The Mother Who Lived
Chapter 4: Muggleborn Girl

Author's Note: I am still making this up as I go along with no clear plot in mind except for imagining how things might have gone different had Lilly Potter lived. Hope you keep enjoying the ride.

Lilly Potter didn't have a lot of days off. Being a Head of House and sitting member of the Wizengamot took up a lot of her time, not to mention being a single mother. Not that Harry was lacking in (honorary) aunts and uncles who loved to take care of him now and then, but she was still his mother and had a very, very hard time leaving him out of her sight for more than a few minutes at a time. Sure, intellectually she knew that Harry still enjoyed the protections of her life shield, which was maintained and strengthened by their bond of blood and love. Didn't make a difference in how she felt. So yes, she didn't have a lot of free time.

Today, though, was one of her rare days off. Harry was spending the day at Longbottom Manor, playing with his god-brother Neville, supervised by Augusta Longbottom. To most people the matriarch of the Longbottom family seemed stern and unfeeling, but Lilly could easily see the deep-seated pain that was the root of the woman's apparent aloofness. They had bonded over shared loss and Augusta thawed every time she saw Harry and Neville happily playing together. It was good for her and Harry enjoyed spending time with Neville, too.

So for the first time in at least a year Lilly found herself with an entire day free and was somewhat at a loss as to what to do now. The thought of looking up Sirius briefly flashed through her mind before being dismissed. Some more research into Harry's scar? No, she was at a point where there simply was nothing further to research in the materials she had available. Albust was looking for more esoteric and rare texts regarding long-term curse effects and would let her know the moment he found something. Keeping on that would be nothing more than busy-work right now.

She was still debating what to do with herself when the floo burst to life and the face of Minerva McGonnagal appeared in the flames.

"Hello Lilly!"

"Hello Minerva. How are you doing?"

"Quite well, thank you. I was wondering whether you would mind if I came over for a cup of tea? There is something I was hoping to talk to you about."

A moment later her former teacher and Head of Gryffindor House entered Potter Manor and the two women sat down for tea in the living room. Lilly had found it much easier to refer to Minerva by her first name and accept the woman as a friend than she had with Albus Dumbledore. Maybe it was a female thing? Having worked together in the Order during the war? Or maybe it was just that Minerva was far, far closer to her in age than the Headmaster of Hogwarts.

"So what did you want to talk to me about, Minerva?"

The older woman sipped her tea before answering. "It's about that new law you helped Albus push through last year, Lilly. The one about approaching muggleborn students and their families earlier than we did previously."

Lilly nodded, remembering. Albust had shown her the drafts for that law pretty early to get her input and she thought it a terrific idea. She still remembered how difficult an adjustment it had been for her back then and she had had the benefit (a strange word to use in retrospect) of meeting Severus Snape, who told her about magic early. For most Muggleborns the transition was extremely jarring, learning about magic and heading off to a magical boarding school all within the span of a few months.

The new law fixed that, specifying that the families of muggleborn magicals should be approached no later than the third time a burst of accidental magic had been detected from their homes. They would then be assigned a mentor, of sorts, who would give the parents their first brief tour of the magical world, be available for questions, and would, barring objections from the parents, later serve as the child's magical guardian for matters that muggle parents simply had too hard a time with. The law was still so new the paint was still wet and no more than a handful of families had been approached early yet. There would probably still be a few kinks to be worked out the coming years.

"I hope it's not giving you too many problems with the more traditional families," Lilly remarked, remembering quite a few Wizengamot members complaining about increasing muggle influence in their lives.

"No more than expected, no. As a matter of fact I was visiting a muggle family just two days ago after their daughter had her third burst of accidental magic. Nothing big, but enough to make them notice. She's not even four yet."

Lilly certainly didn't envy Minerva her duties of always being the first to approach muggle families about their magical children. People never enjoyed having their entire world-view turned on its head and all too often they blamed it on the messenger.

"I hope they took it well," she said.

"Reasonably," Minerva shrugged. "Anyway, next week they will go on their first outing to Diagon Alley to get their first taste of the magical world. And I wanted to ask you if you would accompany them."

Lilly's eyebrows rose. "Me? Minerva, I know the whole mentor thing in the new law was kind of my idea in the first place, but I am not sure I have the time to..."

"I'm not asking you to become the new magical's mentor, Lilly. Not yet anyway. I am just asking you to accompany them for the day, that's all."

Lilly narrowed her eyes at the older witch. "Why me specifically, Minerva?"

Minerva smiled. "Let's just say that the Granger's little girl very much reminds me of another muggleborn student I used to know."

Fifteen minutes into the trip she had grudgingly agreed to Lilly had to admit that Minerva might have had a point. While the adult Grangers - a very nice, well-spoken couple of doctors Lilly could easily see herself become friends with - were more or less in shock at the sights of Diagon Alley and just walked on in a daze, the girl, Hermione, was practically bouncing with excitement. She wasn't even four yet, but apparently she was already quite proficient at reading and soaked up knowledge like a sponge. And she had questions. So many questions. And each answer Lilly gave her just led to a dozen more questions.

Lilly somewhat remembered being like that, though she was sure that she couldn't possibly have been quite that bad. No way.

"Thank you again for doing this for us, Lady Potter," Emma Granger said, walking next to her.

"I told you before, it's Lilly. Long before I became any sort of Lady I was a muggleborn magical much like your daughter here. It's my pleasure to show her and you around."

"Nevertheless," Emma repeated. "Out of curiosity, Professor McGonnagal told us this is something really new, introducing the family of witches not born into the magical world this early. How was it for you?"

Lilly shrugged. "It wasn't as jarring for me as it was for others. I was only a few years older than your daughter when I met another magical child, a half-blood who knew quite a bit more about the magical world than I did. It wasn't a complete picture, mind you, but I was at least a little prepared."

Looking at the bouncing girl in front of them, Lilly laughed. "Though I see that our new procedure might have some drawbacks, too. It will be hard to explain to Hermione here that she has to wait another seven years before she can get her own wand and start doing serious magic herself."

Dan Granger, walking beside his wife, shook his head. "Probably not quite as hard as you believe, Lady..., I mean, Lilly. We plan on purchasing quite a few books before we leave. That will keep our Hermione occupied for quite some time, I think. She loves books and at the speed her reading skills are developing, I think she'll be browsing through those magical tomes before the year is out."

"I'm just a bit worried that she'll isolate herself," Emma said. "It's not like she can speak to her friends, what few there are, about all of this." Looking over at Lilly, Emma seemed to consider her next words very carefully. "Please let me know if I'm too forward, but... you have children of your own?"

"I have a son, Harry. He's a few months younger than your daughter."

Emma nodded. "So... again, feel free to tell me no, but... do you think it might be possible to introduce Hermione to your son and maybe some of his friends, too? I think with all this coming at her, it would be great for Hermione to have a few friends her own age to whom she could actually talk about magic."

Lilly thought back to her own childhood. She hadn't had a lot of friends, either, at first because she was quite a bit smarter and doing better in school than all her class mates and later because of her emerging magic. Back then her friendship with Severus had been a precious thing, something that helped her a lot. Those happy memories were tainted now, of course, as the signs of Severus' leanings towards bigotry and darkness had shown even back then (though she only recognized them with the gift of hindsight), but having a magical friend... yes, it had been a great thing for a lonely, bookish girl.

"I think we can arrange something," she said, smiling. It looked like Minerva had successfully roped her into becoming the girl's mentor and possible Magical Guardian after all. Cunning old witch should have been in Slytherin.

Severus Snape didn't much mind the presence of the Dementors. Were anyone aware of this they would probably think him mad, seeing as Dementors were the scariest creatures in all the magical world. Their very presence chilled the air and made it seem like one could never be happy again. They fed on memories, the worse and more traumatic the better. Prolonged exposure to Dementors was known to leave one insane, chronically depressed, and completely devoid of happiness. That is if they didn't kiss one in order to suck out one's soul first.

Still, Severus Snape didn't really mind their presence. Sitting in his cold, dark cell in Azkaban prison with nothing but his own thoughts to keep him company, he almost welcomed the chill when he felt them passing by close to his cell. The reason for that was actually two-fold.

One, Severus Snape firmly believed that he deserved to be here. In all of his miserable life there had been exactly one good thing, one person he loved, one person that made it bearable to get up in the morning and keep breathing. He had lost her friendship through his own stupidity and in trying to get her back he had made it even worse. So yes, Severus Snape deserved to be in Azkaban, he considered it fitting punishment.

And two, when the Dementors passed close by and brought his worst memories to the forefront, he welcomed it. Why? Because as mad as it seemed, his worst memories were also the ones he cherished, if for no other reason than they included the woman he still loved. Lilly, yelling at him for calling her a mudblood, ending their friendship. Lilly, facing him across a battle line as the Order of the Phoenix stood against a Death Eather raid. And Lilly again, her wand blasting him across the corridor as she realized he was to blame for the death of her husband.

His trial had been brief, the result unsurprising. He was a marked Death Eater, after all. There were numerous witnesses to some of the raids he had been part of. And, of course, Lilly herself had given evidence against him, too. The only reason he hadn't gotten a life sentence was that there was no concrete evidence of him actually murdering anyone during the war (he had, but only the one time necessary for his initiation, utterly lacking the stomach for it). So it was 'only' 10 years in Azkaban for him.

He knew very well that the odds of him surviving those 10 years with his sanity intact were not favorable.

He was so deep inside his own thoughts that he didn't notice the opening of his cell door, nor the distinct lack of chill from the Dementors. It was only when a voice rang out, a familiar one, that he noticed her.

"You look like shite, Sev," Lilly Evans… Potter... said, looking at him with a completely expressionless face.

Severus just stared at her, wondering whether he had finally snapped. Could she really be here? Wasn't it far more likely that he was simply hallucinating? A glowing presence walked by her side and he needed a moment to identify it as a corporeal Patronus in the form of a fawn. Yes, Lilly had mastered that difficult spell back in school, hadn't she? Was there a spell she hadn't mastered quickly after becoming aware of it? He couldn't think of one.

"Lilly," he said, his voice scratchy and dry. He didn't use it much these days unless it was for screaming. "What…?"

"…am I doing here?" she finished his question, causing him to nod. It was just about all he was capable of right now.

"Funny thing," she said, walking closer with her Patronus by her side, the silvery animal's glow almost managing to make him feel warm. "For the last few years I've mostly been thinking of you as that stupid bastard who cost me my husband, if I was spending any thought on you at all."

Her words bit deep into the open wound that was his soul, but he deserved no less. Any hope that she might one day forgive him, take him back, if not as a lover than at least as a friend, had died that Halloween.

"Last week, though," she continued, "I was reminded of... better days. For the first time in a long time I remembered our childhood, Sev. How we first met, how you explained to me that the things I could do were magic. Those were some of the best days of my life."

There were tears in his eyes. He hadn't cried since the day he had lost her forever.

She looked at him, those amazing green eyes looking right into his soul. "Because of you my husband is gone, Severus, My son will never know his father. For that I can never, ever forgive you."

Crouching down before him so they were at eye level, she reached out with her hand and briefly touched his cheek. "But to the boy you once were, of whom I hope some small part survives, I just want to say: thank you! Thank you for telling a lonely, confused girl about magic."

Rising, she turned away and left without another word. The cold and darkness returned. Mere moments later a Dementor passed by outside, sensing that brief flicker that had lit inside the soul of Severus Snape. With a viciousness he hadn't shown in three years he locked his Occlumency shields in place, keeping that small ember of light safe inside of him. They wouldn't get it. He would never let them take it.

Severus Snape was no fool. He knew Lilly had meant it when she had said that she would never be able to forgive him. He deserved no forgiveness, so that was okay. But for a moment, a brief moment, the woman he had always loved and would always love had looked at him with kindness in her green, green eyes, affirming that, at one point, there had been goodness inside of him.

That thought alone would suffice to keep him warm for the next seven years.

End (Chapter 4)