Natalia knew Lili was still awake when she sat up and went to the bathroom down the hall. Natalia shifted uncomfortably and sat up, her hair spilling over her shoulders and on to her white tank top. She wore boy's boxers and pulled her legs up to adjust them. Lili returned, wearing a thin night gown with only panties underneath showing as a faint pink. She sat down next to Natalia.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" She asked, concerned.
Natalia shook her head. "I haven't slept all night. It's not your fault."
In the darkness Natalia could see Lili's small breasts, barely exposing her age. Lili noticed and felt embarrassed. Natalia's shirt could barely hold hers, with a muscular chest all around and collar bones that tensed along with her muscles. Natalia brushed her slender fingers through her hair. She was sleeping with a stranger. The thought hit her and she wondered how she could have allowed herself, as antisocial as she was, to do this. She had slept with her siblings in cots, but that was because they were poor. Now circumstances drew her to share her bed yet again. And she didn't really mind. It was nice having a warm body so close to her again.
"Did you and your brother… love each other?" Natalia asked slowly, looking at Lili.
Lili tensed.
"I'm sorry for asking, it's a stupid question, forget it." Natalia added quickly, pursing her lips.
"No, don't be sorry," Lili said at length. "It's just I don't know the answer. I love him only as a sister should love her brother. He felt the same thing. He turned violent and I was another bag to beat up. I don't understand this either."
Natalia hummed in thought. She rolled a strand of her hair between her fingers. Her nails had never seen a manicure, but were relatively round and evenly cut. Crickets chirped outside along with the distant hoot of an owl. The forest was alive at this time in the night.
Lili hesitated, as if she wanted to say something. Natalia watched her, waiting for something to break the intolerable silence. Nothing did. Finally Natalia spoke; "I used to think I loved my brother, more than a sister should. I told him this and it scared him. He's terrified of whatever he doesn't understand, even violently sometimes. He didn't bother sitting me down and talking which made me madder. I would 'stalk' him. I was devout, but that was the same time I realized, I think I was twelve or thirteen at the time, that I like women. It was the first time I started to consciously watch myself for wandering eyes. I thought it was horrible. I was terrified, just like my brother, and all I wanted to do was run away. I engrossed myself with him. I don't think this makes much sense with you, and I'm sorry, but I need to talk it out."
She expected to find Lili half-asleep with boredom or disgusted with her. Instead she found Lili gazing at her in patience, nodding for her to continue. Happy, Natalia continued.
"A few years later I finally agreed to my body. I finally agreed that I found women, breasts, all that good stuff. I understood men gaping all too well, plus a little." She concluded.
Lili fidgeted with her dress. "I feel the same way. Now I'm ruined because of my brother, I know, so I'm not attractive anymore. I always thought that lesbians," she added quickly, raising her chin. "I always thought that they were all tomboys who didn't like skirts or dresses and cut their hair short. I cut my hair short but I didn't like it. I like dresses, I like skirts, I like to be pretty."
"I don't see anything wrong with that." Natalia concluded. Her heart thundered in her chest, ready to leap out. So Lili was…
"Scared, I'm so scared." Lili muttered, lying down. "I've never been this far from home."
Natalia nestled down in her pillow, which smelled like cheap detergent. "I know. So am I." She held out a hand and Lili touched it, gently placing her palm fully into Natalia's grasp. Natalia went to wrap her arm around Lili's small frame but Lili let go and jerked back. Natalia noticed Lili's swollen belly, a small lump on her tiny frame made big, and held out her hand again, not daring to go any further.