Sora stared at the weird blonde boy who stood in front of him. "Wolverine?" He asked. "Why did you call me Wolverine?" He held up the fancy brass-knuckles-turned-sharp-claws weapon that he held in his hand. "Is it because of this?"
The other boy shook his head. "Actually, it was because you're a really angst-y character, but now that you point that weapon out, I guess it seems pretty Wolverine-ish."
Sora glared at the boy. "Who are you?"
"My name is Naruto Uzumaki in English, and Uzumaki Naruto in Japanese." The boy, Naruto, said. "But you can just call me Naruto, because this parody's author will be way too confused with the first-name-last, last-name-first thing if you don't." Naruto smiled at Sora. "I had an angst-y life as a child, but now I'm a happy superhero whose dream is to become the most powerful S.H.I.E.L.D. director the world has ever seen!" Naruto pumped his fist in the air, just to show that he was passionate about his words.
Sora stared at Naruto for a moment. "You're not bald." He finally said.
Naruto looked insulted. "Bald? Do I look bald?!"
"I thought that everyone other than me was bald." Sora said, and truthfully so. Being raised by a bunch of bald monks in a walled-off monastery really narrowed a boy's horizons.
Naruto didn't comment on that. Instead, he asked, "Why did you scream?"
Now it was Sora's turn to look offended. "Are you crazy?" He growled. "That was a battle cry! Now stop talking, because since you stole the coffin, I am now going to attack you!" He let out a battle cry/unearthly scream, and began to charge at Naruto, wielding his Wolverine-style claw weapon as he did so.
Naruto didn't look surprised when Sora attacked him. In fact, he even had a counterattack so swickediawetastic that Sora was a little bit taken aback. But Sora's astonishment didn't last long. He lunged himself at Naruto, using an epic wind technique that shoved the spiky-haired grave robber right to the ground.
But that wasn't the end of the fight. Naruto did a backflip to get back on his feet, and used a technique the instant he was standing upright. Immediately, Naruto was... cloned? Yep, Sora mused as he held his Wolverine weapon in front of him. That was definitely cloning. But just when Sora thought the weirdness had ended, Naruto and his clones created a strange-looking blue ball!
Sora's eyes widened. He had never seen a superhero power quite like this before!
"Rasengan!" Naruto yelled, beginning to charge towards Sora.
"That's a stupid battle cry! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sora went into his own battle cry, and charged Naruto.
The two boys ran towards each other. Time seemed to slow down, and then... they accidently passed each other and ran out of the crypt and onto the giant field.
"Dang it," Sora muttered to himself. He turned around and began to run towards Naruto again. "I'm going to get you this time, you-"
"STOOOOOOOOOOP!
Both Sora and Naruto froze in their tracks. Sora turned and saw four people running towards him on the field; a monk, a girl with cotton candy-coloured hair, a boy with black hair and white skin, and a man wearing a broken cookie sheet on his face.
Sora just stared at the three people he didn't know at with an expression of awe and hatred. Awe because they had hair, and hatred because he hated the world.
"Killing each other is not the way of our monastery." The random bald monk said. "I thought you would know that by now, Sora." He looked at Sora with his eyes. Sora hated it when people looked at him with their eyes.
"Shut up!" Sora said. "I was only doing you a favour, you know." He pointed accusingly at Naruto. "This guy was robbing the graves! I caught him in the Thing's grave, and the coffin was missing."
"Sora, these Leaf Village superheroes came to help us." The monk said. "Now come back to the monastery and we'll all talk this over."
"That sounds like a good plan." The random man with the broken cookie sheet on his face said.
Even though the four random people thought that this was a good idea, Sora totally disagreed with them. He was angry at them for not believing him even more than he was angry at Naruto for stealing the Thing's coffin. All of this did nothing but to heighten the angst level in Sora's midichlorian count.
"Are you coming, Sora?" The random monk asked.
"Shut up, I'm coming!" And so Sora came, sadly and marked with depression.