Chapter 4
She was woken later by a voice whispering her name into her ear. She opened her eyes and in the half light, saw Bradley. He put his finger to his lips and whispered,
"If they know I'm here they will kick me out." She gave him a smile.
"Are you ok? He asked, and she nodded.
"Good. I hope you're not going to make a habit of this sort of thing, I have spent far too much time visiting you in infirmaries."
"I try to stay out of them," she whispered.
"But don't manage very well, it's like you look for trouble and charge straight in. You know they have a name for that sort of thing."
"What?"
"A death wish," he answered. He wasn't smiling now.
"I don't have a death wish, but I don't wish others to die because I didn't try to help." Her hand went up to her throat again.
"Have some water." Bradley held a glass up to her lips, and she took a sip, it felt blessedly cool and soothing.
"I saw Col. Sheppard here earlier," he said out of the blue. She looked up at him.
"He is the same Sheppard isn't he?" She nodded.
"You aren't going to do anything stupid are you? You know you will be busted down to a common airman if they find you have been carrying on with the Lieutenant Colonel."
"Don't worry about me, nothing is going on," she croaked out. He looked at her for a bit. He had seen how it had been between them five years ago. He had been the one who had to pick up the pieces when John Sheppard had shipped out. They had all been the same rank back then, and there hadn't been a problem, until he had gone, but the same was not true now. He wanted to believe her, but he had a nagging suspicion she was lying to him.
"Just be careful, ok?"
"Always am."
"Humpf," he shook his head. He could see her eyelids drooping, so he leant over and kissed the top her head.
"I'll leave you to get some rest, get better soon ok?" She nodded and her eyes were closed again before he had made it to the door.
When she woke next it was morning and Dr Beckett was checking the readings on the monitors by the head of the bed.
"How are ye feelin' this mornin' lass?" She opened her mouth to say fine, but only a croak came out. He smiled.
"It will take a couple a days before ye can do much more tha' whisper, so ye won't be dishin' ou' orders to anybody."
"They could be written orders," she whispered with a grin.
"Aye, they could be at that, but I think ye will jus' be stuck with the paperwork." She nodded and expected he had hit the nail on the head.
"How is the patient today?" asked Major Lorne as he and the Col. came into the room.
"She's doin' well," Carson answered, "but I wan' her to rest up for a couple of days." He turned to her and continued.
"I don' want ye to do any talkin'. If ye put too much strain on yer throat ye could do permanen' damage an' end up soundin' like an' old man who has smoked an' drunk too much whiskey for the whole of 'is long life." She nodded to him and made a silent vow not to let that happen.
"So when will she be fit for duty?" asked the major.
"Light duties that don' involve talkin' from tomorrow." The major smiled.
"I know just the job…paperwork!" A groan escaped Tina, and Dr Beckett chuckled.
"Are you keeping her in until then?" asked John.
"No. I think she would be more comfortable in 'er own quarters." They all agreed with that statement.
"You can go in an hour, after ye 'ave 'ad some breakfast, an' we'll 'ave a chat about 'ow t' aid yer recovery," the doctor continued.
"Ok, see you tomorrow morning in your office," said Major Lorne with a smile.
"Your office," she whispered back."
"Not anymore," he said with a smile and turned to leave.
"Well that will teach me to run into a smokey fire," she whispered.
"One can only 'ope," Carson answered her.
"Glad you're feeling better," said John. He gave her a nod, and followed the major from the room.
An hour later, dressed in her smokey uniform again, she left the infirmary. When she rounded the corner she found John leaning against the wall. He pushed himself up and fell into step beside her.
"I thought you might like some company," he said with a smile. She returned his smile and nodded.
A few minutes later she opened the door to her quarters and he followed her in. The moment the door was closed he reached out and took her hand and pulled her into his arms. He whispered into her hair.
"I wish I could stay with you and hold you all day, but I can't. I'll come back tonight ok?" She nodded while wondering what to do with daylight until he came back.
"I have to go now," he said kissing her lightly on the lips, then turned and left.
Once she had ditched the stinking uniform and showered the last of the smoke and soot off, she dressed in a pair of jeans and a white blouse. It felt funny to be out of uniform, but nice at the same time. She sat in front of the window with a book on the table beside her, and found herself studying the view. Tall, spired buildings, with a sparking sea beyond, it was so beautiful. She wondered at the events that bought her here, and finding John again. Then she remembered the late night visit from Bradley. He had worked it out, but she knew he would keep her secret. Then her mind strayed to something that Dr. Beckett had said, what was that now? He said that John had seemed concerned about her. Well that would be normal wouldn't it? She didn't like where the thought was leading her, so she dismissed it and picked up her book. It was one she had read many times before. 'Pawn of Prophecy' by David Eddings. It was the first in a series of books but this was her favourite. The story of a poor farm boy who would turn out to be one of the most powerful men in his world. A world full of magic and Dragons. She had escaped into this book as a child, to a different world, where she could have the power of "the will of the word". What she could have done with that. Today as always, she sank into the story and lost herself in the words.
Later as she put the book back down on the table she noticed how the angle of the sun had changed, then her stomach grumbled. A quick check of her watch confirmed it was now mid-afternoon, time to go find some lunch, and company. She stood up and stretched, then left for the mess. The one thing about living on a base like this one was there wasn't really any reason to take a jacket, you never had to go outside.
She felt conspicuous as she walked in, most people were in uniform, she stood out in her blouse and jeans. She looked at the range of food, most of it would be too hard on her throat, so ended up grabbing some yoghurt and a piece of fruit she knew was soft inside. As she approached the table filled with her fellow pilots she heard one of them let out a wolf whistle and call.
"Hey Rogers, girl clothes!"
"You don't get out much do you Campbell, if you think these are girl clothes," she whispered. Unfortunately her comeback was ruined by the fact she couldn't make her voice carry.
"Wow, girl clothes and quiet!" he retorted. "Who are you?" She threw her spoon at him, it clattered to the floor after it hit him on the shoulder, then she mouthed the words shut up.
She took a lot of teasing over the next 20 minutes or so, but she had missed these guys while she had been acting as Lorne's 2nd, so took it with good grace. One by one they each left to attend to their duties, so in the end she ended up sitting on her own, reluctant to go back to her empty room.
She was just thinking of getting another cup of coffee when Dr Beckett came and sat down at the table.
"'ow's yer throat now lass?"
"Sore," she whispered. "I wish I could eat proper food."
"The tissue of the mouth an' throat 'eal ver' quickly, ye will be able to 'andle normal food in a day or two."
"Hello Carson."
"Hello yerself Rodney, why don' ye join us?"
"Don't mind if I do, Robinson, right?"
"Rogers," she whispered the correction.
"I'm terrible with names and faces too most of the time." She found sitting with these two easy. They chattered away and left no room for her to talk anyway, all she needed to do was smile and nod. Shortly afterward they were joined by Teyla who Tina had come to know over the past month. When John entered the room it seemed only natural for him to sit at the table with his friends. He took a free chair beside Tina. It was nice feeling him close. She was included in the conversations, but again didn't need to talk. She felt a warm pressure on her knee as John allowed his leg to rest against hers under the table. Sitting beside him, she couldn't watch him as she would have liked, instead she ended up looking at Dr. Beckett who was directly across from her. He seemed to be watching her closely. After a while he made to stand up.
"Well I'd better be gettin' back, the sick wait on no one. Will ye join me lass, there's somethin' I'd like to check now while I think on it."
"Oh, alright," she whispered as she stood up. She smiled to everyone at the table saving John for last.
"See you later," she murmured, then she followed the Doctor out of the room. He slowed his pace and she fell into step beside him.
"That's a dangerous game ye two are playin' there," he said.
"What?" She croaked out loud enough for the single word to scrap her throat.
"Ye and the Colonel." She turned her horror filled eyes on him.
"Don' worry, I don' think anyone else has noticed, I'm more attuned to readin' people. Patients don' usually tell their doctor everythin', so I learn' t notice their body language." She couldn't think of the right words to say, but her look must have said volumes.
"I'm not goin' t report ye, but if ye continue with…" he paused before going on.
"Someone else will notice, an' most wouldna' be so charitable."
She hadn't noticed they had stopped walking, but now had to stand aside to allow some personnel pass.
"I'm not goin' t tell ye what ye should do lass, ye know tha' already."
"You don't need me in the infirmary do you?" she murmured.
"No lass, I don'," she stood in front of him for a moment or two, then turned and walked away. She was going in the wrong direction for her quarters and ended up on a balcony overlooking the South Pier. She had known from the moment that she heard she was going to Atlantis that this could be a problem, but she had not wanted to think about it, pushed it to the back of her mind. The thought of anyone finding out about them and the consequences they would both face was unthinkable. But equally as unthinkable was for them both to be working here on the base and not being allowed to be together. The sun was going down as she turned to leave, she still hadn't been able to work out a solution. She wandered the halls of the base for a while, but finally ended up back at her own quarters.
When the door chime went some time later, she was sitting in the dark, and didn't get up to answer it. It opened anyway.
"Hello?" John asked the dark room. She thought about being quiet and hoping he wouldn't see her and leave, but she couldn't do it.
"Hello," she said back.
"What are you doing sitting in the dark?"
"Huh, nothing, thinking."
He closed the door and went over to her, squatted down in front of her and put his hands on her knees. That was when he saw her tears.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He moved closer and took her in his arms. She had hoped she would have got herself under control by the time he arrived, but fresh tears streamed down her face. She couldn't talk, couldn't make herself heard, and his arms felt so good, she didn't want him to ever let her go. But finally she had to make the effort. She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back so she could see his face. He looked confused, concerned and scared. John Sheppard looked scared, that just wasn't right, how could she do this to him?
"Carson knows," she choked out.
"What?"
"About us." Even in the dark she could see the colour drain from his face.
"He told me when we left this afternoon. He said he won't report us, but if he has seen it, and Bradley has…"
"Wait, what? Bradley?"
"You remember Bradley Lewis, he's here too. He saw you and put two and two together without even seeing us together."
"He would."
"If both of them know, when it has only been a few days that we have been together, how long before other people start to see things?"
"Well, Bradley knows our history, he has a large head start on everyone else."
"And Carson? He doesn't know we have a history!"
There was silence for a while as they both thought on what had been said, as well as what hadn't.
It was Tina who spoke first.
"We have to stop this don't we?" It took John a moment to answer.
"Yes I think we do." He looked up into her eyes and she could see a deep sadness in them.
"I could leave the service," he said half-heartedly.
"No you couldn't," she answered him. "And if I left, I would be sent home." Silence again. John had his head down. Tina looked past him to the lights of the city out the window. She felt his hand on the side of her face, she looked back at him.
"Not tonight." He leaned in and kissed her, a kiss full of a life time of longing which grew in intensity, if this was going to be their last night…..
When he drew away, they both stood up. He looked deeply into her eyes, and stroked her hair back behind her ear. There was so much they both wanted to say to each other, but neither of them spoke. With extreme care he undid the buttons of her blouse and slipped it off her shoulders, gently running his fingers down her arms. He drew her to him and kissed her lips, and she melted into his arms which made it that much easier for him to scoop her up and carry her over to the bed. He lay her down then quickly took off his gun belt, radio and boots, there would be nothing to laugh at tonight. Slowly with deliberate care they removed each other's clothing , each trying to burn the memories into their minds. They took their time, neither of them wanting the night to end. When at last they were spent, they lay in each other's arms and clung together. Usually John would leave and go back to his own room now, even back in the early days, but this time he stayed. He hardly slept, he spent the time watching Tina sleep, watching her dream, wondering if it was him she was seeing in her them.
When he noticed the first touches of dawn he got up, went and showered, and dressed. Then he reached for the note pad. This would be the last note he would leave her, he thought hard about it before finally committing it to paper.
NEVER FORGET!
J.