Chapter 4: Hollow Inside
Grimmjow felt a disturbance in the reiatsu around him, and his sharp ears picked up the soft sounds of mourning, emanating from where Tetsuya laid, within the alcove nearest him. He listened for a few minutes, expecting that the shinigami was dreaming of his lost husband, and that he would probably stop on his own. But the soft, keening sound continued, and tugged oddly at the corners of his memory.
"Stop. You're reiatsu is starting to fade," he pleaded urgently, holding Tesla's softly trembling form against his chest, "You have to find a way to go on without him. Don't you get it, you fool? He didn't love you! He didn't."
"Stop it!" Tesla sobbed, breaking free and striking at him with his bare hands, "Don't say that about M-master Nnoi...!"
"Listen to me!" he hissed, grabbing the fraccion's tormented face, "We've both lost people, Tesla! You and me. But it doesn't mean that we have to lose ourselves. Get a grip on yourself or..."
He forced the thought away roughly and stepped softly in Tetsuya's direction. He reached the bed and found the shinigami sitting up and turned away from him.
"I am s-sorry to have disturbed you, Grimmjow," he managed, putting a hand to his face and brushing away the tears.
"What are you talking about?" the Espada asked gruffly, "I was tired and need to rest. I just came to lie down. If you need to keep crying, go ahead. Just keep it down, because I need some sleep, okay?"
"Oh. Of course," Tetsuya answered, blinking and looking back at him curiously as Grimmjow laid down next to him and closed his eyes.
Distracted from his misery, Tetsuya instead gazed quietly down at the Espada, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as Grimmjow rested with his eyes closed. He couldn't help but admire the handsome face, more relaxed and not scowling so much as the Espada slept, the wilder, more feral scent of him and the hollow's lean, muscular body. He blushed, remembering the feel of Grimmjow's hands as they had held him and prepared him, the feel of that other strong body on top of him and straining for completion, and most poignantly, those ice blue eyes that told Tetsuya that he was not the only one who was hurting over a lost love.
He did love this other hollow, Tesla. He doesn't want to admit that, but it's true, just the same. I wonder...
"Grimmjow?"
"Ungh...?" the hollow grunted.
"I am sorry to bother you, but...I need balancing again."
"Huh?" the Espada huffed, sitting up and rubbing his hands over his face, "Okay, c'mere."
Tetsuya moved closer and remained relaxed as the Espada's arms encircled him from behind, then Grimmjow's warm hands slipped beneath his yukata and began to caress his rounded belly. A soft, pale blue glow rose around the two, shimmering lightly as the balancing commenced.
"That feel better?" Grimmjow asked in a sleepy voice, "You look more comfortable already."
"I am, thank you. Again, I am sorry to disturb you."
"T's okay. You can't help what you need and I don't mind helping you or I wouldn't do it."
"But it still must be an annoyance to you."
"Naw, not really," Grimmjow yawned, "It's kinda nice to touch someone soft and warm like you sometimes. I get enough burning anger and boring wasted hours. I'm not gonna complain about holding and touching you, especially now that you stopped crying."
"I don't feel so much like crying when you have your arms around me," Tetsuya admitted, "I know I need to be strong enough to stand on my own, and I will be again when I've given birth, but it does feel good to be held by someone strong too."
"Are you flirting with me?" Grimmjow chuckled, "It's dangerous to do that while I'm balancing you. I'm already hard from the connection it makes, see?"
The Espada's hand captured Tetsuya's and guided it to his inflamed member. Tetsuya's heart quickened instantly, but he kept his hand relaxed. Blushing, he cleared his throat softly and moved his fingers experimentally. Grimmjow emitted a sound somewhere between a growl and a purr, but said nothing. His ice blue eyes held Tetsuya's darker blue ones as the noble froze for a moment, wondering if he dared continue.
"You sure you really want to do that?" Grimmjow asked finally, "I wasn't trying to seduce you, but I'm not going to turn you down if you want to have sex. Just, if you're going to do that, then be prepared to go all of the way. Are you sure you don't want to stop that now? You didn't seem too thrilled when I fucked you before."
"I was a bit taken by surprise," Tetsuya answered tentatively, "We didn't know each other really at all. I've watched you a little more, and I'm not unwilling. We each have something to offer each other in the ways of assistance and comfort. That isn't wrong."
"I don't know if your elders would agree with you there."
"Over half of the noble elders are dead, and the ones who are left are going to be more tolerant, given the role that the hollows are playing in the war, I think."
"Look, you should know right now, it would just be while we're here, no drama afterward and no having you follow me back to Hueco Mundo, okay? You should really keep your options open, and when we get out of this, you should go to someone else to continue the bonding."
"I understand," Tetsuya replied, lowering his eyes, "I won't expect anything from you."
"And you won't cry over me when I leave you?"
"I will try not to. If I do, I won't let you see," Tetsuya promised.
"Fine," the hollow agreed, turning Tetsuya's head so that the shingami met him for a long, slow, open-mouthed kiss over Tetsuya's shoulder.
Tetsuya sighed and sank more deeply into Grimmjow's embrace, still caressing the aroused hollow's nether region as their bonding and kissing intensified. The noble turned suddenly, spreading his thighs and sliding onto the hollow's lap, bringing their erect members into contact and eliciting a pleased snarl from the Espada. Grimmjow barely remembered what his hands were supposed to be doing as Tetsuya's hips moved, causing powerfully erotic friction and making him growl more threateningly.
He barely held onto his composure as the bonding came to an end and he wrapped his large hands around the noble's soft, round bottom, moving with him as they kissed more aggressively. Grimmjow felt a warning jolt in his belly at noting that Tetsuya's eyes remained opened and focused steadily on his as they continued to make love.
"Maybe you shouldn't keep looking at me like that," he panted in the noble's ear, "Too much eye contact and it'll be harder to walk away later. Trust me."
"Your eyes are too enchanting to look away from," Tetsuya whispered, kissing his way down Grimmjow's pale throat, then running his soft, pink tongue along a long collarbone, "I cannot help it."
"Wh-whatever," the Espada groaned, his loins throbbing with desire as the pretty, blue-eyed shinigami crawled down his chest, caressing him with affectionate hands and teasing with that delightfully feisty tongue, "Don't say I didn't warn you."
Tetsuya didn't answer, but continued to meander slowly down the hollow's slim, muscular torso, pausing at his midsection to explore the hole in his body. His fingers slid calmly over every inch, first the edges, then moving gradually inside, and as the gentle touches continued, the warm blue glow around them intensified.
"Stop it...I c-can't...might fire a damned cero if you keep that up!"
Tetsuya paused and kissed his way around the opening, then met Grimmjow's eyes as he traced the opening with his fingertips.
"They say that a hollow hole is made when a soul is not saved by a shinigami and sent to Soul Society. The dark emotion that results fills the heart and the heart is lost. The missing heart becomes the mask and is what gives the hollow his unique power. It makes me wonder, Grimmjow. Do you remember not being a hollow?"
"No, not really," the Espada answered, narrowing his eyes, "When we become hollows, we forget being human. So, we lose all sense of what made us what we are. It isn't until we grow strong and begin to regain our minds that some begin retrieving memories. Most of us don't want to remember."
"I see. Remembering is painful."
"Yeah."
"Are you aware that shinigamis don't really kill hollows?"
"What?" Grimmjow mumbled, frowning, "What do you mean?"
"The shinigami blade cuts away the dark emotion, freeing the soul from his mask and powers and sending him to Soul Society, thus righting the wrong of having allowed the soul to be corrupted in the first place. The reason that hollows perceive this as 'killing' is because their power comes from the lost heart. Once the heart is returned by cutting away the dark emotion, the soul returns to its original state."
"Huh, well don't go getting any ideas about 'helping me out' okay? I am just fine with who I am. I've got no use for who I was. You get it?"
"Yes."
Tetsuya's head bowed and he returned to offering the Espada gentle stimulation below his navel and moving downward.
"Hah...ah!" Grimmjow groaned, sweat breaking out on his forehead as he sank his long fingers into Tetsuya's silken hair and urged him to move lower.
Softened lips treasured the sensitive white flesh of the hollow's lower abdomen, lingering over the area, while his hand caressed the hollow's piqued privates, making Grimmjow growl and writhe fitfully as the pleasure and feelings of longing increased. He felt the weight of Tetsuya's blue eyes still watching him shamelessly.
This is reckless. We should stop. He isn't the kind who just fucks someone for the company or pleasure. It really means something to him. I should never have let this happen.
But he felt Tetsuya's hands come to rest on his sweat misted thighs, pushing them apart, while he laid down between them, pausing to take in the hollow's wild, wanton scent, then descending eagerly on his nether region. Grimmjow watched with the eyes of one watching a disaster unfold before his eyes, knowing what was probably going to happen, but helpless to stop it as Tetsuya's ministrations crashed easily through all of his defenses.
"F-fuck!" he gasped his hips rising off of the bed and his eyes closing tightly, while heavy throbs of intense pleasure brought him slowly to the very ends of his wits.
"Tetsuya!" he moaned, fully cognizant of how it sounded, spoken with such longing and ringing with an aching need for completion.
Tetsuya breathed his name onto the hollow's blushing skin, continuing to pleasure him and never taking his eyes off the lovely spectacle that was Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. And just when he was sure that the Espada couldn't get any more beautiful than being splayed out on his back with his legs spread and his body flushed, fully exposed and tensed with arousal, Grimmjow loosed a long, desirous howl, his body glowing almost blindingly, then beginning to change.
His blue hair lengthened and his hands darkened and grew into razor sharp claws. His eyes darkened and grew even more fierce, and his blue hair lengthened until it ran down his back. On each side of his head, his ears grew longer, more furry and pointed.
"Grimmjow!" Tetsuya gasped, going perfectly still as the Espada overthrew him and brought him down on his back, "Are you...are you going to...?"
"Are you scared now?" the hollow snarled in his ear, making Tetsuya quiver beneath his hands, "You should be. My instinct to kill is hard to control in this form. But you wanted me to give you everything, every bit of me, didn't you?"
"Y-yes!" Tetsuya panted, his heart pounding so fast that his ears rang warningly, "I want all of you!"
He sat back, allowing the shaken noble to crawl onto his lap.
"I can't prepare you right because my claws might hurt you," the Espada apologized, grabbing Tetsuya's bottom and positioning him carefully, "Sorry, it might be painful."
Tetsuya's frightened eyes fixed on the Espada's dangerously aroused ones, and slowly he lowered himself, joining their hungry, trembling bodies. Grimmjow tried to hold the noble still to give him time to adjust, but even though he clenched his jaw in reaction and gave a shuddering groan as their bodies were joined, Tetsuya began moving almost instantly, making the Espada's claws tighten slightly in reaction and barely breaking the skin on the shinigami's pale shoulders.
"Oh!" Grimmjow groaned loudly, unconcerned about the noise he was making and finding himself smiling as Tetsuya's erotic utterances only made him thrust harder and faster, "Holy hell!...Oh...ah...gods! You're killing me! You're fucking killing me, Tetsuya!"
He wasn't sure quite how it happened, but one moment, he was reclined with the shinigami writhing in his lap, and the next he had Tetsuya on his hands and knees on the bed, his head lowered and his hands clenching the bedding tightly.
"Oh! Oh kami!" he panted furiously, gasping as Grimmjow roared atop his back and Tetsuya felt himself being filled with long jolts of blinding heat. He screamed in surrender, and his hollow instincts roaring to the fore, Grimmjow felt a sudden, crushing impulse to simply devour the shinigami, then and there. Hissing with fury, he instead threw Tetsuya over onto his back and dropped down between his shaking thighs, making the shinigami tremble harder as Tetsuya felt those sharp claws threatening. Then, the Espada's mouth descended on him, leaving all levity behind as Grimmjow's ministrations made him give himself over to completion with a final, ringing cry.
Tetsuya groaned, so dipped into pleasure that his body couldn't move, but laid helpless, while Grimmjow rested his face on the undone noble's hip and smiled up at him.
"Well, I didn't eat you that time," he chuckled, "I can't make any promises about next time. You were reckless to rile me that much. I could have killed you."
Tetsuya gave him a disarming smile.
"Then, I would have died happy," he sighed, "I don't know why, but being with you takes away some of the weight of everything. For some reason, as long as you're here, I feel like everything will be all right."
"That's just the afterglow, baka," Grimmjow snapped softly, dragging himself up to sink warmly into the shinigami's waiting arms.
They laid quietly together, Tetsuya's eyes still open and fixed on Grimmjow, watching raptly as the Espada's released form faded and he returned to his more natural state.
"Grimmjow?"
"Hmm?"
"You were really lovely like that."
"And dangerous, fool!" the hollow reminded him, "You shouldn't do that to me again."
"I will try to be more careful next time."
"Good. Now, get some rest. After you sleep and eat a little, you're going to help me with the research I'm working on. Urahara-san needs it as soon as it can be gathered."
Tetsuya turned his back and the Espada curled around him, reaching an arm around his waist and letting his hand rub the noble's rounded belly as they began to drift off together.
What am I doing? I should know better than this. This is a shinigami, and a guy who doesn't know how to protect his heart at all. That's the kind that always gets hit the hardest by the shit life deals them. But, he's not so much like Tesla. He cries, but it's to slough off the heavy emotion. And he's pregnant, so he's gonna get emotional. He can't help that.
Fuck, why does he have to be so damned cute...so warm and alive...so damned beautiful? How in the hell am I supposed to walk away?
Tetsuya stirred in his arms, sighing softly and cuddling closer, a calm, contented look taking over his comely face.
I'll deal with it later. For right now, I just need to focus on getting that information Urahara-san needs.
Grimmjow felt a warm throbbing in his loins as he remembered the way that Tetsuya had made love to him.
No wonder that other guy loved him. When Tetsuya gives someone his heart, he gives it all and holds nothing back.
So, why would he give his heart to someone who already promised to break it?
He stole another glance at Tetsuya's calm sleeping face and sighed heavily.
One lovely blue eye opened and fixed on him.
"Are you all right, Grimmjow?" he asked sleepily.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Go back to sleep."
"But, I'm not so tired anymore."
"Well, I am, so shut up and go back to sleep."
Tetsuya chuckled softly and burrowed into the Espada's shoulder.
He can still smile, Grimmjow mused, even after all of the death and loss around him. I've never met anyone like that before.
Never.