Thank you for your reviews people!! Lots of thanks! I really appreciate your comments, they make me happy and so I can update faster.
Thanks for everyone who's reading too, I'm glad you enjoy my story.
And well, here is chapter 3.
You're Back.
Chapter 3: Looking for you.
I stare blankly at you, and then at the place where you disappeared… into the storm. Demyan stares at me, and he tries to follow you.
"Stop" I say, in a normal voice. I don't need to demand anything, he's so unsure of what to do that he'll follow my order.
He looks at me, questioning me, demanding an explanation for such a thing I said. "Where are you going?" I ask, he doesn't need to answer but he'll say it anyway…
"I though… I will follow him!" he says, taking it as a completely obvious fact. If only he knew you.
"Demyan? Explain yourself. Why do you want to follow him?"
"He… he's… he… I…" his mind is blank, I know it. Of course, he has the same shock I had when you arrived home. He's just more desperate because he caused you to ran away, I didn't. However I know he'll scare you more if he goes behind you now.
The town's not small. We'll find you if you don't return by yourself.
"Breath, Demyan." I say, trying to keep my voice calm. I know he's scared, I know he's wishing he could control everything right now. But panicking won't help in anything.
"Halina is he… is he…?"
"Our Son." I answer, knowing he still doesn't believe it. But there's no doubt about it, you're so alike him and me at the same time… you are Kai, whether your father believes it or not.
"I've got to go for him then!" he says, his voice still hurried and anxious.
"Why?" I ask, and he stares at me as if I had said an aberration.
"Why what? You want him to die in the snowstorm?! It's -30 degrees Celsius out there! He'll freeze and you're letting him!?!" he asks, shocked.
"You forget… he's Russian, he's strong, and we've never been there for him, you can just imagine where he was brought up. Your father lied to us, neither you nor I can imagine what happened to him after what Voltaire did!" I want to throw into his face everything that has happened, but at the same time I know that is no good.
I am mad at him, of course. But I know I shouldn't argue with him, not now, not in the moment you're out there, freezing. I know I should ask him to go and look for him, together.
"Halina… I'm sorry… what can I do? Are you… sure he's going to come back on his own?" he asks, lowering his head and staring blankly at the floor.
"No. No, Demyan, I'm not sure. But I guess we're gonna frighten him, I'm afraid I can do something that hurts him more than what he already is for us not being there, I'm afraid of going for him and not being here when he returns, then he'll just believe we think he's weak and--" he walks to my side, rounds my arms and I rest my head on his shoulder.
"It's okay… we'll wait for a while, then if he doesn't appear we go for him, okay?"
"o… okay…" I answer, above a whisper. He drives me to the sofa, there we sit and he hugs me. He tries to comfort me, I don't need to be comforted, I need to know if you're okay, if you need me, if you hate me or love me.
I want to know how you feel, who you are. I want to read through your eyes that feeling of confidence I haven't read yet, and that's because I know you don't feel safe, you're scared of everything around you; and now he's here, you're even more scared.
Kai… please return…
I stare at the clock in the living room wall. Ten minutes have passed, it's too cold out there, you won't make it out.
But where were you brought up? Did your grandfather take care of you well? Did him keep you for himself? Did you grow up in Russia, or maybe he took you somewhere else? You speak an excellent Russian, that's the only thing that can tell me you've lived in this country for some time. Or maybe you're a good learner and that's all?
No… you have a Russian accent, you have Russian behavior. I can sense it clearly.
Demyan sighs at my side, then I glance again at the clock, and realize ten minutes more have passed. How long will we wait to go for you?
I turn my eyes to the door, I can almost imaging you out there opening slowly, and then you find what? Two people who tell you are your parents, two adults that did nothing to take care of you, those two who you've blamed for your suffering along these years.
Those two people are us.
A pair of idiots who believed in a man's word, who didn't follow their instincts, who trusted an even more idiot who told them their only son was dead, had been killed.
And being an idiot has hard consequences. The consequence is not knowing you, Kai. Realizing that the only things that connect me with you are our eyes, and the name I gave you. And the only things that connect you with your father are your hands, and the surname he gave you. Nothing more.
We didn't teach you anything that any parent can say he taught his son. And just thinking about who could have taught you that, makes me chill. Who had no heart to perform such an action, to raise up a child that's not his or her own, without even asking about his parents.
Or maybe Voltaire lied to that person too? Maybe he pretended to be an old man who was going to die, and wanted his 'only descendant' to have a good life? Maybe he gave you in adoption to a kind hearted family? I don't think so.
Because if that had been the case, you would have asked, and some way or another you would've got to us sooner. Or we would've been alerted you were alive.
And if that was the case, what was Voltaire's purpose in taking you away from us, if he was going to give you to another family with similar characteristics? Besides, you seem to be in a recuperation process. A recuperation from a long nightmare you lived during all your life. I wonder which was the nightmare like? If I asked you that, I almost bet your answer would be something like… 'I guess you won't like listening that' or 'Oh, you wouldn't really like to know'.
"Why are you so cold, son?" I whisper unconsciously.
"Halina? Do you want to go now?" my husband asks, I smile at him and nod.
He rushes to the door, he's still wearing his coat. I put on mine, and follow him. My heart, intuition, or whatever it is tells me to go right, so he follows. We walk about five blocks, nothing. Nothing in any place.
"Shall we divide?" he asks me, I nod, worried about you. We both know the town, you don't. It's easy to get lost, the blocks are not always regular, you can end up by making a mess in your head and not finding the way back.
I go left, he goes right. As I turn back some seconds after, he has already disappeared into the foggy air. I see some lights, they are the lights of the harbor. I run towards them, try to think with the mind of a foreign, someone who comes from a crowd town, a big city.
Besides, someone who's trying to get away from the shadows of his pasts would run towards the illuminated place. You won't like the darkness, your memories are already full of this.
If you really are the cold guy I see, you like calm places where there's not a lot of people… in that case, Demyan will find you because he prefers those places when he needs to think. But if deep in your heart you need to be loved, you need to feel warm, and you need someone to comfort you, you'll go somewhere where you will be seen, where someone will see you and tell your father or me where you are, so we can find you.
If my instinct doesn't fail, you'll go to the light. You will go to the river, the harbor, the coast. There's where I run to. The people who work in the harbor are there, they work till late. I walk close to the ship which seems getting ready to go.
"Someone there!? I need some help!" I shout to the air, one of the men comes closer. He looks dirty, he's a workman and doesn't seem to have a clue of what a woman like me is doing in the street at this time, in the middle of the snowstorm. It's really cold, but it doesn't matter, I'll find you.
"What do you need lady?" he asks, somewhat rudely, in a bad Russian. He's not from here, he must have come with the ship. In the harbor there are usually foreigners.
"I'm looking for a 17 year old guy… he must be somewhere around here!" I have to shout because of the strong wind, my voice is almost inaudible.
"You're Demyan Hiwatari's wife?" another voice asks. This one is a Russian man, apparently he knows my husband.
I nod, almost sensing Demyan was already here. If not, how could he figure out who I was? Maybe my husband already asked about Kai.
"Yeah, we told Demyan to go that way - he points to his right. - we saw a young guy running towards the river."
"Thank you!" I already start running, when I hear him say, 'Good luck madam'.
I keep running and finally see in the distance a figure on the floor. Oh no… my heart starts beating faster, then I finally reach them. You're lying on Demyan's arms when I get to him, and grab his shoulder.
"You… found him…" I say, between fastened breaths.
"We've got to hurry. We're not far from home." He says, desperate but at the same time confident that everything will be alright. I support his confidence by nodding and walking hurriedly at his side, way home.
I stare at you, an argument inside my head trying to decide if it's better for you to wake up now, or once we're at home. While the argument takes place, I see your eyes open worriedly, just a millimeter.
But you're so tired that in your desperation they close again, this time you let your head fall on your father's arm, resigned.
TBC,
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