Kakashi and Iruka, Iruka and Kakashi; the possibility that the two most eligible bachelors of the Konoha Village were hitting it up together was… immensely disturbing. Immensely because well, Sasuke couldn't keep himself from imagining the two men as such (which was proving to be hell on his equilibrium) As Shikamaru walked, he swayed. /Sasuke did, not Shikamaru, because Shikamaru's too manly to sway… unless, of course, he's drunk/ too shocked to walk in a straight line. Kakashi and Iruka; locks of silver and brown hair mingling together on a satin pillow case, expanses of pale and tan skin moving fluidly against each other, eyes of blue/red and brown shining beneath heavy lidded eyes. It was… the im- the idea that… it was so, so… so attractive he couldn't STAND it!

It was, in all its disturbingness and attractiveness incredibly- "Kawaii," he muttered, swaying full force into a fairly full trash can, knocking and tripping over it as another image of "togetherness" popped into his mind. "They're so cute." said while lying gracefully in a pile of rotting banana peels.

At the sound of the crash, Shikamaru's hand instinctively flitted to his weapons pouch. He turned around, half expecting to be greeted by a raving mad Uchiha, hell bent on destroying every one in his path, yet to his disappointment it was only a severely shocked Uchiha hell bent on running into everything in his path. Shikamaru's eyebrow rose at the banana peel hanging off his shoulder. "You ran into a trash can." He mumbled, taking his cigarettes' out of his pocket. He hastily pushed his mask away from his face / you can't very well smoke while your mouth is being covered now can you/ He took a couple of long drags of the smoke, savoring the taste of tobacco that lingered on his tongue.

He glanced at the Uchiha again; he was still gazing at the world with unseeing eyes. "Are you that troubled about them being together? I mean I was shocked too, at first, but then I remembered seeing signs before they told us they were together. Like before your team went on a particularly hard mission, he would sneak off to Iruka's for what I'm guessing was a midnight of fun." A minute later he regretted telling the Uchiha that, for now it looked like he had stopped breathing. 'Are you that much of a homophobe?' he wanted to ask, but he felt the Uchiha wouldn't hear him if he did. "And what troubles me more is that banana peel on your kimono, it smells horrible." He said, moving to retrieve said offending fruit. Just at that moment though, Sasuke woke from his bout of shockedness and turned slightly, causing Shikamaru's fingers to brush against his exposed collarbone. Shikamaru drew his hand back at once, making another grab for the peel that was originally his target. He flung it as far as he could then turned on his heel stalking, hands thrust deep into his pockets, in the direction of Hokage Headquarters.

Sasuke swayed leisurely after him, completely forgetting the pair of men he had been imagining. Well for now, that is. "Pick up your pace Uchiha! We've dallied long enough as it is. At this rate the Hokage's gonna have my head on a platter and your balls on a plate." Sasuke gulped unconsciously. "And if that wasn't stimulation enough I'll put you under shadow possession again and make you walk into the ladies bath. Old ladies enjoy taking their baths at this time of day, I'm sure they'll be thrilled to have a young one like yourself join them." He threatened over his shoulder.

Sasuke groaned in reply, but did as the ANBU ordered nonetheless, having a gut instinct that he would make good on his word if he were to disobey.

(A/N: SKIP SKIP TRALALALA till Hokage headquarters comes into view because I'm a lazy ass and hate describing a lot of shite……gomen)

It hadn't changed THAT much, the Hokage Headquarters hadn't. It was still that rusted red color that it always had been, the color he remembered from his youth. But the green band that ran under the ridge of the curved roof looked to be just repainted. A railing, a much needed improvement, had been added to the outside of the ne'er ending steps; which made sense seeing as he felt a warring period would soon be upon them. And in times like that, no one needed un-needed deaths.

"Stop gawking, we have a long climb ahead of us." Shikamaru growled.

Sasuke ignored him, giving the outside of the building another once over, trying to emblazon the symbol near the top of the dome in his mind. Something yanked hard at the strings of his memory, he found himself turning slightly, and out of the corner of his vision he spied an old swing slightly obscured by a patch of hanging vines.

Flashback: (yes I'll have flashbacks but not many)

It was a Wednesday, long, long ago, before he had betrayed the village, before he had formed a bond with Naruto, before being assigned to Team 7, and more importantly, before his brother massacred the clan; when he had first noticed that swing, hanging just as forlornly as it did presently, and the person that occupied it, accentuating the depression of the abandoned area. It had been more like a grove of vines back then.

He had gotten out of school late, for one of his sensei's had felt that if he didn't praise the great Uchiha Itachi's little brother for doing yet another excellent job in whatever nonsensical training game they had done that day that something terribly terrible would happen to him. Therefore, by the time his sensei had run out of air for praise, the school halls and yard had been long deserted.

Upon exiting the building, a faint sobbing had caught his ear. It was drifting from the very corner of the school yard, which he usually ignored because it was oh so very dark in that corner, and being a child he still held an irrational fear for the unknowingness that wafted from said darkness. Also, being a mere child, curiosity still held sway over him. Succumbing to such childish desires, he crept in the direction of the noise, employing the stealth skills his aniki had unwillingly taught him.

As he inched closer to the grove, splotches of orange began to seep out at him through the green of the leaves, eventually forming the texture of a sweater set (not sure what they're clothes are called, but if I had to describe narut- oops. Spoiled... oh well, If I had to describe the person's clothes I'd either say and orange jumpsuit or a sweater set so there sticks tongue out), orange as the top flame of a candle or most of a tigers fur, neck a cottony white. Sun-kissed hands clutched firmly to the fraying rope holding the swing up.

Sasuke remembered seeing this boy in the village from time to time and wandering the halls of the school. But never had he seen the boy this close up. In fact he was close enough to see three whisker-like scars on each of the boys' cheeks, and the blueness of his eyes that shone fiercely with tears beneath the fringe of his blonde hair.

Sasuke withdrew from the grove quickly, feeling as if he had stumbled upon a scene he shouldn't have had privy to see. From that day forward, not an hour went by without that image floating though his mind.

End Flashback (A/N: well wasn't that nice. Queen: it sucked #&. K-C: QUEEN DON'T BE SO RUDE!)

Sasuke trooped after Shikamaru with downcast eyes. He never liked remembering that boy, especially in light of recent events. For it got him all worked up over the no doubt quickly approaching reunion. Shikamaru was already half way up the steps. By the time he caught up with him, he was sweating like a pig and could barely stand. He was, too put it in a metaphor or semaphore or what have you, dog tired. He hadn't gotten much sleep in the past weeks, convinced that if he let his guard down for even a second that someone would pop out of the bushes and kill him; whether they be Akatsuki or ninja from Konoha.

"There are too many damn steps Shikamaru!" he whined, collapsing to the ground. Thankfully the steps were wide enough for him to lean on them without falling down. Because Shikamaru didn't seem to be paying attention to him, he grabbed at the ANBU's right shin, causing him to stumble on the steps a bit. Before he could shout out "rape" he was yanked off the steps and shoved firmly into the wall, scratchy plaster snagging at the threads of his kimono.

Shikamaru's forearm was pressing against his throat, causing his breathing to come in short and harried gasps. He held his right wrist in a death grip and was pinning it above his head. "Never," Shikamaru hissed, applying more pressure to the missing-nin's throat. "Never do that again!" he glared, ignoring the fervent scratching of nails on his arm.

Sasuke could feel the color leaving his face…rather the pale color of his face leaving to be replaced by the purple color one receives from not breathing for awhile. Darkness began to crowd around the edge of his vision. "Shi-ka…n't...Bre-athe!" he choked out, fighting to stay conscious. Shikamaru's eyes softened, he slowly removed his arm. The Uchiha promptly collapsed back onto the step, clutching at his throat, as if it would squeeze the breath into him.

"Come on… We don't have that many steps left. You can make it. I'll help you if I have to." Sasuke glanced up to see an extended gloved hand. He ignored the act of kindness, standing up on his own accord. He didn't even bother to straighten out his kimono.

"Look… God Sasuke, I'm sorry for almost choking you… it was an…an involuntary movement. I didn't mean to push you against the wall I swear!" Shikamaru lied, running his fingers through his spiky ponytail. He didn't know why he was apologizing to the missing-nin, after hating him for all these years, but something about that wounded expression he had unknowingly adopted when he was about to get pummeled warranted any harm done to him to be apologized for.

He glanced at Sasuke, who was looking at the ground with forlorn eyes again. "By gods I didn't use that much force but you seem to have been struck dumb! How troublesome,"

Sasuke huffed in reply and began to climb the steps alone. Five steps later he abruptly turned, a delightfully pouty expression adorning his lips. "You coming?" the missing-nin asked. Shikamaru grinned slightly. "Duh, it'd be a black mark on my record if I let your wretched missing-nin ass wander around the place."

The Uchiha "harrumphed" once more.

At last the monstrous steps of Hokagedon were conquered, and their prizes awaiting the brave ninja's near the entrance of the Hokage's abode. A beautiful woman (possibly in her mid thirties) wearing a black kimono and a… a…"Pig?"

Shikamaru shoved down his mask, at the same time sweeping into a low bow for the lady. "Ohayou, Shizune-sama, have you been waiting long?"

A well discerned kick was aimed at the missing-nin, causing him to double over in a forced bow. "No.. I've not been waiting long, but the same can't be said about the Hokage. Early this morning she received a very noisy messenger bird carrying a note proclaiming that one of the Uchiha's had been spotted heading this way. Therefore she's been antsy all morning. Your helpful messenger wasn't of much help either. I believe he's been hospitalized with busted eardrums."

Shikamaru stiffened. It seemed, like his father before him, he held some sort of fear/respect for the busty blonde Hokage. Sasuke would have laughed at this, but was unable to, having no breath to spare a couple of good hearted bellows. He was still recovering from when Shikamaru had choked him. "Well then, we mustn't keep the good Hokage waiting. Heh-heh," He chuckled nervously. Shikamaru did, not Sasuke.

And again they were off… like a herd of turtles for Sasuke, while Shikamaru seemed to disappear in a stream of dust. On the right side of the hall, a large door stood ajar. Shikamaru stood slightly outside of it, waiting for the missing-nin to catch up. Sasuke stumbled through the door, the result of being pushed through it by the ANBU.

As soon as he had straightened up, a sharp intake of breath was heard. He only had time enough to catch a glimpse of blonde hair shimmering in the mid day sunlight before being pulled into a hug so vicious he was sure his back would break from the force of it if the person's arms tightened even an inch more. He couldn't deny that at the sight of the flaxen hair, his heart had leapt a little.

He lifted a hand carefully, to pat spiky hair, but the strands beneath his fingers were silky and straight, so unlike the texture he remembered from four years ago. Besides that, something about the way the body felt pressed against his was… odd.

A firm voice spoke from somewhere ahead of him. He hadn't realized he had closed his eyes. "Ino-chan," Sasuke's eyes shot open, heart plummeting. "Please detach yourself from Uchiha-san at once. We've serious business to attend to." Ino? The person hugging him released their death-grip. His pupil's dilated in shock. I could've sworn it was his hair. I swear it… I heard his voice I did…. I had to have. Unless… unless it was an "Illusion." He muttered under his breath

Ino…Ino "pig" as he remembered Sakura lovingly call her, looked up at him shyly, pale green eyes sparkling with happiness, a slight blush covering her cheeks. "Sasuke, you've come b-ack." She whispered in a strained voice, the result (no doubt) of trying to hold off some emotion of elation.

Sasuke didn't hear her though, still troubled by what he saw. Or to be more exact, what wasn't there. Too lost in thought was he over seeing that which was not there; though if Sasuke sniffed hard enough, he could smell his scent. Experiencing something with that absent something that undoubtedly would not happen, no matter how much he wished it would.

"Uchiha-san, please have a seat. You too, Shikamaru-kun, I'm not done with you yet." Shikamaru froze mid-step, foiled in his plan to escape the terrible aura of the atmosphere. Reluctantly he sat down next to the Uchiha, in the chair that had been resurrected for him. It was straight-backed and very wooden; very unlike the Uchiha's chair, which at least had some cushioning.

Sasuke stared blankly at the woman sitting across from him, discreetly examining the faint wrinkles that marred her once flawless face and seeking out the streaks of gray scattered about her golden blonde hair. It's a duller color than HIS. She had ditched the beige kimono she always used to wear, now adorning the customary Hokage robes of old.

Ino stood to the left of Tsunade's chair; Shizune to the right, flanking her like guards would a prisoner or a king. Shikamaru was trying to get as comfortable as he could in his torture device; slouching so that his ass almost slipped off the lip of the chair, arms thrown across his chest, feet hooked at the ankle. Needless to say the tension in the room was…Murderous.

"First things first; Uchiha-san, why have you come back?"

He nearly choked. The tone she was using with him screamed disapproval. And if there was one thing he couldn't take at that moment; that was it. He stared at the ground intently, refusing to meet the Hokage's golden eyes. He clenched and unclenched his hands in his lap. "I-i…I don't know." He muttered sheepishly.

"Now Uchiha-san, I can hardly believe you unconsciously made your way here on a passing fancy. What are your intentions?" she asked again, more firmly than before. He could feel three pairs of eyes drilling into his skull.

"Come now, be nice and tell us something. Something other than 'I don't know' that's a boring answer. I'll even let you make something up, but I'm not gonna let you go without a good explanation."

Sasuke cleared his throat. "It… um… It was my intention to… to… to serve under the title of a Hidden Leaf Ninja once more!"

He cringed as his last words echoed back at him.

"Hmph. Is that so?"

He nodded.

"Very well then; if that's what you wish; Shikamaru,"

Shikamaru shot out of his chair and saluted the Hokage. He had been about to drift off to sleep, from the bewildered look in his eyes. "Yes Ma'am!" (A/N: a very un-Shikamaru like reply I know but I'm rushing to get this chapter finished because I've dallied long enough on it. Gomen)

"You shall be in charge of watching Uchiha-san as he does community service for… how many years have you been gone?" asked of Sasuke.

"About eight years."

"For… he'll be doing community service for 80 hours." Sasuke expected a rise out of Shikamaru, something like 'too troublesome' and 'I'm an ANBU now I'm not supposed to be babysitting a missing-nin' but no outburst came. His only reply was "Yes MA'AM!"

"Good, now Ino-chan"

"Yes!"

"Bring me THAT package!"

Ino paled considerably. "B…But Hokaga-sama, THAT package is only supposed to be unearthed in an emergency!"

"Darling, I think a missing-nin wanting to rejoin our villages constitutes as an emergency. Now if you don't get THAT package right now, I'll see to it that Chouji-kun is sent out on longer and more dangerous missions."

A flash of white-blonde hair, the next thing Sasuke knew, Ino was shoving a tightly wrapped package (white paper wrapping with black string tying it closed) into his arms. She backed away quickly, as if the package contained some ugly disease she didn't want to catch. "Open it when you get outside. We don't want the evilness of what the package contains to spread where important business is done."

With that Shikamaru and Sasuke were physically thrown from the room, and into the opposite wall. The force of the impact was sure to leave a dent in the wall, and in the ninja's stomachs and or backs, whichever they hit the wall with. Oh and OF COURSE they just had to throw the ANBU out first; who landed painfully on the hard marbleize ground, the missing-nin landed with a plop on top of him.

"My, my Iruka-chan, what a strange day we're having. First you get attacked by a group of raving mad women and now this; Shikamaru being molested by some strange boy in a dress." Wafted the calm and collected voice of the former leader of Team 7.

There was a collective giggle from somewhere above Sasuke's head, then an abrupt silence. "I don't think that's any boy in a dress, Kaka-chan. That looks like-"

"NO WAY IT CAN'T BE!

"Sasuke Uchiha!" said in a collective yell from both men. They seemed to have synchronized perfectly with each other.

Synchronized…together… Instantly the Uchiha's face was as red as a tomato. He shot away from the downed ANBU and his former teachers, and into the wall, wide eyed and breathing heavily. They looked the same as he remembered…. Well except Iruka seemed to have adopted a much femmier way of dress. (i.e.- the jacket he wore had some fur on it)

Female uke… Once again Sasuke blushed furiously, but this time he had the decency to hide it a little, with a forearm to be exact. Kakashi caught his former students strangeness. "Yo." He hailed /Shikamaru, leaning to help the stunned ANBU up. "What's wrong with him… More importantly; what's he doing here?" he said, jabbing his thumb in the missing-nin's direction.

"Oh…about that; I told him about you guys not too long ago. I think he's still stunned."

There was an immediate twinkle in Kakashi's eye.

"Damn, what are you planning to do to the poor kid?" Shikamaru asked, catching the glint.

Kakashi pushed his mouth mask up suspiciously, chuckling. "You'll find out soon enough. Why's he here again?" Shikamaru pointed to the white package, whose paper had been disturbed in the flinging into the wall bit; disturbed enough for some of the white packaging to be pushed aside revealing grass green. "Is that?"

"Yes, yes it is."

"Poor kid, I hope he survives it. Now what was I planning to do again? Oh yes," He grabbed at Iruka, who was chatting amicably with the still stunned missing-nin, and began fervently molesting him. Fervently meaning fully, meaning actually removing his mask so that he could better shove his tongue down Iruka's throat. He massaged his hips with his thumbs while pressing him into the wall.

Iruka responded well, for having the man on him so suddenly. Must happen often. Sasuke thought, before realizing what he was seeing. Iruka was moaning into Kakashi's mouth, pulling him closer with a leg wrapped around his waist. It was when Kakashi's hand found it's way past the fringe of his jacket that he remembered where he was, and in whose company. He forcefully broke away from Kakashi's mouth…. "Kakashi," he pant scolded. "Not here, at home it's okay, but in front of the Hokage's office?! You should know better!"

"I'm so sorry about that, Sasu-chan. Kakashi is just so lascivious it's hard to keep him off… of… me. Sasuke-kun? Sasuke-kun?"

Said Sasuke was horribly out of it. A healthy gush of blood flowed freely from his nose. His eyes were vacant and he seemed to be trying to hide something with the huge bow that tied his kimono. Iruka glanced questiongly at Kakashi, who was seeing how the ANBU had taken it; it being Iruka and him.

"Similarly, but with no trace of blood to be found,"

"Then Sasuke's a pervert, huh Kaka-chan?"

"Yes, Yes indeed. Well for now anyways." Kakashi snaked an arm around Iruka's waist and began to lead him away. "Oh and Sasuke-kun?" there was a grunt of a reply. "You don't have to worry about meeting HIM too soon. He and his team left yesterday on a mission. They shouldn't be back for a day or two." Kakashi shouted over his shoulder.

Mention of the blonde ninja shook the missing-nin from his coma like state. "I wonder how he knew."

"Knew what?" Shikamaru asked, also overcoming his shock of seeing him and Sasuke in the teacher's places. (A/N: I think I'm gonna add ShikaSasu to the list of pairings, though it more one sided than… ya. He's just lusting after him for the time being.)

"That I'm fretting over seeing Naruto again… I guess. I mean, I didn't think it was that obvious that I was looking for him."

Shikamaru frowned. "It isn't. Though I kind of figured you' be that way, anxious to see him. I mean you are his- were his rival and friend, and you so suddenly turned against him. Hell I'd be anxious too, if I'd done something like that to Chouji-kun and if I knew I'd have to face him again and the fact that I betrayed him."

The missing-nin cringed at the word "betrayed" biting back a comment he would undoubtedly regret , if it be slipped to this acquaintance of his.

"So you wanna know what in the package?" Shikamaru asked, holding the object up. The wrapping was even more frayed, having been caught in Kakashi and Iruka's path of…. Make-out paradise. Sasuke quickly moped up the dried blood on his face, and then seized the package from the ANBU.

Sasuke fumbled with the string, not wanting to rip the packaging more than it already had been. Eventually the ribbon fell away, as did the material wrapped around the object, revealing… Shikamaru covered his ears.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

THE END OF CHAPTER FOUR

So sorry it took so long to update, I was in the process of moving and going to a new school and other shite, plus writers block and transferring things and…. Well ya it's been a very hectic two months…. Any way, finally got it up! Don't you guys love me or what for giving you another chapter, though it's not as well written as I'd like it to be.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last three chapters. Makes me feel good that people enjoy my writings.

If anyone has any suggestions as to what Sauke should do for community service, please send me a messege or include it in a review. I'd appreciate it if you did. : sincerely KC and Queen