IV. Do you imagine your death?

"To die by your side
Well, the pleasure―the privilege is mine"

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out, The Smiths

"We're alone again."

"Rabastan is still here. He's sleeping. He stole all the firewhisky in your father's minibar, I hope you don't mind."

"Damn drunk."

"Barty is gone, he said he has to go home before someone started asking where he was. He looked like he was going to Azkaban or something like that."

"That's his face every time he has to spend time with his parents."

"So much hate is not good for a family."

"Your parents are dead, Rodolphus. And mine are hiding us while que are in the running. But… what do you think Barty's father would do if he discovers his son is a Death Eater."

"―"

"Yes. That. Just the thing you didn't say."

"I hate doing nothing."

"Yesterday night you said we should keep a low profile and now you hate doing nothing."

"You like to fire things up and kill people. You attract attention to yourself."

"That's the point."

"We cannot attract attention! What if we get caught? We are near to the end of the war, I'm feeling it. And don't put that face. I know we are near the end and that we are the winners."

"If we get caught, he is going to let us out. I'm sure. I know he would do everything for us."

"Correction: he know you're capable of anything for him and that I would do whatever I gotta to for you. And that Rabastan and Barty would follow us directly to hell. Well, Barty would follow you. Yoy brought him in."

"I needed a partner."

"You had me."

"Oh, are you going to get jelous just now? Are you choosing to be what my mom calls a normal husband after all this time? I'm still asking myself what my mom considers normal. You're my husband, not the partner I needed. You don't feel the same when you kill."

"I kill and that's it."

"You don't play with your victims. He does."

"No more than the strictly necessary. Why lose my time with muggles and their damned kids? In the traitors? They deserve suffering, but yours, Bella… Oh, don't give that face! I'm just making a point."

"You think they deserve less? They cannot go lower. When the beg and they look into your eyes. You cannot go into more shit. That's the end."

"Everyone make a plea for someone's life. If they don't have anyone, they plea for them. It becomes boring with time."

"I didn't mean that."

"So, what?"

"When the beg you, Rodolphus. When you are the only person in the world that can give them what they want: dead. And you feel… I don't know. You feel something. Power."

"At the end you're the Holy Death. Don't fuck with me."

"Don't laugh. It makes sense to me, I swear."

"You like chaos."

"I never say I don't"

"The suffering, also."

"Yes."

"Who can like that? Killing. I can fight a war, but killing is a dirty job, Bella."

"It's an art."

"And you stand for it."

"Why not? I'm the best at it."

"In Hogwarts you though we would end up becoming Death Eaters? Answer sincerely."

"No. I never heard what he was planning, what he wanted, the world he wanted to build. But once I saw him and I heard him… I knew… I knew I'd do everything to get to that world. Even becoming a soldier and follow orders. Accept a mark and become it my ideology."

"I was with you. I saw your eyes, I already know that."

"That's why I hate being here, locked up, in my parent's house."

"We are going soon, you'll see. We'll go back home."

"I want to stop feeling useless. I want to do something. Win the war, finish the fucking Phoenix Order and all the aurors in front of us."

"You said yesterday that everyone is getting caught now."

"That's why I accept being locked up."

"Are you scared of dying?"

"Why the question?"

"Just because. We have to kill time if we're here."

"I… I don't know."

"Do you imagine your death?"

"I imagine it's going to fighting, I guess. I've always pictured in the muddle of a battle. It's not that I have too many options."

"So you don't expect peace, never. You are not hoping to find it."

"I don't want to find it, it's different. I'm not made for peace. I don't know what to do with it. I need to fight and, more than that, I need to take people's life. That sensation. I need to know I have that power. And your death? You imagine it?"

"I imagine it by your side. Fighting. Oh, damn, I hope it's by your side."

"How romantic."

"You know me."

"Yes, I know you. But I hate when you start to talk deep shit, you make me think stupid things I don't want to think."

"… I'm sorry."

"No, you're not really sorry. But I don't want to talk anymore and we need to kill time, you want to go back to my teenage room?

"―"

"I figured you'd want."

Death Eaters being human. Wow. It's complicated. Because I don't want you to have pity for them. They're assholes even though they're vulnerable but they're also human and they have friends and relationships and that kind of stuff. I hope you liked this… thing.

Andrea Poulain

Original: June 15th, 2016

Translation: March 30st, 2017.

#LoveIsLove