Disclaimer: Mmmm...nope.
A/N: Holy cracker barrels and cheese sticks Batman! How did this get over 100 reviews in just 3 chapters?! Also I have the flu and feel like I've been hit by a truck so if this seems rambly (it's a word) or awkward, I blame illness. This whole story idea came from a song (even though it's the wrong month in the song but still).
If you want to check it out it's Our July In the Rain (Stripped) by He is We.
Two days ago, she made the best decision. An important one and she doesn't regret it. Not even a little bit. It's good to be home. To be back in a city she loves, the one she grew up in. The one that holds her family. It's good to be back in the loft. To walk around barefoot and in pajamas like she'd never left in the first place. But she had left. That still lingers. Two days of being here, of doing this with him. Talking and working through some tough subjects. They push each other out of comfort zones, make the other cry, don't let them run. She's never felt more emotionally and physically drained - at least not in several years.
That's what they've been doing. Just talking. And holding hands. She's the one who reached first but he hadn't pushed her away and now they're watching a movie and he's the one who shifts closer, takes her fingers hostage with his own. Because they're doing this. They're still here, still together. It doesn't seem real that she's here, that things are so distant between them. It's getting better - a lot better but she has to go back to DC. She leaves in the morning. She'll be gone for a week - another seven days but this time it won't be so bad. She tells herself that it's different this time. She has to do this. She has to go, she won't leave the job on bad terms, she'll turn in her resignation, talk to her landlord about backing out of her lease and then she'll pack up all of her things.
A week - maybe less - and she'll be home for good. She doesn't actually have a home though. Maybe her apartment is still open? It's a long shot but she really did love that apartment and she'll need to find something. Soon.
"I can go with you." He knows. Of course he knows what's on her mind - what's making it impossible to focus on the television screen. It's a sweet offer, one she wants to jump on but she shakes her head slowly. She can't.
"No, Castle, you don't have to do that."
"I want to." His voice is soft but strong. She knows what he's hiding though, everything he isn't saying. It's in his eyes, the tension of his shoulders, the way the vein in his neck throbs as he swallows. She has to do this.
"You can't." She sees his protest coming, feels it in the squeeze of his hand - tight and unforgiving. At least he's not letting go. "No, listen. I want you to but the only reason you're offering is because you're afraid. A part of you is scared that I won't come back and you're thinking if you go with me, you'll be able to make sure that I do."
"That's -"
"True and you know it. I'll be back as soon as I get everything taken care of." She follows his eyes when he drops his gaze to their entwined fingers. "But, um, I wouldn't mind you coming up towards the end of the week to help me pack."
It's enough. She lets her lips tilt, warm and sure as her thumb sweeps over his and it's enough to bring his pretty blues back up to lock with her uncertain eyes. His adams apple bobs, he tugs on her hand, and she feels a fire light in her blood. She knows that look. The dark predatory haze, the way he swallows so roughly, the grip of his fingers. She's powerless to resist.
Doesn't try. Doesn't want to. She's missed him so much and now he's leaning in, hesitantly almost as if he's waiting for her to put her hand on his chest and push him back. Why would she? He's crazy if he thinks she doesn't want to pin him to this couch and show him just how much she wants him. He's the man she's in love with. The man she's in a committed relationship with and her body is canting towards him as if she's a moth and he's the flame. It's easy to do this. To bump her nose into his and close the rest of the space between them. To shift into his lap the moment their lips touch.
He's just as warm as always, his lips are still the same soft satiny sensation and then his hands are on her hips, hoisting her up until she's sitting on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and cupping his face in her palms. He needs to shave. Kate feels the very moment his shred of control snaps. He bites her bottom lip roughly, almost hard enough to make her cry out but it feels too good. He feels too good.
He's angry and unforgiving but soft and loving all rolled into one. She can feel his pain, his suffering and she's sure he's enduring the same from her as she drags her teeth across his jaw. She wants him. More than just a burning desire - it's a need rooted so deeply inside of her that she's afraid she'll explode. Burst into a million pieces right here in his arms.
"Kate," It's a rough growl against her ear - the heat of his breath and the press of his lips sending shivers down her spine. She's not even sure if he's actually saying her name but it definitely sounds like it. His hands are slipping up her sides, bunching her shirt as they travel over her ribs and she's not sure of anything. She's missed his touch. "Stop, Kate."
She doesn't comprehend what he's saying, doesn't understand the request but then one of his hands is sliding around to her back, a palm pressing hard into the curve of her spine and she knows. Her skin is already pink, a rosy flush from the amount of arousal she's feeling and she's never one to feel embarrassed when it comes to this but she does now. He's asking her to stop and she doesn't get it until he's physically holding her in place and she can no longer rock her hips into his.
She doesn't jerk back, doesn't put any space between them. She's done with space. She hates it and she just needs to be close. She needs to know. She needs this. She wants the hot angry make-up sex. What if he doesn't? What are his needs? She's never been cautious - not since before they got together. But this is the time for it. She controls herself and rests her hands on his shoulders, her forehead against his as the words start tumbling.
"Sorry...I just -"
"No - not stop as in...I'm saying this completely wrong. We're bad at this." She chuckles against him, rubbing her nose over his. He's right. They suck at communication but it's somehow funny. At least it is right now. When they've been talking through things so well the last few days.
"I don't know Castle, I've always thought we were really good at this."
"Hm, we did make a baby." She did it. She changed the subject and he's even bantering, his lips tilting upwards. The air leaves her lungs, sucked out forcefully by the sweet nonchalance in his tone. He's okay with it. Seems to be handling it just a little better than she is because she keeps forgetting. It slips her mind and then he'll say something and it hits her in the chest like a bag of bricks. It isn't a bad feeling, it's just quick to stun. A bit of a shock each time he brings it up.
"I don't think you necessarily have to be good at sex to make a baby, Castle."
"Solid point." And it isn't funny - not really but it's been too long since they've done this back and forth and before she can even try to stifle it down she's shaking with laughter. Full and vibrant, mouth open and tears pricking her eyes. Completely inappropriate and he's holding her in place with heavy hands, not letting her move.
She buries her face in his shoulder, body still shaking with choked out full belly chuckles and she's not even sure what it is that's so funny. She hasn't laughed...in awhile. Not like this. Not since they were lazing around the loft on a Sunday with laser gear and nowhere to be.
Maybe it's the fact that she actually thought she could do this - be this person - without him when he's the only reason she let the walls crumble. He's the only reason she wanted them gone, if she's being completely honest with herself. Maybe it's the fact that she's actually carrying his child and she's terrified. Perhaps it's just the thought of them making out on the couch after not even touching for a month. Maybe it's all of it. She doesn't know but it isn't long before his hand is tangling in her messy waves and she feels him joining in. He must understand.
He holds her in place as they ease into soft bursts of chuckling, she feels good here. Better than good. Right. She feels right. She feels at home. With her smile pressing into his shirt, the cotton sticking against her teeth, she lets herself enjoy the moment.
"Rick," It's a mimic of the first time but she's serious and she wants to say it. "I do love you."
It's a burst in his chest, a full fledged explosion. He knows. He does - even if he's been having doubts for the last month - but it still shakes him to the core to hear it whispered into his shoulder. This is never how he imagined things. Then again, when has their relationship ever gone the way he imagined? Maybe it's a sign that he needs to abandon the 'plan' he has and create something new. Something tailor made for them. They need to let go of their reservations and just dive in. That's what he needs. That what they both need.
His fingers tighten, pressing into her back and scalp. She smells like soap, still a mix of cherries and something distinctly Kate. The bottle she kept in his bathroom is still there and he smiles a little at the way she'd been a bit surprised to see it sitting right next to his. All of her little things are still here, he never tossed them out. There's a box of tampons beneath his sink and it's rather obvious they're of no use to him but he couldn't bring himself to eradicate anything she'd brought to his home - not even that awful mouthwash that makes his eyes water.
She pushes against his hold, her head pressing back into his hand and forcing him to ease his hold, let her pull back. She's still smiling a little, not as brightly as when the laugh attack started but she's still got that quirk at the corners of her mouth, her teeth showing as she bites her bottom lip but her eyes always give her away. She's worrying. Always worrying.
Expressive pools of hazel glory, sometimes a dark shade, with specks of gold - like right now. When she's exhausted and just needs a sense of normalcy. He can give her that. He can lean in and gently pry her battered lip away from the abuse she's putting it through with a single touch of his mouth to hers.
"Love isn't a switch you can just turn off." He mumbles the words into her and she swallows every one of them on a shaky inhale.
"No, it isn't."
"We should talk about the ba-" The click of the door interrupts, has the woman in his lap tensing. As soon as the voice rings out, she's scrambling, sliding down on the cushion next to him and he's still not sure what's going on.
"Hey Dad, we - oh! Kate?"
"Hi, Alexis." The women officially gain his full attention. His daughter has caught them in similar positions before and unless articles of clothing were missing, Kate had never actually jerked away from him so fast. Oh. But he hasn't even thought of how his daughter would react to this in the last couple of days.
He hasn't thought of anything really. Just their relationship, her moving back, and the baby. Oh god. He needs to tell Alexis. There's a baby. Kate's pregnant. There's a tiny human being depending on her - on both of them but mostly her for the next several months. His daughter should know that.
Alexis looks at him and he catches the expressions filtering across her face. Knows for sure that confusion and hurt are amongst them in the furrowing of her brow. He should have told her. He's been too caught up and there's no excuse really. She's his daughter and she deserves to know these things. He opens his mouth, ready to blurt out something, anything to make this tense round of staring at one another end but she beats him as soon her gaze meets with the woman next to him.
"Why didn't you tell me you were back?" She's definitely hurt. He knows that tone. It's the same one she had when she was three and asking where her mom was. Those blue eyes watery. That doesn't stun him, it's the question itself that does.
"I've been working things out with your father. I didn't want to just waltz back in like nothing happened." His head is starting to spin just a little because he has no idea why his little girl is frowning like that or why Kate is just calmly reaching for his hand. "I would've told you the other day but -"
"You sounded really busy."
"I was but I'm sorry for cutting it short."
"What's going on?" He glances from woman to woman, mouth open and wanting answers. Alexis walks over to them, slowly joins their little two person party on the couch but she doesn't take her eyes off of his girlfriend. He thinks the label still fits. "Alexis?"
"I called her, Castle. I wanted to know if you were okay and you wouldn't ever answer so I called her...and Martha. A few times, actually." Her voice is soft, her thumb is rubbing over his knuckles and he's not sure how he feels. It's not anger that builds in him, something a little more complex than that. Something wrapped in confusion and snuggled against pride.
He's almost proud and that doesn't make any sense to him.
a/n: Next is the continuation of this chapter. I know Alexis is supposed to be in Costa Rica but I didn't know that when I started this so let's just ignore that fact, shall we?