Waking up next to Tim had been an unusual experience. Granted, they'd woken up together more than just a few times in the past, but that was past and had been for almost 5 years now. This was different. For starters, when they'd shared a bed previously, it had been a mutual thing, not her crawling into bed beside him when he was sleeping.
Sharing his bed had seemed like a good idea the night before, but now she wasn't so sure. She knew he wouldn't have minded if she stayed, but why hadn't she used the guest bedroom like before? It felt like she'd crossed a line somehow. She wasn't even sure why she'd decided to sleep in his bed. She knew she owed him an explanation- he'd looked so confused to find her there- but she needed to figure out why she'd done what she'd done first.
So she'd done her best to act normally, treat this as an everyday event and not something that could permanently change their relationship. She thought she'd succeeded, at least where he could see her. She'd let herself panic a little when he was in getting ready for work, but she'd hidden it by the time he walked down the hallway.
She sighed, exasperated with herself. What had possessed her last night? Something had stopped her from leaving him; a fear of losing him. But why had she reacted like that? The dread she'd felt had been stronger than it was when she'd learnt that Vance was splitting them all up after Jenny's death.
She passed through the security checkpoints at the entrance to the Navy Yard, turning into the NCIS staff parking. She got out of the car, heading for the headquarters building. Once she reached the quiet and privacy of her lab, she dug in her desk drawers for the small stock of makeup and toiletries she kept there, and then went down the hall to the bathroom. If any of the team saw her without her customary makeup on, they'd probably jump to the wrong conclusion. Well, partially the wrong conclusion anyway. She hadn't spent the night at home, just not in the way they'd assume.
Applying her makeup occupied her hands, but left her mind free. These few minutes of quiet before the usual flood of evidence into her lab were going to be the only she got before her lunch date with Tim, and she really needed to have some sort of explanation for him. It wasn't fair to leave him wondering.
So why had she turned up at his apartment in the middle of the night? Last night she'd convinced herself that it was a simple matter of wanting to welcome him home, and that was part of it. She'd missed him, and Gibbs; work just wasn't the same without them. But the team had arrived home from an out of town case in the middle of the night plenty of times. Would she have gone over to Tony's, or Ziva's, at 3am just because they'd been gone for a couple of days? The answer to that was obvious; she never would have even thought of doing so. The answer might have been obvious, but the reasons behind the answer were complex. Tim was her best friend, but that didn't really explain it either; Tony was like her brother. So why would she have gone over to Tim's place when she wouldn't do the same if it was Tony? And why was the fear of losing him so much stronger than her fear of losing the whole team?
She finished putting on her usual makeup and ran a brush through her hair, tying up her pigtails. She'd done the best she could at Tim's, but she'd stopped short of borrowing his comb. She figured she'd crossed enough lines for one day. Ready for the day, at least on the surface, she made her way back to the lab. She still had some time before she could reasonably expect any visitors.
She moved around her domain, getting her equipment ready for the day's work. Working with the MCRT, you never knew what you'd get thrown at you. Everything had to be ready to go. She worked on autopilot, her mind still turning over her many questions. Tony had said she was sublimating her missing Gibbs onto Tim; she'd laughed, but he'd been so far from right that it wasn't funny.
She'd missed Tim even more than she did when he'd been transferred. It was ridiculous, she knew. He'd only been gone 2 days. She guessed length of time didn't matter when you loved someone. She paused. Where did that thought come from? She dismissed it, telling herself that of course she loved Tim; he was her best friend and a platonic love was always going to be part of that bond. Hell, she'd told him that many times.
But somehow it rang hollow in her mind this time.