A/N: Trigger warning for a semi-detailed depiction of a mild to severe anxiety/panic attack.

Chapter 4

I excuse myself for some air after that fiasco. I had yet to explore Haven and I needed some nice quiet contemplation away from the inner circle.

So, I step outside the Chantry, take a deep and cleansing breath and start walking in a random direction. Should I check on Varric and Solas? See how they're doing?

Nah, I don't think I'm mentally prepared to talk with either of them one-on-one. Especially Solas. Every conversation I've ever had with the man usually ended with me getting flustered and my hormones might make me accidentally reveal something that I don't want him to know.

The game was actually pretty accurate about the size of Haven. It was freaking tiny. It only took me fifteen minutes to walk around the entire town. The villagers that noticed me would stop and whisper amongst themselves excitedly which made me uncomfortable.

Lucky for me, Solas and Varric were indoors so I wasn't obligated to say hello to them.

I find myself at the gates and decide to leave and check out the scenery out by the frozen lake. Since I'm from the South, I don't ever see snow and when it does snow, it is usually very little, and it melts almost immediately. There was a part of me that wanted to go out to the forest and build a snowman because I've never made one before. Hmmm…Perhaps when I'm not under as much scrutiny. I'm pretty sure the Inner Circle have their eyes on me anywhere I go at the moment.

When I reach the pier, I sit on the edge and take it all in. The view is gorgeous and for the first time in the past few days, everything is quiet for a while. I close my eyes happily and cherish the silence. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

"Lovely view, is it not?"

"JESUS CHRIST"

I jump and shout in surprise at the voice, my feet landing on the frozen lake.

I turn around. It's Solas. He's sporting a slightly amused expression.

"Apologies. Did I startle you?"

"I…uh. What're you doing out here?" I ask.

"The same as you, I assume. Seeking a brief respite from the current chaos of Haven." he says casually.

"I needed some fresh air and quiet after…everything. It's overwhelming."

"I can imagine. Walk with me?" Solas offers his hand and pulls me back onto the dock. I brush myself off and we venture forth.

We walk in a comfortable silence, breathing in the winter air and watching the forest animals go about their business.

A stray thought crosses my mind. Magic. I need Solas to teach me magic. Now's a good time to ask. If he's right

"Um…Solas?"

"Yes?"

"You…said I was a mage…right?"

Solas chuckles. "You don't sound very certain"

"You were the one who mentioned that I had magic. Could you be wrong? I've never cast a spell in my life."

Solas looks at me curiously. "Is that so? I sense great magical potential within you. Surely you've cast a spell by accident before?"

I shake my head. "Never."

"Interesting…I would like to test you, if you don't mind cooperating."

"Um…what do you need me to do?"

"Close your eyes."

I close my eyes.

He's quiet for about a minute.

"Do you hear anything other than the sounds of the forest?"

"I've been hearing this…hum ever since I received the mark."

"I see. Do you feel anything other than the breeze?"

"Tingling…but I thought that was the mark as well."

A chuckle. "That's not the Mark. It is your magic."

I open my eyes and shoot him a questioning look. "What?"

"That is how magical energy feels. You channel that energy with your mind and use it to cast spells."

"That…sounds a bit too simple."

"Well…I may be simplifying the process a bit, yes." says Solas with a hint of smugness to his voice. "With proper training, however, I see you becoming quite the powerful mage. You have the potential, if you put in the effort."

I snort. "I've never been good at anything in my entire life, so I highly doubt that."

"And why do you say that?"

"People have told me as much." I say with a shrug. "I've kind of accepted being mediocre as my talent."

"I see." Solas studies me with a neutral expression on his face. He did not pressure me to elaborate, which was relieving. I wasn't about to explain my self-confidence issues with a man I just met, whose name literally means pride.

The once-comfortable silence that we shared earlier transitions into painful awkwardness.

I blush slightly in embarrassment as we continue to hike. I made things weird. Again. Why do I keep doing this? I clench my teeth in frustration.

"Something on your mind?" asks Solas with a hint of amusement in his voice.

My face flushes. "J-just my current situation. Y'know."

He nods in understanding. "I see. I'm told that many are calling you the 'Herald of Andraste.'"

"Yeah. It's…unsettling."

A chuckle. "I can imagine."

This makes me clench my teeth angrily. This man is the reason for all of this shit. If it wasn't for his stupid orb and his stupid restoration plan, I probably would be home right now. Safe. Without the fate of an entire world on my shoulders.

A wave of emotion hits me, and I clench both of my hands into fists.

"What's wrong?" asks Solas, the concern in his voice making my blood boil hotter.

"NO-thing." I say, catching myself before I yelled the word. I relax my face and give him an artificial grin. "I'm fine. I think I need to go now."

"I'll walk you back."

I shake my head. "No. I'll be fine. I'm not a child."

I turn on my heels and stalk back towards my Haven to the solitary refuge of my cabin, leaving Solas in the forest alone.

I power-walk back to Haven in record time. I made sure to suppress my emotions that were bubbling to the surface until I got indoors.

One I reach the hut, I assume is mine, I slam the door as hard as I can and sink to the floor, my back facing the door.

All of the emotions I had built up from the past two days came crashing down on me as the tears start falling and I bury my face in my knees.

"I can't do this." I whisper to myself. "I'm going to die. This world is going to die because I'm their freakin' Herald and I can barely take care of myself."

My heart starts to pound rapidly as the dam breaks and waves of emotion start to flow through as I sob heavily.

The more I dwell on my situation, the more distress I feel and the harder I sob. Eventually it becomes harder and harder to breath. I gasp for air.

"I can't...I can't…I can't…" I repeat these words again and again, leaning my back against the door, gasping for air, pounding my fists against the floor.

I start to feel light headed, which is usually a good sign to start calming oneself down. But at the moment, I couldn't give a damn. I continued to let the dam of emotions and anxiety bleed through.

Until everything went black.

I regain consciousness slowly. Something warm and wet was on my forehead. I was lying down on a bed…or whatever passes for a bed these days. The smell of herbs and spices fills the air.

I groan. I've passed out twice in the span of several days. I've never passed out in my entire life.

"Ah. You're finally awake." says a grumpy male voice. "I wouldn't recommend sitting up just yet. Give yourself a minute or so. Bet your head feels like shit."

"No kidding." I mutter as I open my eyes. "What…happened?"

"A servant girl found you unconscious against the door of your hut. Poor thing panicked and brought you straight to me."

"How long?"

"Couple hours. Are you going to make this a habit?" asks the grumpy voice. I'm assuming this ray of sunshine is Adan, the man in charge of potions and shit at Haven.

I groan. "Your bedside manner is really fantastic, Doc."

"Alchemist."

"Whatever." I mutter. I wasn't in the mood to deal with him.

My stomach growls.

"Do you have any food or something? I don't think I've eaten since…"

Shit. I don't think I've eaten since I landed in Thedas. No wonder I passed out.

"Tavern's just down the street. You should be alright to leave now."

I sit up slowly, taking the cloth off of my forehead and leaving it on the table next to the bed. Adan is at his desk writing in some sort of journal.

"Thanks a lot, Doc."

"Alchemist." he grunts as I leave the apothecary.

Judging by the sky, it was roughly early to mid evening. The air was starting to become nippy. I shiver as I stand outside the apothecary.

"Ana." It's Solas. Shit. I forgot his hut was next to the apothecary.

I flinch as my eyes travel to him. He's casually leaning cross-armed at the doorway of his hut. Hints of concern etch across his face.

I blush. "H-hey Solas."

"I was just about to eat. Join me."

Solas removes himself from the doorway and gestures with his hand for me to join him inside.

"I-In your hut?" My blush deepens.

"Of course. Is there a problem?"

Uh. Yes. You're indirectly the reason for this mess and I find you incredibly attractive despite my better judgement.

I bite my tongue and shake my head and walk towards his hut while inwardly cursing myself for acting like a flustered adolescent with a schoolgirl crush in front of an elven immortal.

Solas ushers me to a small wooden table with two wooden stools on opposite sides.

"Apologies, all I have is water at the moment."

I shake my head and smile weakly as I sit down on one of the stools. "It's fine."

There is silence as Solas pours water into the cups and sets them down on the table before retrieving a bowl of fruit from the counter of his 'kitchen' area. If you could call it that.

I take a sip and the smile fades from my face when I remember that my emotional outburst began with Solas. He had begun to chop vegetables to make some sort of soup, leaving me with a very nice view of his back and shoulders. And ass but that goes without saying y'know?

"Solas…I'm sorry for what happened earlier. I…was holding a lot of…emotions inside and they all came spilling out and I almost took them out on you. It was…unfair."

Chop. Chop. Chop.

"There's no need to apologize. I understand completely."

I take an apple from the bowl and take a bite and chew thoughtfully.

"Still…We just met, and I shouldn't have lashed out like that." I say, swallowing before biting into the apple again forcefully like a starving woman.

"I feel as if I should be the one to apologize." says Solas. He fills a pot with water and lights the burner on the stove with a small wave of his hand before he returns to chopping ingredients.

"…Why?"

"At the time, I did not realize your fragile emotional state. It was careless, and I should have followed you to make sure that you were alright."

I almost choke on my apple in a mix of surprise and relief. Thank Christ. If he followed me, I would have probably ended up throwing myself into his arms or something equally mortifying.

"N-no. You did the right thing by not following me. I wanted to be alone."

Solas stops chopping. He drops the knife on the counter and turns around. The expression on his face is neutral as he folds his arms across his chest and leans against the counter.

"A person in your condition shouldn't have been alone. Your body is still adjusting to the Mark and you hadn't eaten in days. Your health is my responsibility."

He stares at me intensely and I avert his gaze, feeling my face warm up a little.

We don't say anything after while Solas finishes making the soup. I was too flustered, and he didn't feel he had anything else to say on the matter. When it was done, he pours a bowl for both of us.

I stare at the soup. It's green and hot. I'm…not very good with vegetables. It's the crunchy texture. Whenever I bite into something green, my brain registers it as not edible and attempts to dispel it from my body with a gag reflex.

"Well? Are you going to eat it?"

"I…uh…don't really care for greens."

Solas chuckles softly. "Is that so? You should have warned me before I started making it."

I scrunch up my nose and squeeze my eyes shut in embarrassment. "Sorry."

"What do you like to eat, then?"

"I…like most fruit. And rice. And pasta. And bread Meat is good too as long as it's the dark kind and not covered in vegetables. Ooh and fish! I like fish." I hate being a picky eater sometimes, it makes eating with others so difficult.

"Hm. I will remember that next time." Solas gives me a warm smile that turns my face into a furnace.

"N-next time? You're planning on making dinner for me on a regular basis?" Dear Lord this was not good for my blood pressure.

"Of course. I've been given permission to instruct you in the magical arts. Cassandra and Cullen were…hesitant but I reminded them that an untrained mage is more prone to…accidents."

"Oh…I see." I look at the ground in embarrassment my cheeks still warm. Stupid hormones.

"You thought I mean something else?" I could hear the pure smugness in his voice.

Bastard. He's doing it on purpose. Well…he was considered a god of mischief back in the day.

I laugh nervously. "I'm sorry. I'm just…tired. I haven't gotten any real sleep since the Conclave. Being unconscious doesn't really count as sleep, does it?"

"It does not. Come. I will escort you to your dwelling."

The walk to my hut was comfortably quiet. It was a clear night in Haven and the stars were brighter than I'd ever seen them. I walk with my head raised to the sky in awe.

I wonder if the Sun is one of those stars. I wonder how my family's doing.

I wonder if they even notice I'm gone.

When we reach my hut, we face one another.

"Well…um. When do we start training?" I ask.

"The day after tomorrow. You need a few nights of good rest first."

I smile. "Thank you. Good night, Solas."

Solas gives me a polite smile. "Sleep well, da'len."

My eyes widen, and I bow politely and enter my hut before the impeding blush took over my face.

Now I know he's doing it on purpose.

A/N: Oh hey, an entire chapter of original dialogue! Hopefully it wasn't terrible. I'm still really bad at this whole writing movement thing so apologies if the writing is super clunky. I'm in the market for a beta and/or someone to bounce ideas off of. PM me if you're interested!

Review and enjoy!