Chapter four is brought to you by I Feel Like It Industries.
Some of you might think it strange for Sora, who was originally a guy, to like another guy, but I have a simple answer. I based the character after me, I'm somewhat bisexual, If this happened to me i probably wouldn't have too much of a problem liking a guy instead of being lesbian.
One reviewer asked if I was gonna make all the sulky or crazy guys fall for Sora. The answer is no. While it would be funny it's just not something I had in mind for this story. I just had Lee do it to give Sora/Myself a hard time. I mean ho would any of you feel if Rock Lee suddenly fell for you with absolutely no reason for it? I do have other things planned though and you'll know when you read.
Disclaimer:I do not own the song "In the Summertime" By Mungo Jerry.
Chapter four: The Preliminary Rounds and Beyond
You know I hate long winded speeches about political bullshit. As the Third did his big old speech thing I stood there trying not to fall asleep on my feet. Luckily Hayate saved us from the long winded doom. He stated the rules of the matches then let the random name generator pull out two names.
Sasuke vs. Akado Yoroi
Sasuke's match wasn't really all that interesting. I did however notice that the girls and guys from each team seemed to seperate into little groups and, seeing how I was unwilling to come to them, Ino, Hinata, and Sakura came to me, Tenten decided to stay with her team just like the Sound and Sand teams. Just as Sasuke first found out the other guy could eat his chakra, they started to speak... well, really it was Sakura, Ino and Hinata would reply.
As the battle was nearing it's end so was my patience. I firmly believe in the motto that all things come to the one who waits, but I just couldn't wait any longer for that twit to shut up.
"Do you think my-"
"God damn it! Would you just shut the fuck up, you pink-haired twit? I don't care what kind of make-up makes you look like what or what kind of body deodorant attracts male attention! We are twelve fucking years old. When you have a figure like Kurenai's," I gestured towards Hinata's red eyed teacher, "then come back and start telling me about what you would prefer Sasuke to do to you behind closed doors! And one more thing, if you think the pink hair dye is doing anything for you, it's not! Blue is a more believable color!" I turned back to the match to see Sasuke beeing taken away by Kakashi. "Damn it! Now I've missed the match!" Ino and Hinata sported sweat drops on the back of their heads and Sakura looked to be as angry as a swarm of bees that found their hive ransacked.
"What about you-"
"What about me?" I think I must have scared her, because she suddenly just went quiet when I looked her in the eye. "Well?" I tapped my foot impatiently. she just huffed and turned away.
"You... You're nothing but an ugly tomboy. You're just yelling at me because you're jealous," she said rather lamely. Now I'm not one to brag, but back in my homeworld I wasn't exactly popular( Except with little kids. Don't know why, but I always became Uncle Jon when the crumb-snatchers got to know me.) and I'd been tormented to the point of chasing down someone with a sledge hammer. Rest assured that I did not catch them. Sakura's insults were just... dirt poor.
"Is that all?" She was silent. "Good, I've got some matches to watch." I turned back to the match that was now in progress between Abumi Zaku and Aburame Shino. It wasn't much of a match. I'm pretty sure it went exactly as I had rememered it from the show.
The Name Generator passed through the list a few times before stopping on my name. I almost smiled. It looked like I wouldn't have to fight Kiba... I hate being wrong.
"Uzumaki Sora vs. Inuzuka Kiba," Hayate announced much to my contempt.
"Ah, hell," I mumbled I walked down to meet Kiba in the arena.
When I Finally felt properly placed for the start of the match I looked Kiba dead in the eye and said, "You better not even be dreaming of holding back on me. If you do I'll nueter you." Kiba just laughed as he curled his fingers, the nails turning into claws.
"Hadn't planned on it, Squirt," Akamaru however jumped off Kiba's head and went over to sleep in the corner. I raised on eyebrow.
"Begin!"
Kiba didn't seem at all surprised that Akamaru wouldn't fight alongside him against me. I wasn't surprised either. The surprise from the plotting puppy would come later in the match.
I unsheathed my sword slowly. I was going to wait for Kiba to attack. I didn't have to wait long.
Kiba shot forward like a bullet with the intent to shoulder me into the wall and knock me out. I stepped aside and tried to bring my sword down on him as he passed. He dodged barely by jumping to the side. I didn't want to wait for him to come within my range again so this time I charged. I started with an upward slash followed by a horizontal kick and finally a horizontal slash.
Kiba dodged both slashes and blocked my kick. He struck back, tagging my shoulder with a clawed hand, and I hissed in pain. I sucked it up though and tried to land a hit on him.
For pretty much the whole fight we were evenly matched. He'd land a blow and I'd land one in the after math of his attack. It was coming down to a battle of attrition and I was getting bored.
And that's when that conniving mutt sprung into action.
I was charging forward to attack Kiba again when Akamaru, that fuckking mutt, tripped me. What happened next was a little fast to really comprehend, but it went a little like this: I tripped over the mutt and flew a little ways through the air seeing as I was running full blast. Expecting to hit the ground immagine my surprise when I feel someone catch me. I opened my eyes to see my rescuer only to look into Kiba's eyes. I made a small, horribly undignified 'eep' sound as a blush made it's way onto my face.
It wasn't that he had accidentily grabbed me inappropriately, it was just the way he caught me made it like he was hugging me. I really wasn't expecting it.
He gave a smirk and my blush deepened.
"Since when were you such a klutz?"He asked teasingly. I frowned and, through a unique show of finesse, placed my blade at his throat.
"Since when are you so unaware of things?"
"That's cold. You're just gonna do that to the guy who saved your butt," he mocked hurt, still not letting me out of the hug. I just smirked and winked. "Fine, I give up, you got me," he released me from his hold with a smirk, "But you owe me one."
I snorted as I sheathed my sword, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."
"Winner, Uzumaki Sora!"
Now my match with Kiba may not have ended as explosively as other matches, but it was a long one and I was tired. When we got back up into the stands I stole Kiba's jacket from him. He raised a brow at me.
"I need a pillow, I'm aking a nap," I said simply as a went a little ways away and layed down. I must have slipped off into dreamlan pretty fast, because I know the following sequence wouldn't happen in any reality I'd allow myself to be in:
(( Dream Sequence)
I found myself standing in the middle of the arena with the other genin, in lines just like before. Before us stood the Hokage and the Jounin instructors. And that's where the normality ended.
Music I hadn't heard in years started playing. At first I thought I was the only one hearing it, but then the instructors started a simple dance. They would slide left, snap their fingers, then slide right, and snap their fingers in time with music.
I stared at them with my eyebrow twitching until the Old Man Hokage stood up, joined the simple dance, and started singing.
In the summertime when the weather is high
You can stretch right up and touch the sky
When the weather is high you go women you got women on your mind
The front row of genin started to join the dancing. The Hokage finsihed his part of the song.
Have a drink have drive go out and see what you can find.
The second row of genin joined in, even Gaara. Infact he started singing next.
If her daddy's rich take her out for a meal
He had appeared behind Hinata dancing with her for a moment.
If her daddy's poor just do what you feel
Now he was by Ino and started dancing with her.
Speed along the lane do a ton or a ton an' twenty-five
When the sun goes down you can make it make it good in a lay by
Now everyone except for me was dancing that simple slide and snap dance. Suddenly Orochimaru popped up and I nearly screamed. He started to do a bit of a more complicated dance than the others that I don't really care to explain as he began singing.
We're not bad people we're not dirty we're not mean
We love everybody but we do as we please
When the weather's fine we go fishin' or go swimmin' in the sea
We're always happy life's for living yeah that's our philosophy
I could tell the singing was just about to continue, but an annoyingly arrogant voice broke through into my sleeping world and brought me into the waking world...
(End Dream Sequence))
It turned out I had been asleep for two matches and Hinata's was just starting. The voice that woke me up was her stuck up cousin. I growled.
"Hey, Hinata," I called down to her in the arena, interrupting Neiji's 'You're a loser' speech.
"Y-yes, Sora-chan," she asked timidly.
"This guy bugs me. Kick his ass for me, will ya? He even woke me up from my nap," everyone seemed to sweat drop at that. Not that I cared.
Hinata smiled a little and nodded to me.
Now I'd like to say that Hinata pulled a one eighy with her personality and kicked Neiji's stick filled ass, but alas that would be lying. She got beat pretty damn badly. But she went down like a champ, flipping Neiji off as she fell unconscious. Not sure where that came from, but it made the look on Neiji's face so funny...
"Hey, you! Loser!" he called to me, but I did not answer. Only an idiot answers when someone calls them a loser.
He growled and tried again.
"I'm talking to you, Loser," he said deceptively calm. I yawned and started counting the dots on the ceiling.
He tried one final time, "In know you can hear me, you loser, so litsen well. Quit being a ninja. Only a loser and fool cheers for another person and fools aren't equipped to be ninja." He seemed satisfied with his words as I had finally turned to look at him.
"Hmm? You say something?" I had to bite my tongue to stop from laughing at his face. He stormed away from the arena to the side opposite of me and just kept glaring at me.
The rest of the matches were predictable and really not worth mentioning. The end result was the same anyways.
The day ended and we were sent home to rest for a month before the third exam. I sighed a little as I made it to my appartment. Believe it or not, my appartment isn't a rundown shit house. It's pretty nice if I say so myself.
In the words of a certain Nara, it'd be too troublesome to explain how rich or dirt poor I really am, so let's just say I'm healthy and happy.
Anyways, I had guessed i should probably seek out Kakashi for training even though I knew it would be a fruitless expedition. Well, not really. First, I'd deal with Ebisu for a day or two then I'd meet the pervert.
As usual my skills of perception were spot on. I asked Kakashi for help, he said yes, and I had no idea what the hell to do.
"Uh, wait wait wait. You weren't supposed to say that," I said to Kakashi.
"Oh? And what was I supposed to say?" I could tell he was amused by this.
"You're supposed to say some bullshit about needing to teach Sasuke because he has to fight Gaara and dump me off on Ebisu," I said while crossing my arms and frowning in thought. This was gonna be a problem. If Kakashi trained me then I probably wouldn't meet Jiraiya. If I didn't meet jiraiya i'd never learn to summon toads. If I didn't learn to summon toads I'd be royally screwed when it came to the fight against Gaara not mention I'd never meet the Fuzzball.
"Hmm," His voice broke me out of my thoughts, "Well if you insist, Sora. I'll call Ebisu to pick you up A.S.A.P., alright?" I gave a sigh of relief and nodded.
"Thanks, Sensei." He eye-smiled at me before walking away. Seeing as how he never said I'd have to wait for Ebisu there, I went home to get some things and started an excersize I thought up in the forest of death. I started running around that block that my appartment occupied. I figured I'd have about three hours before Ebisu got here so I'd put this whole Kyuubi Stamina thing to the test.
Turns out the wait was only about thirty minutes, but that's ok because I don't think I could've reached three hours. At least not the way I was doing it. I'd have to practice it more before I'd be able to run three hours and the final goal for it would be really to never stop. You see I'd been using chakra from everywhere I could on my body to stick to the ground continuously, like the tree excersize, now of course this would slow me down and some migh consider it to be wasting chakra, but immagine doing that for a month then stopping the day before the chunin matches. I'd have plenty of rest, my chakra stores would be larger, and I'd be a ton faster for the atch against Stony... I mean Neiji.
Anyways Ebisu arrived in about thirty minutes. I nodded to him, he nodded to me, and we both headed to the hotsprings.
Once there he began instructing me on the technical mumbo-jumbo of how to water walk. I just nodded and watched him demonstrate. He then gestured for me to try. This is another time that the phrase ' I'd like to say...' comes in handy, but I'll skip it this time.
I tried, fell in, tried again, fell in again, and this went on for a few hours until Ebisu noticed Jiraiya. I smirked. About damn time, this water is fucking hot.
I'd go skip this part but from what I understand no one really knows what happened here so here's how it played out:
"Hehehehehehe..."guess who.
"Hmm, What's this," Ebisu looked over at Jiraiya and his jaw dropped. "What Impropriety is this? Worry not fair maidens in the bath. Ebisu shall liberate your sanctuary from this white haired pervert," apparently he wasn't that loud, 'cause the ladies in the bath house moved neither hide nor hair to come out and bash Jiraiya like only women could.
Ebisu in all his uppity glory strode over to Jiraiya and spoke in a firm voice, "You there! I insist you stop this perversion at one or I'll be forced to-" He was interrupted by a giant frog landing on him.
"Would ya shut yer hole? I'm conducting research!" Jiraiya then went back to watching the ladies bathe. I almost laughed.
I got up and walked over to him and decided to mess with his mind a bit. Physically I'm a girl now, so I must have that 'I see a pervert, the punishment is death' look encoded into this bodies DNA. I know this because when I walked up behind Jiraiya my face fell into shadows execpt for my eyes which glowed electric blue, I cracked my knuckles threateningly, and for some reason a hammer appeared in my right hand.
Hearing me crack my knuckles, Jiraiya looked back. One look at me and he looked ready to wet his pants. Seeing that look i couldn't help but start laughing, the entire look I formed falling to pieces immediately. Jiraiya looked on somewhat confused.
"Uh... aren't you going to beat me senseless with that silver hammer?" He asked pointed to said silver hammer in my hand.
I threw it over my shoulder and it disappeared in a poof of smoke.
"Nah, I was just messin with ya," I said to him, crouching down infront of him with a toothy grin, "Besides I have two very valid reasons not to hit ya."
Now he looked very, very interested in what I had to say, "Oh, and those would be."
"One, no matter how much they deny it, unless they were left at manestary since shortly after birth, everyone has erotic thoughts now and then, some are just more open about it. Two, I'm bisexual and I want a look," I shoved him aside and took a quick peek into the hot springs. "Not bad, I've seen better, but not bad." I pulled away from the peephole, looking at the super pervert. He had a look of pure astonishment on his face.
"No way..." he had one of those tones that said he was experiencing something so completely out there that he'd never even thought it possible.
"Way," I said with a smirk. It would be pretty easy to get him to train me now. Just had to throw in a Girou Kanraku jutsu once or tice and the deal would be sealed.
"How is this possible," He picked up a stick and started poking me occasionally at different spots on my body, "You can't be real." He kept poking me and my eyebrow began twitching uncontrollably.
"Would you cut that out, it bugs me and I assure you I am real," I said, flicking away the stick. "Tell you what old man, I know you're Jiraiya the legendary Toad Sannin, I also know that ith a title that large you got's to be powerful. You train me and I'll show a Jutsu I personally created that should be just up your alley and give you plenty inspiration for your books."
Jiraiya looked like he was thinking this over for a few seconds before saying seriously, "Show me the jutsu first. If I like it I'll teach you." I smirked again.
"Not here, you'd likely be blown into the womens bath and if you're beaten into stupidity by a bunch of naked chicks then you can't teach me anything," I began leading away. He followed anxiously. I wonder if your face will get stuck in the mirking position if you do it too much.
Now I don't want to go through all the details because it will be long and boring, but I will give you the summary. Basically, I showed Jiraiya the Girou Kanraku no Jutsu, he happily agreed to train me if i used that jutsu on him at least once a day, I signed the Toad contract, and we came to the point where he tossed me off a cliff because I talked him into it.
Now here's where things get detailed again.
About half way through the fall I was sucked into my mind. Needless to say, things were different from the original Naruto's mind. Mine was still a maze of passageways, but mine looked like I was standing inside the vine covered ruins of the ancient mayan pyramids. The vines were blue and red, I needed to follow the red vines. But first I noticed I had recovered something I lost six years ago.
"YES!! I HAVE MY DICK BACK!!" Turns out inside my mind I look like I used to before I came to this reality. After taking a few minutes to do a funky happy dance about the returning of a treasured appendage, I began following the red vines.
I came to the chamber where the fuzzball was stored. It was pretty damn big. I walked forward towards the midle of the chamber before shouting out.
"HEY FUZZBALL!! GET YOUR FURRY ASS OUT HERE BEFORE I START SINGIN' YELLOW SUBMARINE!!" All I got in responce was a snort of disgust. "YOU ASKED FOR IT FLEA-BAG!!" I began singing the song and after a good two minutes of the same lyrics over and over the fuzzball came to atleast see what I wanted.
"OK, here's the deal, Kyuubi. One you tell me your name, 'cause I know the whole Kyuubi no Youko or however the hell you say it is just a title, not really your name. Two, lend me your chakra on two circumstances, one, my chakra holes get closed, two, I'm about to die. Got it? Good." I waited for his response.
"You are not my original vessel," He stated in that overly deep demonic voice of his.
"No fucking duh. Now what's your name and I need some chakra, we're falling to our doom and I need to summon a big ass frog." The Kyuubi snorted in amusement.
"I have a condition of my own, mortal. Next we meet you must tell me your story."
"Sure, sounds fair."
"My name... My name is Gary," he paused. Meh, could be worse. He then began flooding my body with his chakra. I exited my mind and began the hand seals to summon Gamabunta. It went off from there without a hitch.
After summoning Gamabunta I used the last three weeks for speed training. Jiraiya, seeing how well I'd done with the whole toad contract thing tried to teach me more, but I told him that'd have to wait till after the Chuunin exam cause I still had to work on my speed and stamina.
It came down to two days before the final exam and I was taking my final rest before the exam started. I just lounged around for a while and wrote a few things. I also cursed Boss once again when I realized I was starting my cycle the day of the exams.
Finally it was time to go kick Neiji's ass and I was ready for him.
A/N: I thought about ending it earlier, but I wanted to get the whole training period over with in this chapter. Also The silver hammer of pervert bashing is brought to in halves by Maxwell Edison and El Goonsih Shive . Anyone who does not know what either of these two are, look them up. You'll be a better person with the knowledge of where that silver hammer comes from.
Out.