Chapter 4: The Outing

Gaius would not be pleased.

That was all Merlin could think about as he leaned against a tree somewhere in a forest outside of Camelot. Gaius would not be pleased at all. It had already been a great risk leaving the physician's quarters to sneak around the castle; it was an even greater risk wandering around in a random forest outside the city gates.

But he couldn't say no to Morgana and that had been the problem. He knew it was because he had already hurt her unspeakably when he had poisoned her and although she did not have that memory back yet, he still couldn't bear to disappoint her in any way, no matter how small.

When they had come to a clearing in the forest with a small lake, Morgana had torn off her cloak and let it slide from her fingers to the ground as she took in the beauty of the small, abandoned lake. She had wandered through the grass aimlessly and continuously, doing nothing but walking back and forth and feeling the soft vegetation on her bare feet. When she was done doing that, she had sat at the edge of the lake and put her feet in the water.

Merlin couldn't get Morgana's reaction at seeing the ruined throne room out of his mind.

They had walked into the throne room and Merlin immediately closed the door as Morgana threw back her hood so that she could see bettr. Merlin had closed his eyes momentarily against the heavy memories that were still so fresh in his mind. He opened them only when he heard Morgana's soft gasp.

He knew she was shocked, and rightfully so. The windows had been blown out and only jagged pieces of glass circled the window frame, letting in a sharp, cold breeze. Deep cracks resonated through the walls, or rather, what was left of them. Large piles of stones from the wall lay everywhere. It was not the beautiful, grand room it had once been.

Morgana stepped through the ruble, taking in every detail, searching like a hawk. Merlin watched as she looked up at the broken windows, and then knelt to touch some of the blocks of stone on the floor. She stood up straight again and resumed her tour. Merlin stayed near the door, partly so he could listen for anyone coming and partly because he didn't want to look at the destroyed throne room and remember what had happened.

He watched as Morgana got onto her knees by a chunk of the wall that was still intact, and looked up at what was left of the ceiling. Blue skies filled what stone did not and the beautiful sight clashed horribly with the havoc of the wrecked room. She slowly reached up and traced a crack in the wall, a ring on her finger glinting in the sunlight. She traced it four times.

When she turned back to him, he saw that her eyes were wet. The sight of the destruction of the throne room had upset her and what was so ironic was that she had caused it. But she didn't know that…yet.

"I can take you back," Merlin said quietly, not wanting to upset her more and not wanting to be there himself.

Morgana nodded, not looking him in the eye.

It was at that moment that Merlin heard footsteps. Alarmed, he took Morgana's left hand as she pulled up her hood with her right. They hurried to the opposite side of the throne room, stepping over the piles of debris as quickly as they could without harming themselves.

"You said you saw two figures go in there?" Arthur's voice asked from the other side of the door.

Merlin could not hear the muffled response and he wasn't going to wait around to hear it, either. He found a breach in the wall and pulled Morgana towards it. It led outside and luckily for them, it was not a long way down.

They have climbed, half jumped down, landing in soft grass. Merlin could hear the confused shouts of the guards above. He knew he had to get Morgana back to Gaius's chambers. They had been out far too long already.

But when he went to circle the castle, he felt her resist him and pull him back to where she was standing. She looked over the wall, towards the woods, and back at him, her green eyes pleading.

Merlin looked down at her, knowing what she wanted but not wanting to acknowledge it.

"Please," she said quietly, looking up at him.

"It's too dangerous," he said, feeling his anxiety rising. Arthur and the guards would find them at any moment.

Morgana pulled her hand away from his. "Just for today. Please, Merlin. I hate feeling like a prisoner."

Merlin internally sighed. He had to have foreseen this coming. Of course she felt like a prisoner, with nowhere to roam but a physician's chambers and no one to talk to but an old man and a servant.

How they made it past the guards and out of the city's walls, he wasn't quite sure. The alarm bells rang in his ears the entire time.

And that was how they had stumbled into a forest. That was how he was leaning against a tree, holding the black cloak that she had dropped, holding it for her and waiting for her to grow tired of their surroundings and ask to be brought back.

Merlin knew he should feel glad that Morgana was not evil at the moment. He knew he should feel glad that she didn't have the poison memory or any Morgause memories and that she seemed to be just the king's ward again, just like she was at a time when things were less complicated. But he couldn't find solace in any of those thoughts.

It was because he knew the truth. It bothered him more than he could say that she was unaware of everything she had done, while he knew every morbid detail. He knew what she was capable of. She thought that everything was completely normal and he knew that things were not at all right. And as he watched her gaze at the water, the setting sun reflecting off it, he found it hard to believe that she had tried to kill each and every one of them. As she sat there in her new peasant dress, he found it hard to believe that she had turned against them all so dramatically.

But Morgana was Merlin's friend again, even if it was just for a short amount of time. He dug his fingers into the soft fabric of the cloak, hating that she would once again turn into the evil half-sister of Morgause when the potion wore off.

"Merlin?"

Morgana's voice brought him back to reality. She was still sitting at the edge of the lake, but had turned to look at him.

"Thank you for taking me here," she said. "I know it was dangerous and that you risked the disapproval of Arthur and Uther to do so."

If only it were that simple, Merlin thought. If only the disapproval of Arthur and Uther were the only things at risk. He knew there was far more to worry about than that.

"You're a good friend," Morgana said sincerely, before turning back to the lake and making ripples in the water with her fingers.

Merlin forced himself to breath. Any biting insult, any evil smirk, any other remark, would never hurt as much as those four words did. He remembered that Morgana had said that to him once before…and then he had poisoned her only moments after. Once her memory had fully returned, she would never speak those words to him again.

It was getting later. Gaius would not be pleased. But he would understand. Merlin knew he, of all people, would understand.