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Chapter 4 – double dating

And, it was almost like he did, "Bella, I think Jessica has a very good idea," he was talking quickly but still at a human enough speed "Andrew and I will save you seats." He said this with such authority; I knew Jessica and I had to leave quickly. I didn't answer. I took Jessica's hand and led her down the street.

As soon as we were around the corner, she broke down, "Bella, it was awful," she sobbed. She leaned into me and buried her head in my shoulder. "His, his, his, ---- uh, his parents" she was having trouble getting the words out and this was frightening me. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what happened to her. "His parents weren't home, Bella. It was a trick, it was a trick to get me to come over to his house."

I hugged her and let her cry. My stomach was in knots for her. Between sobs she told her story, "and when it was over, he didn't think he did anything wrong, he started picking up my clothes and said, 'hey, we are going to be late meeting your friends.'"

I wonder whose mind Edward read at the restaurant, probably Jessica's, judging by his reaction. I desperately wanted to go back and see Edward, I wanted to know what he was doing about Andrew, and then again maybe I didn't want to know.

I looked up from her and saw a familiar face walking toward us. He looked generally, worried about us, we must have been causing quite a scene standing on the street. And it was a relief to me to see he was able to put our argument aside, I could see in his eyes he wasn't angry with me at this moment, he was sincere in his concern. As he approached us, I noticed how tall he was, and muscular. He was a very good looking guy, and confident. He walked with a confidence he never showed before, but I always knew was there.

"Bella," his voice was nervous and he was looking around, for someone.

"Hi Jacob"

His words came out rushed "Do you need help, is everything okay, do you two need a ride somewhere?"

Jessica let go of me and turned to look at Jacob "uh, we are okay, just some girl problems," she reached for my hand and squeezed it.

I desperately wanted to talk with Jacob alone, now that I knew he was still talking to me.

Jacob's and mine eyes locked on each other, as if we were both trying to convey a message that neither of us could hear. I wanted to touch him, to tell him I was sorry. I knew this might be the only opportunity I had to tell him, carpe diem.

"Jacob, I am so sorry, for everything, I am sorry I hurt your feelings, and I am sorry if I mislead you in any way. You have to know, if I did mislead you it wasn't on purpose, it was because I did truly believe in everything I had told you. Please, Jake, please, think about it, if I thought for one minute, one second he was coming back, I never, would have told you some of the things I did. Please Jake, please forgive me."

The words came out rushed, I hope he caught the sincerity; I knew this could be the last time I had to tell him, to tell him how I really felt.

Jessica was looking confused, but I could tell she wasn't really paying attention to us, she was starring out into the street. I didn't follow her gaze, my eyes remained intent on Jacob, waiting for him to say something, anything.

"I know Bella," he whispered. "I know, you didn't think he was coming back. I have had some time to reflect on this and I think . . ."

He stopped mid- sentence and followed Jessica's gaze across the street. This time I turned my head to the scene which was calling our attention – it was Andrew talking to the new girl at school, Dawn.

"What the hell is he doing here?", Jacob mumbled this under his breath and crossed the street toward them, at the same time Edward came beside me. T

"Edward, what took you so long?"

He bent his head down to my ear and whispered "I wanted to give you and Jacob the opportunity to talk things out, I was just around the corner, I think we should take Jessica home"

Jessica's head popped up at the sound of her name, "No, I want to hear what is going on there with your friend Jacob, Dawn and Andrew." Before I could protest she was walking across the street. Edward and I followed her but hung back so as to not stand too close to Jacob. We had obviously missed the beginning of the conversation but it didn't take much to understand what was going on, Jacob's temper was heating up and he was standing protectively of Dawn. She was trying to say something but Jacob kept her firmly in back of him, and away from Andrew.

The rest of the scene unfolded and resolved itself without much incident, but the whole time I was focused on Jacob. It was quite obvious from the way he was defending Dawn, that he cared very much for her, and what was more apparent was the way she looked at him. It must be the way people see me when I look at Edward, she was definitely looking at him with respect, mixed in the admiration and a lot of love. It was the way I wished I could look at Jacob and feel about Jacob when Edward was away. I was overwhelmed with happiness for him and Dawn at that moment.

I was barely able to catch all the details of the incident, but apparently Andrew had a reputation which was far and wide, which was making sense now, why Mike tried to warn Jessica about him and why Dawn didn't share who she was dating or whom she dated at lunch.

I focused my attention back on Jessica, she looked exhausted, I wanted to continue my conversation with Jacob, but Edward and I had to get Jessica home. We all said quick goodbyes and I sat in the backseat with Jessica as we drove home.

When we arrived at her house and she asked me to stay. I agreed and told Edward to come pick me up in a few hours. Her parents weren't home and when we settled in her room is when she started talking,

"Bella, that wasn't my first time" she wasn't looking at me, instead she was starring at the wall,

"Mike and I did it once when we were dating, I guess I should be happy about that much. Although all the while, I couldn't help but wonder if Mike had told him what we did and that is why Andrew thought he had the right to do that to me?"

"Jessica, this isn't your fault, he is a vile person Jessica. I am sorry, Jess to have to ask you this, but if you want to press charges you should go to the hospital for an exam before you shower" I was so embarrassed to have to have this conversation with her, but I knew I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't, I was quickly going through episodes of Law and Order SVU, to decide what else I should ask of her "did he use, protection?"

She was sobbing into her pillow, "no I don't want to tell anyone, and yes he did – This is so mortifying".

"Bella, what was it like your first time with Edward?"

My heart started racing, the heat burning into my flesh, after all she had been through tonight I couldn't tell her I was still a virgin, she would think I was being smug and just trying to hurt her feelings. Okay, I was going to have to make something up.

"It was different, then I thought it would be. I had always thought it would be something we planned, but it just happened." Even, I started to believe my words.

"Did you like it?" she pressed on.

"um" I thought about different books I read and decided to draw a little from Flowers in the Attic and Dark Angel, try to combine the Christopher and Troy experiences together. It just seemed too personal to tell her how I dreamt it would be with Edward.

What I said was:

"It was just something that happened, I don't think either of us were planning it"

What I was thinking was:

We would be standing across from each other in the Meadow, starring at each other, both knowing what we wanted and knowing it was dangerous and impossible.

"It was a making-out session that got a little bit out of control." She nodded for me to go on.

We both knew that if our lips were to touch again we would not be able to control the passion which would be unleashed.

"Jessica, I am sorry, but you see Edward every day, and I don't think it would be fair for me to share to many details." I could see she was disappointed in my lack of comradely, so I added,

"It hurt a lot at first, and it was awkward when it was over, but after the initial embarrassment things got back to normal."

And I would walk over to him and make the first move. I put my lips to his and said "please, give yourself to me", and he would. He would kiss me like tomorrow would never come. His hands would travel around my body, and his hands would tug at my clothes, wanting to pull them off, but knowing he couldn't let things get that far. But, my hands would take off his shirt, and my lips would move over his body. I would hear him letting go, giving up his body to me. His fingers would play with the bottom of my t-shirt while he kissed by ear and my throat. And the sensation which would travel through my body whenever his cold fingers would accidentally touch my flesh, was fire.

"Yeah" she said "Mike and I felt awkward too when it was over, I am glad you said that and it wasn't just me"

My cell phone started vibrating, and I glanced at the phone, I opened it to see the text message – from Edward of course "I am outside, waiting, don't hurry on my account – stay as long as she needs you."

Jessica must of read the expression on my face "You have to go don't you?"

Well, technically I didn't have to go, but I really wanted to go, so much had happened this evening and I desperately needed to be in Edward's arms discussing it and discussing how I felt about it.

"I don't have to leave if you need me Jess, Edward can wait"

"No, it would be better if you left before my parents come home. And Bella," she hesitated for a moment as if to put her thoughts together "thank you for being such a good friend to me tonight"

"don't even think about it Jessica, call me if you need anything." I tried not to run too fast out of her house, I didn't want to be rude, but I needed to discuss the whole evening with Edward, does this mean Jacob is talking to me, what did he say to Andrew after we left?

I opened the car door, expecting to see him smile at him, but I was taken back, he was sad. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"Something you said to Jessica, I am really troubled by?"

"Edward, how long were you listening?"

"Long enough" – but let's not discuss it here." We drove the rest of the way to his house in silence. And when we got there he shut off the car but didn't move.

"Why do you think it would be awkward the first time we make love?"