His kisses tasted sweet. Sweet like freshly crisped apples in the beginning of summer. Sweet like a child eating cotton candy for the first time. It seemed like every night, since I was younger, I had been imagining what he would feel like, what he would taste like. How he moved and responded to my every touch. I never really thought that such wishful thinking might materialize before my very eyes.
But this was wrong. It was so, so wrong. I was not able to ignore the sickening feeling in my stomach; I was not able to think clearly. It all felt like a misshappened dream. But... It wasn't, it couldn't be.
Lukas pulled away, a small smile etched across his face. It was like he was looking at me, but not really.. Looking at me. Like his eyes were gazing upon mine but were looking just past, and at someone else's.
They told me that he had some kind of nervous breakdown but I... Couldn't believe them, I would not believe them. I watched him as he slept, unsleepingly, in the hospital bed. The doctors said that when he fell... When he jumped, that he somehow hit his head. Now the doctors were able to stop the bleeding and were able to keep the swelling under control, but he was stuck in a coma. He was stuck in a veil that was living nor dead.
I sipped from the coffee cup that the nurse had given to me an hour before. It was tasteless and I could vaguely taste whatever soap they used to wash the cups, but it was coffee nonetheless.
Earlier I had called Emil, Berwald and Tino. Berwald and Tino were going to come on the next flight in and Emil had said that he would be on the first flight out of Iceland.
I was left to my own devices. I watched Mathias as he slept. He looked so.. Peaceful. His hair wasn't standing up, defying every which brush, bouncing happily like his own personality, it was... Flat and little bits and pieces had stuck to his forehead. His eyes twitched under his eyelids, fluttering between images in his dreams. I wonder what he was dreaming about?
I shook my head at the thought. Probably something stupid.
It was almost as if he was sleeping, but if he was sleeping then why wouldn't the idiot just wake up?
I grimaced and set my empty coffee cup down.
The sound of rapid knocking reached my ears and I turned towards the door. Just as I was turning I saw Emil slipping into the room. He looked as if he hadn't slept a wink.
"Emil-" I started.
"What happened- is he alright- what's the matter with him," His mouth kept fumbling over his own words.
I motioned for him to sit next to me, patting the uncomfortable seat. After he sat down and breathed for a minute I began to explain.
"The doctors are saying that he had some sort of mental breakdown," I swallowed. "And hit his head,"
Emil froze before responding.
"Where did they find him?" His voice was barely above a whisper.
I looked at Mathias, unable to take my eyes off of him. He somehow looked troubled in his state of manner.
"On the side of a river," was all I was able to let out, half of my own voice caught in my suddenly dried throat.
Emil leaned forward and buried his paled face into his hands. His silvered hair brushing over his finger tips.
Emil looked as if he got ready when he was half asleep, in the dark and in about one minute. His shirt was buttoned wrong and his pants, wrinkled. From what I could see it also appeared that he was wearing mismatched socks as well.
"And what did he hit his head on," I could barely hear his voice through his hands.
"The bridge he jumped off of," I swallowed.
I shook my head. I didn't want to think about this. I just wanted him to wake up. I just wanted everything to go back to normal.
I remember the first time I had met Mathias. We were just children, unknowing to everything around us. It's a vague memory, and there were many parts missing, but I still remember. I remember how small he was, compared to how large he is now. I remember the twinkle in his sky blue eyes, how they looked like the ocean on a June's summer day. The freckles that sprinkled lightly over his face, the way his smile was brighter than the sun.
I frowned to myself. How was this still the same man that I had met so long ago.
I brushed back some stray strands of hair from my face and looked down at my feet. The shoes that I had picked to wear before I ran out of the door had been my comfortable black easy-slip-on leather shoes. My khaki pants just barely brushed the back of my feet, exposing the socks that I had worn to bed last night. My shirt was a casual button up shirt, with multiples of blue stripes laying vertically upon the fabric.
Emil was mumbling to himself, but I thought to leave him be. I gazed upon Mathias again, his state of manner remaining unchanged. I frowned. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, this wasn't what I wanted it to be. A pain began aching in my chest. It wasn't sharp, it was dull and felt like it was eating away at my ribs and destroying my chest cavity. It was a dull pain but a pain none the less.
Memories started slowly flooding back, playing like a broken record, of all the times that I had told him that I had hated him and wanted him to go away. How many we're the times? Hundreds? Thousands? Countless. How ironic was it that all I wanted him to do was say something, do something, anything, even laugh his obnoxious laugh. Just so that he could be here, rather be mentally elsewhere.
"Lukas," I heard my brother through my haze.
But I chose not to answer.
I opened my eyes again, but instead of Lukas smiling down on me, I found myself in an open field.
Flowers were scattered throughout the tall grasses. A light breeze played against the colors and made sounds that could closely be called music. Familiarity plagued me, but I've never been here before. I know I haven't. I couldn't have.
So if I hadn't been here before, why was there this gnawing feeling in my stomach?
Bet you guys didn't expect an update that fast, but I'm sick and I have nothing else to distract me so. Welp I don't know if any of you saw that coming, I sure didn't /wonk. Thank you all for such wonderful reviews ahhhh you guys are so amazing ijedujdejdejuedjuedj thanks! ;u;