Chapter 4 - The Grave
Gabrielle removed the last of the tack from the horse she had purchased at the port and placed it on the old rickety fencing. The post and rail wasn't in great condition but it was good enough to hold the horse for now especially as the grass in the small paddock behind the old inn was lush. She had watered the horse in a river just an hour before but she would have to look for a bucket to fill from the well later.
She left her tack and belongings by the fence for now, only picking up the wild flowers she had picked by the river, and headed around the side of the building. The inn was still dilapidated and empty even though the village just a few hundred yards away had slowly been brought back to life after the horrible haunting it had suffered prior to a couple of years before. It was sad to still see it empty and lifeless but she was also relieved that no one had moved in and tampered with Cyrene's home and the surrounding land.
Even after such a long period of not being cared for it looked in relatively good shape structurally because it was a strong and solidly built building. Ivy was growing up the walls though and the grass and plant life around it had grown high and unruly. The area at the front were the entrance to the underworld had opened up was still rough and disturbed but that was the only real evidence that something terrible had occurred there. If you didn't know that the disturbed land had been Lucifer's route to hell then it would simply look like someone had tried to dig down through the hard ground and gave up.
The unruly plant life hid what Gabrielle was looking for but she didn't need to see it to locate it. It was impossible for her to forget the place were she had buried Xena's ashes and she found the pile of stones and wooden cross she had erected immediately. The cross had been constructed from the wood of a walnut tree and its dark colouring reminded her of the warriors raven hair. She had not marked the grave as she didn't want any aggrieved warlord to find it and desecrate it. It was one of the reason's that she had placed it around the side of the building were it was less obvious to look. She had chosen the side facing due east so that the sun would now always rise on her soul mate and never set.
Seeing the grave again after two years brought an instant lump to her throat. All the emotion she had tried to contain and lockaway whilst in Eygypt felt like it was pouring out of her and she dropped to her knees. A strangled sob escaped the bard as she reached out and pressed her free hand against the cool rocks surrounding the cross. There still lay the remenants of the wild flowers she had placed there after building it, now just wispy dry strands that resembled hay. She had placed the same type of flowers then that she had with her now. When Gabrielle had seen them growing by the river it had felt right to bring them to the grave again.
The blonde brushed the old stalks out the way with the tips of her fingers and gently placed the red poppies and chamomile flowers down in their place. Apart from the fact the grass surrounding it was much higher than that day two years ago it now looked the same as she had left it. Silent tears ran down her face as painful memories rushed to the forefront of her mind.
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There was a slight breeze in the air which had cooled Gabrielle enough to allow her to make the cross, dig the small grave, collect the rocks and fill it in again all in one afternoon despite the blazing hot sun. Her skin was red hot and sticky from sweat and she felt exhausted but it was done. She had promised to take Xena's remains home and she had succeeded in doing so, burying her as near to her mother and brother as she dared without making the grave's location obvious.
Standing alone she stared at the dark wooden cross. As a bard she was usually excellent with words but in this moment they seemed to be failing her. Instead she focused on her handiwork. It was a good sturdy cross but it looked dull and sad with only the green grass surrounding it. It was then that she remembered the wild flowers she had seen growing down the edge of the dirt lane that led past the inn. Normally she would have appreciated their natural beauty as she passed but she felt too hollow to truly appreciate anything right now. Even the long voyage back from Japa had done little to relieve the numbness she felt inside. The flowers would make the grave less solemn, at least for a short while.
The blonde walked back around the inn and to the lane. There were several types of flowers there but some of them seemed to garish for the blonde's sad mood. Gabrielle had seen other's place red poppies on the graves of loved ones in remembrance to them so she picked several of them. The other flower she chose to pick was Chamomile because it reminded her of their travels together. They had often made chamomile tea in the evenings especially when they were camping out in the cold. Xena had been excellent brewing the tea and it had taken Gabrielle at least two years to get the technique right to make an equal quality of drink.
She walked back to the grave with the flowers in hand and placed them in a crevice of the stones she had used to help stabilize the cross. She had been tempted to make the marker another shape as the cross reminded her of crucifixions. They had found a way to cheat death the two times Xena had died on a cross but there seemed to be no way back to the world of the living this time. That chance had gone when the sun had set in Japa.
"You were the best thing in my world" Gabrielle began. "Leaving Potedia to travel with you was the best decision I have ever made and even now that you have left me alone I wouldn't change that decision for anything."
It was true. Gabrielle wouldn't trade the memories they had made together for all the jewels in the known world. She only wished that she didn't have to carry on without her.
"I barely feel like I can go on but I know I must. I know you would want me too. I know that one day we will meet again whether that is in the afterlife or our next life. Our souls will always fine one another. I lo... I love you Xena."
The blonde only just managed to get out her final sentence before her voice broke and tears sprung from her eyes. Her legs felt weak and buckled beneath her so she fell to her knees. All those tears she had held in for weeks finally poured out in a wave of raw emotion. In the end she curled up beside the grave and stayed there until morning.
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Gabrielle could feel a presence next to her and she glanced to find the vision of Xena crouching down alongside her. The brunette was smiling softly at Gabrielle and placed her hand on the bards elbow. Gabrielle could swear she could actually feel the warrior's palm against her own skin even though she wasn't really there.
"They're very beautiful" the apparition of Xena commented.
Gabrielle closed her eyes at the sensation of warm breath on her ear. It wasn't real but god it always felt like Xena was right there. The blonde had never dared to reach out for the warrior though for fear that when she tried to initiate contact there would be nothing forthcoming except the air.
"I didn't think you particularly appreciated beauty?" she finally responded after she had got a tiny bit of grip on her own emotions.
Gabrielle opened her eyes and looked to the other woman again. The brunette was still staring at her with her soft smile. It was an expression Gabrielle had seen time and time again from the other woman. In the early days when they travelled together Gabrielle had lived for the few moments when Xena would direct that affectionate look her way but as time went on the warrior had become a little more open, especially in times of hardship.
"I always appreciated you didn't I?" Xena replied with a wink.
"I'm not sure about the always part" the blonde quipped.
She knew that the warrior was referring to a physical appreciation and had certainly 'appreciated' Gabrielle many a time once they had transcended friendship to become lovers. There had been times when the two had disagreed and even clashed during their time together and she was sure the brunette hadn't appreciated those moments as much. The apparition of Xena just shook her head at the remark though and didn't dwell on it.
"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever clapped eyes on Gabrielle" the brunette said lovingly.
"Now I know this is my imagination" the blonde commented; "either that or the spirit world has made you soft."
The warrior squeezed Gabrielle's elbow, encouraging her to make eye contact. Blue eyes sparkled at the bard in a manner she had seen a thousand times or more when Xena was alive. She felt the same familiar fluttering of her heart in her chest that the look had enticed each and every time.
"Perhaps I just regret all those times I could have expressed how I felt but didn't because I just hoped you knew anyway" countered Xena.
Words had never been Xena's strong suit. Gabrielle had been the one who could express herself with words at any given opportunity. Most of the time Xena had expressed emotion through looks or actions but the bard had known that the warrior had cared from the start, even though it had taken a long time to finally know for sure how much.
"I did know" Gabrielle promised.
"Not always" Xena pointed out; mirroring Gabrielle's earlier response.
There had been times when they had felt so far apart it looked like they could never come back to one another...but they had always found a way. Perhaps there had even been moments were they doubted each others devotion but it had never been for long and usually the resolution had just strengthened their bond further. When Gabrielle had been at her lowest points Xena had always been there to pick her back up again and those were often the times the warrior had found the words to express herself with.
"But always when it really mattered" the bard clarified.
Her words drew a warm smile from the brunette who leaned in closer and placed a lingering kiss on her temple. Gabrielle closed her eyes and focused on the sensation until it began to fade. When she opened her eyes Xena was gone again.
The blonde climbed to her feet and went to retrieve her things. Her original plan had been to visit the grave and then move on to Potedia but she found that now she was here she didn't want to leave just yet. Somehow she felt closer to Xena just being at the former home of the warriors mother. It was closer than she had felt to her since leaving the shores of Japa. So instead she decided to stay in the old inn for at least a night.