Chapter 4: Chapter 4

He was patiently waiting for her arrival. He can't wait to see her, Lisanna. She's the one whom he gave his heart to.

Even though he knows that she was already married, he can't bring himself to stop loving her. Every day and every night, the moments they had shared, the memory of her smiles, her laughs, her beautiful eyes and angelic voice, were always clouding his mind. Even if he closes his eyes, her kind face, her soft white hair, her supple lips, they were all hunting him.

No matter how hard he tries to forget her, he just can't. After each attempt to move on, he will just only find himself loving her more.

After waiting for a short time, Lisanna came.

"Lisanna…" His voice sounds yearning.

After two years, she didn't change. The way she stretches her lips when she is going to smile is still as adorable as ever. And when she smiles, he knows her eyes are going to close next as she tilts her head slightly to the right.

He is right.

"It's been a long time, Natsu!"

And when she calls his name, her voice can make his name much more beautiful to hear.

It has really been a long time. He misses her so much, that he can only stare at the woman he needs.

He couldn't utter a single word. What was he going to say? Should he tell her 'I love you' already? But it will sound wrong. So what should he say? Can't he just hug her?

He wants to, but he feels like his feet have grown roots to where he stands.

He didn't answer and in Natsu's mind, he knows she will pout sooner or later while placing her hands on her tiny waist; that he once used to hold tightly – like he was never letting go.

She did. His eyes followed her movements. The bump on her stomach was what made him return to reality.

"Lisanna…"

"And I thought you are not going to speak again." He smiled when she sighed.

"I'm sorry. Let's go."

"Where?"

"See the sunset."

He wants to hold her hand while walking, but Lisanna already intertwined both her hands before he could do anything. He just shrugged the idea off and focused on his main agenda.

"So, what are we going to talk about?" She asked, leaning on the rail.

He did what she just did and answered quietly. "Us."

Lisanna's eyes went down in sadness. She will not lie. When she learned that Natsu was meant to marry another girl, she was hurt.

She loves him so much to let him go and see him marry another girl. They almost had it all. She loves him and he loves her. They even planned for their future together. But it was all taken away by power.

"There's no us anymore, Natsu."

"I figured that out, when I saw you with another." He said; his voice as laced with hurt.

"Come on… Cheer up – "

"I can't. Lisanna, I can't do that." He looked at her eyes; even his eyes reflect pain and sadness.

"I thought I can't do that too." She turned around to look at the setting sun.

"But I managed to move on and continue my life."

Natsu looked down again, his back still leaning on the rail.

"How can you move on? Why did it go easy on you, but hard for me? I did everything to find you and be with you again, and when I found you – " He looked down to her stomach.

He can't bear to say that she got pregnant with another guy. It's so hard to accept the truth that she is now starting a family with another man. Imagining her happy with another man while raising their child is the worst.

"Letting go is never easy. I was d*mn hurt too." She said calmly.

"We planned everything together. Where we will leave, how many kids, the type of house… I kept on holding on, why did you let go? Is he f*cking better than me? Tell me!" He whispered-shouted.

"They were all just plans. He gave me the real thing. – "

"I can give you the real thing too!"

"Because if I keep on holding on, it will just be more painful! I had loved you, but my love for you is never the same now. I love him. And I'm happy." She paused and touched her belly; an action that makes Natsu cuss inside. The baby was not his.

"I thought you were really the one for me. But I met him. And before I knew it, everything has changed. You got me with hello, but he got me with just one smile. It makes a big difference. I love you, but I love him more. I'm sorry that I have to leave you behind. But if I keep on loving you from afar, we will just get stuck in a place where wounds never heal. If I didn't do that, things will be a lot more difficult than this. I let you go, please let me go too. You don't deserve a runner like me. You deserve better. Someone better than me is just there, waiting for you to turn your head on her side. I'm sorry Natsu. You have to move on."

There.

She said it.

She doesn't love him anymore.

And there he was, looking up to the yellowish sky that reminds him of the person why every sh*ts is happening now. Why just can't everyone be happy without making others lonely? Why does everything have to be destined to happen? Can't they just make their own fate and be happy?

Why is it that when someone smiles, someone weeps? Why are his tears coming up?

It is indeed painful. He gave everything to her. Love, respect, care, everything!

But it seems that they were never enough. Instead of holding on, she chose to let go. In that two years that had passed, he was the only one holding on.

He feels totally stupid. But it's always like that, right? When you love, you become stupid. Pain has always been behind love. He didn't prepare himself to it, that's why he is breaking to pieces right now. If he had prepared himself for the wrecking pain, will it all become easy instead?

His tears that he held back flows down his cheeks. He made a simple move to hide his tears and wipe it.

She had given up on him and there's nothing more he could do about it. It's all over whether he likes it or not.

He wants her in his life so he did all those efforts. But did she ever make an effort too? She will fight too if she really loves him. But she does the opposite. She finds her happiness alone. She moved on and left him with no goodbyes.

Maybe, it's really better that way. No goodbyes and anything else. He doesn't want to say goodbye, but he has to let go; just like what she did.

Letting go, but not bidding farewell.

"I'm going. Thanks. You should go to him now…"

He stepped forward. Once his other leg moves forward too, it means no turning back.

Is he ready to face a new chapter with no Lisanna in life? He devoted the past years in crushing Lucy's pride and womanhood, and set himself to find a way back to his love. He has never been a good man. Maybe, that was his punishment.

What more will gods take away from him? He already told all the gods to take everything away from him except her. Why won't they listen?! How cruel can they get?

And with so much effort, he lifted his left leg.

"Let's be friends. Let's start anew. Be strong."

Moving on is a d*mn suicide, but he will try. For her sake, he will try. D*mn because he always does everything for her. And now, she's asking him to do something that will surely crush him big time.

But he has to. He will do his best to grant her last d*mn wish. Even if it means waving his hand to the future he planned with him and Lisanna…

"Yeah. The next time you see me, you'll regret not waiting for me." He bragged and continue taking steps away from her, when he felt her hug his arm.

"Well, the old Natsu is speaking!"

"I'm not old, but you are."

"Insensitive jerk!"

"Fat cow."

He will try and start moving forward. Although it hurts.

"You will be happy too. Trust me…"

X – X – X

Two days after she lost her virginity, Natsu came back home. She is feeling a lot uneasy. She is so excited to see him again, but she also feels guilty.

So many things had happened while he was away. And there are things that may be better left unsaid.

She still doesn't know who she was with that night. But everything is clear to her, she is no longer innocent. Natsu doesn't deserve someone like her. He had been away for just a week and she let one night and one stranger take away everything that only his husband must have.

She was careless. She is so pathetic.

She is letting the love she feels makes her a slave of sufferings.

But despite of that, never for once did she question herself if she deserves all those pains. She knows it too well that she is not the only one who is hurting inside out. Natsu too, and Lisanna as well was hurt.

It will not be fair if she won't suffer the pain their wedding caused them. But still, isn't that suffering too much? To get laid by some stranger while drunk, to be hated by the one she loves, to be forever doll of his father; it all hurts so much.

Maybe, Natsu was right when he told her that she doesn't deserve any happiness. Maybe, her existence was a huge mistake. Maybe, she doesn't deserve anything at all.

But even though she is someone unwanted everywhere, she can at least say that she is lucky that she is able to feel how it is to fall in love madly and deeply.

When will she feel loved? Still, she was hoping that she will feel that.

Natsu was eating quietly while looking over at Lucy every now and then. She looks tensed and mad. She also looks like she's buried deep in her thoughts. Whatever she thinks, he doesn't care.

He is supposed to be mad at her to even spare a second thinking about her. His anger at her passed the limits. He doesn't know where to start with the moving on sh*ts, but whenever he will see Lucy, he sure as hell forgets how much he loves Lisanna.

"How are you doing?" She asked.

Natsu felt his anger rise higher. Throwing the fork on the table, he wiped his mouth afterwards.

"It's none of your business. I lost my appetite."

He stood and walked up to his room to drown his feelings down with alcohol; leaving the weak and fragile Lucy dwells alone with the tormenting attitude he gives her.

Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.

Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.

Tcare.

-Aia