A/N Yay the story is finally getting started. I wonder if perhaps this is bordering on obsession, its been a while since the shows finished, and even longer since B/A but I cant seem to let it go. As much as I want to enjoy the shows I cant help but feel mad at them for making changes that just aren't right, it makes me want to inflict punishment on Mr Whedon (who owns them along with Fox or Mutant Enemy or whoever else may be tempted to sue me if I didn't state that they no way belong to me) I also think my slight obsession with David Boreanaz may have something to do with it (Speaking of, how funny is the new series of Bones?? Love it..getting ideas for a Bones/Buffy crossover too but I'll finish this first dw). Sooo anyways, here we are years after the fact, still obsessed (but isn't that what makes them so great?) and still correcting the wrongs that were committed. Please review and let me know if I need to stop blabbering at the beginnings of my chapters lol...oh and about my story too of course. Constructive criticism welcome, just plain mean...not so much.

The first movement Buffy gave out except staking the vamp was a slight stiffening of her spine as she felt a very faint stirring of the tingle that let her know when her mate was near. She tried to concentrate on it but it was almost like an echo or a shadow so she told herself it was just wishful thinking. She got up from her perch atop the stone and headed out of the cemetery deciding there was going to be no further action that night.

Walking slowly back to her dorm which she now shared with Willow, she wished for the night to end. Tomorrow morning, she would wish for the day to end and night to have fallen. She didn't so much notice the days and nights these days. On her outer level she did, the one that had the fake smiles ready for her friends and the updates for her watcher. That Buffy could fool a king into buying his own castle off her.

She attended her classes and after the first week of getting nothing she actually started to absorb the information they were giving her. During the day she buried herself into study yet keeping most of it to herself so that not even Willow noticed her sudden academic abilities. She stared at her text book for endless minutes that Willow thought were because she did not understand the work or because she was bored. It was however because Buffy had read and absorbed the information the first time and during class and was free to settle back into her empty shell.

It helped that Willow had Oz and was wrapped up in her studies so had less time to spend with Buffy. Of course that could also be the major avoiding techniques Buffy was using on not just Willow but Xander, Giles and her Mom too. It wasn't as if they made an effort either and she found there really wasn't much to talk about with them any more. They expected her to be over Him, to be able to move on just like that. Like when she had runaway after she sent Him to hell, it had been selfish apparently.

It was alright for them, they had moved on to there jobs or college life, Giles even had dates but for Buffy it was still nightly patrols and the constant nagging about new dangers. In high school they had wanted to be a part of the slaying, insisted against her wishes, now however its like they suddenly thought all that stuff had gone away.

When she had seen Willow she was pushing her to go out and socialize more, go on a date etc. Xander had agreed the one or two times she had seen him recently. A few times when Buffy had turned up at Giles he had been on his way out so after a brief chat had left Buffy to lock up. It was those times Buffy took advantage of Giles extensive book collection without raising any suspicion of what she was doing. Not that she knew exactly what she was doing but she had to fill the emptiness with something.

It was also why she was taking extra classes now. She found a scheme at the college that assigned you a supervisor and work for the course that let you do the course in your own time around your main studies, as long as you kept your grades up you could take part in the schemes. She suspected Willow thought she was getting help with her current classes if she noticed anything at all and Buffy did nothing to change that. Through this she had almost finished the qualifications for History and English Literature, she was just waiting for the final assignment to be marked. She knew He was the reason for her sudden taking to these subjects, glutton for punishment sprung to mind. Only Psychology was with Willow so she didn't have to make excuses up for any other time she spent on campus and for that she was grateful. This was something she was doing for herself and it was no one else's business. If she put a name to it she would have to call it a survival technique. She was keeping her mind busy away from anything else. It just so happened it kept her cooped up inside a lot away from people and sunlight and she was fine with that.

Whilst Buffy was empty, her days were filled with academic study, her evenings spent pretending to normal to her friends or Mom or watcher or spent with demonic study and her nights filled with patrol and sleeplessness. It was then that everything she tried so hard to ignore during the day, the thoughts of Him surfaced. No matter how much she filled her day, the night made her fade a little more. She trained harder that ever and normally for longer than she used to, but even then the movements were methodical and she rarely used the extra strength during patrol anyway.

At first Giles had been impressed with his slayers new found focus on her slaying ad had been proud of her. Although he was still, he was now worried as well. He looks upon her as a daughter and therefore perhaps notices more than he should. She is paler and thinner than before, with her eyes growing darker as each day passes. At first he knew she was suffering from heartache and would need some time so he was pleased at her focus. He knew Willow and Xander would be there for her too so hadn't worried too much as he was taking advantage of his new found freedom too.

Then he has started to notice little things, books slightly out of place, the number of times he had seen Buffy, Willow and Xander all in one place for anything other than research. Her lack of complaining at said research and her sudden competence at withdrawing information from texts and finding answers, sometimes even quicker than himself. Whilst he always knew Buffy was smarter than she let on, it still sparked a warning within him. This only got worse as he noticed her physical changes. He had left her to finish of her training once and when he had returned for a jacket an hour later she had still been training even after their session had been longer than usual. He also took note of her change in style. Paying extra attention after this he had noticed her lack of wit and remarks although there were a few here and there which she seemed to give only to placate her friends and reduce attention to herself. She smiled but it fell as soon as the other person had turned away and never, not once had he seen it reach her eyes. His slayer was very very clever he realised, whether she knew it or not. She gave just enough to seem some what normal but not enough for it to be real. As the weeks and then months had passed, his worry had grown.

He tried to deny it as long as he could but he knew the reason she was this way. Angel. He knew she was in love with him but it had taken the past few months to contemplate the depth of their feelings for each other. He knew Angel hadn't wanted to leave, not really, and had only done so because he had believed it best for Buffy. As had he until recently. She had not bounced back as usual, she had not confided in her friends, in fact she did everything in her power to seem fine. Exactly as they all expected her to be he realised.

It had taken some time but he knew Angel was not his demon and had he been in control Jenny would still be here. It was never Angels fault to begin with, he hadn't known about the curse and he was not a soul less demon. Yet he had tried to make amends, amends for sins that were not his to begin with. He finally put his angst aside and realised he had also missed the intellectual conversations they had been able to have together and the worry that had been reduced knowing Buffy had Angel watching her back. Now he was faced with the dilemma of how to fix the problem. He had spoken to Wesley and found out that he had met up with Angel and had been working with him in LA. He was surprised by this at first after all Wesley had been one of the ones who was down the line and by the book when he had first arrived in Sunnydale. As time had gone by their telephone conversations had gotten longer and he had noticed the changes in Wesley, he had enjoyed conversations about both different demons and theories and worry over their champions. Angel was not the most talkative or social person to begin with apart from with Buffy but now it was even worse. He was cutting himself off from most interaction which was a pretty amazing feat considering he was working with Cordelia as well now. Giles and Wesley had both been researching in everywhere imaginable to find a way to bind Angels soul, at first for safety but increasingly more so for his slayer. They had finally had a breakthrough yesterday and Wesley went to apparently sing for a demon verifying the ritual. Not sure how to broach it with Buffy had left the book out with a few pages bookmarked so she would find it but hopefully not be suspicious. She hadn't said anything during their calls though and he wondered if she had found it at all.

Buffy arrived back at the dorm and methodically got ready for bed, she didn't want to sleep though, didn't want to dream. She slid out a book she had 'borrowed' from Giles and began to learn about Nevlark demons. She had never encountered one and they were believed to be extinct in this dimension but better to be safe than sorry she thought. Before long however the book slipped from her grasp down the side of the bed and Buffy fell asleep.

She was on the beach again watching the sunset. Sand slipping between her toes as her heart washed away with the tide. The familiar presence slowly crept up on her and a moment later his arms slid round her waist to hold him tight against his chest.

"How did you find me?"

"If I was blind I would still see you"

"Not for much longer you won't"

"What do you mean Buffy?"

"Soon I won't be there for you to see, soon it'll be too late, you will look but you won't see"

"What won't I see? What will I be too late for Buffy?"

"Me Angel. You won't find me, I'll be there but I won't be, I'm all broken Angel"

"You're not broken Buffy, it will get better, I promise"

"Oh Angel don't you know by now, your promises don't mean much any more"

"Buffy I never wanted to hurt you, I never intended to break my promises"

"But you did Angel, over and over. You never intend it yet you have the power to hurt me the most and now I'm hurt so much I'm broken"

"Stop saying that" He went to loosen his arms to spin her to face him but she held on tight.

"I can stop saying it but it won't make it any less true and you will still know deep inside yourself"

"What do you want Buffy? What do you want me to do?"

Letting out an ironic chuckle Buffy answered "Now you ask me? Is there any point me even telling you Angel? You won't listen, or you will give me every answer under the sun to make me wrong and to justify your actions"

"I'm trying to do what's right" Now Buffy did pull away and turn to face him.

"What's right for you or for me?" The sadness had infiltrated her tone and her body was slumped as she looked at him. "I'm tired, I'm broken, I don't want to do this any more"

"What do you mean, what don't you want to do any more?"

Buffy had started to walk away and when she turned back a blade protruded from her chest and blood started spreading from the wound.

"Step one Angel, I'm broken, what are you going to do?"

"Buffy, no, Buffy" Angel started forward after her as she faded out of sight. "Buffy! BUFFY!"

Buffy woke up and looked down expecting blood and found none, another dream another restless night. When was it going to end? She only felt alive in her dreams when He was there. She didn't want to feel alive however, that hurt. She had had enough of being hurt. Learning didn't hurt, information didn't hurt, it was facts and information, probably why she absorbed it like a sponge at the moment. The fact her friends hadn't noticed her almost robotic state was a testament to the fact that they had grown apart and they were getting on with their lives. Its not that she didn't care, well actually it kind of was that. She didn't want anything bad to happen to them but the way they had completely ignored how much His leaving had affected her and how they kept pushing her to move on and 'get over it' had put a heavy strain on their friendship. Add that to the fact that neither of them seemed to even notice and things didn't look good. Her Mom still didn't understand the whole slaying gig, always asking her to consider changing colleges and moving away or to stop slaying r look to date a 'normal' boy. It had got to the stage where Buffy didn't want to talk to anyone and listen to them tell her how to live her life. She had only been looking after the world for the last four years, but apparently she couldn't make decisions for herself, He thought so too. That's why she was in this mess. She knew she was in trouble, well some might call it trouble. Inside she had given up, going through the motions she presumed. Not really caring what happened, she only studied and trained so much to fill her days and stop the thoughts that plagued her mind. Broken she thought, and no one able to fix her. Half of a soul that was dying more and more day by day, it wouldn't take long for her body to follow.

Noticing her answer phone beeping she pressed the button.

"Buffy? Its Professor Dawson, your final assessments has been marked, I must say though I shouldn't, that they were excellent work and you can come pick up your qualifications today. I do wish you would let us celebrate your achievements though. Any time before 12 is good. Bye Buffy"

Buffy deleted the message and felt a slight surge of pride before it died away, after all, what good was the bit of paper anyway? She would probably die before putting them to any use.

The phone next to her rang and jarred her from her thoughts.

"Hello?" Even over the phone Buffys voice was flat and emotionless.

"Buffy? Its Giles, could you come over as soon as possible please?"

"Sure, I have to do something for class and then I'll be there"

"I shall see you shortly then. Bye Buffy"

"Sure"

Buffy hung up the phone and got up from bed heading for the shower. Today she had to go pick up her certificates then go make nice at Giles'.

Hours later Buffy sat in the cemetery once again on top of a gravestone waiting for some action. So Angels soul could be bound and he needed her blood. She had found a few references of it but hadn't put much stock into it, especially as she hadn't wanted to ask Giles' advice because then he would know she was looking through his books. Besides they all thought she was over him, right? She knew she would go through with the ritual, give Angel some peace of mind and the possibility of a future with someone else as he obviously didn't want one with her.

At that thought Buffy's eyes started to tear before she pushed them away and noticed a movement in her peripheral vision. Gripping the stake tighter she watched five vampires advancing. Swinging her stakeless hand round she hit three in succession before following with her leg to kick the other two back. Spinning round quickly she staked one directly through the heart. A fist, that she normally would have avoided caught her in the side of her head as she twisted back around to stake a second vamp. They weren't all that old, but not fledglings either. She knew she was distracted and forced her mind to concentrate. Quickly dispatching two more vamps she rounded on the last one. Five seconds later it was dust in the wind.

Heading home she drew on her reserve strength to get her through the next few days. After that she didn't much care, Angelus wouldn't be able to get free, Angel could move on, her friends could go back to their normal life, not that they weren't already and she could finally have some peace.

A/N I really hated most of this chapter, I needed to start bringing the story in and I wanted to show what had been going on around Buffy and the others and this is what came out. I'm writing this story at work on a Saturday and I got ¾ of the way through last Saturday and had to finish today so I lost the flow abit. I'm trying to get a few chapters done before I upload so you guys can get a good idea of the story before you tell me how bad it is. Sorry about the crappiness but should all go uphill from here. Review Review Review and give me your thoughts!! I'll keep them in a jar! OK well I won't but they will help with my story and your reading pleasure...pretty please??