They talked into the afternoon, dusk, and night. When their eyes grew heavy with exhaustion, the decided to call it and crawl into the shoddy bed Clarke had pieced together many years ago. His words still bounced off the walls of her already scrambled brain, her memories of the last six years had started to flood in, all without Madi. She began to feel normal again after realizing she wasn't crazy, she was just determined to survive and that included the memories of her life before Praimfaya. The stories she told were just her reminding herself that not everything was gone. Her love for her friends, for life, it was still strong and it would never fade away. Her love for Bellamy it scares her...she was stunned when he told her he loved her. It was something she had somehow known, but refused to acknowledge in fear that he too would perish like her past loves had. She hadn't said it back. But she still climbed into the bed with him and lay her head on his chest while his arm was wrapped around her tightly.
"Goodnight Princess." He said kissing the top of her head.
"Don't call me that" she giggled while lightly tapping his chest.
"Goodnight Bell." She mumbled. They closed their eyes and began to breathe in sync with one another, slowly drifting until finally they were asleep.
Clarke stood before Bellamy in her radiation suit telling him to hurry as they parted ways, she ran off to the tower and he off to gather supplies. Then he waited. He was sitting in the office going over numbers for algae and water and how long until malnutrition set in for the group. How long could a small oxygen vent keep them alive without going out? How long until Clarke came back to them? Then he was sitting the rocket glaring at the door to the lab through his window. She came running in breathless with a huge smile on her face but it was too late, raven hit the button and off they went just as the wave hit them, he could see Clarke fall to the floor writhing in pain, lesions formed and her skin bubbled and cracked, black blood seeping out of her nose and mouth as she screamed in agony. His heart wrenched as he struggled to get his harness off and rushed to get the door open only for Echo to hold a knife to his throat. He couldn't just leave her there, she was Dying! Boils popped on her face, she looked like a creature.
"Wanheda looks like the monster she is." Echo spat.
"She's not a monster! And she's not Wanheda!" Bellamy screamed. He tried to shove Echo away but she was so strong. His heart felt like it was shattering into thousands of tiny pieces, he pushed her away as hard as he could and began to reach for the door. They entered into space as soon as his hands got ahold of the handle and into zero G they went. His fists thrust against the window, glass shards pierced his hand as the window broke, he screamed for her until his throat was raw. All hope was lost and the dark, vastness of space consumed him.
"CLARKE!"
Bellamy thrashed around in a cold sweat as Clarke tried to wake him up. She held onto his shoulders and attempted to calm him down.
"Bellamy! Bellamy! Shhhh." She soothed. Bellamy's dark eyes shot open, his pupils were dilated, the whites of his eyes were stained pink. His heartbeat was erratic and Clarke feared he might go into shock or worse. Her heart was racing alongside his, she had never seen him so distraught.
"I left you. I left you Clarke I didn't want to, I tried to stay. I wanted to stay." He panted.
"Shhh, Bell, I'm here. I'm here." She whispered, she pulled him close to her and ran her hands through his hair.
"I'm not leaving you ever again." He mumbled. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tight, the closeness reminded him of their last minutes together in Becca's lab. When she realized she couldn't say goodbye to her mother all because he took so long saying goodbye with Octavia. Eventually his breathing and heartbeat returned to normal but he remained in Clarke's arms, it felt like home to him.
The nightmare stayed away for the rest of the night and they found themselves tangled up in each other when they woke. The humidity stuck to their bodies like a leach sucking their will to get out of bed right out of them. They lay with each other in a comfortable silence until Clarke decided to show him her camp she had made.
"Come on I'll show you my hideout." She said playfully. He got up and chased her out, passing by colorful bunting, fabrics, and paintings on sides of buildings. Tables full of supplies littered the main space, a trail of hubcaps dug into the earth made a path to a medium sized fire pit that rested in a circle of trees. A curing station lived on an orange table, jasper taught her how back at the drop ship no doubt. There were more fabrics and bunting decorating the trees, they lined the sky like beautiful clouds. There were reds, blues, oranges, rich jewel tones that only Clarke would think of. She continued running towards a clearing so he kept up with her, only stopping when she did. The gas station was degraded and rusted over from years of nuclear holocaust and weather. How had any of this survived? She grinned widely at him before shoving a door open. Her doomsday shelter had an ice cream menu.
"I think I would've like bubblegum." Bellamy joked.
"I'm a strawberry cheesecake girl myself." She laughed. Taking his hand she led him to the backroom where she had her art studio set up, something like pulp laying long dried sat in a wooden bin, dried roots and grasses sat in a small basket in the corner.
"It took forever but I managed to find plants good enough to make paper, other than trees of course." She grinned. The paintings and drawings that decorated the grey space were also surrounded by leaves and vines creeping their way in from broken and opened windows. What little light that peeled through illuminated her canvases. Paintings of the Ring, a portrait of her mother, a head and heart bleeding into one another...picture symbolizing them. Her drawings were mostly of him, their friends, and Madi.
"These are beautiful." Bellamy mumbled, Clarke stood close to him, wrapped her arm around his, and lay her head down on his shoulder.
"Thank you Bell." She said. They stayed like that for a second, then Clarke grabbed a haphazard stool and sat it by the window with the most light.
"Sit." She commanded. Who was he to deny her?
"How do you want me to pose?" He laughed. She smiled.
"However you want, just make it natural." She said, grabbing a blank canvas and her brushes. He settled on resting his arms against his knees and bending forwards, looking at the wall covered in paint splatters. Clarke mixed a multitude of colors together before she looked up at him.
"Ok now don't move." She ordered. He grinned for just a second. He complied with her orders not to move, she sketched on the canvas first, grossing it, then drawing his outline and features, his arms began to hurt when she got into the paint. It all looked grey from what he could see out of the corner of his eye. She was hard at work, a look of determination graced her face as she dipped her brush and slid it across. How many days had she spent in here trying to escape her loneliness? Even with the hallucinations of Madi, how many days did she sit here staring at the wall he now looked at? What did she think about? Did she think of him? It was killing him to stay where he was, to stay silent while she worked. Then he realized, all she had was silence when she was alone.
"Raven was my first drawing in the first sketchbook I made." She said finally.
"Really now? Not me?" He asked.
"I just...I had just fixed the rover up for the first time ever, and I actually did a good job. I thought of what she would tell me to do the whole time like during the Dropship battle." She smiled.
"I missed her so much. She was actually my best friend."
"She missed you too. Raven was beside herself in space, granted she was able to tinker and work on all the projects her heart desired up there. But she always thought of you when she'd catch me in your cell."
"My cell?" Clarke paused.
"I found your cell in the skybox. It wasn't hard, I just looked for the art." Clarke stopped painting after that. She put the brush down and looked at him hard before walking right up to his slouched figure.
"What are you-" she cut him off by planting her lips on his. It took him by surprise because he pulled back for just a moment. Her eyes met his, shock filled them, and then shock turned to understanding, then to desire. He cupped her cheek and pulled her to him again, kissing her once more. They fit so well together, it was hard to imagine that they'd never done this with each other before.
After the kiss that afternoon, they didn't really do much else but that. She showed him her painting of him, it was all in greyscale. When he asked why she claimed it was because he was the only person who didn't make her see in black and white, at first they did but after they grew closer, she saw grey. They both did. She said no one else was her grey area and he was honored. They lounged around her camp sneaking kisses once in a while, holding hands, she caught fish from a nearby river and prepped them while he started a fire, he found wild potatoes and carrots close to her camp while she grabbed some rosemary she had been growing in a makeshift planter by the art station.
"Are they ready to cook?" He asked her.
"Sure, they'll need some thyme though" Bellamy rolled his eyes while she giggled at her horrible pun. They cooked the fish and veggies and set them on small clay plates she had made years ago, they ate at the fire pit and traded more stories until the fire died. That's when they decided to call it a night again.
"Goodnight Clarke." He whispered as she cuddles closer to him, kissing her forehead.
She was drifting alone surrounded by millions of stars. Clarke was space walking, but she wasn't tethered to anything she was just there. All alone floating in Becca's first space suit, the one she threw herself down to bring nightblood to all survivors of ALIE's genocide, it was almost peaceful. But it dawned on her that it might not be safe to be out here by herself, there was no food, her suit wouldn't have oxygen forever, and it would be dangerous if a solar flare were to happen even with nightblood she would be burnt to a crisp. So she began to propel herself to the ring in the distance where she'd be safe from the dangers of space, but it was dark there, the power long gone but she could get it back up somehow. Clarke began to panic as she realized she wouldn't be safe from anything if she couldn't get the power back on so she moved towards the panels, it would be awhile until she could float over to the Ring. Suddenly a rumble in the distance pulled her attention away from her mission. A pristine white rocket made its way from the hazy green and orange radiated earth and towards her. A dock opened wide for them as Raven propelled herself out of a hatch to tether it in. Clarke wanted to shout that there was no oxygen, she hadn't started the power or scrubbers up. But her voice was gone. She tried screaming but no sound came from her mouth. Her breathing increased as she tried to move towards them, but it was useless. The rocket moved inside the Rings dock. She pushed harder and finally made it to a window. Her friends, her Bellamy, they were all sharing oxygen from small masks.
"Look at them Clarke" a familiar voice said from behind. She whipped her head around to see the monster who caused this.
"See how they fight to survive. Knowing that there isn't any hope for them here." ALIE said. She just floated there perfectly still, red dress and all.
"What did you do?" Clarke demanded. She turned her head back and saw her friends coughing, gasping for air.
"They're suffocating!" She cried, trying to move towards the power panels. ALIE grabbed her by the arms and pushed her face to the glass, her grip was so tight Clarke couldn't even struggle.
"See how they suffer. See what you've caused. Had you not gotten rid of the City of Light, they'd be at peace. They wouldn't be suffocating in this tin contraption left in space to rot."
"I did what I had to do." She whispered.
"Like always." ALIE finished. The words stabbed her in the heart as she glanced at Bellamy who was turning blue, his eyes began to roll to the back of his head as he started to lose consciousness, he fell against a wall and sat down still gasping. Sobs racked through her as she watched her heart suffer, he was going to die if she didn't do something soon.
"Let then go! Please! I'm the one who shut you off, don't punish them. Please ALIE!" She cried, struggling against her grip.
"This is your fault Clarke Griffin. You sent them here to die. You are the only one responsible." She said. Clarke screamed as her friends one by one fell to the ground, they continued to gasp and reach for their empty masks. Bellamy looked up from where he'd fallen and looked at her with broken eyes. Her heart broke and scattered among the stars.
"Please breathe! Please!" He cried as he tried to shake Clarke awake, she kept gasping for air and thrashing as of her were being held against her will. Finally she stilled, but she wasn't breathing. Bellamy quickly laid her on the floor noticing how fragile she felt in his arms, he began compressions, then breathing into her mouth, he repeated this for what felt like forever, it wasn't working. Bellamy was going to lose her for a second time, he could feel the cracks in his heart begin to widen as he felt her life slipping through his fingers.
"I need you Clarke, please. Please don't leave me." Tears began to flow down his cheeks, they felt onto her pale skin and trickled down her cheeks, he continued to perform CPR on her until he felt it was useless. It was quiet for a while as he sat there with the love of his life, he failed her once again. Ugly, bitter sobs shook him to his core as the dam burst open, six years he thought she was dead, he carried that guilt inside until he saw her again, she was broken but she was alive. All of the things he wished they got to do, all of the time he wish they had. Gone. All hope was gone. He sat crying over her, letting his tears fall onto her as if they could somehow heal her. Make her come back to him.
"I love you Clarke." He whispered, closing his eyes he thought of the travelers prayer. Just as he began to say may we meet again, she shot right up, gripping her chest, and began to take in huge, shuddering breaths of air. The shock of her waking startled him and he fell backwards. Clarke looked wildly around the room as she panted, her tears now mixing with Bellamy's, then finally looked at him.
"Clarke..." he whispered. She threw her arms around his neck and began to cry.
"You died. You died I saw you die." She began.
"I'm alive Clarke. I'm ok." He wrapped his arms tightly around her and I tried his face into her neck.
"I saw you on the Ring. You...you couldn't breathe. ALIE made me watch you."
"ALIE is gone Clarke. She can't hurt us." He soothed. Their hold on each other tightened as if to bring the lost and scattered pieces of their hearts together once more. They stayed like that for a long time, the morning began to peek its way through the cracks of her small home, when they let go finally. When they pulled back she stared deeply into his brown eyes, they were so full of love, worry, and hope. She wasn't afraid anymore because of him
"I love you Bellamy Blake." The smile on his face could have outshone the sun.