, each just glad to have a little well-meaning, unquestioning company.