Rubes – need to talk. Meet me in the alley next to Granny's in 5

Sure thing, your Darkness

Knock it off, smartass

;-)

Considering the recent turn of events with Regina, Emma thought it best if she got Snow to back off on the suitors she was planning on inviting to the royal ball. Honestly, she didn't know what the hell that was all about anyway. How were those conversations going to go? "May I present my daughter, the princess and savior, who also happens to be the darkest being in all the lands. It's possible that she is homicidal, but she can make a mean grilled cheese." She was already going to have her hands full dealing with Hook. Also, there was also the minute detail of letting Snow White and Prince Charming know their only daughter was in love with the (former) Evil Queen. So much to do, so little time.

First things first, she'd recruit Ruby to talk to Snow. The effects of this charm would only go so far with Snow. She poofed herself into the alley and threw the charm back up. What could it hurt with Rubes?

When the leggy brunette stepped into the alley, Emma felt her clothes shift. She glanced down real quick to see what she was working with. She had to know which angle to play to persuade Ruby to get Snow to call off The Bachelorette: Dark One Edition.

Ho. Lee. Fuck, RUBES!

Luckily no one else could see her in this get up. Emma was still in all black, but was wearing considerably less. Her shirt (if you could call it that) wasn't much more than long, tight sleeves with a strip of material that tied in front of her chest. The shorts (again, using the term loosely) barely covered her ass. Knee high, spiked heel boots finished off the revealing outfit.

Oh, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, you naughty wolf. What goes on in that perverted little mind of yours? Well, if the spandex fits…

"Hey, Rubes," she purred.

Ruby stopped dead in her tracks taking in the sight of the Dark One.

"Em-Em-Emma. Wh-wh-what, what did you want me, um, need me for? Um, can I help you? I mean-"

Emma slowly sauntered towards her friend, putting an extra sway in her hips. She slowly circled her, grazing a finger nail across her shoulders.

"I need you to talk to Snow for me. She reeaallllly wants to set me up with some stuffy prince at my birthday bash. I just don't think I see a…prince…in my future, do you?" She leaned against her back, talking low in her ear letting her breath drag across her neck. "I just think I should leave my options open for now. See what kind of…..trouble I can get into on my own." Coming around to face her again, she seductively dropped her eyes to take in Ruby's figure before meeting her gaze again.

Yeah, she knew this was low. She knew this was totally unfair. But currently everything she did was a means to an end. That end was Regina. So if she had to fake seduce one of her closest friends to get her way, so be it. It's not exactly her fault the wolf sees her as a walking sex toy.

"Y-yeah," she cleared her throat, "Yeah, I can do that, Emma. I mean, it's not really Snow's place to be," she slowly raked her eyes over the blonde, "parading you around." Swallowing thickly she added, "Like a piece of meat."

Really it was almost too easy.

Emma was so engrossed in the little game she was playing with Ruby that she didn't even notice the other set of brown eyes burning a hole into the back of her head or the plume of purple smoke dissipating when she finally did turn to leave.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Regina was walking to Granny's to pick up dinner for her and Henry before Emma came back for her next dance lesson.

Emma.

Thanks to the blonde, Regina had a rare smile on her face and an even rarer spring in her step. They spent most of the afternoon tangled in the bed sheets after Emma played dress up. Maybe it was crazy. Maybe it was a mistake. But right now, Regina was happier than she had been in a long time. She trusted that evil idiot.

Regina heard voices in the alley next to Granny's and craned her neck to see who is was. It sounded just like…

What.

The.

Fuck.

Regina caught a glimpse of the woman she just spent a better part of the day in bed with wearing a lot less clothes than what she left her house in. She was standing way too close to the young, beautiful waitress. Invading her space, seductively. She knew that look. It was the same look she stared up at not an hour before. The hurt only registered briefly before all of her walls shot back up and the anger came pouring out. Seeing the conversation was about over, she abandoned her dinner plans and poofed back home.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey, kid."

"Hey, ma. Come on in. Mom is just finishing the dishes. She said to wait in the living room."

Emma was practically bouncing with nervous energy. It had only been a couple hours since she had seen Regina, but all she wanted to do was wrap her up in her arms and smother her with kisses as soon as she saw her. However, the kid being here threw a wrench in the plans. They didn't really discuss when or what to tell Henry, so she figured it was a good idea to keep a lid on it for now and pretend nothing had changed between them while he was around. Why was he around? Shouldn't he be doing homework? What did he care about boring dance lessons anyway?

The clicking of heels on tile coming closer made her heart race.

This is going to be rough. She was practically buzzing in anticipation.

Regina strode into the room and breezed right by her without even looking up. With a wave of her hand the music started and she gave their son a small, tight grin.

"Henry, please get into dance position with your mother. I am going to teach you a popular waltz I learned as a girl."

"Hey," Emma took a step closer and ducked down to try catching the gaze of the brown eyes she spent a better part of the day (the last few years) lost in.

"Ready Henry?"

"Regina?" Emma blurted, a half smile on her face. This was a joke, right?

The brunette didn't even acknowledge that she heard her.

"Regina!" She yelled.

Regina huffed loudly and steeled her gaze at the blonde, crossing her arms protectively in front of her chest.

"What?" she snapped. It took every ounce of her energy not to run at Emma, pound her fists against her chest, demand answers, and completely dissolve at her feet. Queens do not dissolve.

Emma read her look and searched for an answer to the sudden shift in the brunette's demeanor. Was she regretting everything that happened between them? Oh, gods. She thinks it was a mistake.

"Henry, go to your room," Emma's eyes never left Regina's.

Fearing World War III breaking out in the living room, Henry didn't think twice before bolting out of there. He didn't think they would actually hurt each other, but it was obvious something was brewing between them. He suspected as much ever since his mom came home from picking up dinner, empty handed and fuming.

"Now. Would you like to tell me what in the actual fuck is going on?"

"I was merely attempting to give you a dance lesson, Miss Swan."

"So what happened between leaving you this afternoon, still naked and wrapped up in the sheets because you were too jelly-legged to move, and now when you are giving me an ice treatment even Elsa would be jealous of."

"Elsa? What does she have to do with this? Or is she just another whore you keep around for kicks when you bore with the rest of us."

Emma physically startled, eyes widening in disbelief. "Excuse me? No, Regina...what? There was never anything between me and Elsa. And I don't… I would never. Where is this coming from, exactly?"

"You know what? Just go. I'm not doing this."

"What the fuck, Regina talk to me!" Three light bulbs burst and the fireplace roared to life.

Regina's eyes betrayed her and turned glassy.

She grit her teeth and spit out at the blonde, "This," motioning between the two of them, "is not happening. You were right. The darkness has made you a manipulative asshole and I fucking fell for it. I will not be made a fool of. I will not sit here and wait patiently while you fuck your way around town. It's bad enough that you insist on stringing Hook along, but now Ruby, too? And right after… after we were together. Who else is there, Emma? I know you are evil now, but I didn't realize you were a heartless bitch."

Ruby.

Oh fuck fuck fucking fuck on a fucking stick.

The choice of moniker flung at her made Emma's heart drop. Whenever Regina was merely pissed at her, she reverted back to calling her "Miss Swan" to put a little distance between them. Emma would inevitably right her wrong and knock the walls back down. Her first name was only used as a term of endearment, when Regina was willing to be vulnerable with the blonde. Calling her "Emma" now meant her walls were down and she was exposed. Her heart was on her sleeve and she was letting Emma know just how bad she had fucked up. She was done.

Emma's face dropped. "No, gods, no, Regina, you don't understand. You have it all wrong. Ruby and I didn't…we aren't…Regina, I would never do that to you."

"Save it, Emma," her voice shook, but remained strong. "I saw you with her. I saw how you dressed for HER." Her words came out through clenched teeth. Angry fists were balled at her sides and the tears finally betrayed the former evil queen and began streaming down her face. "I can't do this. I won't do this. You need to leave."

Emma was openly crying, "No, please, Regina, please. I can explain. Just please talk to me."

"Get. Out."

Regina stomped out of the room, ending the conversation. Emma wanted to go after her, but knew it was no use right now.

Fuck.

She left the house and headed towards the castle.

How could she be so careless?

A/N: I swear to all the gods that I try to write just fun, fluffy shit, but I can't help myself. Let's all wallow with Emma for a min, shall we? Can this idiot fix this? She is kind of an ass….