The Witch, the Portrait and the High Demand For Mind Bleach

This may be the strangest thing I've ever written.

Written for the "I love you, but I also love him/her" Love Triangle Challenge!

Prompts:

Characters: Gordic Gryffindor, Bellatrix Lestange and Lucius Malfoy!

Plot: "One of your characters mistake the other for their girlfriend/boyfriend."

Dialogue prompt: "A kiss is a kiss, deal with it"

Lucius Malfoy kept his relationship with Bellatrix Black a secret. They didn't discuss that they were together - they didn't make any romantic gestures towards each other in public and they certainly never confessed their love.

He wasn't supposed to date - according to his father he needed to wait until he was eighteen and his father had arranged a marriage for him.

Lucius had made sure to drop hints about Bellatrix Black. He loved the wildness in her. She wasn't as kind to those 'below' her as her elder sister, Andromeda and she wasn't as quiet and prim and proper as her younger sister.

He knew that his father would love a match between the Malfoy family and the Black family.

But he knew something was wrong when Bellatrix began disappearing from the Common Room. At first he ignored it - he knew she wasn't the type to be controlled or bossed around... but after a few weeks, he slipped out of the common room after her, following her through the castle.

He knew that she would hex him should she know that he was watching where she was going, but it was worth the risk. Thoughts of her seeing someone else - a Gryffindor perhaps, plagued him, stopping him sleeping.

He needed to show himself that she wasn't with someone else.

She stopped outside a room on the second floor, and looked around. Lucius managed to remain out of sight and she pulled the door open and went inside.

He waited for over an hour for Bellatrix to leave the room. When she did, he waited to see who followed her out.

Finally he gave up waiting and walked over to the room and went inside. Save for the desks and the portraits, the room was empty.

...oOo...

The longer the time went on, the more Bellatrix pulled away from him and snuck away. It was most nights now, and finally Lucius gave up sneaking after her and cast a disillusionment charm on himself and made his way to the classroom before her.

He only had to wait half an hour before she came dancing in the room, closing the door tightly behind her and perched herself on one of the desks.

"Godric," she whispered.

"Miss Black," a portrait replied.

"Tell the others to get lost," she demanded.

A small sigh came from the portrait, and Lucius watched the other figures walk away. He realised that this was a portrait of the founders, left in an unused classroom.

"Finally we're alone," Bellatrix purred, jumping up from the desk.

"What would you like to discuss today?" Godric politely asked.

"Us," Bellatrix demanded. "I wish to find a time-turner and travel back to when you opened this school. We could rule it together. Imagine the power we could have."

"Miss Black, power isn't everything," Godric told her. "There are more important things. Compassion, love -"

"I could give you those too," she said, heading over to the portrait and staring at it.

Lucius stared at the scene, completely gob-smacked. He knew Bellatrix could fixate and obsess, but over a portrait.

A portrait of Godric Gryffindor!

"But Gryffy," she said, pouting as she moved closer. Her head rested against the portrait. "I thought we had something special, don't you want me?"

"You are a lovely young lady," the portrait began, sounding very hesitant at answering.

"I love you too," she said, pressing her lips to the portrait eagerly.

"Bellatrix," Lucius hissed, quickly removing the charm. "Stop this behaviour at once."

Her wand out, she turned to face Lucius.

"When I thought you were having an affair -" He began.

"You're spying on me," she shouted angrily. "How dare you?!"

"I..." Lucius found himself at a loss. Did Bellatrix really think this was acceptable? "You're telling a painting that you're in love with it?"

"Him, not it. It's true, I love him"

"But... you kissed the picture. Do you understand that it's just a painting? That is not the real Godric Gryffindor? If you had to go for a founder, why wasn't it Slytherin?"

"He's a little pansy," Bellatrix replied. "Also, a kiss is a kiss, deal with it."

"Bella-"

"He's my boyfriend," she insisted.

"I'm really not," Gryffindor said from the wall.

"He wants me to travel back in time to be with him."

"I don't feel that travelling back in time would be a suitable -"

"Silence," Lucius snapped. His hand went to the side of his head as he tried to steady his thoughts.

"Alright. If you want this portrait... have it. Do not think for one second that I'll allow my father to arrange my marriage to you. There only needs to be two in a relationship, and I'm not sharing you with a picture."

She turned back to the portrait and Lucius took his leave. Maybe he should rethink his father's recent suggestion of his marriage to Narcissa Black. She may be quiet and proper and lack the wildness that he loved in Bellatrix, but she was at least sane. She wouldn't run off with a portrait.

Yup, definitely the strangest thing I've ever written.

Review please :)