A/N Thank you for your support, favorites and reviews again, they are helpful in shaping and clarifying things that I have in the future chapters. If there are any questions that I leave unanswered, feel free to PM me. This is only the beginning. The cat is out of the bag now that Quinn knows…and more will begin to unravel. I hope you all continue to read and enjoy. Thank you again for helping me with my first fanfiction. Here we go!

Chapter 4

Quinn continued to stroke her best friend's hair until she had managed to cry herself to sleep. The blonde was in a daze. She had to be strong for her best friend, but now that Santana was sleeping she was consumed by emotions. She was angry. How could somebody do this to such an amazing person? She felt guilty. Why wasn't she there? She should have told Mama Lopez. Why did she lie? She was scared for her best friend. She watched her best friend sleep and tears sprung to her eyes. Why Santana?

Quinn shook her head. She knew something was wrong, but this wasn't what she was expecting when she watched San's car drive away from the party. However, the second the young blonde looked into her best friend's eyes after the shower she knew. She knew what had happened; she just didn't want to believe it. Part of her wanted to believe that Santana had gotten into a fight, even though she could see it in her eyes. Her eyes had the same look her sister's eyes had once held a couple years ago.

Quinn's sister, Alexa, went away to college. She had all these hopes and dreams of graduating from an out of state college and having the "true college experience", but some frat boy at a party ruined that for her. She came home one day in tears. Then the next thing Quinn knew she was living upstairs again and attending the local community college. Alexa was raped. She had told Quinn the story eventually. She told Quinn that she never wanted it to happen to her little sister. A frat boy spiked her drink when she wasn't looking. She woke up the next day with no memory of what happened, only an aching in her core. She told Quinn that she immediately knew what happened and had to move back home. The thought of being in the same city as that boy made her physically sick.

Quinn wiped the loose tears that had made their way down her cheek. How is Santana going to get through this? The blonde had so many questions still, but she was too scared to ask. She knew she couldn't push her, from experience. This shouldn't have happened, not to San. She watched her best friend as her eyebrows furrowed in her sleep. Santana winced as she turned to lie on her back. Quinn shook her head. Her best friend was in so much pain. Quinn decided in this moment that come morning instead of going to school, she was going to drive Santana to a clinic. She needed to be checked out, to be tested…

The young blonde took a deep breath and tucked her arm under her pillow. She needed to try to get some sleep. They would have to wake up soon. It had to look like they were going to school if San doesn't want her mom to know. Or should she tell Mama Lopez? She took another deep breath and coached herself to sleep first and think about the rest in the morning. There was so much that needed to be done.

I woke up two hours before my alarm. I couldn't sleep. I woke up so many times from awful nightmares. Are they called nightmares when they are just memories of things that happened in your life? I shook my head. I put on a sweatshirt and a pair of yoga pants and had been sitting quietly at my desk watching the minutes of the clock click by. If I focused on the minutes I could stop my mind from wandering and reliving the previous night's events. Almost. My alarm was going to go off any minute now and my best friend would wake up. Everything was going to be even more real than it already was. Quinn was going to want to talk, but I can't. I can't talk, and now I don't know what I am going to do.

I put my head in my hands. Why did I tell her? Why did I open my mouth? I hit my head against my hands and then let out a very audible hiss from the pain that radiated by my eye. "Stupid!" I hissed at myself as my eyes started to water in response.

"Santana?"

I snapped my head up and looked at my best friend from across the room. She was groggy and confused, looking at the clock and trying to get her bearings. She finally looked at me.

"How long have you been awake?" Quinn asked.

I couldn't keep eye contact with her knowing that my face was bruised and swollen, knowing that she knew the reason that it looked the way it did. I looked down at my fingernails and answered quietly, "I don't know, a while?"

Quinn sat up in my bed and rubbed her eyes before she spoke again. "You should have woken me up when you got up, San." When I didn't reply she gave a heavy sigh. "How are you feeling?"

I've never felt so awkward with my best friend than I did in this moment. She was asking me how I was feeling. Deep down she has to know that I was going to lie. There is no way I would be able to tell her how I truly felt because physically it was nearly unbearable and emotionally it was unexplainable. Tears sprung to my eyes. I began to shake my head, "I can't…I can't."

Quinn was out of my bed and kneeling in front of me before the tears rolled off my chin. "I'm sorry, that was such a dumb question." She gently grabbed my chin and lifted it to meet her eyes, I watched as she studied my face, taking in my visible injuries and the look in my eyes. She finally wiped the tears from my cheeks and then grabbed my hands. "I think that we should tell your mom, San."

This brought me back from my daze. "No." I took my hands from hers, "Not an option. No Quinn, I mean it. No."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I can't. I…I just…I can't." Her big eyes were looking at me full of questions. I looked down at my hands again. "Just…Just give me some time. I will…I just can't." I was lying. I was lying to my best friend, someone I never lied to. I can't tell my mom. He told me not to tell anyone, he said he would come back for more; that he would kill me. He knows where I live and I couldn't even go one night without telling someone. He is going to know. There is no way I can tell my mother. Images of him on top of me flashed across my mind. I felt like I could feel him on my skin again. My stomach flipped, my head was spinning: I felt nauseous.

I guess Quinn could see me physically freaking out from the mere suggestion so she quickly stopped it before I got worse, "Ok. Ok. Ok. I'm sorry, I just… I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do and it is killing me." She stood up and began pacing quietly. She walked over to my alarm clock and turned it off before it sounded. She threw the pillows that fell off back onto my bed and then resumed her original pacing.

Finally Quinn stopped moving and focused on me again, "Ok, listen, San. We are skipping school today." She took a deep breath, "We'll pretend we are going, but instead I'll take you to see a doctor and get checked out. You can get an exam, get tested, and tell someone-"

"Stop." I put out my hand trying to stop her words. "I can't…Doctor? No." I shake my head quickly.

"Santana. I know you don't want to hear this but you are my person so I'm going to say it." She took a deep breath before continuing, "Your face is swollen, you are wincing every time you think no one is looking, and you were limping last night…you need a doctor. You need to get an exam and be tested-"

I cut off my best friend again, "No."

Quinn walked over towards me and stood directly in front of me again. "Did he wear a condom?" She snapped.

"Quinn, stop." My eyes instantly start to water at the mere thought.

"No San. Answer the question. Did he wear a condom?" Quinn held my gaze without blinking. She wasn't going to drop this. Since Quinn started having sex, she's always preached to me about the importance of condoms. Telling me that whenever I do decide to have sex, it is imperative that I use them. I packed condoms. I had them ready for when Puck and I... but that didn't happen. My tears begin to fall. "Did he?" Quinn repeated.

I sighed as soon as I noticed that she wouldn't let me out of the room until I answered. I looked down towards my feet as the tears fell off my face, "No." I said barely above a whisper. He didn't. He didn't stop long enough to put one on, he didn't care about my well-being, he just wanted me to struggle underneath him…

Quinn gently pulled me up into a hug. I sunk into the hug, rapidly soaking her shirt with tears. Her voice was gentler now, "You need to go get tested. You need to find out sooner rather than later if he gave you anything. We are not going to mess around with this." She started to rub my back gently as she continued to hug me. "Syphilis can kill you if you don't get it treated. The symptoms are no more than just a bad cold. I'm not letting that happen. There are so many types of STD's...I'm not allowing him to ruin your life anymore. We are going to go get an exam and you are getting tested for everything." She pulled away from the hug and met my eyes, "End of discussion."

I slowly nodded my head, silently agreeing to Quinn's plan. There was no fighting her when she has made up her mind about something, and this was one of those things. I was too tired and weak to argue anyway.

I starred at the plate of pancakes that sat in front of me at the kitchen table. I saw the pancakes, the ones I usually gulp down in two bites every Wednesday morning, but this morning I couldn't bring myself to pick up the fork and eat. They smelled delicious, they always do, but I wasn't hungry. The conversation I just had with Quinn was just catching up to me. I was going to be seeing a doctor. The thought of me going to the doctors was draining in itself. It was all just so much. No one was supposed to know, yet I opened my mouth and told Quinn and now she is making me see a doctor. The thought of it makes my stomach churn. I can't eat these pancakes because I can't have anything in my stomach. I feel like if I eat, then I'll just be throwing them up in an hour or two.

Rachel's voice cut the silence of the kitchen. "You know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Sanny. You really should eat a good full meal every morning." I heard my sister's voice, but I didn't respond. I couldn't. I was stuck in my own world. She didn't notice, "Did you know that Breakfast is called 'break-fast' because it is meant to break the fast that your body does while you sleep? A fast is an extended period of time when you don't eat-"

"Rachie, I don't think Sissy is in the mood this morning for another lecture." Quinn cut off my little sister. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rachel looking back and forth between me and Quinn.

"Well, if she wouldn't do things that needed me to lecture her on than she wouldn't be lectured. I'm just saying. She needs to eat to be healthy. Plus mommy made these pancakes for us to eat, not to throw away." Rachel looked back down at her plate and cut off some more bite size pieces from her pancakes.

Quinn looked over at her best friend; she was lost in a daze, staring off at the plate of untouched food. The blonde bent down to Rachel's eye level. "How about, I give you five dollars and you help me put Sanny's pancakes into a to-go container so she can eat them at school?"

Rachel raised an eyebrow before looking back over at her sister. Santana hadn't said a word to her this morning; she didn't even fight back or object to her lectures. Something wasn't right.

"Rach? Five bucs? Take it or leave it." Quinn brought the little girl's attention back to focus on her rather than her sister.

"Fine. I'm so close to having enough money to buy that new dance game for the Xbox, so I'll take it, but this conversation isn't over." Rachel jumped off the stool and stuck out her hand for the money.

Quinn ruffled the young girl's hair and pulled a five out of her purse. "It is gonna be over now or else you won't get this money." She said with a playful smile. "Now go grab San's lunch box so we can put these pancakes in there for her for later. Ok?"

Rachel grabbed the five dollars out of the blonde's hands and rushed out of the room to the laundry room to find the lunch box. Quinn walked over to San and gently rubbed her back, which startled the girl.

"Sorry." Quinn immediately apologized. "You uh...you cost me five bucs here man. Your sister is slowly going to make me broke with all these bribes." She trailed off when she noticed her best friend wasn't going to say anything. She searched Santana's glazed over eyes, "San, you...Rachel could tell something was wrong. Are you sure you don't want to tell your mom-"

"No." My voice was barely above a whisper. I shook my head and ran my hands over my face. I can't seem to focus this morning. My mind is stuck. I feel like it is just replaying the most awful part of my life over and over, I am stuck in those woods. Quinn sighs loudly just as my mom and little sister enter the kitchen. I try to sit up a little taller on my stool, trying to pull it together. Quinn is right, Rachel noticed. She can't be asking questions. I notice my mom look at me, she seems angry and upset. I can't help it, my shoulders sag back down. She is mad at me and I don't blame her.

"Santana, can I have a word with you in my room please?" Scary voice. She meant business. I nodded my head silently before slowly following her into the next room. It hurt to walk. It hurt to lie down, sit, stand... everything just hurts.

The normally short walk across the house into my mother's room seemed incredibly long in this moment. Walking without wincing every step proved to be a challenge, but I had to buck it up and bite my cheek in order to keep my pain from my mom. As soon as I got to her room I closed the door behind me and saw my mom with her hands on her hips and eyebrows raised waiting for me to speak. She thought I got into another fight yesterday, it was what I told her and even though it was better to tell her that then the truth…it sure didn't feel like it in this moment. Disappointment was all over her face. I lowered my head down towards the ground unable to look at her any longer. Guilt consumed me, but it had to be this way.

"I'm sorry mom." My voice was quiet. I swallowed the ball I felt in my throat, I couldn't cry. Not now.

"Sorry?" My mom let out a sarcastic laugh before continuing. "Sorry San? I just…please explain to me why this is happening again? Huh? Why are you getting into fights again?" She looked stressed, "We went through years of you fighting. I don't know how many times I had to come pick you up early from school for getting into fist fights with the other students. There were numerous times I had to bring you back to my practice and clean you up because you were bruised and bleeding. You've had stitches in your hand twice!" She shook her head as I continued to hand my head. "I don't understand. You've been so great about staying out of trouble and then now out of nowhere you are going to start this again?"

I kept my gaze focused on her carpet, "I don't…I'll try not to let it happen again."

"Try?" Shelby sighed, "Trying isn't good enough Santana Maree. I don't have time for this." She shook her head as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I am a single mom San. I try my best to keep things normal for you girls. I really do. But there is only so much I can handle, you have to understand that. You are sixteen years old, is it really too much for me to ask you to stay out of fighting?" She blinks rapidly to keep the tears that suddenly clouded her eyes from falling, "I'm so busy working so hard to be able to keep a normal lifestyle for you girls, when you do things like this…it makes it so much harder."

I looked up and saw the worry, stress and confusion on my mother's face. It hurt just as bad as the look of disappointment that had previously been there moments before. I willed the tears that were brimming my eyes to not fall. Not now. "I know. I'm sorry." I repeated. I had nothing else to say. I couldn't tell my mom what happened. I didn't want to tell my mom what happened. I didn't want to talk about what happened. I didn't want what happened to have happened. I immediately looked at the ground again as a tear rolled down my cheek.

My mom sighed again. "Yea…'sorry'," She said quietly. Her voice sounded so tired.

It was silent for a while. My mom didn't move. She stood there staring silently at the wall deep in thought. "Let me look at your eye and lip, come here."

I couldn't look directly at her face, I felt too ashamed. "I'm fine," I mumbled softly.

My mom shook her head, "Fine." She licked her lips before continuing, "Don't forget you are grounded." My mom was trying to pull herself together quickly. She put her hands back on her hips and her voice wavered as she tried to bring strength back to it. "You will be going to school then going straight to pick up your sister from school then straight home. No passing go, no going to Noah's house, no exceptions. There will be no cheerleading for you today or the rest of the semester. I am dead serious about this Santana." My mom paused, I'm assuming waiting for me to protest or cry or complain like I normally would. I couldn't find it in myself to even pretend to care about any of those things. I don't need my car, I don't want freedom, and I definitely don't want to wear a cheer uniform…not with my stomach carved up and all the bruises that currently litter my body. My mom's voice was calmer when she spoke again, "I know this seems like it is a harsh punishment San, but we've done this. The fighting thing. And I honestly thought you were through that phase. This punishment may be harsh but I don't see any other way of keeping you out of trouble and showing you that this cannot repeat itself."

All I could keep doing was staring at the rug. It was the only thing that kept me from falling apart right now. I nodded my head to show my mom that I was listening and she continued, "We will be talking more about this: your other punishments and the fight later when I am home from work. I just cannot do this right now with you." She shook her head again. "I thought we were past this San," She repeated. With that my mom waved her hands at me and ushered me out of the room, walking towards the kitchen again. I followed behind her.

As we neared the kitchen my little sister's voice could be heard, "I think I should be getting at least an extra three dollars for that. I had to check the laundry room and the garage before I found her lunchbox in the under the stairs closet." We both entered to find Rachel standing in front of Quinn with her hand opened waiting for more money.

Shelby shook her head, "Rachel stop taking money from Quinn, Quinn stop bribing her to do tasks for money." She turned her attention back to her youngest and put a smile on her face, "Boo, are you ready to go?"

"Yes mommy," Rachel replied with a smile.

Shelby reached down and tucked the young girl's tag back into her shirt. "Good, grab your lunch and say bye to your sister and Quinn." Shelby grabbed the plates from the island and set them in the kitchen sink to be done later as Rachel grabbed her lunch box from the fridge.

I watched Rachel give Quinn a big hug before she walked over to me. "Feel better Sanny," She said quietly as she wrapped her arms around my torso giving me a quick yet painful hug. It took everything I had to not yelp out, I was so glad my mom had her back to me in that moment.

"Love you boo." I couldn't say anything more. All of this was killing me. I watched in silence as my little sister skipped out of the kitchen to the front door. She was such a morning person.

My mom stepped into my line of vision, pulling me out from my trance yet again. She was slowly backing out of the kitchen heading down the hallway to the front door. She was running late, because of me, so she was talking as she walked backwards towards the exit. "Bye girls I love you both. Quinn, call first next time, you know the rules. You are always welcome here but I need to know about it before it happens. San we will talk tonight." She was out of vision now, all I could hear was the clicking of her heels speeding up towards the front door before, "Turn off the lights before you go and lock the front door! Love you! Bye!" With that the front door closed.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and stumbled to the wall for support to hold me up. My whole body was throbbing. I looked up and met my best friend's eyes. "Ok, we are going to the clinic now." Her voice was to the point as she picked up my keys and signaled for me to start making my way towards the front door.

Quinn is driving my car. We are driving in silence to a clinic that is on the edge of town, I can't have any of the doctors or nurses at the clinic know my mom. My mom can't know. Every couple of minutes I catch Quinn sneaking a glance over at me. I sigh heavily, I know she is worried but her worrying reminds me that I shouldn't have told her in the first place. I shouldn't be going to the doctors. I lean my head on the window and close my eyes.

Not even a minute later my phone starts buzzing. "Shit," I stammer as I dig through my backpack for my phone. I'm supposed to be in school, who would be calling? I pull it out and see who is calling, "Shit," I repeated.

"Who is it?" Quinn asks, trying to look at the screen of my phone and the road at the same time, unsuccessfully.

I press the ignore button sending the caller straight to my voicemail. "It's Puck." My boyfriend. Whose birthday is today. Whose party I disappeared from last night after...I shake my head. Trying to literally shake the images from my head. "What am I going to do?" I look at Quinn, just then my phone starts buzzing again. "He's calling again." I look up at Quinn frantically as she continued driving.

"Answer it." Quinn says quickly.

"And say what?" I quickly hit 'ignore' again sending him to my voicemail right away. I change my focus back to Quinn. "What am I going to tell him? I don't want to...I can't...I can't put it into words. How can I...?" My eyes start watering at the mere thought of saying it out loud again. I shake my head. One time was one too many. No one else can know. "I don't want to tell my mom, I don't want my sister to know and I sure as hell don't want Puck finding out." My phone was ringing yet again. I didn't hesitate; I sent him directly to my voicemail a third time. I put my head back onto the side window as my tears made their way down my face. Why is this all happening? "What did I do. What did I do. What did I do." I was repeating over and over to myself.

"San, you didn't do anything." Quinn's soft words were meant to be reassuring and helpful and kind; they weren't, but she was right.

"I know." I said quietly, I didn't do anything to stop it. I didn't fight hard enough to prevent it from happening. I didn't scream loud enough for anyone to hear me. The only thing I did do was get off, just like he wanted. I'm disgusting. I closed my eyes in an effort to try and escape from everything. From all the images in my head. From all the words. From all my emotions. From all the flashbacks. All my pain.

Quinn didn't know what to say back. Puck didn't call after the third time I sent him straight to voicemail. The rest of the trip to the clinic we sat in silence. There wasn't anything to say.

"If you expect to hide this from your mom than you need to get better San. She is a doctor. I mean come on. I can't let you get an infection or... " Quinn trailed off and took a breath before continuing, "You need to do this. You need to do this for yourself and so you can get better for Rachel and your mom."

We were parked out front of the clinic now. Quinn had spent the past 5 minutes trying to get me out of the car. I tried, but every time I looked at the front doors my stomach would do flips.

"Quinn, I... I'll figure it out myself. I shouldn't have told you." I looked down at my hands. "Just bring me back home."

Quinn's hand reached across my lap and grabbed my hands. "First of all, we are not going home San. You need this. Secondly, you don't have to figure this out on your own. I am here for you. Most importantly, you most definitely did the right thing by telling me. You cannot hold all this in, you need a support system-"

"Quinn, please." I cut her off as my eyes start to well with tears.

My best friend gave a big sigh before suddenly opening the driver's side door, walking around to my door and swinging it open. She reached for my arm slowly, "Come on San, I'll help you up."

"Quinn." I remained seated.

"Santana Maree." She snapped back. I watched Quinn shake her head before she slowly started lifting my arm, helping me out of the car. I tried my hardest not to wince and cry as I stood upright after sitting in the car. My whole body hurt so badly. I glanced at the clinic before looking at Quinn then down at the ground. We stood in silence. How am I supposed to go in there? I can't let someone… I just can't lie down on a table and…

"San, I can tell you are in pain. I need you to go into this clinic with me and get an exam. I know your mom would want you to do this if…if she knew. I can't… I can't just let you do nothing. You are my best friend, please." Her eyes were misty.

I stood in front of the clinic's double doors, deep in thought. Finally I spoke, "If I do this...if I go see this doctor… then you have to promise me you won't tell my mom..."

My best friend searched my eyes as she looked at me with a completely serious face and replied, "No deal." She took my hand in hers and pulled me through the double doors into the small office.

We were sitting in a small quiet exam room. The nurse sorted out her paperwork as Quinn and I sat in silence staring at random objects in the room. Finally the nurse spoke,"What kind of unprotected sex have you had in the past 24 hours?" She was focused on her clipboard. The question knocked the wind from my lungs.

"Wh...what?" I don't understand.

"Oral, vaginal, anal." She replied impatiently.

I glance over at Quinn uncomfortably. She catches my unsure gaze and nods for me to answer. I look down at my hands and reply, "Um...vaginal...and o-oral." Tears spring to my eyes, I blink rapidly to force them back under. I dare not look at Quinn. I can't handle her reaction. Now she knows something else about what happened.

The nurse scribbles on her clipboard before continuing, "Have you injected drugs or steroids or shared equipment such as needles or syringes with others?"

"No." I answer shortly letting out a breath, that one was an easy one.

She nodded then read off the next question, "Have any of your sexual partners been diagnosed with HIV or any other STD?"

I think about the question. How do I answer this? "I...I don't know..." I trail off.

The nurse scratches a box then continues, "Have any of your male partners participated in unprotected sex with men, multiple partners, or anonymous partners?"

My eyes look at the nurse with furrowed brows, why is she doing this? "I don't...I have no idea..."

She scribbles on the page again, "Have any of your partners-"

"I don't know!" I cut her off, I'm crying now. "I didn't...I don't know him..." Quinn slid her chair closer to the table and gently stroked my arm. This was the first she has heard of this too. She hadn't asked any questions about my...attack other than whether we used a condom. Now she knows that I didn't know who he was.

The nurse looked at me puzzled, and then changed her focus to take in Quinn's supportive worried face. I watched her eyes grow wide in realization. "Oh. Ok dear, let's move on shall we?" Her voice was laced with pity. It sounded awful. "I am going to take some blood so we can run a full test against any and all STDs then the doctor will come in to complete an exam. Let's get you changed first...the paper gown is on the counter," She pointed behind herself before continuing, "I'll give you a couple minutes to change before I come back to draw some blood." The nurse stood up and gently put her hand on my shoulder before she walked past me completely, "Take your time." She gave me another smile full of pity and then closed the door behind her.

The room filled with silence, Quinn nor I moved. Finally my best friend spoke, "Do you need help changing? Or I could leave the room?"

My eyes started tearing up again, "I can't do this Quinn. Please don't make me do this." Tears spilled over my cheeks. Quinn grabbed my hand tighter.

"San, this is something you need to do. You can do this. It is going to be ok. I can stay here if you want or else I can wait right outside the door, but you are doing this. You have to." Quinn got up and grabbed the gown, raising her eyebrows waiting for me to move, or talk. There was no way she would let me get out of this.

"C-c-can you turn around? I...I can't be alone, but I...I don't want you to see what...what he did." My voice was shaky. Quinn furrowed her eyebrows at my statement but she nodded her head and turned around. I gently took off my oversized sweater and yoga pants. I hissed trying to remove my bra, where he bit me was really tender. Once I had the gown tied tightly around me I pulled myself back up onto the table. "You can turn around now."

Quinn turned around and sat back down in the chair next to the table again. She gently reached and grabbed my hand in hers bringing it between the two of us. I held still. My bruised wrists were exposed for the first time since...

"Oh San..." Quinn's voice was filled with sadness as she gently outlined the bruises with her thumb. I focused on the poster taped to the wall in front of me, zoning out the world around me. The nurse entered the room and withdrew a couple vials of blood. She was talking to Quinn about something regarding how the exam would be free of charge because of some Violence Against Women Act. Apparently victims must have access to a free exam regardless of whether or not the victim, meaning me, wanted to cooperate with the cops. I can't do this. I zone back out, concentrating on the poster. Next thing I know a tall red headed lady in a lab coat was standing in front of me extending her hand for an introduction. When I didn't take it she pulled back slowly and sat down at the stool in front of my dangling legs.

"Hello Santana, I am Dr. Jones it says you are here for a pelvic exam?" I didn't answer. It wasn't because I was trying to be rude, she looks extremely nice, it is just that I can't answer. I feel like if I say anything I am going to crumble into a million pieces. "The nurse informed me about your... situation. So I just wanted you to know that I will be extra careful and include you in every step of the process to make sure that you remain as comfortable as you can. Ok?" I definitely can't do this.

"San...honey, answer the doctor. Are you listening?" Quinn's voice was so soothing.

I nodded.

"Ok then, if you would just lay back and scoot to the end of the table, putting your feet in these notches... take your time." The doctor looked back down at her clipboard. I don't move.

"Santana... San... Sanny." I look at my best friend finally acknowledging her voice. She gives me a sad smile and then nods her head. "You can do this. I'm right here. Come on," She gently tugs my arm towards the end of the table. Without thinking I start to move my body towards the end. I lay myself down gently with help from my best friend and then I stop moving. I can't open my legs... not after...

"Quinn, I can't. I-I-I can't." I start crying again, ignoring the fact that there was a doctor sitting by my knees.

"You can. Santana, you can." She whispered softly while wiping some tears from my face. "You are almost there."

I take a deep breath in and slowly breathe out trying to get my emotions under control. I look at the doctor. "W-what is your name again?"

She smiled a genuinely nice smile before replying, "Celeste Jones." Her smile is huge and bright. She has a dimple over her left cheek. Her hair is a dark red that shines in the light of the room. Her eyes are a light honey color.

I nodded my head. Breathe. I began coaching myself. She isn't going to hurt you. Celeste. You know her name. It's ok. I grip my best friend's hand tighter and nod my head one more time before slowly fitting my heels into the notches of the stirrups. The second I let my heels relax into the holes I feel panic set in. I feel so exposed, so open. I slam my eyes close again and my breaths become quick and short.

"Shh...San listen to my voice. It is ok. You are ok." Quinn is speaking gently into my ear.

I shake my head from side to side as I bite my already sore lip. There was a silence, I'm sure Quinn and Dr. Jones were having a silent conversation with each other, but I couldn't open my eyes. Keeping my eyes closed keeps everything from falling apart, I feel like if I open them then I'll be right where he left me. I feel like I'm still lying in the dirt, I don't want to open my eyes and see his face again. Quinn's voice abruptly brings me back from the brink of panic.

"San, remember that summer when we went to Cheer Camp and got in trouble and had to spend a good 2 weeks doing lunch duty?" Where is she going with this? I'm so confused, I don't answer. She squeezes my hand again, "Remember? Hairnets and all?"

I slowly nodded my head, keeping my eyes closed. She continued, "I mean we kind of did deserve it." She laughed a little, "But every minute of that awful lunch detail was totally worth putting that bitch in her place. What was her name again? Tall. Wirey hair. Huge ass nose. Monkey arms-"

"I'm going to go ahead and insert the speculum now...keep breathing, Santana." Dr. Jones interrupted Quinn.

Quinn continued immediately, "She had that monstrous mole under her eye remember? Don't even get me started on her jacked up horse teeth-"

"Oh my god!" The words slip out of my mouth so fast, my eyes start watering. I hold my breath. I grip Quinn's hands tighter. It went in. The doctor...it was too fast. I can't do this.

"Shhh. San. San, focus on me. What was the girl's name? The one from camp?" She was brushing her fingers through my hair with her free hand. "She thought she was so awesome remember? She actually had a posse somehow, I will never understand that. I mean she looked like a hybrid of a witch and a monkey. I know you know her name San, you remember everyone's name; what was it? It is going to bother me."

"Alice." I replied quietly.

"That's it! Ha! Oh man. Remember what we did to her cabin when she was sleeping-"

"You are going to feel a slight pressure" The doctor interrupted again, but Quinn jumped right back to her story. Pressure was an understatement.

"We thought it would be hilarious, which of course it was, to take our shampoo and pour it all over her bed in the middle of the night. We had SO much shampoo! We poured it all over her nasty dirty hair and then all over her blanket and pillows. Then we used the rest to put on the floor next to her bed-"

"Three little pinches now" Doctor Jones' voice was so soft. I held my breath again.

Quinn squeezed my hand tighter before continuing, "So she would slip and fall trying to get up. I don't know how she didn't wake up during all of this; I mean we were giggling the entire time."

"I'm going to reposition this now; you'll feel a little more pressure." My eyes start watering again.

"You know what I can't believe we actually did though? We had to make like 2 trips each remember? To carry all of her clothes and shoes? We tossed every last article of clothing into that lake! How badass were we?" Quinn chuckled at the memory as she continued to brush her fingers through my hair. "I think we got our point across pretty damn well if I do say so myself. Monkey bitch never said another bad word about us ever again. AND she didn't show up to camp the next summer! Totally perfect."

I started to smile at the memory. Alice had been talking trash about Quinn and then tried to start some drama about me. That didn't settle very well with us, so clearly, we showed her who was boss.

"The look on Monkey Bitch's face was priceless when she was running back and forth from the cabin to the lake crying. Her hair was all messed up, she was soaked from head to toe in shampoo and boy was she the world's ugliest crier as she tried to collect what was left of her clothes from the lake. Watching her freak out was totally worth being caught." Quinn chuckled again.

"Ok Santana, we are done. I'm going to pull this out now, are you ready?"

"You are ok. You are doing great. Almost done San," Quinn could read the worry that immediately covered my face.

"No no no no no no," My hands fly to cover my face. I start panicking into my hands. Quinn gets up and hugs my shoulders laying her head next to mine. I can't do this. The doctor pulls it out. I let out a loud scream and cling onto Quinn's shirt, burying my face into her neck. I'm sobbing now. I feel like I'm back in the dirt. I feel his breath on my neck. My stomach is throbbing, but it is nothing compared to what I feel between my legs.

Quinn's voice starts to break through my panicked thoughts. "Santana. It is ok. You are done. It is done. You are ok." She keeps repeating this until my breathing has calmed. I feel completely embarrassed; I realized the doctor remained in her seat during all of this. I am a failure. I can't do this. Everyone is going to know, I need to stop this. He said nobody can know. I can't go to the cops, nothing can be done. I cannot have this happen...again. I need to stop. But how?

"Ok Santana," Dr. Jones voice rang into my thoughts, "You do have quite a bit of tearing and bruising and there is some inflammation as well. I am going to write a prescription for-"

"No!" I suddenly found my voice. I shoot up into a sitting position which startled everyone in the room. That hurt so bad, bad idea. My stomach is throbbing. "I-I… I'm sorry. I um..." I take a deep breath to sort out my thoughts and to try to breathe through the pain. Quinn is looking at me confused. "I can't have a prescription. I don't want any of this charged to my insurance...I...I don't want my mom...my mom can't know." I look down at my hands, "She can't know." I repeated again quietly.

Dr. Jones took a deep breath. "I understand Santana, I am just concerned for your health. You obviously are in pain, understandably so, so the pain killers I would prescribe would help with that." She gave me a sad smile and waited for my response. I can't. It isn't an option.

Quinn spoke for me, "Is there anything over the counter that we could get for her that will help?"

The doctor looked between me and Quinn then started talking to Quinn again when she realized I wasn't planning on looking up from my hands. "Well sure, any pain reliever would be better than nothing. You should look into something for both inflammation and pain if you can. It will speed up your healing process and make it more bearable. If you need help sleeping then something like Tylenol PM would be good for all your symptoms: sleep, pain, bruising and inflammation." She paused then directed her attention to me before continuing, "If you are sure you don't want a prescription then I guess we are done here, but Santana, if you end up changing your mind or realize that you do want stronger medicine than you can come back and see me. Here is my business card; I am always on call so even if I am not here they can page me. Ok?"

I took the card from her hands and slowly nodded my head.

"Thank you Dr. Jones, you've been really helpful." Quinn was always so polite.

I felt like I was in a haze. Dr. Jones left the room. From this point on Quinn and I didn't speak. I slowly got dressed, managing to hide my stomach from my best friend again. Then we drove by the local pharmacy, Quinn ran inside to buy me some pain meds so I didn't have to get out of the car.

After that we drove by the school to pick up her car that had been sitting there since before ...everything happened. Next thing I knew we were sitting on my living room couch staring at the turned off TV, both sucked into our own thoughts; both sitting in silence. I just didn't know what to say. I feel so awkward, so out of place and so embarrassed. I am in pain and ashamed of myself. I want to know what Quinn is thinking, but at the same time I'm too scared to ask. I don't want her to feel the same way I feel about myself right now, yet I don't expect her not too. I can't answer any questions. I don't want to think about her picturing what happened, her piecing together what must have happened. My eyes start tearing up. Quinn grabbed my hand and held on tight. She scooted closer to me on the couch and entwined her arm in mine as she rested her head on my shoulder. I rested my head onto hers and let the tears fall down my face.

I finally sat up straight and shook myself from Quinn's embrace to wipe my face. "Thanks." I say softly.

"San, I am always going to be here for you, nothing would ever make me go away."

"I-I don't want to talk about it. I was...I just needed to thank you." I look away from Quinn.

"You never have to thank me. You are my best friend, my person." She paused before taking a breath and continuing. "I think that you should tell an adult San."

"No! Absolutely not." I sounded completely rude. I didn't mean to yell. I try again, "Quinn I- I just can't. I wasn't even supposed to tell you-"

"Supposed to?" Quinn cut me off. Shit.

"Nevermind. Forget it." I tried to quickly dismiss.

"No. No way." Quinn shook her head and looked at me intently, "What do you mean 'supposed to'?"

There was no way I was going to get out of this. "He...he said...He said not to tell or he'd..." I trail off.

"He would what Santana?"

"He took my license." I heard my friend gasp as I continued, "He said he would...kill me if I told. Or if anyone found out."

My best friend shot up off the couch. "Santana! You NEED to go to the cops. He has your license? He knows where you live!" Quinn was pacing now.

"You think I don't know that?" I cried out. "I can't go to the cops BECAUSE he knows where I live Quinn! Don't you get it? He wins. Again."

"San-"

"No." I cut her off and take a deep breath. Silence fills the room. "I can't. He said if I told anyone he would come looking for me. If...if he comes for them...if he comes for Rach," I look directly into Quinn's eyes, "That would kill me."

Quinn stood silently looking back into my eyes for a while, finally she sighed, "Fine S, if you don't want to go to the cops it is your choice. I support you; I always have and always will. However, I think you do need to at least go see a counselor. Talking about it is supposed to help, they emphasize that in therapy."

I can't do this. "Quinn-" She cuts me off.

"You know, when Alexa went through...this. She went to therapy ...and she swears by it now."

"Quinn, stop." I was short. I can't do this. I can't talk about it as if it really did happen. I can't have it be real, not yet. Especially not after the exam. The pain I am currently in is real enough for me.

"Well, I just mean...She said talking about it to someone made it easier for her to...move on. She said-"

I snapped my head to face hers. "Stop it," my breathing was quickening. Can't she see that I can't?

She continues, "My sister-"

I snapped, "I wasn't as lucky as your sister, Quinn! I had to be awake during the whole damn thing! I felt it all! I didn't get drugs to numb me." I was seething. "So stop! Stop comparing me to her."

Quinn was taken aback by my outburst. She quickly recovered, "San, calm down. I'm not saying that at all. I am not comparing. I was just saying that it helped Alexa to talk it out-"

I cut her off, screaming now, "What do you want me to talk about Quinn! How he told me he was going to make me cum before any of it started as he beat the shit out of me? Or how it felt when he went down on me?" I could see my best friend's eyes widen in shock and her face instantly cover in tears but I couldn't stop myself, "Or how we ended up orgasming together? I had an ORGASM Quinn! I LIKED it!" Tears were pouring down my face.

"Stop. San, stop it." She cried.

"No Quinn, don't you get it? I can't stop it. I can't talk about it because it is constantly replaying over and over again in my head!" I hit my head with my fists weakly. "Every time I breathe I feel like he is lying on top of me again. His voice is constantly rattling around in my head. Every time I walk and it hurts I think about the things he did..." I'm crying heavily now. "He has my driver's license. He knows where I live, my birthday, that I'm an organ donor. I don't even know his GOD DAMN name!" I break out into sobs and crumble to the ground, despite my body's protests. My legs are too weak to hold me. My breaths are hitched in my chest as I sob heavily into my arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." I cry to my best friend.

"Shh...You don't have anything to apologize for," the blonde replied as she slid down the wall and sat next to me rubbing my arm gently. She was zoned out, staring off in front of us. I knew her mind was replaying what she just heard me say. About everything that happened. She is picturing it. Why did I open my mouth? Why did I just say all of that? I start crying harder, which snaps my friend out of her daze, "San. Santana, look at me. Sweetie, please?" She slowly and delicately turned my face towards hers. "You have nothing to be sorry about. This was not your fault. I don't think any less of you, and I will always be here for you to cry to and yell at. You won't scare me away, ever." My eyes refused to meet hers. She continued, "Do you hear me San?"

All I could do was nod my head. This was my fault. I should have stayed home and picked up my baby sister from her dance class. I should have listened to my mom. If I did, none of this would be happening. All of this hurt I feel wouldn't exist.

I glanced at the clock. Thirty minutes and Rachel would be out of school. "I'm...I'm um...going to go get Rach from school-"

"I could do it for you San, you don't have to-"

I cut Quinn off, "No. I need some alone time. I...I'm going to leave now, be a little early." I stood up next to my best friend. "I'll um...call you later. I...I have to go." I needed to get out of here. I couldn't handle the awkward silence. I didn't want to be near Quinn as she was processing last night's and today's events.

We both filed out of the house and into our individual cars. I peeled out of the drive way as fast as I could. I just had to get out of there. I had to get away from people, in general, I needed alone time. I needed time to sort myself and find a mask to hide my pain before I saw my little sister again.

Quinn sat in her car and watched her best friend reverse out of the driveway and speed away. Once Santana's car was no longer in sight the blonde slammed her head on the steering wheel as tears clouded her vision. She was so torn. She didn't know what to do. In her gut, the teen knew that she should involve Shelby. She knew that Santana shouldn't handle this on her own and she knew that she wasn't qualified to help her best friend as much as she would like to. They were only sixteen. She beat her head on the steering wheel again. Santana said she didn't want her mom to know though, she should get what she wants, especially now… The blonde's thoughts trailed back to their earlier conversation. Santana said he took her license. This awful monster knows where she lives, knows where Shelby lives, where Rachel…. Quinn's head shot up. She had to call Shelby. She had to tell her. Santana needs help, more help than she could give her and she knows that Mama Lopez would have more knowledge of what to do or what to say. And when it came to Rachel, Quinn would die for her. She would never let anything happen to that beautiful little girl. She had to tell Shelby about Santana's…attack.

The blonde reached across and fished her phone out of her purse. She took a deep breath before dialing Shelby's cell phone number.

"You have reached Shelby Lopez, I apologize for not being able to answer the phone at the moment-"

Quinn quickly hung up the phone. She couldn't leave a voicemail. Not about this. She groaned in frustration. She quickly scrolled through her address book and called a different number. The phone rang and rang. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up your phone. Please.

"Lopez." Shelby's voice rang through the speaker.