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Chapter 4 – You got to put your behind in your past.

For just a moment it was as though the past few years hadn't happened, as though the blonde had never walked out on her. Everything was forgotten as she looked into those eyes. She exhaled slowly as she tried to come to terms with reality, and while she felt weak at the sight of her ex-girlfriend, she found some strength too, enough to at least find her voice, "Piper?"

It was quiet, but she recognised that familiar voice as it whispered her name back, "Alex?"

"Oh good, you already know each other?!" Nikkis voice was loud, an unwelcome intrusion on an extremely private moment. Alex frowned. Nikki didn't understand the significance of this moment.

"You could say that," Alex answered her best friend. She tore her eyes away from the blonde, "or at least we did.."

Completely oblivious to the tension in the air, Nikki punched the air, "I knew it!" she smiled proudly, "I can always tell.."

Finding no other words, Alex excused herself, "I've got to go and sort the stock." She wheeled the trolley away as quickly as she could, one of the wheels squeaking loudly as she disappeared down the length of the store. Walking down the stairs to the basement, she welcomed the cool air against her flushed cheeks and rested her head against one of the shelves. "Fucking Fuck Fuck!" She punched an empty cardboard box.

How was it that she could keep it calm when organising a tricky four-and-a-half kilo Heroin import, and yet a confrontation with her ex-girlfriend had her hiding in a basement? She dropped her head into her hands and pressed the balls of her palms against her eyes. When she had imagined seeing Piper again, if she ever saw the woman again, she hadn't imagined it being anything like this. The many times she had pictured all the possible ways their reunion could have played out, none of them resulted in her acting like a deer caught in headlights, running away to catch her breath. Alex always tried to give the impression that she was impenetrable, her previous job had meant that she had to appear tough. Nobody fucked around with Alex Vause. She was direct, she could be aggressive, she had a confidence which drew people towards her, but a dangerous edge which kept them at a safe distance. As a child, growing up in a rough neighbourhood and dealing with cruel classmates who bullied her for not having a father, or not wearing brand named clothes, she had learned to put her emotions in a box, she'd learned not to take any shit from people, and not to allow anyone close enough to see past her shield of protection. Anyone, that had been, except for Piper. She had been the only person who persisted to break past each and every barrier, and as she did so, she further cemented an eternal place in the woman's heart.

Her chest pounded, pacing up and down, Alex tried to evaluate the situation. So she had seen her ex? So what? Maybe she was just in LA on a visit? Although it looked an awful lot like the end of a job interview… How was this even possible? Piper lived in New York. She could feel the beginnings of a headache and squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

"That was a pretty speedy getaway," she heard Nikki's amused voice, but knew her friend was concerned. This wasn't typical Alex behaviour.

"I know, I know.." She continued to pace, "How?!"

Nikki looked at her blankly, "wanna talk about it?"

"No." Alex looked up, her eyes gave a different answer.

"Who is she?"

"Its her," she'd told Nikki about her ex before, though she hadn't into detail – it was too painful.

"The bitch who left you in Paris?!" Nikki looked surprised, "fuck!"

They stood in silence for a few minutes, "want me to kill her?" she offered.

Alex gave her a little laugh.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but she starts on Monday…"

Alex closed her eyes, she'd been afraid of that.

"Fuck!" she exhaled as her friend wrapped an arm around her shoulder

"Maybe she wont show?" Nikki offered, "Seeing you may have spooked her?"

Alex shrugged, "Yeah, maybe…"

"Want me to give her a hard time, make sure she doesn't come back?"

It was a tempting idea, but she thought better of it. What if Piper was in some kind of trouble and needed the job? Piper was smart though, she had a degree, surely she could get a job somewhere else, with a bigger salary.. She knew nothing about her ex-girlfriend anymore..

"Nah, let's just see how it plays out.. I'm fine," she was met with eyes full of disbelief, and corrected herself, "I'll be fine" she corrected.

Nikki headed back to the coffee shop and left Alex in the basement.

"Pull it together Vause," she instructed herself.

She headed back onto the shop floor and continued the never ending task of organising the shelves. The mundane task wasn't nearly distracting enough to stop her mind from wondering.. One memory after another of her and Piper. For each good memory, she found a bad one to counter it. She knew she wouldn't ever be totally over Piper, but if she was going to be seeing her on a near daily basis, then she needed to find a way to control her mind.

It wasn't easy to suppress it though, she constantly caught herself imagining the pair of them alone together.. Did she want Piper back? There was an aching when she thought about her, and moments when she believed it could be possible to win her back.. But then, when she remembered their screaming rows and the number of times Piper had threatened to leave, had left, but had then come back.. and of course, had finally left never to come back.. Their relationship had been a passionate one, on both ends of the spectrum. There was a magnetic attraction between them, they were complete opposites, from completely different worlds, and yet they were drawn to each other, it had been the things about Piper that she found the most attractive which were also the things which would infuriate her. Mostly though, their arguments circled around one particular issue, and that was Alex and her work.. As this was no longer an issue, she couldn't help but wonder..

And wonder she did, until the clock ticked around and she was able to leave work, she continued to battle with thoughts about Piper. Was she thinking about her too? Had their unexpected reunion had the same effect on her?

As she wandered the streets along her journey home, she felt her phone buzz in the pocket of her leather Jacket. She ignored it at first, lost in her thoughts. When it buzzed a second time, she took her phone out and saw the name she had expected.

Nikki: Dusk?x

Nikki: I have a double JD with your name on it, usual spot x

Nikki: Don't make me hunt you down, bitch! Get your ask at Dusk!x

Dusk was a bar they frequented, although not usually this early in the evening. Alex laughed at her friend's persistence and felt thankful to have a good friend like Nikki. She turned quickly on her heals and headed for the bar. A drink was exactly what she needed to take the edge off the day.

Surprised by how busy the bar was for only 6pm, Alex weaved through the tables out front, and headed towards the back to "their table", and there sat Nikki sat with Lorna and a collection of empty glasses.

As she took her seat, Nikki pushed two glasses towards her, "Happy hour," she hiccupped, "drink up!"

She drank down the first Jack Daniels and Coke in nearly one go, impatient for to numbness that alcohol offered. Slowly, as she emptied more and more glasses, her mind became cloudy. The day's anxiety had been washed away, and instead she felt relatively happy in her friends company. Nikki had made sure there were always drinks at their table, and Alex was impressed that instead of abandoning her for flavour of the month, she had been on top form, joking around, handing out some banter and befriending strangers at the bar, inviting them to their table. Alex had talked about everything other than the one thing which continued to drift to the front of her mind.

Lorna, who wore her hair in a 1950's pin up style, had a soft voice, and Alex had to concentrate to hear her above the bustle of the bar. She and Alex spoke throughout the night, and what struck Alex the most was the naivety of the woman, she seemed so positive, seeing the best in everyone and everything. Alex would usually consider such a personality train as being annoying, but Lorna was sweet, she had a kindness that was rare in people these days. Recognising her Boston accent, they made small talk about some of their favourite places in New York. Alex briefly explained that she'd had her heart broken in Paris, "The city of love?!" the petite woman exclaimed, and that since then, she had travelled the world for a while before settling in California. Lorna asked no further questions, and Alex had been surprised that she hadn't even asked about the incident at the airport the night before. Perhaps, having grown up in a similar neighbourhood to Alex, she understood that certain things were better not discussed. She told Alex about how she had moved to California fairly recently, she had won a scholarship and was studying at a cinema make up school. The young woman, like many young women in LA, had big dreams of working in the film industry.

As they walked home, Lorna and Nikki took up either side of Alex, struggling to keep the taller woman upright. She had drunk more than them, and she was struggling with her balance. Alex mumbled something incoherent, and frowned at the sounds that had escaped her mouth. Frustrated, she stopped in the middle of the path and stumbled towards the wall, using it to hold herself up. "But I love her!"

"I know," Nikki ran a hand through her friends' dark hair, "I know you do…"

"You do?" Alex looked at her through bloodshot eyes.

"I do."

"Do you?"

"I do!" Nikki gave her a playful shove, which sent the woman stumbling against the wall. Unable to regain her balance she fell to a heap on the floor. "What the fuck, Nichols?"

Nikki threw her head forward as she laughed, her wild hair giving her the appearance of a crazed lion. She held out her hand for Alex to pull herself up from but instead found herself being dragged down to the floor, and fell. Lorna took out her phone and started to take pictures of them as the pair continued to laugh manically. The petite woman grabbed Nikkis' outstretched hand and pulled as hard as she could to pull her up, but Nikki was a dead weight, helpless as she tried to catch her breath. Lorna sat down beside them.

As their laughter died down, Alex frowned into the darkness.. "What the fuck am I gonna do?"

"You got to put your behind in your past," Nikki patted her on the shoulder, "wait.." she frowned as she thought about it, "you gotta put your past behind you," she corrected herself with a nod.

Alex decided for a change of topic. She looked at Lorna and then poked her friend hard in the chest, "I like this one" she announced. She leaned across Nikki and looked at her new friend, "I like you!"

"I like you too," Nikki spoke, sincerity in her voice.

"Well, I'm enjoying all this love," Lorna laughed before placing a soft kiss on Nikki's cheek, "I like you too" she whispered into her ear seductively.

Alex momentarily watched the pair, happy that her friend had found someone who she cared for. Nikki was like Alex in many ways, and wasjust as evasive when it came to the matter of emotions.

Having scrambled against the paving stones, and each other, the three of them managed to pull themselves up. Alex grabbed Nikkis hand and then grabbed Lornas' hand, and she put them together. "There," she smiled at them, as their fingers interlocked. "Don't hide how you feel," she slurred, and with her thoughts back on Piper, she gave them some advice, "because you don't know how long you're going to have together to show it."