Chapter 4
There's a small knock at my door. I furrow my eyebrows not having expected anyone. I finish the sentence on my report for Belikov before making my way to the door.
Lissa. I should have known. I've been so preoccupied today that I'd unintentionally managed to tamp down the bond between us. Seeing her now, I am flooded with all her emotions through our bond and I involuntarily take a step back. Through our bond, I can feel her worry and anxiety for me. Lissa's intense compassion always surprises me; how she somehow feels all these raw emotions more than a normal person would. She hugs me before entering.
"I heard about your class today," she says, seating herself on my bed. I close the door and go back to my desk. "How are you?"
For any other person, this is simply a general question to ask someone, a safe way to instigate conversation. However, with Lissa she genuinely wants to know how I am.
"I'm okay, Liss. You don't need to worry," I smile at her, showing my appreciation for her concern. "Just another run in with Jesse. What's new?" I shrug.
Her eyes narrow in on my bruised jaw. "You're hurt," she states, looking upset.
"Liss, sometimes you forget I'm a guardian in training," I laugh. "This," I point at my jaw, "is nothing."
Lissa doesn't look convinced. "It's not nothing," she says, her voice rising uncharacteristically. "Him, Mia, Ralph? They can't keep doing this to you!"
"You make it sound like this is a usual occurrence. I can handle them, trust me. It's nothing to worry about," I assure her using a calming voice. "How's spirit classes coming along?" I ask, changing the subject. I can tell, through the bond, Lissa isn't going to forget this but for now she allows for the subject change.
"Slow," she sighs. "Well, Adrian's doing well with the healing," she smiles; she's pleased although I detect a hint of jealousy. "It's me. I still haven't gotten the hang of auras." Lissa is a perfectionist. Her facial expression gives way to her frustration. I can tell this is hard for her even without our bond. Her eyes narrow and circle around me. I can tell she's trying to identify my aura. "Urgh," she smacks her head. "It's like there's some sort of… physical barrier. It's just a light haze but no colours are there to signify anything."
"Well, that's something," I say encouragingly. "It's still early days, Liss. Stop being so hard on yourself."
"Come on," she says abruptly, ignoring me and standing up to make her way towards me. "Let me heal you."
"What? Liss, no," I shake my head and back my chair away.
"Why not?"
"I don't want you wasting your energy on me," I say. It's only half the truth.
"I won't be wasting my energy," she scoffs.
"Besides, what would people say tomorrow if they see I'm healed? You're not allowed to use your spirit like this," I remind her.
"It's fine," she says, unfazed, waving her hands away. "You can tell them you've covered it up with makeup," she smiles cheekily.
"Liss…" I say imploringly.
"Rose," she says softly, turning serious. Her gaze fixes on the wall behind me. "I can't not heal you, Rose. My hands…" I look down to see her clench and unclench her shaking fingers. "They're just itching for it. And my mind won't stop focussing on it. If I know I can do something to help, I need for you to let me do it." Her jade green eyes now search mine.
"I don't need your help," I say slowly and quietly. "I'm not in any pain," I assure her.
"Please, Rose," she whispers, her eyes glossing over in unshed tears, sending a less than welcome shiver down my back.
It breaks me seeing her this way, not being able to control her need to save others – even when they don't need saving – and hurting herself in the process. Only, she didn't realise she was hurting herself. Through the bond, I know there's something not right with her exhausting her spirit. Until I understood more about what these negative repercussions could be, I was going to keep this tid bit to myself.
I sigh and eventually nod my head. I remind myself this is a small injury and is unlikely to affect her much.
I'm lying to myself.
A rush of relief showers through our bond. Her fingers gently touch my jaw, her eyes close and she breathes in deeply. I feel the rush of pure happiness and joy for a split second. And then it's gone. Lissa steps back, smiling. I touch my jaw. Good as new.
"Thanks," I smile at her half-heartedly.
Liss doesn't seem to notice. Her brows furrow and if I didn't know any better I'd say she were looking at my aura.
"I could've sworn I saw…" she lingers off, confused.
"What?" I ask, sitting up straight.
"Smoke. Around you." Lissa looks back at me and smiles, waving it off. "I'm sure it's just the after effects of using spirit. It's playing with my mind."
"Yeah," I agree, "sure." I'm not convinced.
I wake up with aches and pains all over my body. I'm sore particularly in my arms after those damn push ups (I must not have warmed up well enough). I rub my eyes and stare at the ceiling for a full minute before painfully getting dressed and ready for my seven-mile run with Belikov. 'You're halfway there, Rose' I remind myself. With a last look at my warm bed and rumpled sheets I groan and head to the grounds.
Belikov's already there doing his stretches. Even from a distance I detect his hard expression and I'm reminded of the first time I met Belikov a few months back when he'd held a similar expression.
I had observed Belikov whilst Guardian Anderson had introduced him to the senior (dhampir) class as our new combat instructor. First, it was impossible to ignore his height and build. He was easily a foot taller than me at around 6ft 5 or 6. He wore a navy-blue hoodie, which didn't do much to hide his muscles or take away from his intimidating stance. It was also impossible to ignore how ruggedly handsome he was. His messy brown hair reached his chin, complemented with a dark stubble. Dark brown eyes perused the novices, almost as if he were analysing our capabilities and potential. I distinctly recall right at that moment my eyes zoning in on his tongue which flicked out to moisten his lips. (Future self: he does this a lot!)
When his eyes fell on me there was the tiniest twitch in his eyebrow, almost as if he had detected something he'd been looking for. Instead of his eyes passing over me, like he had the other novices, his eyes remained on mine. I hadn't been paying attention to Anderson's introduction. Observing Belikov, even from a distance, spoke volumes of his experience in the field. It was haunting. He was beautiful. Goosebumps lined my neck and arms as something passed between us.
At least I thought it had.
After the first combat lesson with him, feeling like I'd run a marathon whilst simultaneously contended in the world heavyweight championship, anything that I'd supposedly believed that had passed between us flew out the window.
I'd also later found out the reason for his stare when he'd first seen me. He had been searching for the novice who would later join him in guarding the last in the Dragomir line.
Down on the field, I reach Belikov, offering a small nod and start on my stretches. I notice from my peripheral vision Belikov's stalled with his own stretches and is staring at me. His stare burns me and I try to ignore it.
All of a sudden, he's walking towards me. He stands in front of me, so I stop and straighten up. My eyes slowly shift from his lips to his dark brown eyes; a quizzical look fixes on me. He is focussed on my jaw; his rough fingers graze my skin. A shiver runs down my spine and my breathing quickens.
"I distinctly remember Reads punching you here," Belikov says matter-of-factly, dropping his hand down to his side. The moment is shattered. One of his eyebrows arches up, asking me a silent question.
I avoid his stare, turning my head to look anywhere but at him.
"Princess Vasilisa." It's a statement, not a question. My silence is all the answer he needs. He sighs. Disappointment.
"Look," I finally speak, my voice is rough and I clear my throat. "I asked her not to heal me. I told her I wasn't in pain." Belikov listens, there's no sign of accusation in his expression so I continue. "You don't… understand," I shake my head, struggling to find the words.
"And you do?" he asks, not unkindly.
"When Lissa sees someone hurt… it's like her heard pulls towards that person. She's captivated. It's like tunnel vision… she can't focus on anything but that person's pain and hurt. Her heart just wants to relieve that person," I rush out my explanation, not realising how much I've given away until I've stopped talking.
"You seem to know what she's feeling pretty well," he notes.
"We're best friends," I shrug. He doesn't seem to buy my reasoning.
"Rose," he says softly, catching me off guard from his tone and use of my first name, which he's never done before. "You would tell me if Princess Vasilisa is ever in trouble, won't you?" he asks, brown eyes boring into mine.
I blink a few times and avert my gaze.
"I'm her guardian, Rose," Belikov tilts his head to get a better look at me. "And one day, we're going to be working together to guard her. I have her best interests at heart and I know you do too," his voice incredibly gentle. "I need to know if she's in any danger…" his voice wavering to a pause. "…even if she's in danger of herself." He's hit the nail on the head.
I'm shaking involuntarily.
"I promise," I whisper.
His eyes once again search mine. He must confirm I'm being honest, gives the briefest of smiles that makes my heart flutter. He nods imperceptibly and walks away from our invisible circle.