Numair?"

Alanna's voice broke through his reverie, snapping him into the moment. Lost in his thoughts he had forgotten the hour, the candles flickered and the world outside his palace rooms was winding down for the night. He had been lost again, looking out of the window of his rooms. He could see Daine talking to some of the many animals of the palace in the gardens below. He had been watching her as the gentle mist of rain rested in drops on her brown curls. Her cheeks flushed gently with the cold and she looked tired. Since the war had officially broken out they both had been, but she was still as beautiful as ever.

"Sorry Alanna I was lost in thought," he smiled warmly at the Lioness as she closed the door behind her, casting wards to the corners of the room as she did. Numair looked at her confused as she took a seat beside him.

"Did I miss another meeting?" he asked "why the wards? Did som… " She waved off as she looked him dead in the eye – holding his attention with her amethyst stare

"Numair I need to know before Jon sends me up to the border tomorrow, what in the name of the goddess is going on with you? You look like the black god has an arm on you, and I know this is not normal tiredness before you start trying to feel me that line…."

He broke the contact with her eyes "Nothing is going on Alanna. Gods know we are all exhausted. Jon has me and Harailt in every book in the realm working on the barrier, and that's without everything else." Forcing Daine from his thoughts, he put his attention on the increasingly angry woman in front of him. There was no way he could tell Alanna how he felt, she loved Daine like she was a younger sister. She would flay him alive for the thoughts he was having, if she managed to beat him to the task.

"I've heard that line before, the last mage who tried may have been shorter than you, but he told it better. I didn't believe him either. Tell Me" Her voice wavered at the last, her eyes desperate to be told her assumptions were wrong.

That shocked him, she rarely mentioned Thom. The unspoken truth of their great friendship was that, in many ways, he was to her the brother she lost. Numair could see now she was worried he was heading down the same dark path Thom had done. Hoping to calm her he raised his hand and curled his gift into an orb in his open palm. She could see plainly that the magic was untainted. He looked away as he answered her.

"I am… My gift is fine. It's nothing, it's just…" he shook his head and closed his palm, "its personal Alanna, but it is not affecting my work or my magic. Please accept that"

When he looked back at her, he expected to see a stare that demanded answers, but instead light danced in her eyes, her lips slightly curved. She was smirking at him.

"So you finally figured it out then". It was a statement, not a question. "Does Daine know?" He stared at her, eyes wide with shock. How had she known his feelings? Had it been that obvious? He thought he had control of himself, put all of those thoughts into a box and locked it away. He leapt to his feet.

"What? Hags Bones Alanna what do you think of me? You've been listening to too many court rumours and you of all people should know better!" Numair started to pace, refusing to look at his friend, and getting increasingly defensive. "To think that I would do anything to Daine like that, what makes you think I would ever take advantage of a student, one so much younger…" Looking down at his hands he noticed they were clenched and his knuckles white. He paused, breathing deeply to try and stem his rising panic

Her hands entered his vision and took his, making him meet her gaze. He smirk was gone, replaced by gentle concern. He relaxed a little, at least she didn't hate him in the way he did himself. At least SHE isn't disgusted with me, he thought.

"I think you would because you love her Numair" she spoke softly. He sank back into his seat, as she continued. "it's been obvious for a while now, since Carthak. I wondered if you knew then or not. When did you wake up."

"Midwinter" he mumbled, not moving. "So George will be having my ears then?" She snorted loudly at that

"Hardly!" she laughed, "My dear husband needs no more ears for his collection, I dread the day one of the children find them as it is." Her voice softening she added," and you forget laddybuck, that I was a ten year old girl pretending to be a boy when I met my roguish husband. That is the way of things sometimes. Sometimes you don't know until later, sometimes you have to muddle through everything to truly notice the person beside you."

"This isn't you and George, or Jon for that matter before you head down that road", now it was Numair's turn fix her gaze. "I'm her teacher, I have a reputation, and I would ruin hers. Yes, I love her, but it is unfathomable that she could feel half as deeply for me as I do her. She needs a younger man, one that can be what she needs, not that she confuses herself into thinking she wants." Looking away, he added quietly "she deserves better than me."

The Lioness walked to the window and smiled, realising what Numair had been concentrating on as she entered. "Maybe she does, but that's not what matters is it. She loves you Numair. She tore down the imperial palace for you", her voice was stern now but still gentle. He opened his mouth to reply, but she waved him off. "I know I won't convince you, you are too block headed for that. I am going to give you some advice if I may. I know you would give your life for her, you pretty much did in Carthak and look what happened. She deserves to know, should the worst happen, what you feel for her and why you did it. Take it from one who knows, she will need to hear it. It's bad out there Numair, who knows who will see the next year."

She touched him gently on the shoulder. "Think on it. Liam left a letter for me, he had a feeling about the coronation. George or I would gladly keep one for you, just in case." Pulling down her wards she left, leaving him with much to think about.

Back in the autumn when he had stayed in Carthak to find Daine he had sent a simulacrum ahead of the peace delegation, correctly not trusting the Emperor's intentions. That magical double had been executed in his stead, but it would be hubris to say it could not have easily been him. Daine had nearly torn Ozorne apart while in hyena shape mad with grief for her friend, before he had been able to pull her back. If I'm truly dead I can't do that for her can I, maybe Alanna has a point.

He didn't want to think of the other thing she had said, the real reason Daine went mad with grief when he died. He wasn't ready to think about that yet.