AN: This is a chapter that I know a lot of you have been waiting for. It took me a while to get this one down, so I hope that I did it justice. Thank you to everyone who is reading this story, and I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!

The sun beat down overhead as Clarke walked out to the courtyard with her lunch tray. Surrounded by the loud chatter of students, she scanned the area for her housemates. It took her a second to find them, but after a few seconds of hoping that they were sitting in the cool air of the cafeteria, she spotted Octavia and Raven sitting at one of the round black picnic tables with Bellamy and Lincoln. Clarke sighed, deciding that she'd rather endure the heat than sit inside all by herself, so she made her way over to her friends and plopped down next to Raven.

"Hey, Clarke," Raven greeted. "What do you think of our chemistry class? I think it's already pretty interesting, and I'm sure that the labs will be really fun."

Clarke could not say that she really cared for the subject. She was much more interested in the art elective that she was taking, but she smiled for Raven's sake and nodded along with what the brunette was saying. "Um, yeah, I guess."

Octavia saw right through the blonde's attempt to agree, rolling her eyes at her best friend. "Raven, not everyone likes chemistry as much as you do." Octavia turned to Clarke with an apologetic look. "Don't mind her, Clarke. She's kind of a nerd."

Raven scoffed. "Oh, come on. You don't like a single one of your classes."

"Does anyone?" Octavia asked, and Clarke couldn't help but chuckle at that statement. Octavia and Raven clearly had very different views on school, and Clarke found it funny that they got along so well despite this.

Clarke was just about to reply when something caught her eye on the other side of the courtyard. It was Lexa, sitting down at a table in the corner, all by herself. Come to think of it, Clarke hadn't even seen Lexa show up for lunch the last two days, and she wondered if maybe the other girl normally sat inside. Something told Clarke that wasn't it though and that this girl normally avoided eating with everyone altogether, just like she did at the house.

Clarke was still angry at her roommate, but she couldn't help but feel bad about how harsh she had been the previous day, especially now that Lexa was sitting all by herself. That image tugged at the blonde's heartstrings, even if she knew that it was probably what the other girl preferred. Clarke wished that she could just be callous and indifferent like her roommate, but that wasn't the kind of person she was. She was the kind of person who now felt kind of terrible because of the way she had treated Lexa.

"Clarke? Earth to Clarke?" The hand waving in front of her face, and Raven's voice saying her name, brought Clarke's attention back to the people in front of her.

Everyone was looking at her expectantly, and Clarke realized that Raven must have asked her a question, and she had been too spaced out to answer it. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I was just asking what school you came from. What were you looking at?" Raven asked curiously.

Clarke took a second to consider how she wanted to respond. She knew that everyone at the table probably hated Lexa, especially Raven, and Clarke didn't want them to be disappointed in her because of her natural tendency to look out for everyone, no matter how horrible. However, she knew that she needed to just tell the truth. She just needed to be herself, no matter what anyone thought. Besides, she was pretty sure that these people wouldn't think that she was actually a little concerned about Lexa after the way she had treated the brunette the previous day. "I was looking at Lexa. Does she always sit by herself like that?"

Octavia shrugged. "When she even shows up. Don't worry about her. It's her own fault that no one wants to sit with her."

Clarke was glad that her friends didn't make anything of her question. She realized that these people knew Lexa for two years already, and she decided to keep on pressing them for information, wanting to know if Lexa had always been this way. Clarke thought that she most certainly had until she remembered something that Raven had said shortly after they first met. "You said she used to be friends with Anya and Emori. What happened?"

Everyone at the table exchanged uneasy glances, and Clarke felt like she had struck a nerve. Her brows furrowed in confusion because whatever happened seemed like it had affected not only Lexa, but the people at this table as well. Clarke watched them carefully, waiting for someone to speak, and her eyes narrowed when Octavia eyed Lincoln warily. The blonde was about to question this when Octavia finally opened her mouth to speak. Before she could even get a word out though, Lincoln cleared his throat and began to speak instead.

"Two years ago, my sister used to go here as well. Her name was Costia, and she was Lexa's roommate. I didn't know much about Lexa at first because she was pretty reserved and quiet, but Costia took a fast liking to her. They quickly became inseparable, and Lexa opened up pretty quickly with Costia's help. They made friends with Anya and Emori, and I became friends with Lexa too. I hung out with their friends group a lot, and Lexa was a very sweet girl, so when the two of them started dating, I wasn't opposed to it in the slightest." He smiled at the memory, pausing for a moment before continuing on. "They were in love. There wasn't a doubt about it. Costia was so happy. Happier than I'd ever seen her, and so was Lexa."

Clarke was shocked at this news that Lexa had once been a pleasant person, someone that Lincoln had really liked, judging by his words and the small smile on his face. Clarke was instantly intrigued, and she wanted to know more. "So what happened to her? Did they break up?"

Lincoln shook his head. "That summer, my mother went on a business trip to London, and she brought Costia with her. On their way back, their plane crashed, and there were no survivors."

Clarke couldn't help the horror that played out on her face when he answered. "I'm so sorry, Lincoln."

"It's okay. It was definitely a tough time, but I got over it. Well, as much as I could. Octavia helped a lot with that." Lincoln gave his girlfriend's hand a squeeze. "Lexa never got over it. Last year, she asked that she not have a roommate, and everyone saw the sense in this. It was way too soon, and Mr. Kane agreed, pulling strings with the headmaster to make it happen. Everyone thought this would be good for her and give her the time that she needed to heal, but it only served to isolate her from the rest of us. She spent more and more time holed up in her room, and soon, she stopped talking to me altogether. It only kept going downhill from there. She stopped talking to Anya and Emori, and then she even stopped showing up to dinner. It's been a year, and she just keeps getting worse and worse. Nobody knows what to do anymore, and honestly no one cares to do it. I know the way that she's behaving is just an act to push everybody away, but that doesn't make it alright. Now, you're her new roommate, and I know that really threw her for a loop. I'm sorry about the way that she's been treating you. No one deserves that."

Raven scowled, done talking about the other girl in a less than hostile way. "Lexa's a jerk. I mean, Clarke, you lost your dad, and you're not treating everyone like crap. Lincoln lost his mom and sister, and he's not treating everyone like crap. If you can be nice and care about others after losing a parent, then she should be able to at least be civil after losing her girlfriend that she only knew for a year."

Octavia and Bellamy nodded along, but Lincoln looked as unsure as Clarke felt. The blonde had always assumed that Lexa was acting the way she was because she was just inherently cruel. It had never even crossed Clarke's mind that Lexa might be dealing with something too. The others didn't understand because they had never lost someone, but Clarke understood. She had been in a dark place once too, and she wouldn't wish that upon anyone, even Lexa.

Now, Clarke really felt bad about the things she had said yesterday. Especially because she had basically told the brunette to leave the place where she had been happiest. Clarke now understood why this school was so important to the other girl, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to rest until she had apologized for the things that she had said. Even if Lexa was rude to her and refused to accept her apology, Clarke would feel much better after having expressed her regret.

Clarke pushed up from the table, ignoring the questioning glances from its inhabitants and walked across the courtyard to where Lexa was sitting. When the brunette noticed her coming, hostile green eyes were turned her way, and Clarke almost wanted to turn around and walk right back to where she had been sitting. However, she pushed down her dislike for the girl in front of her, knowing that this was something that she needed to do, and she forced herself to sit down across from the angry girl.

"What do you want?" the brunette snarled, and Clarke was not surprised.

Clarke realized that she felt differently about Lexa now. When she saw the other girl's anger, she didn't feel the familiar hostility bubbling inside of her. Clarke knew that this was mainly due to the way that Lincoln had described Lexa. Now, the blonde couldn't help but see that Lexa in front of her because she knew that the girl that Lincoln had talked about was still in there somewhere, buried underneath all of the superficial aggression. Clarke hoped that she could actually see that girl someday, and she knew she needed to start by saying what she came here to say. "I came here to say I'm sorry. For yesterday. I don't really want you to get expelled, and I didn't mean it when I said that no one wants you here."

Lexa looked up at her with a look of surprise and confusion, and when she answered, her tone had no bite. "Why not? It's true. Everyone hates me."

Clarke decided to go out on a limb and say what she was just now realizing. "I don't hate you."

Lexa's surprise and confusion deepened. "Why? I've been awful to you."

Clarke decided to try and joke with the other girl. "Maybe I like it when people are awful to me."

The blonde could have sworn that she saw the corners of Lexa's lips turn up in a tiny smile, but it was gone before she could be sure. She was honestly taken aback at the brunette's calm behavior. Her roommate hadn't talked to her with anything other than anger in her voice since she had arrived, and now it was shocking that she was being so calm. Clarke wondered why it was that the other girl wasn't yelling at her now. She doubted that a simple apology and a stupid joke were enough to dispel the resentment that had settled between them.

Clarke cleared her throat, deciding that now was as good a time as any to bring up the fact the she knew what had happened. Since Lexa was acting so calm right now, Clarke figured that it would be a great time to try to reason with the brunette because she would be much more likely to actually allow the blonde to help. "I know about what happened to Costia. I'm sorry."

Clarke watched as Lexa stiffened at the mention of her former girlfriend's name, and the blonde hoped that she hadn't just driven away Lexa's calm demeanor. For the first time ever, the two girls had sort of been getting along, and Clarke seriously hoped that she hadn't just ruined that.

"Who told you about her?" Lexa asked quietly.

"It doesn't matter," Clarke told her, not wanting to get Lincoln in trouble. "What matters is that I know what it's like to lose someone, so I can help you. If you'll let me, that is."

Lexa met Clarke's eyes with a challenging expression. "It's not the same. Losing your father is not the same as losing the girl you love."

Clarke wanted to point out that it was worse because how could it not be? Raven had said that Lexa had only known Costia for a year, but Clarke didn't know anything about Lexa's relationship, and she supposed that she shouldn't go and make assumptions. That, and she didn't want to upset the brunette girl further, so she settled on a different response. "I know it's not the same, but the point is that I understand—"

Lexa cut her off, shouting now. "No, you don't! You don't understand!" Her eyes fell down to the table in front of her, voice quieting a bit. "No one ever understands."

"Lexa—"

"Just don't ever say her name again," the brunette snapped, angry green eyes raising back up to meet Clarke's.

"Okay." Clarke raised both of her hands in surrender. "Okay."

Clarke looked down at her food, deciding that it would be best not to say anything more. She figured she might as well start eating, so she scooped up some mashed potatoes and brought the spoonful to her mouth. They sat in a tense silence, but Clarke had barely swallowed her mouthful of mashed potatoes when Lexa was glaring at her again. "You're just going to sit here now? Get lost!"

Clarke wanted to argue, for more reasons than one. She wanted to tell the other girl off for acting so rude, but she also wanted to get through to the broken girl in front of her. Now that she knew Lexa had been through something similar, she couldn't help her newfound desire to be there for the brunette. She tried to think of some way to respond, but she came up with nothing. She was frustrated that she had no idea what she could say or do to get through to her roommate right now, and she was honestly getting really tired of being treated like crap.

Clarke stood up from the table, pulling her tray with her, but she wasn't leaving quite yet. "Lexa, you can continue being horrible to everyone and pushing everyone away, but the only person that you're hurting is yourself. Don't pretend that there's no hope for you. There is. You can get better, and the only person that's standing in the way of you doing just that is yourself. So you can either let me try to help you, or you can be miserable for the rest of your life. It's your choice."

Clarke spun on her heel, making her way back to her table without looking back once. She told herself it was because she didn't care what the other girl chose and not because she couldn't stand to see the slight look of hurt that had registered in green eyes at her words.

After doing homework with Octavia and Raven for a few hours and then eating dinner, Clarke made her way back to her room to find Lexa facing away from her, probably staring at the wall. Clarke tried to feel the irritation and mild annoyance that she normally felt when encountering Lexa moping, but she couldn't now that she knew the reason behind it. She had felt something akin to hatred for Lexa before, but now she just felt sorry for the other girl. She had the strange urge to sit on the edge of Lexa's bed and rub comforting circles on the brunette's back, like Clarke's own mother did for her when she was upset. She had to stop herself from doing this though because she knew that Lexa would not take too kindly to it. Clarke knew that the brunette probably didn't want to talk to her either, but she decided to give it a shot, making sure to keep her voice soft. "Have you thought anymore about what I said earlier?"

Lexa flipped over to face Clarke, the familiar anger in her eyes and bite in her tone. "Yes, I have thought about how I don't want your fucking help. Just stick to my original rule and never talk to me."

Clarke wasn't swayed, staying completely calm, even though she was annoyed by the other girl's reluctance. "Don't you want to stop feeling so awful all the time?"

"No," Lexa said flatly. "As a matter of fact, I'd rather be miserable for the rest of my life."

"I know exactly how you feel because, believe it or not, Lexa, I felt the same way. I didn't want to see my friends or my mom, and I just wanted to go out and get drunk all the time. I didn't want to deal with any of my feelings either. I didn't want to care."

This sparked Lexa's curiosity, and the anger faded from her eyes a bit. "How did you get better?"

"Because of my mother. I began to notice how worried I was making her, and I realized it wasn't fair because she lost my dad too, and then it was like she was losing me as well. I decided to try and get better for her. I stopped drinking, and I started spending more time with my mom and simply letting myself feel. It was hard, but I got through the worst of it, and I'm glad that I did because I feel so much better now. I realized though that the reason I was running from my feelings in the first place was because it was easy. Easy to spiral out of control and lose myself in the process. But the truth is that it's so much better to just let your feelings in. I'm not asking you to forget about Cos—her. I'm just asking you allow yourself to really feel and accept her death so that you can grieve and move on." Clarke looked at Lexa with sincere blue eyes.

Clearly, this had been the wrong thing to say because when Lexa replied, Clarke could tell she was seething. "You think I don't feel her death? I feel it every single day. I don't want to move on because I know that I never can. Without Costia, I'm no one. Losing a parent is different. Everyone loses their parents eventually. I lost the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with! What happens when you lose your soulmate?!"

Clarke wanted to roll her eyes at this obvious exaggeration, but she remained calm, not wanting to ruin her chances of getting through to Lexa tonight. "Just because you loved Costia doesn't mean that she was your soulmate. You can't possibly know that for sure. Your soulmate is probably still out there somewhere, waiting for you to get better so you can be with her."

Clarke found that she really did hope that this was true, for Lexa's sake, but the brunette clearly didn't share in this hope. "Costia was my soulmate. End of discussion. I listened to you talk, and it didn't help me, so will you please just leave me alone now?"

"But you weren't really listening at all. Stubbornly insisting that everything I say is wrong isn't listening."

"I don't owe you anything, Clarke. I don't have to get better just because you did, and I don't have to listen to your stupid advice when you don't even know what you're talking about. That may have worked for you, but I'm different, so please stop wasting my time." Lexa rolled back onto her side and pulled her blanket over her head.

"Lexa." Clarke tried to get the brunette's attention to no avail. Lexa clearly thought it safer to simply ignore the blonde rather than give her a chance to start talking again. Clarke sighed and flopped down onto her own bed. She couldn't help the sense of solidarity that she felt now with Lexa due to their similar situations, and she wished that the brunette would not be so infuriating and just listen to Clarke's advice. Then again, the only reason that Clarke had ever gotten better was because of her mom. She allowed her mother to help her because she loved and trusted the older woman. Lexa didn't have anyone here for her like that, and Clarke was no exception. Lexa didn't even know Clarke at all, let alone trust her. If some stranger had come into Clarke's life when she was at her worst, would she really have reacted so differently?