Summary: Lily hates James. James loves Lily. Lily has a secret which James has found out, and now she's afraid he'll tell. Begins with an excerpt from Order of the Phoenix, no longer in Harry's POV, but through Lily and James. Rated M for adult themes in later chapters and some language.

Disclaimer: I own nothing that you may in any way recognize. All of the characters save for a few of my own imagination belong to J.K. Rowling.

Chapter 4: Or Something

It was dark, that was all that Lily knew. It was dark, and she had her eyes open, but she honestly couldn't see. She felt panic bubble up in her throat, but she refused to scream.

She could hear sounds—scratching sounds. She didn't remember how long she'd been out, a few moments? A few days?

She buried her face in her hands- by the time they found her… She barely concealed a whimper. No, she would not cry, she could not cry.

The scratching got louder and louder, and then there was a crash, not at all in the distance. Lily stood up quickly.

It was tall and burly and fanged. It towered over her, saliva dripping from it's teeth, yellow eyes gleaming from the doorway as it stood on its hind legs.

Lily felt her mouth open, and she felt, despite herself, a large and loud scream ripped from her throat as it advanced—

Lily woke up with a start. There was a hand on her shoulder, she turned to see Cassandra staring at her with concern. Lily blinked and shook her head. She slowly sat up, only to find Lane with her mouth open. "What?" Lily asked.

"Well, Lils, you were screaming like a banshee." Cassandra told her without withdrawing her hand from Lily's shoulder. "You gave us a fright."

"One minute you're asleep, and the next thing we know you're whimpering and moving about. And then suddenly you're just screaming… we thought it best to wake you up," Lane threw in.

"Bad dream?" Cassandra asked. "Potter trying to kiss you or something?" She and Lane

giggled.

"Or something," Lily told them absently. She wasn't in the mood for a laugh. This dream had been very real, and very frightening. She couldn't remember it exactly, but she did have the clear image of a full moon hanging in the sky, outside of the creature blocked doorway. 'Well,' Lily thought, 'That'll be the first thing I look up when I'm at Hogwarts- the symbols of dreams.'

Lily sat up, and began to massage the crick out of her neck. "Well, it's a good thing you're up," Cassandra said, with a small smile, "Otherwise you'd have never gotten your presents."

Lily raised her eyebrows, "Presents?"

Cassandra sighed, exasperated, "For your birthday remember? I know you're getting old, but honestly, you'd think a girl would remember if it were only yesterday." Cass was the youngest of the three, younger than Lily by almost three quarters of a year.

"Well, yes, but you already sent me presents, or are you the one who's forgetful Cass?"

"Now, now, an attitude like that is no way to win anyone over, isn't that right Lane?"

"Mmm?" Lane said, turning the page of the issue of Teen Witch Magazine she had with her. Lily caught a glimpse of the models sweeping along the runway in modified robes and superbly high boots, before the page had fully turned over. "Oh, yes, whatever you say Cassandra."

Cass rolled her eyes, "Fine," she told Lane, her voice a little louder, "I'll just take all of the credit then for the little shindig we were planning on throwing our Lily."

"Shindig?" Lily said, incredulous, "Cass, I honestly don't need a shingdig."

"Oh don't get your knickers in a twist, the party won't go over the whole train, just the sixth years cars."

"I think, as a prefect, that the party won't go beyond this compartment- if that."

"Oh, bloody hell, you've had the badge, what, five minutes? And already you're bossing everyone around. Loosen up darling." Cassandra winked at her.

"I am loose," Lily replied. "I just—," She was cut off by the entrance of a head with black shaggy hair poking into the compartment.

"Loose? Did I here a girl say that they were loose?" Sirius grinned at the girls, and then slung open the compartment doors. "Hey James, Remus, Peter, lucky day mates—I've found some loose girls!"

"Oh sod off Black," Cassandra told him, acidly.

"That's what I love about you Miers, who needs someone sweet natured when you have blinding spite." He winked before sitting down in between Cassandra and Lily, draping an arm around each of them. Before Cass could retort, and Lily could wriggle free, James Potter strolled in from the corridor.

He stopped when he saw Black's arm over Lily, and a small look passed his features. But when Lily had finally settled for getting out of her seat altogether, the look was gone.

Peter and Remus came in next- Remus looking very well, for someone who was usually so peaked, Lily noted. Remus' Prefect Badge was pinned neatly to his robes, and he had stopped at the doorway.

Cassandra began to ream Sirius, "Black you get your bloody hands off of me you louse!"

Sirius chuckled, and enveloped her in a big hug. Cassandra gave a look of disgust, "You imbecile! Are you even listening to me?"

"Probably not," Peter put in, nervously. He was sitting on the edge of the seat, next to Lane, who had yet to look up from her magazine.

James smiled at Lily, who was still standing. "How was your summer Evans?" He asked.

"Fine," Lily told him tentatively, not certain where he was going with the conversation. She waited for a funny remark about her dating habits, but none came. They stood staring at each other, until Remus broke them from their reverie.

"Are you ready Lily?" Came the polite baritone.

"Hmm?" Lily broke the gaze she'd been sharing with James, "Ready?"

Remus nodded, his face serious, "Yes… there's a meeting for Prefects before the train arrives… remember?"

"Oh! Right. I'm sorry, I completely forgot… where is it?"

"It's in the front car, I'll walk with you." And with that he took off. Lily hurried after him with Cassandra calling after her, "We'll have that shindig started when you get back!"

---

Lily sat next to Remus in a room of prefects, along with the Head Boy and Girl. And she was bored. Remus was listening attentively, along with the other prefects, with the exemption of Lola Marie Dawlson, a Slytherin who was busily observing the split ends of her blonde hair.

Lily leaned her head against her head and sighed resisting the urge to glance at the ends of her own hair. She was bored, but she didn't want to be that bored.

The Head Boy had just finished speaking about what prefects should do to keep first years in line when directing them to the common rooms and their dorms, when Lily felt a little nudge to the left of her knee. She looking down in time to see (and feel) Remus give another nudge.

Apparently he wasn't listening so attentively after all. He gave a look and quickly touched his fingers to his lips. "Okay. Keep quiet. Got it," she thought.

Discreetly he pulled a piece of parchment into his lap. Lily tried to act like she was listening and looking at the Head Boy, when really she was looking at Remus's lap.

Remus was slowly folding the paper, when he came up with—a paper airplane? Lily hadn't seen one of those since she'd been in the muggle school before she went to Hogwarts. She stifled a giggle. Remus held up a hand- he wasn't finished yet.

Slowly he tapped the airplane, and Lily waited for him to whisper something, but he never did. Suddenly though, the airplane was full of life, and ready to fly around. Remus gripped it tightly by the bottom, and sat back in his chair. He held it under the table out of sight.

Still watching Remus, and the little moving plane, Lily sat back into her chair as well. The Head Boy was still droning, "…then you want to explain the portraits and the passwords to the first years- as I've said, the first password of the year is located on Parchment A3 in your packet.."

And then Remus turned to her, gave her a little smile, and pulled back his hands, airplane free. Lily blinked, then glanced at the floor to see where it had fallen.

Something fast and white zipped by her nose, and she glanced up sharply. She nearly choked as she stifled a giggle. The plane was zooming crazily around the room, and only the Head Boy and a few people had noticed. The Head Girl, from Ravenclaw was laughing silently beside him.

And then the airplane land on Lola's head, who had been too busy examining to hair to notice the disruption. She gave a little shriek and jumped, nearly falling out of her chair. The Head Boy glanced sharply and said, "Alright, alright, who did that?"

No one answered. Lily glanced at Remus to see him giving a completely innocent, nonchalant look. She tried to do the same.

The Head Boy sighed, "People, people, these are the kinds of shenanigans that we want to stop the other students from pulling. Really, if you can not be serious, you shouldn't be here." The airplane which had slowed to a smooth glide went in front of his face, and then backed up and stopped at his words. The Head Boy stared at it, a little dumbfounded despite himself, when the nose of the airplane curled up in distaste, backed up a bit, zoomed off, and came to meet him square in the middle of the forehead. Then it carefully unfolded itself, and landed, a flat sheet of parchment again, on the floor of the compartment.

"Bloody hell," the Head Boy said, and he kicked at the parchment.

Now the Head Girl rose, pink from giggling and said, "Harris, I think we had better let them go. It's obvious we've held them here against their will a little too long." Harris looked decidedly doubtful, but the Head Girl waved them all away and told them, "You're dismissed."

---

Lily let out a large laugh as soon as the were out of the compartment and on their way back to the sixth years car. "Where did you learn to do that?"

"That?" Remus asked? "Oh, that was nothing, just an old parlor trick my dad taught me."

"No, no, I mean without saying anything- you never mentioned a spell."

"Oh, I didn't?" Remus looked a little uncomfortable, "You must be mistaken Lily, I'm sure I said the incantation."

"Oh.. well, maybe I got distracted and missed it.. or something," Lily said doubtfully. Remus looked a little pink around the ears. He was lying to her for some reason, and he apparently didn't like doing it. This was the first time she'd ever seen Remus less than serious and relatively healthy and she didn't particularly want to ruin it. He seemed to be a funny bloke.

They reached the car to find all hell had broken loose.

The entire corridor- from floor to ceiling was filled with balloons and streamers, and Wizardly Wicked Neon Lights. There was the sound of a wizarding radio station close to full blast playing popular music, and people were screaming and laughing, and throwing Magic Dust Poppers at each other.

Lily stared at the ruckus, resigned and went to find Cassandra.

Cass was in their same compartment, as was Lane, James, and Peter. Lane was still reading her magazine, though she looked a bit perturbed about all the noise, and Cassandra was flirting with an exchange student from Bosnia. James and Peter were busy with a game of exploding snap, and Sirius was Merlin only knows where.

"What in the bloody hell is going on Cassandra!" Lily asked her as soon as she threw open the door.

Cass turned away from the boy and smiled, "Your birthday party silly. Really Lily, your memory is obviously going."

"This is not a party- this is insane and now we're all bound to be expelled."

"Come off it Lils, they can't expel all of the sixth years, that would be ridiculous."

"Yes but they can expel you because you started it and me because it's apparently, unbeknownst to me, my party!"

"Relax," Cassandra said, offhandedly, and went back to her flirting. Lily felt like her eyes were going to pop out of her head in frustration. She looked towards Remus, her fellow prefect to find someone who could help her create order, but he was already starting a new game of exploding snap with Peter. Lane was still reading.

James Potter was the only one who insofar hadn't proved to be completely useless to her, and yet she knew that incidentally he was probably completely useless to her.

Lily turned back into the corridor. Maybe she could find an empty compartment and claim that she had fallen asleep before the party had started. She started down the hall, ducked a dung bomb, and sidled around a fizzing and popping red something about the size of a beach ball, floating in the air. So far all of the compartments were filled, and she was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed.

She threw open a door, for find a sixth year and a fifth year busily snogging. They both blushed and stood up. She rolled her eyes, sighed, flashed her prefect badge and said, "Move it." The scurried out.

Lily sighed, and then sat down. It had been a long day. She contemplated taking a nap, but then the turn of her last nap made the thought of it unsavory. Honestly there was nothing to do but lay and stare at the ceiling, or go back out into the train and avoid the things people were throwing about the train in her honor.

Her lose-lose situation worsened when she heard the door open, and turned around to see Potter. She groaned.

He ignored it. "Well, hey Evans. Not enjoying your party?"

"It's more so Cassandra's party, wouldn't you say."

"Yes. But it's for your birthday."

"I suppose."

"You sound thrilled," he told her. She looked at him, he was smirking.

"Well, sixteen is thrilling. As you should know Potter."

He shrugged lazily. "Yeah…" he hesitated. "Are you upset that I'm in here?"

She gave him a long look. Since when did he care if she was upset if he followed her around or not. "No.. I suppose not. It depends on what you plan to do."

"Ah…" he murmured, and then pushed his hands to his knees, leaning towards her. He had long fingers, and large hands. Lily found herself thinking wistfully of their last train ride, the warm smooth fingers touching her briefly and the electric jolt… and you know what they always say about a boy with large hands… Lily told herself to snap out of it.

"Well um… I planned to do…" he stopped, and Lily just stared at him. He leaned in closer, and Lily felt a strange pull in her stomach. Oh, Merlin, was he going to…

And then he pulled back. He ran on hand through his messy black hair and said, "Happy Birthday Lily." He stood up and left the compartment, leaving Lily absolutely dumbfounded.

She looked out the window, at the fields of grass rolling by. It wasn't like he was planning to do anymore than that… why was she feeling so… disappointed? Or something.