Thankfully, Jacob didn't tell Charlie. I winced, thinking about how upset he would have been. Looking back now, I realized that what I'd wanted to do, what I'd tried, really had been selfish. And stupid. So stupid.

I was sitting curled up on his couch now. It had been about a week since the 'incident' and, somehow, Jacob got Charlie to agree to let me stay here again. Maybe Charlie realized that Jacob helped. Charlie had been by often though. He usually brought Sue Clearwater with him, and I could see that she was helping him through everything- including what I'd put him through. Jacob's friends had been over too, and while at first they'd shied away from the 'vampire girl', as I heard them call me, they stopped being as careful when they seemed to realize how much Jacob helped me. Jacob had also just started trying to get me out and about more, even if it was going to the store. I guess he wanted me to have human contact, feel normal.

"Hey, Bella!" I turned my head to see Embry and Quil jogging over to where Jake and I were sitting on the beach. Embry waved when I looked at him, and I smiled, even though it wasn't as easy when I was smiling at Jake.

"Hey Jake," Quil said as they sat beside us in the sand. "How's it going?"

Jake gave my hand a small squeeze. "It's going good."

It's been six weeks since Jake's and my first kiss, and there's been plenty since then. It was easy being with Jake, almost too easy.

Since that night, I've been getting better. I can smile somewhat easier. Charlie actually started smiling when he saw me, instead of studying me, trying to figure out when I'd break. I wasn't completely healed yet, and I don't think I ever will be, but I was getting close.

"Hey, you guys up for a bonfire later?" Embry offered.

Jake looked at me, silently asking me if I was okay to go. I gave him a reassuring smile, then turned to Embry and nodded. Jake was still being careful with me, but he was starting to treat me normal again.

"Come on, Jake, do we really have to wait for Sam?" Paul pleaded. "Can't we just eat, and save him some?"

Jake raised an eyebrow at him from his place beside me on a log. "If you start eating, there won't be any left," Jake teased, but just as the words left him, Sam trotted out of the trees. He nodded at the boys, gave me the usual calculating glance, and sat next to Emily. I had to look away from the emotion swirling about them. I knew Jacob and I weren't quite that bad. Kim and I made eyes contact, and giggled at Sam and Emily's pda. Then everyone was still as they stared at me. "What?"

Jacob's arm around my waist pulled me closer. "Bella, you just laughed. Giggled, actually," he murmured in my ear. My eyes widened when I realized why they were staring. I hadn't laughed since Volterra. "Oh." I felt my cheeks blushing, and the pack laughed, turning back to their conversations.

As I tuned out the chatter, I sat thinking about that laugh. I felt kinda normal. I looked around at the pack. They were friends now. I could consider them friends. True, Jacob was the reason I felt I could breathe now, but these people had helped, in their own way. They made me feel sorta normal. They were helping me heal.

I'd been trying to focus on the moment, ever since that first kiss with Jacob. I refused to let myself reflect, and Jacob had been happy with that. Now I looked back at the past few weeks. Where I'd been just a few weeks ago was far from where I was at this moment. I was nowhere near healed, but still. I could think past the pain. I could smile easier. I had laughed. But still, I knew there was something else I needed to do. I liked who I was now, but I still wanted some of who I was from before. I needed to find some middle ground. I sighed, then game Jacob a small smile when he looked at me worriedly.

This was gonna hurt.

I took out my phone, and typed in the number I barely remembered.

"Hello?" Alice's voice sounded wary.

Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself. "Hey Alice. It's Bella."

I heard her unnecessary breath stop. "What going on? Are you alright?"

"Yeah Alice, I'm fine. I just... need to talk to you guys. Can you come pick me up?" I asked nervously.

Another, slightly longer pause. "Is Jake with you?"

I shot a nervous glance out the window, as if he might appear outside my house. I'd convince Jacob I needed a week with my dad. It was true, but I was going to spend today in another matter, while Charlie was working. "No," I answered.

"Does he know you're coming to a house full of vampires?" Alice's tone was level, giving nothing away. I shifted my weight, wondering if she knew Jacob would help me when she called him on the way home from Volterra. Wonder if she knew what he meant to me.

I didn't want anymore questions. "Please, Alice, just come pick me up. I'll explain it later."

This time she was quiet for a whole minute. "Alright." Then she hung up, and I leaned against the wall, trying to prepare myself the best I could.

After sitting in tense silence for about ten minutes, a car pulled up. I watched as Alice got out of the car, and blinked at Jasper climbing out of the passenger seat. Maybe she was worried about my reactions. I watched as she hesitated before determinedly walking to the door. Jasper looked at me, smiling gently when we made eye contact, before following her.

I was already grabbing my jacket and opening the door when she finally knocked. I opened the door, stepped out, and shrugged into my jacket, using it as an excuse to avoid their eyes for the moment.

Alice was staring at me when I looked up, as if wondering if I would break. "Hey Alice," I said in a sad attempt to sound normal.

"Hey, Bella," her voice was just as musical as I remembered. "How are you?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm... not fine, but I'm getting there," I told her honestly. "Can we go to your house? I... I'd like to see everyone."

She nodded, and the three of us got in the car. The ride was quiet, though I had a feeling Jasper was constantly checking my emotions. Before I knew it, we were pulling up the distantly familiar driveway.

I hesitated on the first step to their porch, waves of uneasiness rolling through me, before it was covered with a blanket of calm. Jasper, I thought to myself. I made myself climb the steps leading to the door, where Alice patiently waited for me, Jasper already inside. I heard him talking, probably informing the others about my emotional health.

Glancing at me cautiously, she lead the way into the Cullen's living room. The house that had once been so familiar to me, now seemed alien.

The rest of the family- the remainder of the family- stood waiting there for me, even Rosalie. They all smile softly at me, instead of their usually warm greetings. I guess Jasper had warned them that I was... more fragile, even for a human.

Esme stepped forward, as beautiful as always, her arms open wide. "Welcome Bella," she said softly, pulling me in for a hug. I flinched, unused to the cold having spent so much time lately with Jacob. The others all kept their distance, for which I was thankful. Seeing them already brought up plenty of memories.

Carlisle cleared his throat, his ever present kind smile directed at me. "So, Alice said you needed to speak to us about something?" He, too, spoke gently, as if I was a deer on the edge of being startled away.

I nodded, feeling the nervousness coming, before I pushed it back, this time without Jasper's help. "I just wanted to see you. I've missed you all. I... I still want to be friends. If that's what you all want, I mean?" I phrased my last statement as a question.

Carlisle smile, and I had to focus on not drawing similarities between him and the smiles of my past. "Of course Bella. You'll always be part of our family."

I didn't know what to say. I'd said what I'd come to say, and that was pretty much all I'd planned out. Luckily, it seems Alice was as knowing as always.

"So, how's Jacob?"

I could almost feel my face brighten at the sound of his name. "He's good. Really good."

She smiled at me, this time a bit more like her cheerful self. She grabbed my hand and began pulling me up the stairs towards what I knew was her room. I didn't even think about it though, as she started firing question after question at me, about how the pack was, what was happening between Jake and me, ect. I turned briefly to wave goodbye at the rest of the family as I got pulled away, and they all smiled back at me, except for Rosalie, who avoided my gaze.

As we sat talking on her bed, I felt a little more of me heal. It felt weird, almost wrong, being here without him, but it felt really good sharing my new life with her.

Suddenly there was a knock on her bedroom door. It swung open to show Jasper looking amused, but irritated. "Bella," he half-smirked good naturedly, "It seems a stray dog followed you home." I heard Emmett laugh from where ever he was in the house, and what sounded like a feminine snicker. My eyes widened and I jumped off Alice's bed, hearing her chuckle as she trailed in my mad dash out of the room. I stopped halfway down the stairs, glaring eyes meeting mine.

"Uh. Hi. I, uh, I had a few free hours while Charlie was working," I meeked out, knowing I was in trouble.

An eyebrow rose. "Charlie is home. Charlie is how I knew you weren't home. Charlie told me where you were. Charlie got home two hours ago." My eyes widened, and I pulled out my phone to look at the time. I can't believe Alice and I had talked for so long.

"Oh." I gave him a hopeful smile, and I heard someone snort from another room.

Carlisle came to the rescue. "I hope you don't mind her coming over. I promise we took excellent care of her." And suddenly the rescue sounded more like explaining why your child's friend was over to their parents.

Jacob opened his mouth to argue, but I suddenly felt irritated. "Jacob, I have the right to come here, as long as they want me to. What... happened doesn't change how much I loved the Cullens. And you certainly don't own me." I don't know where the anger in my voice came from, but it almost felt good.

Jacob, and everyone, I was sure, was staring at me. Finally, his mouth tweaked, he nodded. "You're right, I know. I just wish you had told me. I was worried." I looked in his eyes and saw that he had been really worried and sighed. I really had been there for a while. I turned around to look at Alice watching from a few steps up from me, Jasper there with a hand around her waist. She smiled brightly at me.

"Go ahead Bella. I can already see that we're going to hang out again soon." I smiled back, and then finished walking down the stairs. I hugged Esme, nodded at Jasper, and called out a "Goodbye" to Emmett, wherever the behemoth was. I wasn't sure if Rosalie still hated me. Probably. I promised Carlisle I'd call, and come back to visit soon, then Jacob led me outside to his Rabbit.

I got into the car, allowing my thoughts to wash over the past few hours. Of course I'd known how much I'd missed Alice, but today it had really hit home. Just because I'd lost... one Cullen, didn't mean I had to lose them all.

I smiled happily, feeling another piece of my old self fall into place. I now had my best friend back.

Then I remember what I'd said to Jacob. What I said had been true, but I still felt frustrated. I looked determinedly ahead of me. We drove for a few minutes, before he pulled over on the side of the road, and I finally looked at him, only to find him staring at me. I started talking before he could.

"I'm not going to apologize. I have every right to see them. Every!" It seemed the irrational anger was back. "And maybe, maybe, I could have mentioned it, but would you have let me go? I don't need your permission to see them! And its not like I was in any real danger. Sure, Jasper may have gone for me, but that was forever ago." Buried in forbidden memories, my mind provided. "As long as I don't... you know, bleed in front of them, they have perfect control! There's no reason for you to be upset. And no reason for you to just show up! You could have just called." I was breathing harder than normal after my rant, and I felt even more annoyed when Jacob just sat there, looking amused, with his eyebrows raised.

After a paused, he smirked. "Feel better?" I opened my mouth to make a smart ass retort, then actually thought about his question. I hadn't actually been mad, irritated, or anything really similar since before Volterra. As much as I'd felt better after spending time with Alice, shouting had made me feel better too.

I looked at him, then looked away, suddenly all my anger gone. "Yeah," I answered quietly.

I felt Jacob's hand run through my hair, and I looked at him. He smiled at me. "Good babe." He kissed my forehead and started the car again. I frowned at him, then turned in my seat and folded my arms across my chest, feeling irritated again.

"When the hell did you get so smart? Aren't I suppose to be older than you?" I sounded petulant, even to myself.

I saw him smirk from the corner of my eye. "Well, I figure being supernatural and all gave me a few years on you." I snorted, thinking back to our multiple debates on our ages, based on achievements and skills. "Whatever," I muttered, adding to my new childish streak.

He laughed all the way back to Charlies'.