Claraowl: As promised, here is the evil plot of Kasumi and Hoshi. ^^

I own nothing that you recognize.

The quote was, for those who were wondering, "It was funny… because it was true." Kudos to krikanalo, who guessed it first. I apologize for the Rock-Dagger-Book-Wizard-Owl confusion.

This chapter is dedicated to a friend of mine, who forced me to watch a certain pair of movies; which movies they were shall soon be painfully obvious. Enjoy!

"Tamaki-sempai, Tamaki-sempai," Haruhi grinned, tugging on his sleeve, "do you want to play a game with me?"

"A game?" Tamaki asked excitedly. "Of course I do!"

"We want to play, too!" Hikaru and Kaoru exclaimed, appearing at Haruhi's shoulders.

She turned around and gave them her famous half-oval stare. "No," she stated bluntly, "this is a game for Tamaki-sempai only."

"My little girl wants to play with me!" he sang, spinning in circles. Tamaki was too busy being ecstatic over this news to notice the small, devilish wink that Haruhi sent the twins.

She turned back around and pulled a large jar of dirt out of her bag. "Sempai, this is my jar of dirt. If you correctly guess what's inside it, you get a prize."

Hikaru and Kaoru grinned wickedly and began to sing.

/I've got a jar of dirt!

/I've got a jar of dirt!

/I've got a jar of dirt

/And guess what's inside it!/

Tamaki considered his options quite seriously for a moment and then, quite seriously, answered, "Dirt."

Haruhi gasped. "How did you know?"

"Did I get it right?" Tamaki squealed. "What's my prize?"

"Maybe it's a picture of her from elementary school," Hikaru suggested slyly.

"Or maybe it's permission to visit her," Kaoru beamed.

Haruhi shook her head solemnly. "It's even better than that."

"What is it?" Tamaki shrieked, his mind swirling with the many possibilities.

"Unfortunately, you will never know, as you didn't get it completely correct," Haruhi informed him, causing his high hopes to burn from within. "Your consolation prize," she added cheerily, "is that you get to see what's inside the jar of dirt." She then held out the jar for him to take.

Tamaki reached for it and, in his excitement, naturally dropped it on the floor; predictably, it broke, causing dirt to fly in all directions.

Haruhi looked up at him very slowly. "That was my favorite jar of dirt, sempai – my very favorite." She half-turned to Mori – who had, of course, appeared when he heard the jar shatter, in case help was required – and informed him, "Mori-sempai, Tamaki-sempai broke my very favorite jar of dir—" Quite abruptly, she cut herself off and dropped to her knees, staring at what had been her jar of dirt.

"Haruhi?" Mori inquired softly, concerned.

"It's gone," she said in hushed, panicked tones. "It's gone… it's gone!"

"What's gone?" Tamaki asked nervously.

Haruhi looked up at him with wild eyes. "The heart," she whispered, "it's gone."

"Heart?" Hikaru and Kaoru repeated blankly. "Whose heart?"

Haruhi raised one arm and slowly pointed in the direction of the nearest ocean – it was a mere, delicious coincidence that a certain king of the host club happened to be standing there.

Tamaki chose that moment to pass out.

Many hours later, at the Fujioka residence, Haruhi put down her rather engrossing book to answer an impatiently ringing phone. "Hello?"

"It's me," came an obviously grinning voice from the other end of the line.

"Funny, I always thought that talking to yourself was the first sign of madness," Haruhi smirked, recognizing the voice.

"No, that's only when you argue with yourself or inanimate objects and lose," came the rapid-fire reply.

"Interesting; to clarify, when you argue with yourself or inanimate objects and win, are you then sane?"

"Naturally."

"What's up, Misty-Eyes?" Haruhi laughed.

"The ceiling," Kasumi snickered.

"What's new?" Haruhi asked, knowing what reply was to come.

"New York, New Jersey, New Mexico, New Zealand, and New Orleans," Kasumi giggled.

"What about New Hampshire?" Haruhi retorted,

"Touché, ma cherie," Kasumi replied.

"So," Haruhi began.

"—a needle pulling thread," came the second part.

"Anyway," Haruhi intoned, and then paused.

"—you want it, that's the way you need it," sang Kasumi.

"I see," Haruhi smirked.

"Tundra!" Kasumi exclaimed, hugging her two Siberian Huskies to her. Icy and Tundra licked her arms.

"Now that we've gotten the preliminaries out of the way," Haruhi snickered, "why are you calling, Kasumi?"

"Did you do your Dare?" Kasumi asked excitedly, obviously bouncing up and down in excitement.

"Yes," Haruhi smirked. "He fell for it hook, line, sinker, and literally – he fainted. You, my dear, are delightfully evil."

"No more so than you or Hoshi," Kasumi sniggered modestly.

"Yes, but this plan reeks of you," Haruhi retorted.

"True, but Hoshi gave me the original idea – she sang the song at me – and you executed it," the nearly-never-misty-eyed girl replied. "Did you say that he fainted?"

"Indeed I did," Haruhi beamed. "He was standing in the direction of the nearest ocean."

Kasumi shrieked with laughter. "That's utterly perfect! Did you get a picture?"

"No," Haruhi replied, "but I'm sure that Hikaru, Kaoru, or Kyoya-sempai did."

"Excellent," Kasumi muttered, holding the phone with her shoulder so that she could rub her hands together evilly.

"You do realize that I'm still mad at you, right?" Haruhi asked, smirking into the phone.

"Why, whatever for?" Kasumi asked in mock-horror.

"That was my very favorite jar of dirt," Haruhi informed her, her voice quite serious as she held in her laughter.

"I offer my sincerest apologies," Kasumi answered with equal gravity, muffling a guffaw.

"They are accepted," Haruhi nodded, her grin splitting her face neatly into one-third and two-third pieces. "Next week, here, then?"

"Naturally," Kasumi grinned in reply. "Good day, Haruhi."

"Good day, Kasumi," Haruhi returned, and hung up.

Simultaneously, in two different parts of town, they burst into laughter.

While this rather enjoyable conversation was occurring, the Suoh family doctor was attempting to calm down the young heir. "Suoh-sama, I beg you, listen to reason!"

"B-But it's not there, she said it was gone!" Tamaki blubbered, shaking uncontrollably.

"Suoh-sama, your heart is still in your body," Dr. Fujisaki stated calmly. "If it were not, then you would not be talking to me right now."

"B-But H-Haruhi said that it w-was gone!" Tamaki protested, waving his arms wildly.

"Why don't you call this Haruhi and ask her if it's really gone?" the wearied doctor suggested, deciding that it was pointless to expostulate with Tamaki.

Tamaki, deciding that he liked this idea, grabbed the nearest phone and dialed Haruhi's number.

"Hello?" Haruhi answered, still trying to calm her laughter.

"Haruhi-is-my-heart-really-not-there?" Tamaki shrieked in one breath, his panic reaching its highest level yet.

"Oh, hi, sempai," Haruhi beamed. "Yeah, it wasn't in the jar of dirt."

Tamaki, at these words, passed out once more.

"Sempai?" Haruhi asked, upon hearing a loud thump.

Dr. Fujisaki picked up the phone. "Are you Haruhi-san?"

"Yes, I am. Who are you?" Haruhi asked politely.

"I'm the Suoh family doctor. Did you tell young master Suoh that his heart wasn't in his body?"

"No, I just told him that a heart wasn't in my jar of dirt," Haruhi replied. "I wasn't talking about his heart in the first place; it was a movie reference."

"Ah," the unfortunate doctor replied, "thank you. Goodbye."

"Goodbye," Haruhi replied cheerfully, hanging up the phone and dissolving once more into laughter.

Claraowl: I hope that this didn't disappoint you. ^^ I enjoyed their evil plot; actually, I had this written before I even had the second chapter halfway done. Ah, the oddity that is my brain… :D

Thanks for reading, and please feel free to drop your thoughts in that little review box, even if they have absolutely nothing to do with the story!

Oh – if any of you have a request for something to do with Haruhi and her friends, drop me a line. If I have time, I'll try to write it and give you credit for the prompt.