AN: so it's been a long time coming but this is Sarah's dream sequence :) this could be disturbing for some people so if you have any triggers it might be a good idea to skip this one. I wouldn't want to cause a relapse for anyone xx
Chapter 4 – Fantasy or Reality
Dark. That's all I can see. Darkness, pressing in on every side. I don't know how I got here or what is going on. That's when I hear it. It echoes all around me, bouncing off walls I can't see.
"Sarah...Sarah, what did you do...Why are you so stupid...Can't get anything right...Waste of space...Waste of time...Stupid Bitch...Fucking idiot..." It's HIS voice. All the horrible things HE has said to me. I cover my ears but it does nothing. Like it's echoing around inside my head. The voice gets steadily louder, more angry. Scrunching my eyes up, I pull my knees to my chest and start to rock. Tears stream down my cheeks, impossible to stop, dripping from my chin onto my shirt. I don't know how long I'm there, what time it is or even what day. I hear his boots approaching. Each time one collides with the floor I flinch, screwing my eyes even tighter closed. The glow of the hall light meets my closed eyelids as he throws the door open. His boots stop next to me, his silent demand for my attention going ignored as I keep my eyes firmly locked shut, rocking back and forth muttering to myself "Please stop, please. Don't do this, I'll be good. Please don't. Please, please stop."
His thick fingers find purchase in my hair, pulling me to my feet. I feel the strands being ripped from my scalp in great clumps. Keeping my eyes closed I feel his breath fan over my face. I resist the urge to gag at the smell of Scotch and stale cigars. I sniff and sob, he chuckles.
"Open your eyes girl." my shoulders start to shake, whether it's from my sobs or from fear I'm not sure, but I'm obviously not fast enough to follow his command as I feel the sharp sting of a palm across my cheek. My eyes shoot open, greeted by the sight of his fiery emerald orbs, his sinister smirk. He leans so his thin lips are right next to my ear and whispers,
"Let's play a game... it's called Capture the Rat. You run and I'll come and get you. And when I find you, because I will find you, I get to do whatever I want with you." He leans back to look at my face and chuckles at the fresh tears gathered in my eyes. His hand leaves my hair, his fingers grazing down the back of my neck, down to my shoulder. He pushes me toward the door slightly.
"Run little Rat. I'll count to 15." When I don't move he leans down so his eyes are level with mine and lowers his voice to a dangerous tone.
"One...Two...Three..." my eyes widen as I turn and run. Sprinting down an endless hallway of doors. I can hear his voice following me, still counting. I open one of the doors, behind it lies what can only be described as a torture chamber. I glance round the walls, whips hanging tauntingly, swords and knives with dried blood on the blades leaning in the corners. Chains hang from the ceiling, and what I'm guessing is a rack sits square in the middle of the room. I can't hold in the little whimper that escapes as my eyes take in the horrible sight. I'm pulled from my horror by his voice...
"Eleven...Twelve...Thirteen..." I turn from the room and sprint further down the corridor. If I can reach the end then I might be able to get outside. All I have to do is keep going. Don't stop Sarah, keep running. If you stop, you die. Keep going. Just run. I see the exit taunting me in the distance, but no matter how fast I run, it stays out of reach.
"FIFTEEN! I'M COMING LITTLE RAT!" I whimper again, pushing through the burning in my protesting thighs. My breath coming in short gasps, I grunt as my sweaty fingers find purchase on the bar to open the door. The bright sunlight blinds me as I make it out into nothing. I look around me but all there is is sand. Miles upon miles of sand. Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run, just desert as far as the eye can see. I try to run but it's like moving through treacle. My feet just won't move, my calf muscles burning from the effort. I turn to see the door closed behind me. Trying to calm my erratic breathing proves harder than I thought it would be. I can hear him getting closer and it's all I can do to keep from crying. I can hear him opening and slamming doors, getting cross that he hasn't found me yet. He stops on the other side of the door and I bring my hand up to cover my mouth, holding my breath. He knocks on the door, three loud bangs ring through the air.
"I know you're there rat. There's nowhere for you to run. You're mine."
I collapse to my knees, hand still over my mouth holding in the screams trying to escape. I don't realise I've closed my eyes until I open them and see him kneeling in front of me.
"Found you." His giant hand reaches out to me and I finally let loose a horrendous scream. So loud and long it makes my throat raw. I continue to cry as he grabs my arms, pulling me to my feet then bending and digging his shoulder into my stomach before standing so I rest over his shoulder. We're back inside before I'm even aware what's happening, heading towards one of the doors. He opens it and goes to throw me inside. I hold my hands out to steady myself and accidentally catch the side of his face on the way down. I didn't think his eyes could get any more angry... I was wrong. The green orbs turn to me, burning holes in my head. He approaches where me, still sitting where I landed on the floor. He looks murderous.
"Did. You. Just. Slap. Me?" I frantically shake my head. Apparently the wrong response as he explodes.
"WHEN I TALK TO YOU I EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU INSOLENT LITTLE BRAT! . JUST. SLAP. ME?" I start to cry as he grabs my wrist in his vice grip and pulls me so I'm standing.
"Please, stop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Please. I'm sorry dad. Please." I hear the slap before I feel it, it cracks across my cheek sending me right back to the floor.
"Don't you EVER call me that again. You don't deserve to call me that. You're no child of mine." I start to cry as he brings back one of his boots, propelling it into my stomach. I lay their crying as he reigns blows down on my frail body, I feel bones being forced out of place, snapping and cracking under the pressure. I roll onto my back, opening my swollen eyes in time to see his foot above my face, I let out another scream , only as it should've collided I wake up in someone's arms.
I breathe in their scent, shaking and crying, muttering "I'm sorry. Please, stop." over and over, like a mantra. The person holding me starts to rock back and forth comforting my shaking form. I hear Aubrey arrive, staying in the doorway. As soon as I feel the bed dip behind me I throw myself at her. I'm bawling into her chest, holding onto her shirt like a lifeline. She starts to rock too, whispering sweet things in my ear, trying to get me to calm down.
"You're okay Sarah. You're safe. I'm here. Nobody can get you here. Sssshhhh. It's okay."
my breathing slowly returns to normal and I just start to calm down when I hear Chloe's voice.
"Sarah? What happened?"
I shake my head into Aubrey's neck, knowing that if I relive it now I'll never get back to sleep.
"Sarah you know you'll have to tell us at some point right? If we don't talk about it we won't be able to help. If you want we can do it in the morning?"
I nod, knowing that I'll put it off for as long as possible, even if it means avoiding them all. If they find out what goes on in my head they won't want me to stay. The feeling of the mattress moving signalling two people getting up pulls me from my thoughts. I whine in protest, looking right at Beca and Chloe as they try to leave. They can't go. I need them. Don't they realise I need them here with me right now? I reach out to them, silently asking them to stay. I can see my hands shaking. They slowly come back and sit back on the bed. My shakes stop almost immediately and I lie with my head in Aubrey's lap. I feel her fingers start to thread through my hair. The soothing motion calms me enough that I drop off to sleep again, this time dreamless.
AN: so here we have it. Sarah's dream. Please review and tell me what you think. I want to know how to improve so if you have any suggestions I'm open to them :)