Chapter Four
It's not every night that you hear your brother shout about how much he hates you, so when Michelangelo tried to sleep, he failed. His nightmares haunted him anyway, but now he felt alone. Michelangelo had monophobia, which is the fear of being alone, and this made his nightmares ten times worse. All Michelangelo drempt about was times when Raphael was shouting at them or hurting them. Even after Raphael had apologised, Michelangelo was still upset about what his brother had said. As he began to fall asleep, a memory haunted him.
Raphael was shouting at Donatello, but Donatello was used to it. He stood there, taking the vicious insults that Raphael was shouting.
"I'm sorry, Raph, I didn't mean to annoy you. If you could please just sit down and stop shouting, we can talk about this. I would like to know what I have done so wrong to deserve this verbal abuse. I-" Donatello was cut off by Raphael punching him in the face. Donatello's nose bagan bleeding violently. He clasped his three-fingered hands over his bleeding nose and tears built up in his pained eyes.
"Don...I-I'm so s-sorry…" Raph stuttered as Leo came to Donatello's side.
"RAPH! WHAT THE SHELL!"
"Leo...it..w-was an accident…"
"YOU COULD HAVE REALLY HURT HIM! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? HE WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU!"
Raphael did not reply. Instead, he just sat down on the couch next to Michelangelo.
"Mikey...I'm sorry…"
"For?"
"Hurting Donnie…he was trying to help me…I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!"
Michelangelo woke up with a yelp. Donatello opened the door. "Everything okay?"
"Raph hurt you! He hit you and then your nose was bleeding and I was watching and he was terrifying and then he starts shouting about how much of an idiot he is! I don't want him to hurt anyone!"
Donatello remembered that time, but Raphael had never apologised for it. Donatello sat by Michelangelo and smiled gently.
"It was just a dream. It..uh..never really happened."
After hearing that, Michelangelo relaxed and fell asleep. Donatello walked back to his own room and reflected on how violent Raphael was, even though he'd never hurt them on purpose, and how he'd apologise over and over again straight away when he had realised what he had done. "Maybe...maybe he's just-" Donatello said aloud. He was cut off by the sound of Raphael stomping down the stairs. Donatello decided to go and speak to Raphael.
"Why am I always the one to hurt them? Always upsetting them and ...yet...they...still...care…" Raphael said, getting quieter the more he spoke. Donatello hated to see this and lent over the railings at the top of the stairs.
"It's not entirely your fault. I understand that you have a temper and a lot of people do, too. I know that you say things or do things that you regret afterwards, and I don't know how much of the arguments you enjoy…" Raphael looked up at Donatello.
"I'm s-sorry." He was very quiet and his apology was barely audible. Raphael stood up and grabbed a sai from the dojo.
"Raph, do you remember that time where you punched me in the face? And made my nose bleed for ages?"
Raphael nodded, avoiding eye contact with Donatello. He didn't want Donatello to see him upset, also because he still remembered watching Donatello wilt from the pain.
"Well...um...I forgive you and I'm sorry for not listening to you. Mikey said that you called yourself an idiot afterwards...I just want to know if you really thought you were or are an idiot." Raph sighed and nodded again then threw his sai at the wall. Causing it to get wedged in the concrete.
"Raph...I…" Donatello didn't know what to say. He walked down the stairs and sat by Raphael.
"You don't get it! I heard you talking to Mikey! He remembers it too! I'm hurting you guys without realising until the damage had been done! I'm sorry okay? I don't know what else to do because nobody wants to listen! I'm more of a screw up then Mikey!" Tears built up in Raphael's eyes for the first time in 14 years. The last time he'd cried was when he was 1 and had fallen down the stairs, but he cried because he hurt Leo as he fell. He couldn't bare to look at Donatello, but Donatello had already seen his teary eyes. Raphael didn't want to look for two reasons. One was because he was crying and didnt want anybody to know, and the second reason was because of the fact that there was a faint, hardly noticeable scar on Donatello's face from the time Raphael had punched him in the face. A lot harder then the time he gave Donatello a nose bleed.
"Raph...please...look at me. I know you're crying. It's okay..."
"N..no I'm not..." Raphael denied the fact that he was crying, but the thickness and his wavering, stuttering voice said otherwise.
"I'm here for you, just talk to me. I forgive you for everything and I'm sorry for not realising so Ioner." Raphael looked up at Donatello and dried his eyes. He told him everything. How he'd always feel hated and useless, how he hated the arguments, how he hated himself for what he has done and how he never realised what he was doing until after he'd done it. By the end of his explanation, he had broken down into waterfalls of tears and Donatello was really shocked. Raphael would never open his emotions to anyone. He kept it to himself and that's the way it stayed...until now...that is.
"Please, don't tell anyone else..." Even though Raphael didn't specify what he meant, Donatello knew that he was talking about the crying. Raphael was almost begging.
"Sure, bro. It's 1AM...I think you should get to sleep. I mean, it's been a long day and I can see you're tired. So am I." Donatello stood up, he was about to walk away when he heard a quiet:
"Im s-sorry, Don...for everything I ever did that hurt you and Mikey and Leo...t-thanks for l-listening to me..."
Donatello turned around. He put his hand on Raphael's shoulder and said:
"It's ok. I'm always here to help you guys. Goodnight, bro." Donatello smiled and walked into his room. Falling asleep almost immediately. Raphael dried his eyes again and sighed.
"They might have forgiven me...but I don't know if I can..." He slowly climbed the stairs and stepped into his room. Falling into his bed and slept straight away.