"Vanitas, there's something you're not telling me, isn't there?"
He was so surprised he almost dropped his glass. That was a pretty direct attack so early in the morning. Aqua was frowning, staring at him so intensely he wondered if she could read his mind straight away. He sure hoped she couldn't.
"Well, there are many things I don't tell you," he tried with a smirk.
"Like what? You know you can tell me anything."
"Well, like… This morning, I put my left foot on the floor before my right one. My face was covered with pillow marks, and I obviously drooled in my sleep. Ah, I decided to wear bright red boxer briefs, too. Wow, you're right, I feel much better now that I told you all that, I shouldn't have kept this to myself."
"Hey, stop messing with her." Terra gently slapped the back of Vanitas's head with a laugh. "Let her worry for you."
Vanitas looked at him, then at Aqua. Ven was still asleep. Of course he was. You'd never see him before the sun was set high up in the sky.
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Nothing to worry about, Aqua. I'm fine."
Truth was, he wasn't fine. He never really felt fine, but he hated the idea of looking so emo and he hid these feelings deep down, using sarcasm as a mask to protect himself.
He excused himself and went back to his room in a hurry, that very familiar feeling in his chest. He had to make it in time.
He had barely closed the door behind him that the nausea attacked once more, painfully, and before he knew it, a strange creature with bright red eyes was staring at him. He summoned his weapon and destroyed it right away, clenching his jaw as the pain rushed through his body.
Creating these monsters was painful, like a piece of his soul being torn apart, and yet destroying them so that they would come back to him was just equally painful.
This was what he never told Aqua. This was what he'd never tell her. He had never been fine, but things were getting worse lately. It had been two years now since Master Eraqus saved both Ven and Van from Xehanort, right after Vanitas was born. Xehanort wanted to create some sort of weapon with them. Eraqus took them away to save them. Neither Ven nor Van remembered anything that had happened before that. And the fact that Vanitas was Ventus's dark side was a secret well kept between Eraqus and Vanitas. This was exactly why the Master never fully trusted him, even though he kept a facade for the sake of his other students. Terra and Aqua welcomed they both as little brothers, and even though Terra and Vanitas bickered a lot, it still felt like a family and Vanitas had been able to shove down all these dark thoughts that clouded his heart.
But every day made it harder to hide it. He summoned his first monster two months ago in the middle of a nightmare. Destroying it made him sick for a week. And since then, more and more monsters kept showing, kept being destroyed, kept hurting him. He hated that, he hated them, he hated himself. Why couldn't he be normal? Why couldn't he be all sunshines and rainbows like Ven, dreams and hopes like Terra, love and trust like Aqua? Why did he fear of being left behind everytime?
"Vanitas. Vanitas, it's okay, I'm here."
How come he had not even noticed she was there? When did she open his door? When did she step into his room? When did she wrap her arms around him?
He was cold, he was in pain, he was scared. He felt trapped in a bubble of agony where no one could ever reach him. He was different, he knew that, and he knew they wouldn't understand. So why did she make so much efforts to try to?
"Talk to me, please. Let me know what is wrong. Let me help."
Her soft voice was like a needle trying to pop his bubble. A ray of light trying to reach the depths of his pain. She was in danger here. If he let his emotions flow like that, more monsters would show up, and they would harm her.
More monsters would show up, and she'd understand she was hugging the worst of them all. She would reject him, hate him, fear him. She would throw him out. She would be so disappointed, all her truth in him shattered into pieces. He could almost hear her voice, sad, soft, broken. How could you lie to us all for so long? To me? Go away…. you freak.
He clinged tighter to her, sobbing loudly. He didn't want to hurt her. Out of all people… Not her.
Another voice spoke in his mind, an old, raspy voice that he knew too well and had tried to ignore for so long. You know what to do. You know there's only one path for you. Stop repressing it and the pain will go away. It's about time you embrace the Darkness, don't you think?
All he wanted to embrace right now was Aqua.
But the voice was right.
Perhaps it was time to leave. To embrace his fate. To follow the path he was supposed to.
Maybe Darkness was his only solution.
"I'm here, Vanitas. I'm here."
He hugged her as tight as he could. He hated his only solution.
Next theme is Salvation!