The Doctor stood by the console in the Tardis, he had no idea where he was going, he was clouded by tears and as he stood in the silence of the ship he collapsed in grief onto the console and broke down. He never knew that he could cry like that but the echoing silence around him only brought his despair closer. He remembered Rose's laugh, looked around and saw in his mind his companion standing besides him biting coyly on her thumb nail in the way which he adored so much.
She had promised him forever, she had stood by him and promised him that she would stay forever, the words broke his hearts as he could hear them swirling around his mind. She had promised him forever and he had promised her he would never just leave her behind. He had said to her that he could never do it, not to her, not to his Rose. He felt like ice, frozen within his own guilt. He felt as if he had betrayed her. But he couldn't bear to see his Rose in pain. Things had changed and she no longer saw him how she used to, she no longer embraced him in the warm and comforting way he had once relished. When he had saved her from the wire, when she had found him after he had encountered Satan's Pit, when he had after months, found his way into the alternate dimension to bring her back to him, they had held each other for support and in true friendship. But there had been no comfort, no support, she could not even look at him recently and the Doctor cared too much to let her suffer.
His complete belief in the fact that she had wanted to go had not wavered until the very moment that he had left her. Her face had looked at him with some of the life and care that it used to hold. For a fleeting second he had wanted to throw his arms around her and bring her back into the Tardis and never let her go, but his senses wouldn't let him, he cared more for her happiness…she had seemed so unhappy, she had wanted to go. He repeated this over and over to himself, a mantra to keep any other thoughts at bay. For a nagging doubt was now building up within him. Why had she looked so sad and afraid when he had left? There was no relief on her face, she had looked at him as though he had betrayed her. The Doctor suddenly hated himself for what he had done.
"I betrayed her," he spoke out loud.
She can never forgive me for what I have done, I was wrong. I was wrong. The words echoed inside him like Rose's own voice haunting him from within. He was beginning to realise that he had acted out of fear, he was a coward and he had left Rose out of his own fear that she would leave him. He could not bear for Rose to reject him so he had abandoned her. Once again he felt the tears overwhelm him. But he did not turn back, he did not go back for Rose, he could not see how she could ever forgive him for breaking his promise, betraying and abandoning her in the ways he had sworn he never would. He had broken his Rose and his own hearts had broken in the process. He travelled onwards, with the excruciating knowledge that he was alone, he had left her, he had left her, he had left her. The words would not leave, she would never leave his soul. The Doctor was broken.
---There is another chapter planned for Rose's point of view and then perhaps others if you guys feel like you want more of the story, but could you guys let me know? I will give you all banana daiquiris!!! I don't want to be writing and no-one care much for the story so let me know in reviews if you like it or not and if you want me to continue. Again, I will say I have a LOT more in my head for this story if you are interested.