Chapter 4: RENT RENT RENT RENT RENT!
Written by: Kawaii-babi
Edited by: That person… that did that thing…
Disclaimer: My friend is telling me that I have to write more than one disclaimer per story, so here goes. All characters from CSI: NY do NOT belong to me. I DO however, own a drawing of Danny Messer, drawn by yours truly… I do not own grape crush, or pixie stix, or Bazooka Joe, or cherry blasters, or real dairy ice cream…Oh! And Chelsea is a friend turned into a figment of my imagination, who was turned into a fanfiction creature… there we go…
"Linds, are you SURE we should leave Evan with FLACK? Of all people, why FLACK?" Danny wined as Lindsay drove to Flack's apartment.
"Danny, we've discussed this several times… You wanted to have a nice night together, none of her regular sitters are available, Stella can't afford for Evangeline to ruin another one of her outfits, Mac and Peyton are 'busy' per say, Hawkes is working late, Sid's with his kids, and I don't trust Adam…" Lindsay said, but was interrupted by Danny.
"But you trust Flack?" Danny asked, the he looked back at the backseat to see his daughter sleeping soundly.
"Not really. But my friend Chelsea's going to be there. She's almost as bad as you." Lindsay said with a smile.
"I know Chelsea. I'm no where NEAR as bad as her." Danny said with a pout. Lindsay pretended to think for a second then spoke.
"You're right." Lindsay said, making Danny grin.
"You're worse." Lindsay said. Danny gave a fake shocked expression then playfully hit her.
"Hey! Stop it Danny! We're here!" Lindsay said, pushing his hand away and parking the car. Danny got out and opened the door to the backseat, reluctantly shaking his daughter awake. She mumbled a bit in her sleep, and then snuggled back into the car seat.
"Evan, wake up baby girl, we're here." Danny said, shaking her a bit harder. She then jolted up in her seat.
"MONKEY STOLE MY LLAMA!" She shouted, and then looked at her father, who was staring at her like she was crazy.
"You have had WAY too much sugar today, Evan, and you have your mother to blame for it." Danny said, picking her up with one hand, and picking her overnight bag in the other. Just then, Lindsay walked around the car to see what was taking so long.
"Why, aren't you strong?" Lindsay said flirtily. Danny grinned.
"Why thank you gorgeous." Danny said, making Lindsay laugh.
"I was talking to Eve…" Lindsay said, and then put her arms out for Evangeline, who did a monkey jump from Danny's arms to Lindsay's.
"Now let's go see your Uncle Flack." Lindsay said, walking to Flack's front door. Danny reluctantly followed.
CSINYCSINYCSINY
"She has to be in bed by 8 o'clock. She's not allowed to hold a gun. If she crosses her legs, it means she has to pee REALLY badly, even though she might deny it. If she can't sleep, heat up some milk for 45 seconds in the microwave. She eats at 7, 12 and 5 o'clock. She is not allowed to watch violent shows. She has to take a bath, you should let Chelsea take care of that…" Lindsay said while ticking things off on her fingers.
"And no sugar!" Danny said quickly. Flack just nodded.
"8 o'clock, no gun, crossed legs pee pee time, milk in microwave for 45 seconds, eat at 7, 12 and 5, no violent shows, let Chels take care of the bath, and no sugar. I think I have it all…" Flack recited. "Now you guys go and have that day together that you've been dying for for the past 5 years… Evangeline is in good hands." Flack said, pushing Danny and Lindsay out the front door.
"This is a bad idea." Danny said, then he and Lindsay got into the car and drove to god-knows-where for god-knows-what.
CSINYCSINYCSINY
"Hey Flack, hey Evangeline." Chelsea said, walking out of the bedroom that she and Don shared in an over sized t-shirt and a pair of Flack's boxers.
"Hi Auntie Chels!" Evangeline said, and then noticed what she was wearing. "Why are you wearing Uncle Flack's underwear?" Evangeline asked, making Chelsea blush. Flack noticed this and smiled.
"She's wearing my underwear because last night, she and I…" Chelsea cut him off.
"Hey, Evangeline, what do you want for lunch?" Chelsea asked, walking into the kitchen.
"GRILLED CHEESE AND KETCHUP!" Evangeline yelled (it actually tastes good) then went to cuddle up with Flack, who was sitting on the couch channel surfing. (Imagine surfing on channels, tee hee.) Evangeline got bored and went to the DVD cupboard.
"Can we watch a movie?" Evangeline asked, flipping through the DVDs, then she stopped on one.
"Can we watch RENT?" Evangeline exclaimed, holding up the DVD. Flack sighed.
"Go ahead, Chelsea will watch it with you." Flack said, walking into the kitchen and taking over the stove. Chelsea ran into the living room, plopped the DVD into the player and sat down with Evangeline and they both started singing, loudly and off-key.
"525600 MINUTES! 52500 MOMENTS SO DEAR! 525600 MINUTES! HOW DO YOU MEASURE, MEASURE A YEAR?" They sang in union, not bugging Flack so much.
"THE MUSIC IGNITES THE NIGHT WITH PASSIONATE FIRE!" They sang some more, giving Flack a SLIGHT headache.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!" They sang louder, making Flack flinch.
"TIME FLYYYYYYYYYS AND THEN NO NEED TO ENDURE ANY MORE…" They sang as Flack came into the room with their grilled cheeses, then he returned to the kitchen and put his Ipod on full blast, hoping that some Metallica would drown them out.
"THEY CALL ME, THEY CALL ME, MIMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" They sang, well, more screamed.
"NOW WHO COULD FOR TELL THAT IT WOULD GO SO WELL, BUT SURE AS I AM HERE THAT DOG IS NOW IN DOGGY HELL." Flack reached for the sharpest knife in the drawer but then quickly let it go.
"HAS SHE EVER POUTED HER LIPS, AND CALLED YOU, POOKIE?" Flack was seriously pissed off.
"SHUT UP WITH THAT HORRID SINGING!" Flack yelled, slamming his Ipod on the counter, breaking it. Chelsea and Evangeline just looked at each other and smiled.
"THERE'S ONLY US, THERE'S ONLY THIS, FORGET REGRET, OR LIFE IS YOURS TO MISS!" Flack started hitting his head on the counter. Evangeline and Chelsea noticed this and finally stopped singing. Chelsea got up and walked into the kitchen.
"Babe, take an Advil and go to bed. I'll take care of Evangeline." Chelsea said, taking the Advil out of the medicine cabinet. Flack watched her every move.
"No RENT?" Flack asked hopefully. Chelsea giggled and plopped two Advils into his mouth.
"No RENT." Chelsea replied, pushing him into the bedroom and closed the door, then grinned at Evangeline. See, Chelsea, even though she was 29, still had the sweet tooth of a 3 year old. She went off into the kitchen and took out her secret stash of sugar, which consisted of:
Grape Crush
Pixie Stix
Bazooka Joes
Cherry Blasters
Real Dairy Ice Cream
A whole bunch of random Halloween candies
They both smiled and dug into the stash, not knowing how much trouble they were getting Flack into.
CSINYCSINYCSINY
"I told you not to eat the veal Parmesan there, Montana, but did you listen? NO!" Danny said while driving the car. Lindsay was in the seat next to him moaning.
"It was the only thing on the menu that didn't sound like gibberish to me." Lindsay protested while rubbing her stomach.
"I hope Flack hasn't corrupted her yet." Danny said to himself as he drove a little faster to his friend's apartment.
CSINYCSINYCSINY
"Listen, Evangeline, I have to get home and change. I'll be back in around an hour if traffic's not so bad, ok?" Chelsea said. Evangeline pulled out a cherry blaster and chewed on it silently. As soon as Chelsea left though, she was bouncing off the walls. Suddenly, Flack walked out of his room and saw the mess on the floor.
"Messer's so gonna kill me." Just as he said that, the phone rang, but Flack decided to let it go to the answering machine.
Hey, it's Flack. If I'm not answering, I either hate you, I'm at work, I'm somewhere more important than here, or I'm with the most gorgeous girl on earth FLACK STOP IT Leave a message after the noise… BEEP
"Hey Flack, it's Danny. Listen, Lindsay has food poisoning, so we're coming to pick up Evan. I hope that she's the same way we left her or so help me god… gotta go, Lindsay has to puke again. Be there in 5!" Flack's eyes shot open. There was no way he was going to get her to calm down in 5 minutes. He then noticed that something was missing.
"Where's Chels?" Flack asked the little girl. She had just plopped a lollipop in her mouth and shrugged. Flack groaned and tried to clean up the mess they made in his kitchen before Danny and Lindsay got there.
DING DONG!
"SHIT!" Flack yelled, then he went to the door and slowly opened it to reveal a very anxious Danny.
"Where is she?" Danny asked. Evangeline ran to the door and jumped into her father's arms. She was bouncing like crazy and Danny saw the candy wrapper in Flack's hands.
"FLAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Danny yelled, then he pulled the swiss army knife out of his pocket. Flack saw this and ran outside, in his boxers, mind you, with Danny hot on his trail.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" Flack yelled as Danny caught up to him.
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