Hey all! To get this out of the way Rimi and Samaru are based on my real-life friends! One of them is on this (or soon to be) site as KingdomHeartsDayDreamer. She is getting ready to post stories so if ya'll could read it, please do so or I'll have to drag out my box of kittens….It is really quite good, really romantic and fluffy. I'm the editor of them.

By-the-way, I have never played a single Final Fantasy game so I have probably butchered Tidus to an extreme in an attempt to make my own Self-esteem higher. I apologize sincerely for this but I won't fix it.

Ya'll have been so good to me with your reviews-I've only had to steal 50 kitten souls-so thank you! Not that every post has to be positive. I don't mind constructive criticism so if you have any suggestions, ideas, or whatever.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, Kingdom Hearts, Destiny Islands, Disney, Mickey Mouse, Squaresoft nor Cloud (though I wish I did) except for a few original characters. They belong to Sqauresoft and Disney. So DON'T SUE ME! Thank you and that shall be all.

Anyway, now that is out of my system ON TO THE CRAZY!

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Dr. Dumb admired his work from the balcony on the tree house. The fangirls were currently chasing down Sora and Riku, who had hidden themselves at the moment they had heard the squeals. His tiny feet hurt horribly.

He squinted into the distance. His body guard was no where in sight. He mumbled to himself, annoyed. At that moment, he heard a voice coming from inside the tree house.

"Am I a sexy beast or what?" the voice bragged.

Dr. Dumb looked in through the doorway. He could see that the voice belonged to Tidus, who was busy brushing his hair with a jeweled comb and, winking provocatively for his own reflection -seeing as how Selphie died- in the floor-length mirror.

Dr. Dumb smile impishly, his white teeth -fangs really- contrasted with his black skin, as he got an idea. Dr. Dumb was highly-skilled at throwing his voice, which was a useful talent especially when you are hiding from ex-girlfriends whom happened to be ten-times your own size. Why I must always go for the big girls, he would often say of that particular memory.

"Or what?" Dr. Dumb asked, throwing his voice rather well.

Tidus whirled around, trying to figure out who had just spoken, all in vain. "Who was that?" He asked, followed by a very lady-like scream.

"I am you. I am the voice in your head." He barely kept himself from snickering.

"What…? OH NO, YOU ARE BACK, AGAIN!"

'Back again?', Dr. Dumb thought quizzically. He shook his little head and said, "Er…Yes…of course! Now there are over a thousand girls outside waiting to meet you…us…so RUN TO THEM! They love you!"

"Yes, freaky-voice-in-my-head, I must meet these ladies!" Tidus smiled and tried to cock his eyebrow sexily, the effect, however, was the opposite. He flexed his muscles. "God, I am like soooo sexay!"

What a loser, Dr. Dumb thought, maybe, I should tell him to get therapy…?

Dr. Dumb quickly scrambled away to hide, snickering mockingly, as Tidus made his way out of the door and down to one thousand of his "loving fans".

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"Anna, get your sorry butt up and help search! I know Sora and Riku are nearby…I can smell their scent in the air." Rimi sniffed. "It smells like butterscotch and perfume really…with a hint of Axe…Oh, what a sweet scent! It smells like my Gamesquare controller!"

Anna took a step forward, only to trip over her own feet. She cursed colorfully and hopped up, hoping no one noticed.

"Sora is soooo sexay! Riku is a jack---," Rimmi stopped singing when she drew some angry glares from the nearby fangirls, "But still sexay!" she finished, hoping that she wasn't about to get pounced.

Samaru-who was 10 percent lobster, 10 percent anime fan, 5 percent human, 1/.8033 percent hamster and 85 percent something else-pushed her way through the crowd of girls. She was Anna's other crazy friend. They were all crazy now that Anna thought about it.

"Hey, Rimmi!" She screamed when she finally made it them. "Secret handshake!"

Rimmi and Samaru both started hopping around on one foot while making the calls of a dying bird. Then, they both did jumping jacks and screamed to each other in a language that they have dubbed "The Sora and Riku Fangirl" but outsiders have dubbed "Oh, my poor tortured eardrums".

Anna backed away slowly, making the signs of the cross with her fingers and whispering fervent prayers that she didn't know these people. Next, she slapped stickers for the National Lightsaber Association on her head. Nobody would mess with a jedi!

They still came closer, however, and, Anna had the sinking feeling in her stomach that these people weren't going to just go away. So she joined in on their secret handshake.

"God, Anna, you're embarrassing us! Just stop!" Rimi and Samaru both exclaimed in unison.

Anna stopped and stood for a moment. All the girls-human, fangirl and otherwise-stopped to listen as Tidus made his way through the crowd, screaming, "Wait your turn, Ladies!" and "There's enough of me to go around! Heh heh heh!" He even commented to one girl, "Hey babe, come here often?"

The girls all turned their heads away in disgust, until one girl screamed, "Sacrifice him in the name of Sora and Riku!"

The girls all squealed in agreement…except Rimi.

"Ya'll, can't do that!" She screamed. "He's a Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy character!"

"Why, thank you!" Tidus said, making his way toward Rimi. "Will you be my hot girlfriend since Selphie kicked the bucket?"
Rimi, disgusted, went on to say, "Even if he is a loser…"

"Hey! I hate you, you meanie-mean person!" He poked his lip out to a dangerously large level, when a fly, thinking it to be a landing pad, flew right on it. At this same moment he inhaled a large bit of air and the unfortunate fly. "Ewww! I ate a fly! Icky! Icky! Ewwwww!" He spat on the ground and rubbed his tongue with his finger, as if he could clean his tongue of all the fly's impurities. Poor fly.

This was when, looking up, he caught a glimpse of Samaru and Anna. He casually walked over to them.

"Hey babes-" He began but he was never able to finish on account of being surrounded by a million girls and tied with rope.

"Throw him in the sacrificial chamber pot!" One girl screamed.

The girls all nodded their agreement as they grabbed Tidus by his hair and dragged him behind them.

Tidus just smiled. He obviously had no clue where these girls were taking him or perhaps he thought it was to the sauna.

XXXXXXX

Dr. Dumb merrily skipped down the sandy beach, making tiny footprints in the sand. His plan was going great, his new goal in life to be rid of Sora was about to be complete.

He was thinking about this when he caught sight of Riku, sitting on the pier, probably thinking something stupid like "Are there other worlds out there?" or the what not.

Dr. Dumb saw this as his chance to strike at Sora through his friend. Oh, this would be so damn fun!

He sat next to the silver-haired boy. The boy glanced at him, his eyes went wide and, he jumped up.

"You're a heartless!" He screamed and pointed.

The therapist angrily rolled his eyes and glared at the boy. "Racist bigot, I'm also a therapist! I'm reformed!"

"You're a therapist!" He screamed louder, pointing frantically. "And reformed! Aghhh!"

"Yes and I offer you a FREE therapy session, seeing as how you need all the therapy you can get…" Dr. Dumb smiled, showing each of his white fangs.

The boy stopped screaming and pointing and simply started blinking rapidly, as if a heartless therapist giving a free therapy session was so hard to comprehend. What an idiot. Finally, he nodded his agreement, not knowing that this was all part of Dr. Dumb's plan.

"Now, sit, you idio-" He stopped thinking it wise not to call his patient an idiot, "extremely troubled but very much loved lump on a moogle's backside." Yes, that would work just nicely.

The boy sat, brushing his hair from his eyes. "Beneath this calm exterior," He began sobbing.

Dr. Dumb waited expectantly. Maybe he was about to tell a secret that would help him to kill Sora! Yes, that must be it!

"I have erotic fantasies of dancing hippos."

The heartless just stared at him stupidly, the only thought going through his head being 'what the hell!' and 'this boy's going to have to pay me for just putting such a stupid thought in my head!'

Riku sobbed into his knees. Dr. Dumb kicked him in his side and stomped off, yelling profanities as he went. It was time for plan B2.