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CHAPTER FOUR

BPOV

Oh my fucking God!

My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I thought I might faint. I was holding the elaborate and posh invitation for the charity event the Cullen's were sponsoring which I completely forgot about it. I slapped my forehead. How could I have forgotten? Stupid, stupid Bella! I wanted to smack my head against the wall several times for my obtuseness. Shit, its tomorrow night! How the hell can I get out of this?

I could have easily skipped out of this if I wasn't one of the models commissioned to strut down the runway aisle to model designer dresses and jewelries for the auction. If I had been reminded about this beforehand I would have had a chance to elude the coming disaster. I was so going to kill Angela! Now I had to suck it up and go or Jane would have my head. Goddammit!

I went into the kitchen and got myself a drink of water. I needed to calm myself down. I knew I would be seeing Edward tomorrow - that would definitely be happening. However, if I had anything to say about it, I would be as far away from him as possible; I just needed a plan.

I didn't have the courage to face him because it still hurt so fucking badly. The last time that possibility happened was at Tanya's birthday party. I wanted to show him that I was all good and well even without him in my life; but what did I do? I ran as fast as I could. I wasn't ready for that yet because clearly I wasn't over him. I assumed he was more than alright since he seemed to be okay with everything. During the brief times I saw him being featured in the society pages, I could see he was back to being Edward. He had a different girl at his side every time - not that I could remember their names. Ha, I bet they were all bimbos! The thought of him going out with those women and having sex with them afterward hurt. His cavalier attitude was one I should be acquainted with, but it still pissed me off that he could discard what we had easily when I couldn't.

During our brief romance, I truly believed he felt something for me. Maybe it was not love for him, but I was optimistic that it would have been more if I had only been given the chance. I gave him the best of me because I was already head-over-heels in love with him. I even thought I was important. He even confessed I was his first girlfriend, which was a surprise to me - a very nice surprise. That little information brought hope that I was more than just legs and boobs to him. Looking back, I might have just deluded myself into thinking I was enough for him while clearly he never felt the same way. I was really just his plaything, merely used for his sexual gratification. I couldn't even be called arm candy, as I was not suitable enough to be that, especially in his father's eyes. Maybe even in his as well.

I didn't want to be bitter about the whole thing, but I couldn't help it. The first week after the separation, I was wishing and praying he would come after me. I even excused his lack of effort, blaming it on his busy schedule. But as the days turned into weeks, the longing and frustration turned into anger. He didn't make one move to contact me. How pathetic can you be, Bella? You were just a toy. He doesn't need you like you obviously need him.

Now after two months, I was pissed off. Damn him for still invading my thoughts when surely he was over me!

At that very moment I remembered I still had some of the things he gave me, and I needed to return those. It might help me forget more easily; besides, I didn't want to have anything of his, so I needed to accomplish that today before I had to see him tomorrow.

I went back to my room and to my vanity table in the walk-in closet. I pulled the drawers open and got the wooden container out. There nestled in a big box was all the jewelry he had given me. These were expensive, and I didn't want him to think that all I wanted was his money. I definitely saw no need for me to have this now that we were over.

Walking out of my closet, I carried the box and placed it on top of my bed. It would remain there until I could call Angela to pick it up and bring it to Edward personally, either to his office or his penthouse suite.

As soon as I hung up with Angela, the phone rang again. This time it was the front desk. I wondered briefly who it was as I wasn't expecting anyone. Skilled as Angela was, there was no way she would have crossed New York City rush hour traffic in less than sixty seconds.

I reached for the intercom and what they told me made my heart jump. Edward was here. Shit! What did he want?

I frantically ran to my room and checked my face. Wait! What are you doing, Bella? Why do you care what he thinks about you? I decided then I wouldn't change for him, even though I was wearing old ragged sweats. Serves him right for surprising me like this!

I slowly pushed myself back to the living room and waited for his arrival. Oh my God! I was hyperventilating, and I seriously needed to calm down before he arrived. I sucked in deep breaths and concentrated on inhaling and exhaling. By the time the buzzer sounded, I was calm enough to face him.

I opened the door and came face to face with Edward. His hair was tousled more than usual, as if he'd been running his hand through it repeatedly. He was wearing a white dress shirt, which was untucked with the top two buttons undone. Even with his disheveled appearance, he still looked sexy.

"Belllaaaa!" he said chirpily. I gave him a once over and discovered his eyes were glassy, his blinking slow. I frowned. He was drunk!

"What do you want, Edward?" I asked. He ran his hand through his hair before answering.

"Phleeease Belllaa…me ghet inshide," he slurred. I pushed the door open wider so he could enter. I could smell the alcohol when he staggered past me. I waited for him to be comfortable enough before confronting him.

"Edward, why are you here?" I repeated myself. I was curious as to why he was here but at the same time irritated that he came too intoxicated to be coherent.

"Ish becosh you di not com sho me. I wayded an wayded…" he muttered incoherently, swaying a little, "Bud you neder shoud." He toppled over onto the couch, and I gasped. Oh my freaking God! I rushed to him checking if he was okay. "Bhella…shhhhiiittt…I'm shhorryyy..." There was a long pause before he mumbled something else I didn't catch, and then there was silence.

I tried to help him up, but he was so heavy. I slung his arm over my shoulders to move him, but when I finally managed to deposit him properly on his back, he was already snoring lightly. He was unconscious. I arranged his body so he would be lying as comfortably as he could be on the couch. I leaned over and checked closely if he was breathing - just to be sure. I was able to breathe easily after that and my heart returned to its normal pace. Now that he was passed out I wouldn't worry about talking to him.

But what was he doing here? I managed to get that he had waited for me, and maybe he was disappointed I didn't. Son of a bitch! He was fucking with me! I scanned the room for my phone and remembered I had left it in my room. I called Angela again and told her to get a hold of Emmett; I needed him to get Edward's drunken ass off my goddamn couch and out of my apartment.

Once I hung up the phone, I went back to the living room. As I looked at Edward passed out on my sofa, I was left to figure out what the hell this all meant. I paced back and forth, wearing a hole into the floor.

Edward didn't stir when I checked on him again. He was still so handsome. His face was relaxed, his lips slightly parted. I wanted to reach out and caress those lips, but I restrained myself. I had to remember this was the same man that broke my heart not too long ago. The same person who said he cared but didn't give a shit to stop me from leaving him. Whatever his reasons for being here were, it wouldn't change the fact he waited over two months to say what he wanted to say. I knew there was nothing that could excuse his actions. He was too late…or maybe not? Shit Bella, you'll end up like your mother if you keep pinning for this guy! I made a mental shake to rid of my thoughts.

I received a text from Angela informing me Emmett would be able to pick Edward up within the hour. I kept pacing, wearing at the floorboards because I was agitated. I couldn't think properly now that Edward was this close to me, just a couple of feet away. Whenever he was close, his proximity always seemed to mess with my mind. I couldn't think coherently about anything but him, which had always been the case.

My musings were interrupted by the buzzing of the intercom again. Emmett had arrived.

Shit! Not only did I not want to talk to Edward, but I didn't want to talk to Emmett either…or anybody related to him for that matter.

I wasn't left with enough time to ponder on how to deal with Emmett because the doorbell shrieked. I hurriedly opened the door and saw Emmett standing there, giving me an apologetic smile. He was a large man; he looked more like a wrestler than a businessman. Behind him was his driver, Paul.

"Where is he?" Emmett asked softly.

I motioned for him to come inside before I pointed to the couch where Edward was passed out. I followed him, not knowing what to say or what to do. I rubbed the back of my neck to ease the tension. My heart was hammering in my chest so hard. I was having difficulty focusing on what was happening.

I frowned as I saw Emmett help his comatose brother to his feet. Edward mumbled something incoherent while Emmett handed him over to Paul. He then turned to face me and said, "I'm so sorry about this, Bella. He just had a rough couple of weeks."

He had it rough? What the fuck? I cocked an arrogant brow at him, my eyes flat, emotionless. What about me? Hadn't I had it rough? But I had a feeling he was trying to tell me something.

"He's fucking trying here! I've never seen him do anything remotely close to what he did!" He frowned and rubbed his forehead as if he was debating on something. "I know you don't understand all of this, Bella. And I don't fucking know if you still care…but fuck!" he muttered, clearly agitated, but he clammed up and didn't continue. I had a feeling he was about to say something monumental since it was important enough for him to hesitate. I sighed knowing I wouldn't get to hear whatever it was now.

I didn't know what to say, so I just gave him a small smile and nodded. We were silent the whole time we made our way to the door. Before he stepped out, he faced me slowly and smiled reassuringly. "This is what I'll tell you. I'd never seen him act like this before, certainly not because of a girl," he stated. He stared at me, assessing my reaction, I assumed. My heart was still pounding like a jackhammer in my chest, not because of Emmett, but because of the things he just said about his brother. I wanted Emmett to elaborate. I wanted to fish for the dirty details; however, I was too afraid, so I just let it go. Although there were so many questions I needed answers to, I didn't have the 'balls' to ask. Fucking shit, Bella! Grow a pair!

"Wait," I said tentatively when I remembered the box with the jewelries. "I need to return something." I quickly fetched the box sitting on the bed and handed it to Emmett. "Tell him I don't need these."

He nodded and gave me a smile. "Thank you for letting him in," he said softly. He took my hand and gave it a soft kiss. "Goodbye, Bella."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

EPOV

Light was filtering in through the open windows in my room. I groaned and buried my head under my pillow to block out the sun's piercing rays. Fuck! My head felt like it would explode at any minute. How much alcohol did I consume last night? I tried to go back to sleep, but Emmett bursting through the door killed my attempt.

"Edward, get up," he said loudly, adding to my already numbing headache. He nudged me with his foot, and I wanted nothing but to punch him. I didn't move, so he shook me again. I threw the pillow at him, hitting him right smack in the head.

"Shit man, why'd you do that?" he growled. I didn't have any choice but to push myself up; knowing my brother, he wouldn't stop until I had dragged my ass out of bed.

"Well serves you right for being an inconsiderate prick!" I muttered, rubbing my face as if that alone would take away my splitting headache. I was fucking hung over.

"Well, if you didn't drink all that shit last night, you wouldn't be that freakin' trashed today," he said matter-of-factly. "Dude it's almost noon, and you're still in your damn pajamas!"

I just scowled at him and threw another pillow, hoping to hit him again. It didn't because he dodged it, grinning at me triumphantly. "Asshole," I muttered.

"Get up bro," he insisted. "Remember we have that charity event tonight that mother organized." I just stared at him stupidly, not knowing what the hell he was talking about. He shook his head incredulously. "Man, the one Bella is supposed to be in…"

"Shit!" I interrupted him. "I totally forgot about that!" I pushed myself up off the bed so fast the room momentarily spanned out like a kaleidoscope. Fucking hang over! I braced myself for a fall but luckily I stayed upright while my whole world rotated. Steady enough on my feet again, I glared at Emmett wanting to charge and take him down; however, he was staring at me with a discontent face, and I knew that face. He only used it when I was really fucked up, so I cocked a brow at him. So fucking what!

"You don't remember…do you?" he asked softly. His tone made my heartbeat quicken, and now I was fucking agitated but at the same time curious. I just knew I did something shitty when he said it like that.

"Dude, you've got to stop torturing me. Why don't you fucking spill it already?" I demanded harshly; his melodramatics were giving me another round of headaches.

"Well, I was at Bella's last night," he said tentatively. I snapped my head at him and stared. My mouth fell open for a second before I yelled, "What? You were there? Fuck Emmett, why?" I fired at him. My heart was pounding heavily in my chest, in addition to the hammering in my head, making me dizzy. "Goddammit Em, what were you doing there?" My voice thick with the panic I was feeling.

"Asshole, I went there to get you!" he snarled. That stopped me. "Angela called to tell me that you were passed out on Bella's couch, you moron."

I glared at him while I tried to go over last night's events in my head. That's when I remembered bits and pieces, cementing what Emmett just said. "Shit!" I hissed. "What did she say? Was she angry? Did I fuck up some more?" I stared at Emmett's eyes, gauging if he was telling the truth.

"She didn't say much, Edward," he stated. "But I did." He shook his head and left the room. I stood there staring at nothing before I slumped over on the edge of my bed. My hangover was really being a bitch; and to top it all off, what Emmett just said made me frantic.

Goddammit! How could I fuck this up? I was supposed to win her over!

Emmett returned with a glass of water and some pills. He gave it to me and said, "Drink this."

I did as I was told before facing him again. I needed answers. "Em, did I say or do anything stupid? You know…to make her hate me even more?" I ran my hands through my hair nervously.

"I dunno, bro," he muttered. "As I've said, we only exchanged a couple of words before I left."

I slumped back on the bed and sighed.

"Don't worry, we'll see her tonight," he said optimistically. "You can talk to her then."

I looked at him. I was so fucking scared to do that, but I didn't care anymore if he knew I was in love with Bella.

"It's about time, Edward," he expressed. "Maybe she will be willing to talk to you." He then pointed to the nightstand table where a wooden box was sitting. "Oh, Bella gave that to me. She said she didn't need them."

I knew what it was, and I sighed. He left after that, and I was left alone to do more moping. Shit, she returned the jewelries. God, I'm fucked! I had handpicked those pieces myself; going through all that trouble just so I could give her something I thought would convey how I felt about her. And knowing she sent it back, doused some of my hopes. Almost. I, however, wouldn't accept defeat when she was concerned.

I missed her so much. Her smile literally lit up my shitty days. Her touches were beyond anything I ever felt before, not to mention the concern she had for my well-being was beyond staggering. She was the only girl that made me feel I was being taken cared of; it was like she loved pampering me. And I let her because it felt fucking amazing! I remembered the first time I made love to her as my girlfriend, and I smiled. I always got thirsty after sex, so she got me a glass of water for that sole reason. I didn't know how she knew, but she did. After that night I was enamored.

She never made me feel like I was just a dollar sign to her.

I would never forgive myself because I made the stupid mistake of letting her go back in January. Well, I didn't know then that she was more important than anything that I had ever wanted. I was so fucking scared that Carlisle would take away the one thing I had wanted for so long: the CEO position. Since I was a little boy, I wanted to be just like my father - wealthy, powerful and respected. I had no problem getting where I was today because I had an IQ beyond the normal person. And one thing I was sure of – grabbing the position that was once my father's would help me be just like him.

It was within my grasp, and I could even smell it. But nothing warned me of the choice I had to make between being the top executive of my family's empire and being with Bella. Stupidly I chose the former, thinking it was what I wanted. How should I have known that it was nothing compared to losing Bella? I shouldn't have allowed my father to dictate what I should or shouldn't do. I gave him liberty for so many years to run my life, simply because I needed his approval. I wanted him to be proud of me. I didn't want to disappoint the great Carlisle Cullen…even though he had never been a good example of a father. He and my mother were rarely there for us even when we were little kids. It was Leah, my nanny, who took all the responsibilities of my parents. She was more like the mother to Emmett and I than Esme ever was.

The best thing that ever happened to me was Bella, and I was too stubborn to see it. I didn't even realize it until it was too late. I'm desperately hoping she is still willing to give me another chance. I remembered the gut wrenching feeling running through me when I read somewhere that she had a date with that Riley guy. I was livid. Goddammit, I didn't know I was capable of that kind of jealousy! Leah had started subscribing to entertainment magazines just after Bella and I had ended things. She loved Bella, and I think in a way, she thought she could keep tabs on her in that manner.

The last couple of weeks I had been sending Bella all sorts of things - from flowers to her favorite chocolates; but it was all returned with no word or card attached to it. I even resorted to calling Jasper to get Bella's new number because Angela was so difficult to manipulate. Everyone around Bella was very protective of her that I didn't get anywhere. I wanted to see her personally; but I was scared of her rejection, so I kept postponing making my move. My frustration with the whole Bella situation had affected my work concentration, which everyone noticed, including my father.

Well, I didn't have anything to lose anymore. The one thing I thought I wanted my whole twenty-four years was just shoved in Carlisle's face last week. I just hope that last night's fiasco didn't ruin any chance I had with her.

I needed to get my life back.

I needed my Bella.

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