yamishun-thank you for the review, it was nice of you to give me some
ideas on how to make it better, truth is this is my first story i've
let people read. i usually write stories and keep them to myself.so i
don't get people telling me how to make it better.so thanks even if
it was a bit flamish.also, im not doing it for the reviews, i just
wanted a couple people to tell me what they think and how to improve
it(like you).and i'll start writting in story form like you asked.
last, i know the summary is short, but i was trying to keep most of
the story to be anticipated.sorry!bye.
alice elis-thanks,3 reviews for all three pages!
starblastz:ok, on with chapter 2!!!!!
chapter 2:a trip and an idiot
"moooooooooooooooooooooooooom"whined mikan,"do i hhhhhhhhhhave to go"
"yes, now into the chariot"as you can guess, are little mikan is
being forced into an over sized carriage(((by her dense mom)))to start
her trip to the kingdom of her soon to be fiancee(((i can't do the thing
with the e)))(BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA)"just go idiot."hotaru,
her best friend(((?)))."i don't know how much longer i can stand
this country side." yup. they had to go all the way to the
country side at the southwest side of the castle, just to see mikan off.
the fire kingdom was located west of the sea of wishes.north of them
was of corse the northern forest, witch past behind the fire kingdom,
and also the phermone kingdom(((that is the kingdom hotaru's father
rules over.))),witch is west of the fire kingdom,going all the way
to the dessert of illusions.south of the fire kingdom, is the tecnology
kingdom. its ruled by a living family, but over half of the
inhabitants are robots and machines.finaly,south-west of the
fire kingdom, where mikan will be going, is the dark kingdom.
(((now i understand why she dosen't want to go there..))) it is
very mysterious. no one knows much about it at all. they do know, that
not even the bravest and strongest warriors the send come back.
now, back to mikan's protest.
"but mom! it's evil!!!!!everyones scared of that kingdom!!!"mikan
whined with fear."exactly.nobody would dare mess with the fire kingdom
if they made a union by marriage with the dark kingdom through its
royalties."her mother said.(((ok, not that stupid afterall)))."thats it"
said hotaru.then she pulled out a claw that had a controller.
"invention #756368:the struggle claw.
used to prevent idiots from struggling and/or any and all movment."
"who does she talk to ?"asked mikan."shut it."and with that,
hotaru encased mikan in the crab-like claw and set her
(((still in the claw))) in the carriage and closed the door.
"bye sweetie!"said the queen.(((WHATS HER NAME!?!?)))"your majesty"
"yes hotaru?""did you ever tell her the prince's name?"asked hotaru.
"oops..."
"idiot."
starblastz:so tell me what ya think!
(especially you yamishun!)
Ja!