Thanks for the love last chapter, guys. Your feedback is what really helps me keep going. You guys are seriously the best in the world. So without further ado, chapter four. :)

Edward

Jasper handed me a Mike's as he sat down on the recliner next to me, absentmindedly flipping through channel after channel as I began my first of many drinks that night.

"Out of all the fucking things to happen," I shook my head.

A kitchen fire had not been on planned agenda for the night, and my heart hadn't stopped racing since. Putting alcohol into my system only made my body hate me more, but at least my body probably didn't hate me as much as I hated me.

"You should text Bella," he told me. "Let her know you're okay and stuff."

I sank further into the couch, shutting my eyes momentarily as I ran my fingers through my hair. "Hey Bella, sorry I am scared of fire. Just a party trick, don't worry about it," I sighed sarcastically. "Oh, and dinner was great. Hope your stove's okay."

Jasper let out a chuckle. "Seriously, man. She was really worried."

I wanted to text her but I was able to convince myself not too. I needed to slow down because I was already treading rocky waters, and there was no need for unnecessary complications.

"We're not dating," I shrugged. "That's what couples do."

"Speaking of dating," he began. "I think I'm gonna ask Alice out on a date."

I rolled my eyes. "Shocker there, not like I called that or anything. Not by the way Bella was positive that she was your soul mate or anything," I muttered the last part under my breath and chuckled at his irritated expression.

"Bella is a person, Edward," he ignored what I had said. "Not your little play toy."

I sighed. "You think I don't know that?"

"Judging by the last few girls in your life, no, I don't think you know that."

I tossed my empty bottle into the trash and rested my feet on the coffee table.

"Bella's different," he assessed. "She's adorable, funny, has a great taste in best friends, and isn't blond."

I rubbed my eyes. "Jazz, you don't even wanna go there. Not tonight."

It was his turn to sigh. "Bella doesn't have to be like the other girls. She's different," he repeated before concluding the conversation. "She likes you. A lot. Don't waste that."

I knew what I was doing. Bella wasn't like the other girls. I knew that from the first time I saw her. Brown eyes, long mahogany hair.

Rosie cheeks.

Those fucking cheeks would be the death of me. When I was around her I found myself constantly wanting to make her blush. Not to embarrass her or anything, but because it was the cutest goddamn thing I had ever seen.

When she laughed though. When she laughed I felt warm. There was a part of me that felt safe. And that was the part that I needed to keep in check and stay the hell away from.

Happiness came at a price and was not what I was looking for.

I wanted a distraction.

And from the first time since I had talked to Bella, I refused to make her the kind of distraction I usually went with. Bella was good. She wasn't some trashy fraternity girl, or someone who couldn't hold an intelligent conversation to save her life.

She made the best with what she had, and the way she put others before herself constantly was one of the bravest things I had ever seen.

She was selfless, and to her. . .to her I was poison.

I would not temporarily satisfy myself at the cost of her happiness, and I would damn well not interfere with her strength and outlook towards life. If anything I should have been trying to learn from her. There were so many things about her that I had never seen in any other girl.

She was real. And I needed real in my life.

I picked up my phone, opening a blank message with her as the recipient.

But I needed to be careful. Bella was my friend. And judging by her relationship with Jacob, having a guy friend wouldn't be an issue. Even though I'm sure the word friend had Jacob die a little inside every time she referred to him as one.

If circumstances were completely different, and there weren't so many things wrong with every aspect of my life, Bella would be my definition of near perfection in a girl. Not even just my definition, I'm sure a lot of other guys would agree in less than a heartbeat.

She was delicate. Her body was so little, and I towered easily a foot over her. I knew I was tall, but she couldn't have been that much more than five feet tall, and couldn't have weighed over a hundred pounds.

She was tiny, and yet she held her own in an adorably sexy way. She was tough, but all I could see when I looked at her was a baby seal against a killer whale. As much as I didn't want to get involved, the thought of a girl like her walking home from work on a daily basis had me uneasy.

Her eyes. Her eyes were such a perfect shade of brown that they caused me to catch my breath every time I saw them. They were warm, just like her.

In a world with so many cold people, Bella was an exception.

She didn't see how extraordinary she was, which only added to her appeal. She was insecure, bright-eyed; a barista with a smile that was perhaps warmer than the coffee she served, and determination that nothing could get in the way of.

She would one day be somebody's whole world, and whoever that somebody was would be damn lucky to have her.

But she couldn't be my world.

She was just my distraction, and even that was a very risky decision of me to make with someone like her.

What I was doing was wrong.

I knew what I was doing, but I had to know her. Being apart of her life made me forget about mine. I was obsessed. Being with her was like an escape. It was temporary, and it was wrong, but for once it was something.

I needed something.

But I didn't want Bella to get hurt, so I needed to be careful. She was a person, after all.

Mike's wouldn't be strong enough that night. I retrieved a bottle of Bourbon, pouring some into a glass and letting the rapid pace of my heart slowly calm itself down, along with the nerves in all of my body.

As the hours passed by, and the numbers on the clock changed, I wondered idly if she was in her bed sleeping. It was only one o'clock – for her that must have been early. I scoffed at the thought of the bags under her eyes and how they were only worsening as each day passed. It wasn't in my place to say anything, but she was literally working herself into the ground.

But there was that cute way her nose wrinkled when she yawned.

So many things I picked up that I shouldn't have.

I sighed to myself, realizing I might as well just send a damn message. It would have been a dick move if I didn't. Pulling out my iPhone, I found her in my contacts.

Sorry about tonight. Dinner was fucking amazing. Hope you're sleeping tight.

I cringed at the last part as I pressed send, realizing that had probably gone a little too far. I then cringed at the fact that I was sober enough to realize that. Instead of pouring myself another drink I decided to just call it a night.

I ran a hand through my hair, checking my phone one last time for her response, and head to my room, shutting the door and turning off the lights behind me.

When I woke up the next morning I felt like hell.

I had slept past noon, and all I really wanted was a not-shitty cup of coffee. I knew Bella was working though, because I had started picking up on her daily schedule. And frankly, I wasn't quite ready to face her after my incident last night. So shitty coffee it was, I decided as I got up to start brewing some.

My phone still had no new messages. I don't know why I was expecting her to text me back. My message hadn't given her much to respond to, after all.

With Bella, my goal from the start had been to tell her as little as possible. If I could get away with her knowing what she knew now, I would be golden. But because of last night, that probably wasn't going to happen.

The truth was, I didn't really care if she knew about the accident. It was just exhausting to go there, and it wasn't necessary information for her to know. Whenever I was with her, I tried making the conversation always about her. Not only did it keep the spotlight off of me, but I genuinely was interested in hearing all about her life. There was something very satisfying about getting to know her.

Once I had my coffee and got dressed, I went to the gym to kill time before sitting in on a lecture on biomedical engineering. I went to various lectures each week mainly because they gave me something to do and my mind something to think about. Most of them were medical-related, mainly because I had never really understood how my dad had done it all.

I wondered how long it would take for Bella to discover I wasn't actually enrolled. I wondered how long it would take Bella to discover I wasn't actually doing anything with my life.

I was stuck. I was stuck but that was where I wanted to be.

There was nothing wrong with being stuck, not when it meant I wouldn't need to go forward or back. It wouldn't work forever, I knew that much, but for the time being, it was working just fine.

I was fine.

And that was all I needed to be.

That night I finally received a message from Bella.

Do you want to get coffee or something tomorrow?

I smirked, rolling my eyes. The fact that she spent half her time around coffee made me feel bad that even in her social life she couldn't escape it.

I hesitated to reply at first, wondering what excuses I could make as to what had happened at dinner, and wondering how much longer it would be before she realized I was constantly avoiding the conversation being about me.

I sighed. If I wanted Bella as my friend, it was inevitable that she would eventually need to know more. But I would make sure the more wasn't too much, and that too much was enough to keep her at bay.

My better option would have been to just leave her out of my shit life.

She was going everywhere, and I was going nowhere.

When were you thinking? I replied without another thought.

It wasn't long before I received her response.

I get off work at 3.

I'll meet you there afterwards?

Sounds good. :)

About twenty minutes before three the next day, I got in my car and drove to Café Mocha. I had kept Bella off my mind since our text conversation last night, and as I drove the short drive, idly began wondering if this was such a good idea.

All I could remind myself was that Bella was handling herself, and I wasn't. We had so much in common and yet all she really knew about me was my name and where I was from. I almost felt bad. Almost. But feeling bad led to feelings in general, and feelings in general were something I tactfully tried to avoid when it came to the people presently in my life.

I parked my car and when I walked in the shop, she was just exiting into the break room from the end of her shift. I noticed the blond staring at me with wide eyes like she usually did, and I ignored it, picking a small table to sit down at.

I ran a hand through my hair multiple times as I waited for Bella. When I glanced up, I finally saw her approaching.

She had a soft smile as she made quick eye contact with me before quickly looking down at the ground. Her eyes were unusually tired today, and I frowned. The way she was walking was off to. In fact, it seemed to be getting worse as she approached me. A few feet from the table I was sitting at, she suddenly stopped walking. Her body began to wobble, and her eyes slowly shut.

Bella began to fall.

I shot out of my seat, quickly catching her small body in my arms before her head could hit the ground. Her fall had gained the attention of a couple of customers along with workers as well.

"Bella," I began saying her name, trying to keep my voice calm. "Bella?"

She was breathing, and she had a pulse, so I didn't waste time with 911. As I stood up with her in my arms, the blond barista approached me.

"Oh my god," she gasped frantically. "What happened?"

"I think she passed out," I assessed. "I'm going to take her to the hospital."

Although my voice appeared unabashed by the whole situation, a pang in my stomach had me worried for her well-being. Without any more conversation with her coworker, I turned around and rushed out of the shop. Her face was completely pale, and that was saying something given how pale her skin was to begin with. Her body was limp, and it scared the shit out of me.

I managed to opened the door to the backseat of the Volvo with one hand as I balanced her body in the other. I placed her in the back, frowning as her head propped itself at an awkward angle from the awkward shape of the backseats. I quickly pulled the sweatshirt I had on off of my bodied and placed it under her head like a pillow.

I sped worse than I usually did as I thought of the fastest way to get to the hospital. The amount of red lights I ran probably should have killed the both of us, but all I could think of was taking care of Bella.

It was like this weird obligation I had taken on the moment I met her, looking back at all the times I had saved her ass from one thing or another.

I glanced to the backseat to make sure she was still how I left her. I finally pulled into the hospital and scooped her up in my arms once more. She was so light, even lighter than I had imagined. I rushed through the front doors and was met by two nurses and a wheel chair.

"She kind of just passed out," I explained. "She won't wake up, but she's still breathing."

As one of them wheeled her away, the other handed me a clipboard with paperwork. "I'm assuming you're the boyfriend," she said as she gave me a pen. "I'll need you to fill as much of this out as you can."

I opened my mouth to say that I wasn't and that I didn't know hardly anything about her, but before I could she had already turned to walk away.

I sat down in one of the chairs in the waiting room. I stared down at all of the blanks that needed to be filled out, and as I began writing down Bella in the name box, I realized I didn't even know her last name. I didn't know her date of birth, I didn't know any of this shit. I was about to get up and walk over to the assistant at the desk when I spotted Bella's phone on the floor near my feet. Well, I'm assuming it was Bella's phone.

I picked up the black iPhone and pressed the home button, praying it wasn't locked with a passcode. I took a breath of relief when I found it wasn't. I felt bad for invading her privacy, but a part of me knew she wouldn't have been too upset. After all, I was only going through her contacts.

Since her mom lived in Phoenix, I scrolled to the first name that I could think of. I hit call and waited for Alice to answer.

It went right to voicemail, indicating to me that it was most likely dead.

I sighed to myself as I hit call to the next person I could think of. Jacob answered on the second ring. Of course he did.

"Bells," he answered. "What's up?"

"It's actually Edward," I replied. His pause on the other end signaled for me to go on. "I was meeting Bella for coffee and after her shift she was walking towards me and she kind of just blacked out. . .I took her to the hospital and I'm in the waiting room now. They want me to fill out all this patient info and I figured you'd probably know more of it than I would."

"Is she okay?" he quickly responded in concern. "I'm on my way now."

"She's should be fine, I think," I told him. "I just got here with her so I don't really know anything yet. . ."

"I'll be right there," he said flatly before hanging up.

I didn't realize how uneasy hospitals made me until I realized when the last time I was in one was. The speed of my heart picked up but I was able to control it by taking deep inhales.

Jacob appeared through the front doors in less than five minutes after I got off the phone with him, and I wondered how many stoplights he had ran to get there so fast. He spotted me quickly, and hurried over.

I handed him the clipboard as he sat down next to me. He wasted no time filling out a majority of it, and I watched him with a pang of envy at his knowledge of Bella's life.

Envy? Why was I envious?

I glanced my eyes to her name box and found what I had been looking for. Swan. Bella Swan. I smiled a little at that.

"Thanks for coming," I broke the silence. "I tried calling Alice, but her phone was off." Mentioning Alice to let him know he wasn't my first choice was probably a dick move, and Jacob was a nice guy, but I didn't like him.

Why didn't I like him? Jacob was completely fine.

He got up to hand it to the assistant at the front desk and sat back down in the chair next to me. I didn't feel obligated to start a conversation with him, but he seemed to.

"So you were taking her to get coffee at the place she worked?" he questioned in amusement. "Very original."

I knew it was just a joke but it irritated me. "It was her idea," I replied. "Trust me, I already took her to Annie's once."

His eyes widened with a grin, breaking the tension. "She loves Annie's."

We sat there and waited, and it wasn't for over a half hour that the same nurse that had taken her away appeared back in the room. She approached me, and Jacob and I both stood up.

"Bella suffered severe sleep deprivation, which is why she passed out. We are giving her body fluids and have her on medication that should give her body the strength it has been lacking," she paused, glancing at the both of us before continuing. "What she mostly needs though is rest, and it will be crucial she gets a lot of it in the next two weeks in order for her body not to shut down in the same way."

"We'll make sure she gets it," Jacob replied promptly.

"She's awake now but we're going to be giving her something to knock her out for the next few hours. If you guys want to come see her before we do, you can follow me this way."

We followed her down a couple of hallways until we finally reached Bella's room. She opened the door for us and then closed it once we were in, leaving us alone with Bella.

Her eyes were groggy but she seemed pleased to see us as a smile set across her lips. "I know, I know," she began with a yawn. "I told you so and all that jazz. I know."

I rolled my eyes and Jacob crossed his arms with a chuckle. "I did tell you so and all that jazz, and I'm not going to ream you because I know Alice and Rose will do it for me. So I'll be the good guy."

She grimaced at the though before grinning once again and moving her gaze to me. "What a surprise," she shook her head. "To the rescue again."

I shrugged. "Just doing my part on the Bella-watch."

That made her laughed, and it eased my anxiety of being in the bland white room. She looked like she wanted to say something, but looked at Jacob and bit her lip. He seemed to take the hint and cleared his throat.

"I'll be out in the waiting room. I'll check on you later so you sure as hell better be asleep, lady."

She shot him an appreciated look before he exited the room.

I slowly walked over and sat at the foot of her bed. Her arms were hooked up to an IV, and I could tell she hated being her even more than me. In fact, once Jacob left the room, her face showed nothing but nerves and panic. She tried to hide it though, and it kind of work.

"Why put on the brave face for him?" I questioned casually. "You look like you want to jump out of your own skin."

She sighed, realizing she had been caught. "He worries about me a lot. Too much, really. No need to give him any unnecessary worry." She sighed again and paused for a long moment. "I was in here a lot with my dad, the last couple of months before he, you know. . ."

She change the topic before I had the chance to respond, yawning again before speaking. "What happened the other night, Edward? At my apartment?"

Just as she was asking the question the nurse walked back into the room along with a doctor. I let out a breath of relief as I stood up. "That," I replied, "Is a conversation I will be having with a girl who is well-rested."

She wrinkled her nose at me in protest before the anxiety spread across her face at the realization of more needles. Her expression turned from protest to pleading as she reached for my hand.

"Don't leave," she whispered with wide eyes. "Not until I am asleep."

Bella usually had it put together so well. I had never seen her like this, and granted I had just learned her last name today, I had picked up a lot about her over the past week. She was scared, and I could tell by the way she was handling it that it was not something she usually was.

I gave her hand a light squeeze and smiled as my response, not leaving her side.

I was in so far over my head. Maybe if Jacob did date her things would be easier.

She squeezed my hand so fucking hard I was surprised at how close she probably came to cutting off circulation. Her scared brown eyes finally fluttered shut as they injected more medicine into her arm.

As soon as her hand fell limp, I slowly released it and exited the wrong. I flexed my fingers numerous times, shaking the feeling of her hand in mine. That was definitely crossing a line.

But I didn't mind taking care of Bella. It made me feel like I had this purpose. I couldn't help myself but at least I could help her.

Jacob was sitting in the same seats we had been before, and I plopped down into the one next to him. He glanced up and gave me a wary smile. He hesitated a couple of moments, deciding how to word what he wanted to say before finally just sighing and getting it out.

"Listen man," he started, fidgeting with his hands. "You seem like a cool guy. I'm not sure what your intentions with Bella are, but be careful."

I didn't have a response to his words, and he looked like he had more to say, so I let him keep going.

"I've seen the way she looks at you. I know she seems tough, and hell she is most of the time, but she's more breakable than she let's on." Something I had gathered in her hospital room. "She still has nightmares. Like every other night. . .about her dad," he paused, rubbing his hands over his eyes in exhaustion. "That's part of the reason she is always low on sleep."

I felt a pit in my stomach at this news. More I was learning today about Bella.

"It happened just three years ago. . .she never really gave herself time to cope since his death, and she has been keeping herself busy ever since."

"Hence the over-working," I observed quietly.

He slowly nodded his head. "Yeah she needs the money bad, but there's more than one reason she gives up all her spare time. Like I said, I'm not sure what she is to you, or what you want her to be, but she's not healed. You probably could understand how losing a parent could do that to someone."

So in a way, I was her distraction too.

She didn't want to be alone and when she was, she was studying. She took so many damn classes because she wanted to keep her schedule full – how she liked it.

I felt the muscles in my hands tightened. "Yeah, actually. I can," I replied in irritation.

I was an asshole because it's not like he knew anything about me. I tried to relax my posture, as well as my temper.

"Just be careful, man," he finished cautiously.

I though the amount of care Jacob had for her would bother me more than it did, but it actually did the opposite. I was glad she had someone like him in her life. She needed it. She needed the distractions, just like I did.

I moved my eyes to his for the first time. "When did you figure out you were in love with her?" I asked honestly.

My question caught him by surprise and I watched as his facial expressions changed from emotion to emotion until they finally settled on calm. "She's my best friend," he said quietly. "Of course I love her."

Bella deserved someone like Jacob which was why I was fucking everything up by being greedy and using her the way I was. If I wasn't a selfish dick, I would have walked out of that hospital, out of her life, and never looked back.

But I was a selfish dick.

I settled myself into my chair, getting comfortable. Jacob did the same.

"You staying until she wakes up again?" I asked.

"Yep."

The corner of my lip turned up into a wary smile.

"So am I."

I'll be just fine,
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from loney
and it's all that I've got
- All That I've Got, The Used

Surprise! What did you guys think of Edward's messy mind? Yes, this story will continuously have BPOV/EPOV and no it was not a one time deal. Next Chapter will be out later this week, hopefully. :)

You guys are the tension to my Edward and Jacob. ;)