On with the chapter...

He had to go back and see Sam. That he could choose to not see Sam never even crossed his mind. And so as soon as night had fallen and things were squared away in Neverland Dean took off like a shot, speeding toward Sam's home. He may not be able to control what was going to happen but he could control how much time was allowed to pass before Dean met his fate.

He arrived outside the house and hovered just beyond the open window of Sam's room. He looked in and couldn't help the gasp which escaped him. It was amazing, how the sight of him was all at once new and familiar. That he could have picked him out of a room before today, without prior knowledge of the transformation. He was simply Sam, though obviously a man now. He was the most welcome sight Dean had ever seen, and he immediately felt foolish for doubting that he would be seen by Sam because the man was clearly looking at him and smiling although it was an uncertain smile, as if he was awaiting Dean's judgment and indeed his first words to him only drove the point home further.

"How do I look?"

"Like you," Dean said, "only now I can see how the vestiges of youth have indeed slipped from you."

And Sam nodded, pleased that he did not appear so very different. But as he watched the fairy glide in and land he was forced to acknowledge Dean on the other hand looked even more gorgeous than before although Sam would have laid down good money such a feat was impossible. Whereas before Sam had an innocent crush on Dean and generally wanted to be with him all the time now he could look at him and see what had changed.

And it was potential.

Now when Sam looked at him he could see Dean's allure on a new level, one that invited not only thoughts of lustful deeds but also of deeper, more intense feelings. The kind that would never have occurred to him before now, the kind of feelings that could oh-so-easily become love. His heart raced at the discovery and he was almost giddy at it.

But he suddenly realized that Dean had lied to him about what would happen. For in truth Dean did not look so very different to his eyes. In no way did he look different enough to warrant Jonathon's behavior, he knew, and he spoke up hesitantly.

"You said you never spoke to him again," Sam said slowly, "but you did see Jonathon, didn't you? And he never saw you. So you must have lied to me to make the decision easier for me. Because if I thought you'd never see me again either then it would be easier for me to choose not to see you, knowing I'd never see you but then again you wouldn't see me either."

Dean turned away from him, head hanging low and instead of feeling deceived by the lie Sam merely felt saddened for Dean, that the betrayal of the past still haunted him so much.

"Oh Dean," he said, cautiously approaching and allowing his arms to wrap around him, "I am so sorry. You must have been plagued by this for so long, and then to not be able to believe it would not happen again? I cannot imagine how you did not give away what you thought would occur."

As Sam's arms came up Dean leaned into him without a thought. It had been so very draining for him, this fear, and for it to be baseless was truly a gift Dean had never expected to receive. But then Sam's words actually penetrated his consciousness and Dean pulled back, shaking his head.

"Nay, Sam, for 'tis I who owes you the apology. I should have dismissed the fears of my past instead of allowing them to cloud what was truly a wonderful night spent with you."

This time Sam shook his head.

"I am glad you told me, for it reminded me once more what a gift your presence has been to me all these years. I fear I was taking it for granted and so the revelation it could be taken away hit me hard and has made me infinitely grateful for you."

And that should have opened up the evening for smiles and revelry…after all it was Sam's birthday. But instead it suddenly brought to light something Dean had not thought of and he spoke of it without intention.

"I do not know where it is we can go from here," he said and Sam frowned at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You are an adult now. For how long can we continue to meet like this? You are surely leaving your father's house soon and will embark upon a whole new life."

And Sam understood what it was which troubled Dean so.

"I will never cut you out of my life, Dean. In fact—"

"I cannot abandon my duties in Neverland," Dean interrupted, "I made an oath a long time ago that no matter what transpired I would fulfill my role until such a time as it was no longer required."

Sam gave him a warm smile.

"I understand and I would never ask you to stop doing such important work. However I would ask to be with you."

Dean dared not get his hopes up and immediately asked for clarification.

"Be with me? As in…"

"As in live out my time with you wherever you are. Ideally I would go with you to Neverland and help in whatever way I could. Do you think it's possible?"

And Dean could only stare at Sam. Possible? He didn't know if anything was possible but here Sam was, offering him what Dean had only hoped for in his dreams and that had never seemed possible so…maybe?

"I do not know," Dean admitted softly, "I have never heard of such a thing occurring."

"But would you like it to?"

"Whether or not I wish it is of little consequence," Dean said, not daring to admit just how very much he longed for it.

"Dean," Sam interrupted him, "Do you wish it?"

And it felt like his whole existence came down to this moment, that he was teetering on the edge of a blade, and liable to be sliced through if he made the wrong move. But as he looked at Sam he could see his own hopes reflected back at him through Sam's eyes and so he gave his answer…and also his heart.

"Yes," he whispered, holding his breath.

"Then we shall endeavor to make it so," Sam told him with a pleased smile. "For it is what I wish as well of course."

But why did this have to happen now? Dean shook his head and cast his gaze to the floor. Now Sam was an adult, had gained his majority and was out of reach, at least as far as being able to live in Neverland went.

"What is it?" Sam asked, taking a step closer.

"You are an adult," he said needlessly, raising his eyes to meet Sam's, "and in all my years I have never heard of someone who was able to live in Neverland not only as an adult but as someone who was never a child of the land to begin with. This may all be folly, Sam. I would not keep this from you; I would have you know the very real possibility of failure in this endeavor."

"Is there not someone whose counsel we could request?" Sam asked, "Someone who knows more of these things than either one of us?"

Sam's questions caused Dean's mind to spin. Yes, there was someone he could seek out. He could go see they who had granted him his own immortality and find out if there was any hope to be had. But it was a long and dangerous mission and though Dean was committed to seeing it out already regardless of the cost he had to prepare Sam, prepare them both, really, for what could happen during his absence. In fact, Dean decided it was not fair to Sam to pose it as a 'could' but rather a 'should' and so he rephrased what he had been about to say.

"You are as ever wise beyond your years. There is indeed somewhere I can travel in order to seek out answers. But it is a long and perilous journey, and one I must make alone."

"How can I help?" Sam asked, looking not at all troubled and still hopeful.

"I need time."

"How much time?"

"A year. One year to be without you, for you to realize your place is here, in this world, with the people who love you."

"Are you not someone who falls into that category?" Sam asked him in a soft voice with an even softer smile.

"We are talking about your entire future here, Sam," Dean said, side-stepping the question and looking away, knowing that the longer he allowed himself to hold Sam's glance the more likely it would be that he'd abandon his plan entirely. And whether or not Sam wanted to accept it the fact of the matter was what they were talking about was of huge importance. "The chance to get married, have babies, take over for your father one day. All of it. 'Tis not something which should be dismissed so easily."

"And my feelings for you and your place in my life are to be dismissed so readily? Is that what you would have me believe?"

And that made Dean take a step back, caught off guard by both the words and the vehemence with which they were delivered.

"I—your feelings? My place in your life?" he managed to ask.

Sam rolled his eyes though an exasperated smile pulled at his lips.

"Of course my feelings for you and your place in my life…do you not know, Dean? How could you not claim knowledge of your worth to me? Indeed you are the most important person in the world to me, dearer to my heart than anyone."

"I am not technically a person," Dean said after a moment, falling back on the first thing his mind could conjure up and wincing as his own words echoed back to him but Sam merely laughed.

"Of course, how could I forget my first lesson about what a Pan is and how you are in fact a fairy, not a god? Forgive my word choice then, Dean…you are the most important presence in my life, if that pleases your ear more."

Dean felt himself flushing and he ducked his head.

"It does please me, Sam. It pleases me more than I can say."

"Wait a minute," Sam said and Dean's head lifted up at the distressed sound of Sam's voice, "you said this is a dangerous mission you are going on?"

"Indeed it is dangerous."

Dean watched as Sam seemed to pale before his eyes.

"I am already filled with worry for you," Sam confessed, "and the time for your departure has not even arrived."

"Perhaps it should," Dean told him softly, "for I fear that neither one of us will be able to truly focus on anything else tonight, not with the weight of this hanging over our heads."

"I would say no save for the voice in my head which tells me the sooner you go the sooner you may return to me," Sam said and when Dean nodded he opened his mouth to speak but then snapped it shut, a move Dean noticed.

"Sam? What is it you wish to say? Speak freely with me as ever you have."

"You are returning to me, are you not?" But when Dean agreed Sam shook his head. "I mean you are returning to be with me. I do not have eloquent words for this but I do not wish for you to leave without an understanding between us."

And suddenly Dean understood what Sam was getting at and the understanding once more caused his face to flame.

"I would have you experience all the world has to offer, Sam," Dean said, "and I would never begrudge you the chance to find contentment within the arms of someone who could give you things you may not yet know you want, including a family of your own."

Sam shook his head.

"The fact you would set me free thusly only ensnares me ever tighter to you. You should go, knowing you take all of my hope for your safe return with you."

Dean nodded and moved as if to go to the windowsill but Sam's arm halted him. When Dean looked at him Sam moved even closer until he had wrapped Dean up in his arms. He waited until Dean had placed his own arms around him, too, before he spoke again.

"And you shall not leave without a token for luck. Something which will hopefully persuade you of my resolve in a more convincing manner than my words."

Dean had only a moment to wonder what Sam meant before the younger man's lips were pressed to his own in a soft, chaste kiss. The simple touch warmed Dean from the inside out and he knew he must look foolish when Sam pulled back but he could not stop staring at the man in his arms.

"I will count the days until I see you again," Sam whispered, moving back in to embrace Dean.

Dean held on until he knew he was in danger of never letting go, and then he gently disentangled himself. Grasping on to Sam's hand he pulled him to the window and gave him a soft squeeze before shooting up and out as fast as he could go, never looking back.