A/N: See, look! The chapters aren't taking forever! Aren't you proud?
And reviews would be looooovelyyyyyyy
Chapter 4: My Bitchy Vampire
Loki was not used to people getting the drop on him; his heightened sense of smell usually meant he knew of any humans nearby a long time before they knew of him. As it should be.
But the two clever bastards who'd gotten a hold of him had used the hunter's trick of using the ash from a fire of trillium, saffron and skunk's cabbage to block his sense of smell and he'd never noticed. Perhaps he was getting a little too used to his sharp sense of smell.
These two were good, he'd give them that.
As he swam back to consciousness he finally saw his captors: a stocky, muscular man with cropped brown hair who kept complaining, and a compact, athletic woman with blood red hair who kept telling the man to shut up.
Loki also vaguely noted he was tied up tight enough to contain his super strength, not to mention his limbs felt like jelly from the head blow. He seemed to be in a tiny cabin somewhere.
"Oh, hello, there." He said dully. "Could you give me a hand? Some oaf seems to have tied me up."
"Shut up, Loki. Don't speak until you're spoken to." The woman said.
Ah. So they didn't just know he was a vampire, they knew which vampire he was.
"You seem to know my name, so you would presumably also know I am not one of the Alpha's pets. I am not a threat. Let me go." Loki reasoned.
"What were you doing in Tony's room?" The man suddenly said, turning the lamp on the desk and shining it right in Loki's eyes.
"Sleeping! What ludicrous number of terrible law enforcement programs have you been watching to believe that blinding me with a lamp will help loosen my tongue?" Loki scoffed.
"Stop it, Clint." The woman frowned.
"Fine." Clint said sulkily, turning the lamp off and leaning towards Loki. "Why were you sleeping there?"
This needed to be a careful balance of not giving them enough information for them to be done with him and kill him, and giving them enough so they wouldn't torture him. "Because Stark told me to." Loki said obstinately.
"What?" Clint said, clearly not expecting that. Then he narrowed his eyes shrewdly. "He boned you, didn't he?"
"Hardly any of your business. I am obligated to tell both of you that if I am harmed in any way, Stark will be rather annoyed." Loki said stiffly.
"Start telling us what you know about Steve Rogers, Loki, or I'll use this." The woman said, holding up a syringe of blood that was probably not delicious and nutritious.
Sometimes Loki hated being infamous amongst hunters for being the sneakiest, smartest vamp out there. People just took it as a challenge, and Stark liked to mock him with it when he was being submissive for a change.
"As Stark may or may not have told you, depending on how near and dear you are to him, our virginal Captain Rogers is currently in captivity in our lord the Alpha's home." Loki said, vaguely wondering why he always called the Alpha our lord despite having no love for him. "He asked for my help."
Clint facepalmed. "Making deals with demons. Bloody Tony."
"I am not a demon." Loki said indignantly, extending his fangs. "I am a vampire. Enormous difference, I'll have you know."
"Yeah, we know." The woman said, holding the syringe threateningly. "Why did he ask you?"
"I assume because I am not in a pack and he has plenty of resources for me to prey on." Loki frowned. "Anything else would be the basest sentimentality."
"What's the real reason?" Scary Lady said, touching the point of the needle to his shirtsleeve.
"Call him." Loki hissed. "He will vouch for my presence."
"We'll see about that." Clint pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and scrolled to the contacts, picking out Tony's number.
"I really must get a phone." Loki said thoughtfully.
"You really must shut up." Clint said, mocking his fancy accent. "Hey, Tony!"
Scary Lady gestured for him to stick it on speakerphone and he did.
"Clint? I'm kind of busy here. What do you want?" Tony's voice was crackly over the phone.
"We've got a vamp here who says you're his ticket out of us chopping his block off?" Clint said.
"Loki!" Tony gasped. "I've been looking for you for ages!"
"We saw him leave your room." Scary Lady said. "We thought he might have something to do with Steve going missing."
"Natasha, he's been helping me. Where are you?" Tony said urgently.
Loki breathed the tiniest sigh of relief. So Tony wasn't going to leave him to be poisoned by what had to be dead man's blood, or worse, beheaded.
"I have reason to believe it is the same cabin you used to interrogate my kinsman." Loki said loudly.
"Aha. I'll be there in a minute. If either of you hurt a hair on Loki's head I'll be pissed off." Tony said, hanging up.
Loki put on his best shit-eating grin as Clint and the newly named Natasha turned to glare at him suspiciously.
"What can I say." Loki smirked. "I am a creature of many talents."
Clint rubbed his face irritably. "You are actually the slipperiest bastard out there, aren't you?"
"Explains how I have survived this long, yes." Loki purred. "Unbinding me would be a great leap forward for diplomacy."
Despite that, neither hunter found it in their hearts to untie Loki.
There was an awkward silence for a minute or two until someone knocked on the door and identified himself as Tony.
Natasha slinked across the room and unlocked it.
"A locked door?" Loki said in mock-horror. "How quaint. That definitely would stop me from escaping, what with my terrible phobia of poorly constructed wood."
"Ah, yes, that sounds like my bitchy vampire." Tony said as he walked in. "Thanks for picking him up."
"Why is he here, Tony?" Natasha said seriously.
"I told you already." Loki said tetchily. "All of you would fail admirably if you try to rescue him. You need me."
"It's true, guys. We can't get Steve out without him." Tony shrugged, unsheathing his silver knife and cutting Loki loose.
Loki gave a luxurious stretch and made to leave. "The abduction and threats were lovely, but I must be off."
"Hey!" Clint said, grabbing his wrist.
Loki gave a low hiss and said "What?!"
"We want him back too." Clint insisted.
"Do you want a certificate?" Loki snarked.
"We want to help." Natasha deadpanned.
Tony rubbed his eyes and said "Fine. Fine! We need some planning, obviously, and we need some sleep. In that order, though, cause Loki needs to sleep during daytime."
"I think reconnaissance may be in order." Loki pointed out. "Wandering in blind is foolhardy at best."
"So, head to the house?" Clint asked.
Everyone just sort of...agreed, and they left the cabin for Tony's car at the motel.
"I never did get my hunt." Loki said irritably as they walked. "I'm hungry."
"Shut up." Clint whined. "At least you can see."
"To be honest, I have almost forgotten what the night looks like." Loki said quietly. "I miss it."
And wow, did that kill the mood, not that the mood was particularly positive to start with.
Loki was quietly pondering why Natasha and Clint had come over to working with him so quickly. Either they trusted him, which was bullshit because they were far too experienced as hunters to take anything they hunted to its word, or they trusted Tony, which was a definite maybe, or they planned to kill him.
Probably a disturbing amalgamation of the latter two. Loki Laufeyson's head on a wall was likely rather valuable amongst the people he'd outsmarted.
Once they made it to the battered Corolla, Tony and Natasha started to brief Loki.
"Right, sunshine, just go in and have a look around to see if you can find him." Tony said.
"If anyone seems like they're onto you, just lie your way out." Natasha added.
"If someone tries to behead you, don't duck." Clint said sulkily.
"Yes, yes." Loki said, waving a hand impatiently. "You act as if I've never done something of this sort before."
They were nearly there when Loki demanded he be let out there in case the vampires decided to wonder why a renegade vampire was being chauffeured places.
Loki got out of the back seat and onto the grassy verge, wriggling to loosen up after the tightness of the tiny back seat.
"Open the boot, Stark," Loki said. "I require something from my trunk."
Said trunk was all Loki had brought with him from Virginia and contained everything he owned.
Tony climbed out and unlocked the boot, hugely curious as to what Loki wanted.
It took Loki a few minutes of searching through clothes and books to find what he wanted: an old leather sheathe containing a knife. "I knew it was still in my possession." He murmured as he pulled the well-made silver from its case and carefully wiped off the old dried blood and dust on the grass before looping it on his belt.
Tony felt his heart skip a beat. Hunter's knife.
"Nice blade." He said nonchalantly.
"Is it not?" Loki said with a weirdly proud half-smile. "Let's do this."
-O.O-
People did not knock on the door of the Alpha's manor. Humans were scented and caught before they reached the door, and vampires tended to just walk straight in without a care in the world.
Therefore it certainly got the attention of the two vampires sitting in the entrance hall when a clear, confident knock sounded against the entranceway.
Opening the door led to an even greater surprise: a gaunt, skinny vampire with a winning smile.
"Hello, there. May I come in?" He said, voice all cool charm.
"Burison?" One of the vampires said, recognising him.
"Laufeyson." Loki corrected. "I have three hunters that have been on my ass for two days, and I need shelter while I figure out how to wiggle out of the promise I made to the first one."
The one who had recognised him narrowed her eyes suspiciously; this particular vampire was a notorious liar and trickster. That said, he wasn't looking too good, with a gash on his head and a wild, pursued look in his eyes.
"I suppose so." She said. "You're one of us. But don't try anything."
Loki just raised an eyebrow innocently. "Not even the fig jelly? You disappoint me. In any case, all I need is a few hours for them to grow weary of waiting for me to exit."
"That can be done." said the other vampire. "Do you need to feed?"
"Yes," Loki moaned. "They do not let me feed. I imagine this is my comeuppance for gaining a reputation."
The vampire who had recognised him gave a little laugh and led him away. "Come, a party is just leaving."
-O.O-
After about an hour and half of sitting in the car rubbing his hands, Tony smacked his forehead on the steering wheel. "That little bitch isn't coming back, is he?" He said in a sudden epiphany.
"I was wondering when you'd catch on." Natasha said dryly.