Hello lovelies! First I wanted to say, if you don't like my story or have a problem about how I write it well then don't read it. It's just that simple. Apparently it has to be someone what interesting for you to read it all the way through and then leave a horrible comment. This stuff, I do for fun! I don't have to continue, I want to but If "people these days", who don't have a life can criticize my work, I wont continue. I work hard planning these stories out. Spell checking them etc. I cut off time from school work and other things I could be doing, but writing is my passion. I would like to share that with everyone, so please if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all….and to the fans, I LOVE YOU GUYS! You are the ones that keep me going.

~destiny

Chp. 4

Beck's Pov.

"Beck please don't stand here and tell me you don't feel the same way about me", Tori said.

"Tori you know I would do anything to-", I started. My eyes were filled with hurt and I looked at hers to see if they matched mine, and they did.

"To what! Beck I know you love me. Don't do this to me, don't do this to US", her eyes watered.

"That's the thing there is no 'US' Tori." I don't love you. I don't. I-I don't", I tried to make my words sound real.

"You treat me like crap day after day, for no reason at all! What did I ever do to you to make you hate me? I try with all my might to hate you like you do me but I just cant…I can't help but love you. You and your damn mood swings! IWANNAHATEYOU!...but I just can't. Do you know why?...because the Beck I know, is not the arrogant, prick standing in front of me, telling me that he doesn't love me. Telling me that he never feels that spark in his heart when we touch. Telling me that we're better off without each other…telling me that he wants to break my heart. Telling me that he hates me", she sobbed. Why am I such a cruel person? Why did I do this to her?

I walked over to her and caressed her cheek. "I'm sorry", I whispered, and walked off into the darkness.

I woke up huffing and puffing. Where are my sheets? I looked on the floor and there lay my tangled sheets. I sighed and put my face in my hands. It was then that I felt something wet and sticky. I was crying.

HATE LOVE

"Andre she doesn't fit into my reputation", I told Andre Tuesday morning in the Bathroom. He shook his head.

"Beck there are better things in life than your reputation", Andre explained. I zipped up my pants and walked over to the sink to wash my hands.

"But, me and Tori don't belong together, I will corrupt her, she's good…and I'm well…I'm bad", I explained as Andre handed me a paper towel, to wash my hands off.

"You know you love her", Andre stated. I looked at him, remembering my dream. I turned away ashamed, I threw out the paper towel and walked out of the bathroom. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm, going.

"Beck", Andre called after me. I stopped at my locker, opened it, grabbed my things and prepared to talk off.

"You're going to just run away from your problems. Whatever happened to being a man", Andre stared me down. Why do I feel so weak?

"ANDRE! I'm afraid to hurt her ok. you seen the way she was after what Derek did to her, I don't want her to be like that again…and know that I was the one that caused it", I said, lowing my voice.

"What makes you so sure that you will do that to her", Andre asked.

"All I have ever done in my life was fuck up. Why do you think me and my dad never got along? Because I'm just a screw up. He wants me to be someone I'm not. I screw up at everything I do. That's why my reputation is the only thing I have good for me, because I didn't screw it up…yet. I don't want to hurt Tori. That's why I push her away. I don't think she can take anymore pain, after Derek. I mean I still want to beat his ass. I know your going to say that she's already hurting because of the crap I put her through everyday but she's strong enough to handle that but heartbreak…Andre come on I cant afford to lose her forever", I poured out everything there was to be said. Andre looked at me with sympathy.

"Beck I-", Andre didn't know what to say.

"No you don't have to say anything, just you being here right now is enough. If anyone ask I went home sick", I said and walked out the school building with people's glances towards me.

HATE LOVE

I have been driving for hours. Hollenbeck Lake is where I find myself stopping my car at. I don't even know how I got here.

My mom and dad used to take me here when I was little. My mom died when I was seven. I still remember that day, it was filled with sadness. She died of breast cancer. After my mom died my dad and I split. He started disagreeing with me on everything I did. I couldn't hang out with my friends. I was always on punishment. He just took his anger out on me. This was his way of "grieving", as he liked to call it. Every time he would hit me for something unnecessary he would say "you're being here caused your mother to die. Without you everything was fine." As a little boy I was always down, I never had friends, my father forbid me to see them. I was shy and timid. I was forever depressed. I still have marks on my arms and legs where my father used to beat me. My dad always used to say I was a screw up and no one would ever love me. And after a while of hearing it, I started to believe it. My dad wanted me to find some way to bring my mom back. I couldn't do that. I'm not God and I don't have that power. So it could worse, the beatings were no longer bare able. One day I took it upon myself to take action. I called the number that I knew by heart, my grandpa. (My grandpa was a wise, very wealthy man, served as senator for 27 years. He was always careful of his money and never trusted anyone with it). I begged him to take me away from my dad. I told him he made my life miserable. My grandpa took my dad to court. The judges found him guilty. During the time the court case was in hearing, I couldn't stay with my dad nor my grandpa because the case did not adjourn. I stayed in an orphanage for about five weeks. Everything that I encountered was horrible. The caretaker was mean. The food was disgusting. There was nothing to do, no toys to play with, no TV. to watch. Nothing. I guess that's why I bonded so well with the orphans at Maven'sOrphanage.It was because I had been there, and felt their pain. Of course the judge found my dad guilty and he rots in prison at this very moment. My grandpa took me in and everything was fine and it couldn't be better, until at the age of 14 my grandpa died, of a sudden heart attack. I had to be again being forced into the orphanage for a year; being 15 the law let me buy my own apartment, with the money my grandpa left me in his will. I was rich! How could I not be any happier? I went to school and had many friends, got a girlfriend (who is annoying in every way possible. I loathe her), started a reputation. Cool, popular guy. The only thing I was lacking was family! Then a year later a girl named Tori Vega enters my life, and I just push, push, and push her away. Why can't I just let her in? It's not that easy.

"Beck. Find someone who will love you, just as your mother and I. If you find that person, you will never be wretched", my grandpa's words rang over and over in my head.

I don't know if the law allows you to buy your own apartment at 15 but in this story they do lol…please review. I love ya

Ps. Please excuse any misspellings or improper grammar usage, I was in a hurry. Oh and HAPPY THANKSGIVING